Chasing Yesterday

by Shiralyn J. Lee

  Pulling up in front of the house, she switched the radio off and pulled the keys out of the ignition. Her eyes focused on the two storey ranch built from cedar logs, and ‘blood sweat and tears’, as her grandpa always used to tell her. It was a large home on a stone foundation with a wraparound porch and three loft-style windows in the roof. Baskets of green ferns hung from the porch, an old spindle rocking chair—her grandpa’s favourite, still by the front door as it always had been, and a two-seater swing to the west end of the porch, where it could catch the sunlight from morning-through-to-night.

  So many memories came flooding back to Jessie as she saw her younger-self, a girl of five-years of age with bouncy blonde wavy hair, a yellow cotton top and denim jeans, sitting on the porch steps by herself. Her elbows rested on her knees, her hands in a fist and pushed up into her cheeks, as she waited for her parents and her sister to arrive to pick her up. She remembered her grandpa coming out of the doorway behind her—his face filled with anguish, but she didn’t know why. “When are they coming to pick me up, Pop-pops?” she remembered asking him.

  He sat down beside her, his thin towering body casting a shadow over hers, as he blocked her sun. He just placed his hand on her back and rubbed it gently—shaking his head in sorrow. “Sometimes things happen for a reason. Things we just can’t explain but they do.” He wiped his eyes and held his emotions as best he could.

  “What kind of things, Pop-pops,” she asked him innocently. “Things like how the birds can fly?”

  “No, sweetheart.” His chin quivered. “I’m afraid that your Mar…your Mar and Par…child you’re going to be living here with me from now on,” she remembered him saying bravely. He never did bring himself to say those words to her, that her parents were dead.

  It wasn’t until a man from a neighboring ranch came over to wish his condolences that she finally got a grasp on what had happened to her parents and her sister Corby. They had been driving back from the store, the car was filled with groceries to last a week. But something must have made her father swerve the car, causing it to overturn in a ditch. Her father died at the scene after being flung through the windscreen and impaled on a tree branch. Her mother died in hospital later that day from internal injuries. Her six-year old sister Corby had been strapped in the back seat. She had survived the accident but the back passenger side window had been smashed by a large rock and her head had hit it, causing her severe brain damage. In one instant, Jessie’s life had changed from that of a child filled with love and securities, to that of a child who felt lost and lonely—it was due to this that determined her characteristics as she had turned into adulthood.

  She strolled up to the porch and ran her hand over the cedar log rail as she walked up the three wooden steps. Just before she could open the door, the sound of a car horn honked behind her. She turned around to see a dirty-white pickup truck driving up toward the ranch. The tires kicked up the dust, leaving a trail in the air—Jessie had no idea who it could be but they continually honked the horn until the truck stopped just a few feet away from the ranch.

  She waited on the porch to see who had driven up. The driver’s door opened and out stepped a mature woman. She was beefy in her build, thick curly red hair, her face looked as though she had two squirrels stuffed inside her cheeks. “Why, hello there, neighbor,” she laughed loudly. “You must be Jessie, Ned’s granddaughter. Oh, he talked so much about you. It’s so sad, the accident an’ all. I cried for hours when I heard.”

  Jessie cocked her head. “I’m sorry, and you are?” she asked, her hands on her hips, her legs astride.

  “Oh my, where are my manners? My husband Joe, well he’s always telling folks that I tend to just jump right on in there with people I’ve never met before. Hi, I’m Kennedy, Kennedy Ford.” She held out her hand to shake Jessie’s as she approached her.

  Jessie shook her hand. “So is there anything that I can help you with?” Jessie asked, unsure of why this woman was on her grandpa’s property.

  “Oh, there I go again,” Kennedy laughed. “Well, I have more than one reason for being here. Firstly, I’ve brought Blue back.”

  “Blue?”

  “Your granddaddy’s dog. He’s sitting in the truck. Joe and I have been looking after him since…well since your granddaddy passed away, God rest his soul. I heard they caught Gus Jackson. Terrible how he just drove away and left your poor granddaddy there all alone in the dark by himself. I heard he’s confessed to being drunk when he was driving that night. Oh, your poor granddaddy. They say he died quickly, maybe even instantly when Gus drove into his truck. It just seems as though your family are doomed with car accidents…oh, I’m so sorry. I have a habit of letting my mouth run away without even thinking about what I’m about to say. You must think that I’m a dreadful person?”

  Jessie—her stance stiff, kept a blank expression on her face. She had no idea that this woman even existed before now, and now she basically knew all she needed to know about her.

  “Oh, my, I nearly forgot. Perhaps I should let Blue out of the truck. I just got a little excited when I saw you on the porch. And the other reason why I’m here is because Ned regularly bought honey from me. I keep bees, or rather my husband does. Ned would buy several jars a month from us and give them away as gifts to some of the men who worked for him on the ranch. I’ll just go and let Blue out of the truck and perhaps we can get to know each other over a fresh cup of coffee?” She turned about and trotted around to the other side of the truck, where she opened the passenger side door and enticed the dog to come out.

  “No, wait, I wasn’t told anything about a dog and I really don’t have the time to chat, or make coffee.”

  Kennedy fussed over Blue, a border collie, who was still sitting on the passenger seat and panting lightly. She looked over the hood of her truck at Jessie. “Well he’s certainly a charming dog. Come on, Blue, climb down now, there’s a good boy.”

  Blue jumped down out of the truck and excitedly ran straight for Jessie. His tail wagged happily as he sniffed around her feet and then her legs. He barked and then sat down obediently. “So Pop-pops got a dog, hey,” she said to him. Blue tilted his head, his one ear dropped and his face looked inquisitive.

  “Aw, he likes you,” Kennedy said. “Now let me get you those jars of honey.” She reached into the back of the truck and pulled out a cardboard box. Carrying it, she counted the jars and tinkered with them until she handed the box over to Jessie. She had a big grin on her face. “So this is awkward.”

  Jessie took the box from her. “What’s awkward?” she asked.

  “Oh, I hate having to ask but Joe, well he doesn’t like to do business any other way. That’ll be twenty-three dollars and fifty cents.” She held out her hand waiting to receive her payment.

  Jessie was stunned at her arrogance. She checked the inside pocket of her jacket and pulled out a couple of notes. “I have twenty-five dollars, do you have any change?”

  “Oh, poop. I’ll have to give it you when I see you next.” She snatched the money from Jessie’s hand and then backed away. “Well, I best be going, Joe will be wondering where on earth I’ve got to. So it was nice meeting you and please don’t hesitate to call in on us and stay for coffee when you get a moment to yourself. Well, if I don’t see you before, I’ll see you at the funeral?”

  “Yes,” Jessie answered quietly. “I suppose I will.”

  Kennedy waved and jumped into her truck. She started it up, drove past Jessie and turned it around. Before she drove off, she stuck her arm out of the window and waved, followed by a yell. “Take care of Blue now, ya hear?” Then she drove off down the driveway, the truck once again kicking up the dry dirt.

  Jessie looked down at Blue. “I didn’t fucking ask for this, okay.”

  Blue’s tongue hung from the side of his mouth as he panted.

  “I guess you need a drink, hey?” She placed the box of honey down and wiped her hands on her jeans and then remembering where the spare key was kept, sh
e stuck her hand inside the hanging fern and plucked out the spare key. She put it in the lock and turned it. The door opened with a creak and Blue immediately ran inside—his claws could be heard scampering across the wooden floor as he darted around the room looking for his master.

  Jessie entered the house to find the curtains had all been closed and that the smell of timber from the roof beams lingered in the air. She opened the curtains and the window in the front room to let the air flow through. Standing in the middle of the room, she sighed heavily. After hearing the news of her grandpa’s death, she hadn’t given one moment to herself to think about it. Her being away from Hope for the past six years had made her less attached to anything or anyone there, including her grandpa. She loved him with all her heart but she had inherited the need to not show her emotions and to just get on and deal with things in life. It was at this point, seeing her childhood home, the house that her grandpa had built and taken care of her in that she began to feel the rush of emotions flood through her body. Her legs gave way and she fell to her knees and a loud scream bellowed from her mouth…

  •••

  Night had fallen and Jessie found herself waking up from a deep sleep on the sofa. Blue had laid down on the rug in front of her—his head rested on his legs. Jessie sat up, her hair was static from brushing against the velvet covered pillow and her eyes swollen from the amount of crying that she had endured. She took a moment to gather her thoughts, not knowing what her next step was going to be after her grandpa’s funeral.

  Blue got up from the rug and planted his head on her knees—his eyes telling her that he was missing his master but also that he could do with something to eat. She patted his head. “You miss him, don’t you…so do I?”

  She looked around the kitchen for Blue’s feeding dishes and not knowing where they had been stashed, she took two cereal bowls from the cupboard and filled one with kibble and the other with water. Once Blue had eaten, he went to the door and scratched at it to be let out for a run. Jessie opened the door and he bolted outside, running around crazily and sniffing each tree that he came across, until he satisfied himself with the chosen trunk and cocked his leg up against it.

  She leant against the door frame and listened to the crickets chirp. “What am I going to do?” she asked herself.

  She left the door open for him to come back and went and put on a pot of coffee. After checking the fridge and the larder, she realised that she would probably have to go to the store to buy supplies for the next day or two, until at least after her grandpa’s funeral.

  She sat at the kitchen table—an oak wood pedestal type. It had been made by her grandpa and her father before she was even born and had been their pride and joy as it was the first project that they had worked on together. Her father had exceptional skills in carpentry and her grandpa had spent his younger life building houses for others, until he decided to become a rancher. Jessie loved to sit at this table when she was growing up, as she had felt that it connected her to her father and that he was watching over her and protecting her.

  She drank her coffee and glanced around the room. “Seems as though I might need to get the duster out, any chance of helping me, Blue?”

  Blue had made himself comfortable by laying in the doorway, half in and half out and fallen asleep.

  •••

  Chapter Three

  Dawn had broken and colors of pinks and yellows and oranges streaked across the changing skies. Birds chirped away in the surrounding trees, a morning mist was dispersing and making way for a warm day ahead. Jessie had been up all night going through the house and its contents. Her grandpa’s closet was pristine as ever with his shirts hung neatly pressed and his pants folded over the wooden hangers. She touched each one of them, remembering him when and where he had worn them.

  Today was the day of his funeral and the house would soon be filled with the people that he knew and cared for over the years. Jessie had made arrangements with the funeral home by phone from Vancouver and a catering company had been hired to take care of the food.

  Not being one to wear a dress, she had chosen to wear black pants and a black shirt and her favorite black lace up boots. Even Pop-pops would agree that her being in a dress wouldn’t be who she was.

  An hour later, her first visitor had arrived. It was Travis, who just walked right in through the already open door. “Jessie? Are you home? It’s me, Travis,” he called out to her.

  “I’m upstairs, I’ll be down in a minute,” she called back. Coming down the stairs, she was greeted by Travis standing with a plate covered in tin foil. “What’s that?” she asked, pointing at it.

  “Oh, I thought I’d bring an offering…for the wake of course.” He shifted from one foot to the other and looked around for a place to put it down.

  Jessie’s stomach rumbled. “What is it though,” she asked again as she continued down the stairs.

  Travis shrugged. “It’s a selection of different cheeses.”

  “Great, I’m starving.” Reaching the bottom of the stairs, she grabbed the plate from him and tore off the foil wrapping. Not even giving Travis enough time to react, she picked up a piece of mature cheese and stuffed it in her mouth. With her mouth stuffed full, she tried to speak, “God that tastes so good,” she said, rolling her eyes heavenly.

  Travis’s dimples showed as he smiled and shook his head. “Go ahead, eat it.”

  •••

  There were many mourners at the funeral, including Kennedy and her husband Joe, Mr. Gardner, a neighboring farmer and Jeff Miller the bank manager. All of these people had been friends of Jessie’s grandpa and were saddened by his sudden unexpected death. Flowers covered the coffin as it was lowered down into the ground and Jessie bravely held back her tears as she dropped a single white rose on top. She wanted to cry just as the others were, but she was a fighter and found the strength to keep her emotions private. As hard as it was, she wasn’t going to let her walls weaken and show them just who the real Jessie was.

  As the mourners dispersed, leaving Jessie and Travis the last one’s at the graveside, Travis wiped away his tears. “I’ll miss the old man,” he said softly. With a half-smile, Jessie nodded silently in agreement. They took one last look at the coffin and then sluggishly walked away. “Your grandpa never did say why you left so quickly and stayed away all this time. What made you go, Jessie, he was a good man, he looked after you, what possible reason could you have had for not even coming back to see him once in a while?”

  “We had our differences in our opinions. I blamed him for a lot of my own personal issues when I met someone, someone whom he didn’t approve of, and my heart spoke louder than my head. Turns out that I followed that person to Vancouver only for the relationship to last five months, but I did get myself a good paying job as a graphic designer for a major corporation, so I ended up staying in the big city. I think my stubbornness and his stubbornness caused us to stay apart longer than we should have. We said some pretty hateful words to each other before I left and it’s not easy coming back from that. Perhaps I should have just let my ego step aside, but I went away to find myself, and I did, only it turns out that I liked staying in the city, no one bats an eyelid there.”

  They walked up to the black limousine where a couple of mourners were waiting to say their condolences. Jeff Miller shook Jessie’s hand and told her how sorry he was and that her grandpa was a great asset to the community. Jessie politely smiled and agreed.

  •••

  Back at the ranch, food had been laid out on a long banquet table and refreshments of tea, coffee, cider and beer. Kennedy picked up a plate and sneering her nose, she looked over the food, pretending not to be impressed by the quality, but she did pile her plate high with what was on offer. “I’ve always found catering companies to be quite impersonal at these events, don’t you think so, Joe?” she said loud enough for Jessie to overhear.

  Joe, who was in conversation with Mr. Gardner looked across the room at his wife w
hen he heard his name mentioned. He excused himself from the conversation and went over to her. He whispered something in her ear and then went over to Jessie. “Hi, I’m Joe, Kennedy’s husband. I feel as though I must apologise for my wife’s behavior, she tends to say out loud what she thinks sometimes.” Kennedy cut him a sharp glare. It was obvious that she didn’t like him sucking up to a younger and attractive woman.

  “Well, Joe. Thank you for clearing that up with me,” Jessie said to him.

  “She’s a good person really. I think she’s being overly protective of your grandpa’s name, with knowing him these past years and not having met you. I think she’s feeling pushed out…but that’s not to say that she has any rights in anything here either. I just think that she assumed she would have been cooking up a feast for all of his friends, and when she wasn’t asked, well, you see the result.”

  Travis removed his hat, revealing his chocolate-brown wavy hair. He wandered over to join in the conversation. “Joe, how’s it going?”

  “Good, Travis, and you, is everything in hand with Gus?” he asked.

  “Trial starts next week. He’s pleaded guilty to the charges made, so the judge will probably go lenient on him.”

  Jessie was surprised, as Travis hadn’t mentioned this to her earlier. “How come I’m only just hearing about this now, Travis?”

  “Because I only just got the information on my way over here this morning. It wasn’t the right time, or place to tell you. I suppose it never really is, is it?” he shrugged.

  Blue had been sleeping under the banquet table and now seeing that the food had been uncovered, he crept out from beneath and sneakily sniffed his way to the plate of chicken wings. Knowing that he had to act fast to get away with his actions, he quickly opened his jaw and snatched the meat from the plate and then ran through the room of people and out through the open door, where he hid at the end of the porch under a table—his mouth slapping and drooling and his tongue licking the taste from his muzzle. He was lucky, no one had noticed his act of crime.