One and a Half Regrets: A Sweet, New Adult Romance (Love by the Numbers Book 1)

by J. A. Coffey

  Cold sweat trickles down my armpits as I jerk my clothing back into place. “Don’t bet on it.”

  My father slinks into the alley as Trev moves to my side a little too late. “Hey, man. You okay? Who was that guy?”

  “Just some loser trying to hustle me for a smoke.” I roll my shoulders, fighting to stay calm, but I’ve been in Seattle less than twenty-four hours and I just became that kid again. I wait for my ragged breathing to return to normal. “Get me back to the hotel.”

  “Yeah, okay.” Trev agrees, with one final darting glance at the shadowed side street. “Before DeSilva takes both our heads off.”

  Chapter Three

  Beth

  “Sorry, the bus was running late.” I switch Cadence to my other hip as Paige opens the door. It’s Thursday, and the Conservatory luncheon is in an hour.

  “No problem.” She ushers me in. “The Meyer twins are on vacation, so I’ve got a pretty empty house today.”

  I drop a kiss on Cadence’s forehead, a little sad not to be taking her with me. She looks so adorable in her yellow jumper with the hoppy frogs, and I’ve actually dressed up a little myself, ambitiously wearing my favorite blue floral sundress, cork wedges, and a slick of pale lip gloss, which is now a shining lip print on my baby’s head.

  “Whoops.” Cadence wrinkles her nose as I rub at it with gentle fingers.

  “Mum umu mum,” she babbles.

  She’s so cute that I actually consider staying and playing with her, but if I don’t escape today, another chance likely won’t come.

  “Lucy has been waiting forever for her to arrive.” Paige nods as her daughter sails out of the back bedroom wearing a pink princess dress and a Batman cape. “See? All prepped and ready to fight evildoers. Princess-style.”

  “Cay-deeeee!” Lucy waves her arms, displaying dual weapons—a sparkly fairy wand and a plastic ninja sword. My niece is beautiful, with her mother’s smile and kind heart.

  “Hey, Wonder Woman,” I greet Lucy. “You look bound for trouble.”

  Cadence squeals with joy at the sight of her cousin. She clumsy-claps her pudgy hands and gives her a toothless, drooling smile. My daughter couldn’t be more adorable if she tried.

  “Oops, be careful with those around Cadence,” Paige reminds Lucy. “She isn’t quite ready for weapons of doom yet.”

  Lucy immediately drops the toys and hops on one foot into the living room chanting “Cay-deee, Cay-deee!”

  “Thanks again for doing this. I know it’s not my usual six-hour deal.” I slide the diaper bag and my purse to the floor and move to hand Cadence over, just as my daughter gives a huge burp. “I’ll be back as soon as—”

  Warm spit-up hits my shoulder and a sour milk smell hits my nostrils as my daughter pukes on the front of my cute floral sundress, like a yellow dandelion among the blue roses.

  “Oh, no!” Paige takes my happily burbling baby as I fight down a wave of nervousness and nausea and find something to wipe away the mess. My first day out in months, and I look like someone finger-painted curdled yogurt on my shoulder.

  So much for looking good.

  “Super Cadence strikes again!” Lucy announces with a cheer from the living room.

  Oh yeah, my super cute baby did a super number on my sundress. At least it’s not poop.

  “Let me get something to clean that.” Paige wipes Cadence’s chin and sets her into the playpen just inside the living room while I dab at my shoulder with a burp cloth.

  “No time. I’ll miss the bus.” I yank a blue cotton cardigan from my diaper bag. Between the sweater and my wide quilted purse strap, it will have to do. “This will cover it for now. Call you later.”

  Smelling faintly of spit-up, I plant another fond kiss on Cadence’s cheek and race to the bus stop, just in time.

  “Whew!” I lean back against the seat, fanning my hot face.

  I spritz my front with a bit of my favorite perfume, one I bought last year and never wear because…baby. For a moment, I savor the fact that I’m headed to the Conservatory, back to my old stomping grounds where I might finally feel like a human being again. Then I remember that I’ll be seeing Liam, and my stomach flips, making me want to verp as badly as Cadence had.

  Bleah. Love is overrated.

  I watch the city roll by my window, trying to relax, but after fifteen minutes, I need something to do, so I grab my phone and dial the pub.

  Cormack answers on the first ring. “Everything all right?”

  “Except for a minor baby puke incident, everything’s fine. I’m actually wearing a dress, if you can believe it.”

  He chuckles. “Nervous?”

  “No.” I straighten my sweater again, then clear my throat as the bus slows down a few blocks from the Conservatory. I’ll have to hoof it the rest of the way. “Of course not.”

  “Worried about seeing Liam?” The bus brakes squeal to a stop.

  “Definitely not. I just remembered a few things, that’s all.” I fiddle with a string on my sweater hem.

  “Okay,” he says in that long-suffering tone. “Lay it on me.”

  “We’ve got a new shipment of liquor arriving this afternoon.” I wedge the phone under my cheek, shoulder my quilted bag, and step off the bus.

  “I know,” he replies. “You’ve reminded me three times.”

  “And the city inspector’s supposed to come by at nine tomorrow.” The contractors are almost finished with the kitchen. We’ve got two rounds of inspections to go. Honestly, what would Cor do without me to keep him on track?

  “I have it on the calendar, Beth.”

  “Oh. Well, good.” The sky is pregnant with thick, dark clouds. At any minute they could break open and a downpour would wash out my plans for a nice afternoon out.

  “Anything else?” Cormack asks.

  “Keep Ma clear-headed.” Maybe I should’ve stayed at the Rogue instead of coming here. I nibble on my lip. “We can’t afford any mistakes.”

  “Will do,” he promises.

  I wrack my brain for something else on the list, delaying the moment when I have to hang up and head into the luncheon event to possibly run into Liam. “And th—”

  “Bethany.” His voice is sharp.

  “What?”

  “Leave off. I’ve got things under control here. Go and have a good time.”

  “Right. Okay. I’m on it.” I’ll darn well have a good time, Liam or no Liam.

  I stuff my cell into the depths of my purse, feeling weird without the added weight of a diaper bag on my shoulder. Overhead clouds churn the sky to a dreary grey that dampens my enthusiasm for today’s luncheon, but not my spirits. It’s the only day I’ve had off in months. I’m not letting anything ruin it.

  At least that’s what I tell myself as I trudge up the street to the Conservatory. That it’s the threat of rain making my heart heavy and not the chance of running into Liam. If only I hadn’t talked to him last night, I might’ve actually slept instead of pacing the floor.

  I stop just before I reach the huge white tents perched like seagulls on the front lawn of the Conservatory. A decent crowd mills between the tents and the elegant buffet tables, but I don’t feel much like eating.

  Cormack is right. I do miss Liam. Miss the scent of his skin, the warmth of his hand holding mine. I’d been carefree and happy, and we’d had an amazing four years together. Teenaged sweethearts, but more than that, or so I’d thought at the time. Once he broke up with me and I’d realized I was pregnant, I knew I had to become a different person. Better and stronger, for my daughter’s sake.

  For our daughter’s sake.

  Liam had finally managed what we’d both dreamed. He was making music and sharing it with the world—songs that people loved. He flew off on DeSilva’s record label, then sent me a text with, “It’s not working, babe. It’s over. Sorry.” And that was it. Four years together and I rated a text-message dumping.

  The next morning I’d
puked. I knew, even then. Knew I couldn’t destroy his life by dragging him, kicking and screaming, back into mine. I’d had to let him go. And I had.

  So many times I’d thought about telling him about Cadence, but there was Ma stumbling through another case of whiskey and his mean-assed father lurking around the neighborhood asking questions I didn’t have the answers to, and it just didn’t seem to be the right thing for any of us.

  Liam wouldn’t have wanted to hear about my bouts of morning sickness or gyno visits or the sprouting hair and weird dark streaks that formed on my skin as I grew to the size of a blimp, while he became the king of the sexy smolder.

  I wasn’t sexy, carefree, or living the dream, then or now. I’m a single mother.

  And I’m no longer a part of his world.

  I check in at the reception table, finding my nametag and clipping it onto the front of my light blue cardigan, right over the burp stain. I hope no one will notice. Especially not…

  “Bethany MacGuire!” Jovie Janssen, a former sorta-friendly rival, gives me a quick hug. “I haven’t seen you in ages. Glad you could make it.”

  I groan inwardly. Jovie had always gunned for everything I had.

  Perfect attendance. First violin chair. Liam. Literally, everything.

  Bet she didn’t manage to snag part ownership of a run-down bar and a baby by age twenty-one. Ha.

  “Yeah.” I nod pleasantly. “How’re things? Is everyone here?”

  Everyone meaning the one person who’d once meant the world to me.

  “Decent turnout. Some of the sing-a-lings are hanging in the new hallway, doing an impromptu a crapella concert.” Jovie blows her silky black bangs out of her eyes, making a dumb joke about musicians who don’t play an instrument. “Things are great for me, though. I’m third string at the Philharmonic.”

  “That’s fantastic, Jovie.” I smile automatically, hiding the fact that I’m dying a little.

  “And you?” Jovie gives me a pointed look. Our local graduating class knows darn well that I haven’t played professionally since I’d left the Conservatory. It’s kind of a running joke. First Chair Fecks Up and all that.

  “I…uh.” I swallow hard and finger the divot embedded on the pad of my thumb, the one worn into my skin from years of dedicated practice. Was it fading away, like I was? “I’ve been pretty busy.”

  “Oh.” Again, that unimpressed tone.

  I scan the event, seeing a line of attendees hovering near the drinks. I don’t want to waitress, but maybe they need some help at registration. With no responsibilities and no Cadence for an entire day, I feel a little…well…useless. Especially standing next to Jovie.

  Her eyes widen. “Hey! Did you see Liam’s scheduled to present today? Isn’t that funny?”

  “Isn’t what funny?” I edge away from her.

  Jovie trails after me, like a dog on the scent. “That he’s being asked to speak, silly. To mold the minds of our youth. Our real life rock star.” She grabby-hands my icy fingers. “I can’t wait to see him. He’s so hot!”

  As if Liam had ever been hers.

  I shake free. “You and most of the female population.”

  “So bitter. Jealous much?” Jovie frowns, her dark eyes sharp as a needle. “Wait a minute. You’re still together, aren’t you?” She shakes her head. “Oh my gosh! I’m sorry Beth, I thought that with your daughter and all, you and Liam would be—”

  “No. We’re not.”

  Oh, crap. I’d totally blanked on the fact that the Conservatory staff and students knew Cadence. I hadn’t been able to resist bragging about my sweet baby girl, showing her off at the spring concert earlier this year… Had anyone let it slip to Liam?

  My heart booms like a bass drum in the cavern behind my cardigan.

  Jovie’s expression turns cautiously sly. “Well, if he’s available, you won’t mind me saying hello? For old time’s sake?”

  An image of slapping my bow across Jovie’s flushed cheeks flashes behind my eyes. I suck in a sharp breath. Feck, I’m turning into a horrible person. I set my teeth in what should pass for a smile.

  “Of course not. Great to see you again.” I whirl away from her, blindly rushing down the sidewalk to the Conservatory.

  So, Jovie Janssen has landed third seat in an orchestra. Well, she hadn’t been half as good as I was, before…before… I stomp up the front stairs, shoving at the wide glass foyer doors.

  I tell myself that if it’s the last thing I do, I’m marching into the registration office and plunking fifty dollars down on the next adult strings class. I’ll get my fingers back into shape and then I’ll audition, too. Not the Seattle orchestra or anything so grand, but surely there’s a local strings quartet or a small ensemble in need of a talented violinist.

  Then I remember that Cadence needs a bouncy seat, and the city inspector’s coming to check out the permits, and we’ve got to pay our liquor license next month. My mind’s a whir, calculating how many tips I’ll need to ante up for my own dreams, knowing all the while that I won’t spend it on myself.

  I’m so focused on making plans that I crash headlong into the last person I want to see. “Whoa, wassup, Beth?”

  “Liam.” I clutch at his arms to steady myself. He looks incredibly gorgeous in a slim black suit and white collared shirt. Like a million bucks, which is less than what his band earned last quarter, according to Rolling Stone Magazine. “Hi.”

  Ugh, I am a complete moron.

  He leans closer and scoops me into a huge hug, as if he hadn’t just seen me last night. His eyes are crisp and pale under his dark brows. “I was hoping to run into you. Didn’t figure it would be literally.”

  I nuzzle against him, our embrace so automatic and familiar that I don’t have time to do anything but react. I feel eighteen again, safe and protected in the space of his arms. He’s so warm, it’s like hugging the sun.

  Oh, he smells so good.

  He’s all leather and smolder—a genuine rock star. For a moment, I literally swoon on my feet. Every nerve ending screams a song that says this is exactly where I belong.

  The only thing missing is the warm, plump presence of our baby in my arms. A baby that most people here know about.

  I push blindly away from him, struggling to get my feelings under control.

  “How are you, Liam?” I puff a blast of frustration that blows strands of my hair off my suddenly sweaty forehead.

  He can’t find out. Not now. Not like this. If I can just get through today, we can part ways amicably.

  “Stuffed into this monkey suit.” He gestures to the jacket stretched over his lean muscles, bulging in all the right places. My knees go wobbly again. “You look stunning.”

  Me? Stunning? I’m wearing a dress from Target. He really is losing brain cells.

  “Thanks.” I smile. Liam tilts his head, his gaze roaming over me like a caress. Wait, are his eyes fixed on my spit-up shoulder? I grip the edges of my cardigan closed. “Looks like the luncheon might rain out.”

  “Doubt it. They’ve got everything under the tents.” He chuckles. “Besides, what’s Seattle without a little rain to keep things interesting?”

  Oh, he was making things interesting enough without the impending storm.

  “The humidity sucks for the strings.” I bite my lip. Not that I’d be playing. “So, you’re presenting?”

  “Yeah. Can you believe it?” His eyes shoot turquoise flames of mirth.

  “Hardly. You were the one skipping classes.” I preen a little. “I was the one with perfect attendance.” Skipping class hadn’t been an option for me. I’d loved escaping real life through my music—something I haven’t experienced in more months than I care to count.

  Liam’s gaze settles on my face again, and a fluttering sensation blossoms in the pit of my stomach. “You had a lot of perfect qualities, if I recall.”

  “I, uh…” Emotions swirl my words away.

  I’m not perfect.
Far from it. I’m just the one left holding the pieces.

  The awkward moment stretches between us until Liam is jostled from behind.

  “Hey, you two love birds. How’s it going?” Jovie’s conniving smile flickers at me like the glint off a gun barrel.

  That sneaky little... I should’ve suspected she’d follow me in a pathetic attempt to locate Liam.

  “Yep, you found us.” I try for a grin, but my lips stick to my teeth.

  Liam waves a listless hand at our former classmate. “Hey, Jovie. Nice to see you.” He runs a hand through the spiky top of his hair, making it stand on end. “Listen, we were just—”

  “We’re just thrilled you could be a part of this,” she interrupts, as if she helped at all with the luncheon planning. “When I told my friends that Liam Hensley would be here, they were dying to come, too.”

  “You have friends?” Liam says, under his breath.

  Jovie gives him a toothy smile. “Of course, silly. But they weren’t invited.”

  “Right. Well, Beth and I have a lot of catching up to do.” He puts his arm around me again, trying to draw us away.

  “Oh, right. Some alone time, no doubt.” Jovie nods. “I totes get it.”

  “Um, right.” Liam gives me the side-eye that screams he thinks Jovie is a raving nutball. “It’s been a while and I’d really like to—”

  “Things must be pretty uncomfortable, huh?” Jovie picks at imaginary lint on her jacket. “You must be so busy sorting things out.”

  My blood starts to boil, even in the chilly damp. We needed to duck her. Fast.

  “Uncomfortable? Us?” I fake a laugh as I thread my arm through the crook of Liam’s elbow. Dawning suspicion lights Jovie’s eyes as they bounce between me and Liam like a tennis court center official. Or maybe a line judge, looking for the slightest fault, the teensiest overstep.

  Boy, had I overstepped.

  Any minute, Jovie’s liable to blurt something about Cadence and any chance I have of keeping Liam in the dark about our daughter will be gone.

  Liam, still puzzled, gives me another bulging-eyed look. “What things?”