Little Book of Fantasies

by Miranda Heart

  “I just need a few days to recoup. That’s all. Just a few days.”

  * * *

  Chapter Seven

  He hadn’t called in three days. The high Kaitlyn had been on slowly registered as the worst low ever. She felt cold at night, weepy during the day. The previous day at work, she had cried at her desk. The overwhelming sense of abandonment kept her on shaky ground. His not calling made it worse. Kaitlyn wondered if the barrage of emotions had anything to do with the intense level of play she’d just experienced. She wrapped her sweater more tightly around her body and hunkered lower into her desk, staring at the numbers in front of her.

  Her gaze traveled to the bent red rose drying on her desk. A rose she would keep forever. One that held memories of everything she never thought she’d experience again.

  A knock sounded near her open door. She looked up. Janine, a woman who worked two offices down stood there with worry written clearly on her face. “How’s it goin’, hon?”

  Kaitlyn shook her head, and tears formed in her eyes. Her friend shut the door and crossed the room. Bending low, she gathered Kaitlyn to her in a bear hug.

  “Janine, I don’t know what’s going on.”

  “What did he do? Tell me about it.”

  Kaitlyn pulled away and wiped at her eyes. She felt her experience might be too difficult for others to accept, so she kept her answer short. “He hasn’t called in three days. We had an amazing weekend, and then he just disappeared. No phone call, no note, and no flowers. Nothing.” She sobbed, buried her face in her hands.

  “Oh, Kaitlyn, I’ve never seen you so worked up about a man before.”

  “I’ve never been dumped before.”

  Janine laughed and, when Kaitlyn shot her an angry scowl, she tried to apologize. “Oh, sweetie, I don’t think you’ve been dumped. What happened this weekend? Maybe I can help.”

  Kaitlyn’s face heated all the way to the roots of her hair. “I don’t think I could tell you about it. You would think I’m weird.”

  Janine snorted. “With everything I’ve been through in my life, I doubt you could surprise me.”

  Kaitlyn sighed and gave Janine a sidelong glance. She couldn’t hold eye contact for this conversation. She told the story slowly, leaving out very few details.

  Janine listened intently, never said a word, until Kaitlyn finished. “You two certainly had a very intense weekend”

  “Wouldn’t it mean he’d want to talk to me? I always thought the more I allowed in a relationship, the more the man would want me. I’ve never opened up like this before to anyone.”

  “Maybe it isn’t you he’s scared of. Maybe he’s scared of himself. What you’ve told me about Steven suggests he isn’t the sort to just walk out on a woman without an explanation. Maybe he just needs some time. Maybe he has no idea how he’s to top this and freaked out.”

  Both of them laughed, and it eased Kaitlyn’s tension, slightly. “I think I’ll call him again.”

  Janine patted Kaitlyn’s knee. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and go see him instead. Sounds like you two need to sit down to a heart-to-heart.”

  Kaitlyn nodded. The client she was setting up the advertising campaign for could wait, there were much more important matters to take care of.

  * * * *

  Nervously, Kaitlyn knocked on Steven’s door. His job as a loan processor allowed him to work from home. A perk she didn’t have. His modest, suburban home engulfed her in loneliness, but she smiled remembering the times she’d played housewife.

  Just as she was about to knock again, the door swung open. A bleary eyed man she barely recognized, stood at the door with a cotton robe wrapped loosely around his body.

  “Kaitlyn.” He breathed her name.

  A need to be the assertive one came over her, and she pushed past him into the house. His normally immaculate space lay completely disheveled. Empty beer cans, plates, cups, even cigarette butts lay in ashtrays. The place smelled like a bar. Instantly, her hand came up under her nose as she surveyed the damage.

  “Steven, what is going on here? Did you have a party last night?”

  He stepped around her and picked up some of the mess that surrounded them. “Not exactly. Just me on a weekday.”

  She raised a brow and set her hands on her hips. Unable to handle the stench, she opted for staying busy and opened a few windows instead. “Yeah right. As anal as you are about tidiness, I don’t believe a word of it. Try again.”

  “Kate, there are some things you don’t know about me. I don’t want to talk about them.”

  Kaitlyn shook her head. “Not going to work, Steven. You’ve left me hanging for three days now. I’ve been an emotional wreck over things I don’t understand. It would have been nice to have you around to help me through it. Something.” Tears burned her eyes again, and she fought them back. “Now tell me, what the hell is going on.”

  “Kaitlyn, it isn’t that easy. This weekend. What we did…”

  “Did I scare you? Did you not enjoy it? Am I not the type of girl you take home to see Mom, anymore?”

  “You know my parents are dead. There isn’t anyone for you to meet. No, you didn’t scare me, and I think it’s quite obvious I enjoyed it.”

  “Then what is it, damn it?” Her voice rose with each syllable. “I laid everything out for you last weekend. Your not calling has done nothing but make things worse.”

  “Kate, I’m sorry. I needed some space.”

  Kaitlyn only glared at him.

  “You have no idea what you’re getting into. You have no idea how much it turns me on to tie you up. To see you begging me to make you come. How good it feels when you serve me.”

  Goosebumps rose on her arms. Her body felt sucked into his words, melting her core. “You have no idea how good those things feel to me too,” she whispered. “So, you left me hanging because it felt good?”

  “Sort of.”

  “You better start talking, pal, because I don’t have all day.”

  “I lost my last girlfriend over this. She wanted to have a kinky night, but not the way I wanted it. She left a few weeks later. Couldn’t even look me in the eye. She thought I was a domineering asshole, if I’m quoting her correctly.” His tone changed to smug, but he brightened when he made eye contact with her again. “Kaitlyn, I want you with everything that is in me right now. I’ve never met a woman like you. But the things I want to do to you—to make you do—I’m just not sure you’re serious about this.”

  “Why not? And what do you want to do to me?”

  He reached for her then, cupped her cheeks in his damp palms. “I want to do things like tie you up and torture you mercilessly. Make you beg to come, make you give up all your control to me. I want that ass of yours not pink, but bright shining red from my hand print. I want you walking around town with a butt plug. I want you to serve me day in and day out. I want to be the one you look to for support, love, happiness, sadness. I need to take care of you. Physically and emotionally.”

  “I have a job,” she answered, breathless. Could she have put it any better?

  He smiled a loving smile. A smile that said she just didn’t get it. “A job would not hinder our home life. I work too. We have the same schedule. You would come home to serve me.

  I can’t accept just a bedroom submissive. I want all of your submission when you are in my presence. When you aren’t in my presence, you should be thinking of me.” He dropped his hands from her cheeks, and she felt cold inside. “I can’t ask you to do those things. You have a life, friends, and family. You have your freedom to go out as you please. Many of those rights would be taken away. Given over to me.”

  He must have seen her confused expression. “We’ll talk more in-depth about it sometime. It’s hard for me to even imagine that I would actually get to live the life I’ve always dreamed of. Yet, without that, I need some time to get my bearings straight. You bring out a side of me I’ve kept very well hidden for most of my adult life.”


  Everything he said was everything she felt herself. She loved to serve him, loved the way he tortured her. “Stop pushing me away. Steven, I’ve never felt more right about anything in my life either. Everything you talk about sounds utterly fascinating. Wonderful. Freeing. Why can’t we be like that? How come it has to be that complicated? And understand, I’m not even sure I know that I can do this. There is fear on both our parts. I risk the chance of screwing all this up and losing you.”

  * * *

  Chapter Eight

  “I’m sorry it’s that complicated, Kaitlyn. Truly, once rules are established, it becomes the everyday. You couldn’t imagine yourself in any other position. It’s okay to be afraid. I’m sorry I’m pushing you away. I’m just scared you’ll learn I’m a freak.”

  She laughed. “Well, if you’re a freak, then so am I.”

  He laughed with her, and then sobered. “Most in this lifestyle have had tendencies their whole life. Their fantasies speak of it at every turn. I’ve never met anyone with more natural submissive tendencies than you. And I’ve met a lot of women. Most of them had to be trained. You’d only need to learn to control that mouth of yours. When I read your diary cover-to-cover, I saw a side of you that you had never shown before. Yet, for some, it’s just fun; it’s a little bedroom kink for them. I needed to be sure if there was more.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her little leather bound notebook. “Still can’t give up my diary?”

  The corner of his mouth lifted. “I’ve enjoyed reading your entries.”

  “I’m glad they’ve entertained someone. Some had been in there for so long I was sure the paper would yellow before I was able to experience any of it.”

  He smiled at her answer and turned to pick up more of his mess. Frustrated, she followed him.

  “So you think I could be a natural, huh?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Then why aren’t we doing this now instead of arguing about how much we like it?”

  He turned to her, his expression so serious she stood rooted to the spot. “Tell me, Kaitlyn, exactly how it feels to know that you would be a true submissive. Not just some kinky sex toy.”

  Her hands shook as she fought for something to say. He was testing her loyalty to their relationship, wondering how committed she would be to giving herself over to him. To finally give to him everything she had held back from every boyfriend she’d ever had. She rambled the words as quickly as possible. “I feel like I would finally be coming home. Everything you’ve said sounds so wonderful. I’ve had boyfriends break up with me for being too dependent. For wanting and needing to do things for them that they could do for themselves. I’ve had others take advantage of me, and I’ve had to leave. I’ve never known anyone in my life that could appreciate what I have to offer and think of it as a good thing. My fantasies have always been that. I’ve been too scared and ashamed to share them with anyone. So to finally have someone that I could open myself up to completely…it’s a huge burden off of my shoulders. And if you rejected me now, it would break my heart.”

  He grabbed hold of her. His hand gripped the back of her head. Pupils dilated, his head descended, his hard lips making contact with her soft mouth. She moaned and leaned into him. Her heart skittered in her chest as she grabbed for his shirt to pull him closer. Not nearly enough, she wrapped her arms around his back. Her tongue darted into his mouth to meet his thrusts. Everything around them stopped except for his breathing and the movement of his mouth on hers.

  With a groan, he pulled back.

  Dazed, Kaitlyn just stared up at him. “What was that for?”

  “For being so perfect,” he answered gruffly. Kaitlyn remained quiet, unsure of what to say, and he continued. “I’ve seen what being in this lifestyle has done to friends of mine. How they are ridiculed by family members, ousted by friends. How they have to keep their lives secret from everyone they know. I already live my life in hiding. You would have to too.”

  She nodded. “I understand, Steven. Not everyone would understand an attraction to being dominated. I promise I won’t blab my mouth to everyone.”

  His hand cupped her cheek, and she pressed into his palm. “You’re such a good girl, Kate, that’s why I love you so much. Everything is just so uncomplicated for you.”

  Her heart skipped a beat. He loved her? She tried to concentrate on everything he was saying. She felt so giddy inside she just wanted to hug and kiss him. “Things just are what they are, honey. Nothing wrong; nothing complicated.”

  “I’m talking about you wearing my collar with my initials on it. I’m talking about you being my submissive. I would own you. Mind, body, and soul. As far as I’m concerned, it’s the closest two people could ever get to one another.”

  Kaitlyn nodded. The idea sounded intriguing. “Let me get this straight. You would own me…you’d have full control over me at all times. Do I get a say in anything?”

  He grinned, dropped his hand, walked to the couch, and sat down, one ankle crossed over his knee. “You get a say in everything, Kate. It’s about us. Our rules, our lives.”

  She scratched her head. “Tell me how that is different from anything else we’ve been doing?”

  His shoulders dropped. “It’s just different. Everything is different. Everything changes. It’s a mindset, it’s a feeling, and it’s a lifestyle. Right now, you have a say in everything from the get go. I would have you fill out paperwork with likes and dislikes, down to the smallest of details. I would get to know exactly how you liked things and offer up new suggestions for your enjoyment and mine. And there are things you might not like so much, but I want to show them to you anyway. Unless it’s a hard limit of yours, you have very little say in the matter.” He searched her face before continuing. “Your only way out is a safe word, you would use it wisely because, to use it improperly, would break trust. You would trust me to see to your needs. We would work on boundaries together. We would work together to be the couple we want, and need, to be. We would find balance, unity, love, trust, respect, and we would be closer than any two people you’ve ever known. Anything you enjoy is yours.

  Assuming it doesn’t cross my own boundaries.” He smiled. “It’s not like in past relationships where something is too strange to be discussed. We could have that threesome with the bondage, dildo, and forced sex experience you want. And you would never have to ask me for it. Just wait until I bring it to you. You could communicate anything to me without feeling humiliated, because here, what we have, there is no guilt. Nothing is taboo and nothing is wrong,” he said the last words quietly, reverently, as if this was of the greatest importance to him.

  Her heart filled longingly for a love like that, a relationship of no-holds barred.

  “You would wear my collar. That mouth of yours would be punished for smarting off to me as often as you do.” He grinned. “It’s about us. Our rules, our lives.”

  Kaitlyn swallowed hard. “This would all take a lot of trust on my part.”

  “On both our parts,” he said softly.

  She nodded. He would have to trust she would follow directions and not let him down.

  “What about our sex life?”

  “What about it?”

  “What happens with that? I’ve heard a little of what you’re talking about. I do have the Internet, and a very kinky best friend at work. She talks about spankings, whippings and such.”

  He smiled. “Personally, I have a thing for nipple torture.”

  Her eyes grew big, and she grabbed her breasts. “These puppies are way too sensitive for torturing.”

  He had a devilish grin. “Then here is your first lesson. Is nipple torture a hard limit? Or is it something we could work towards, gradually?”

  Kaitlyn thought hard, but could never imagine it. She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

  “Come here, sweetheart.” He kept his voice low and seductive.

  If she were a cobra, she would have been charmed by now. She tried to la
ugh off the situation, but couldn’t. Already her palms were sweating, her heart beating so frantically in her chest her legs shook.

  “Kneel in front of me.”

  She did as he said, her eyes never leaving his.

  “Lower your eyes.”

  She did as he told her.

  “You’re wearing buttons on your shirt. I like that.” His calm demeanor relaxed her rigid back. “Now, when I want to get to you, I just have to tell you to open your shirt.” She didn’t move. She felt heady and weak. “Open your shirt, Kaitlyn.”

  Her jaw trembled, weakly. She opened each button of her shirt, exposing her breasts in her pushup bra.

  “I love these bras you wear. They display your breasts like a table. I’ll have to eat a piece of that chocolate pie you make so well off here one night.”

  She smiled, but said nothing.

  “When you’re given a compliment, it’s customary to say, ‘Thank you, Sir.’”

  She cleared her throat and blushed. “Thank you, Sir.” Her voice was hoarse even to her own ears. Her breath shallow.

  “Pull your bra down and offer your breasts to me.”

  Without hesitation, she reached for the demi-cup edges and pulled them down until the cold air caressed her nipples rock hard. As if to make her offering more complete, she thrust her breasts out towards him.

  “Hands behind your back.”

  She complied.

  “You offer your breasts to me in invitation, to do whatever it is I want to do to them. This is implied, but whatever boundaries you set would be followed explicitly.”

  He reached forward and cupped her breasts, his thumbs stroked softly over their sensitive tips. “You see, you never start off rough. You raise the body temperature. Raise the breathing. You’ll feel yourself sort of floating after a while.”

  She took a deep breath. Everything he said slowly happened, one degree at a time. She felt dizzy, weak, her mind fuzzy. He withdrew his hand, and when he touched her again, his fingers were wet. He squeezed just enough to lull her into a sense of security and rolled them ever so gently between his fingertips.