A Vision of the Path Before Him

by Elizabeth Frerichs

“Of course I can! Charlotte practically runs Lucas Lodge. She will be an excellent wife and housekeeper, but I cannot see her married to someone like Mr. Collins.”

  “Perhaps, if she marries him, she will make him a better person.”

  “Perhaps. But it is useless to speculate when it is an unlikely event.”

  Darcy did not reply. From his perspective it was nearly inevitable.

  After some moments, Elizabeth sighed. “I am afraid I am yet again not good company.” She looked up at him. “Since you have arrived, events have run away in a fashion I am unaccustomed to.”

  “I hope I am not the cause of your distress,” he said cautiously.

  “Not at all! It has merely been a whirlwind with the militia arriving and Mr. Wickham joining them.” She hesitated. “Have you told your sister about his presence?”

  “I have. She was curious as to why Fitzwilliam was coming to Hertfordshire for an unplanned visit, and I have learned the unwisdom of sheltering her from unpleasant truths.”

  “Is she all right?” Elizabeth asked with concern.

  “I believe she will be,” Darcy answered firmly. “I do not know for certain how she will take the news, but I believe she has grown to the point that it will only worry her as far as the townspeople and others are concerned.”

  “I am glad Mr. Wickham’s arrival is not likely to overset her.”

  “As am I.” Darcy halted, then decided to forge ahead. “Miss Elizabeth, our conversation yesterday was interrupted, and I wish to return to the topic. As I said, I desire to spend more time with you, and—”

  Elizabeth shifted uneasily. “I believe it is time for me to return home,” she said, her voice tinged with distress.

  “Time for you to return home?” Darcy repeated blankly.

  “Yes. Though I have enjoyed our walk this morning, I do not think it wise for me to remain,” she said in a rush.

  Darcy hesitated. Elizabeth was preventing him from asking. Ought he to retreat once more? Resolve filled him as he recalled Fitzwilliam’s cautions. He would press on, and if she rejected him, he would at least be better armed for his next attempt.

  “I wish to ask you for a courtship,” he blurted. “I will certainly speak to your father, if you desire, but I desire to ascertain your feelings on the matter first. Will—”

  “Mr. Darcy, please stop!” Elizabeth said, her voice shaking. “Do not ask that which answering will only cause pain to both.”

  “Cause pain to both?” Darcy repeated, his thoughts feeling as frozen and intractable as the thick ice which formed over the lake at Pemberley and could not be moved no matter how many times he and Fitzwilliam had tried; one could only cut pieces of it free from the anchoring vegetation and rocks. Elizabeth’s words had solidified into an anchor that left him unable to move forward.

  “Come, Apollo,” Elizabeth said, turning to walk down the path towards Longbourn.

  “Miss Elizabeth, why would you not accept? I have tried to show you that I am not the man I once was,” Darcy said through numb lips.

  Elizabeth shook her head and walked faster.

  “I have truly changed. I am no longer the proud, selfish being I was. If you are concerned about my character, I can request a lengthy courtship,” Darcy said, wracking his brain for what objections she might have and trying to catch up to his beloved who was practically running now.

  “I am not certain that you ever were that man,” Elizabeth murmured. “I believe I could not see you clearly, just as I could not see my sister clearly. I have long since concluded that you are one of the best men of my acquaintance.”

  “Then, I would ask—”

  “I cannot!” Elizabeth burst out as though the words were torn loose from her very soul.

  “Are you concerned about your family?” Darcy asked, trying to steady his legs as though his spinning thoughts could be stilled by connecting with the ground beneath him, reminding himself that the earthquake he was feeling was internal only. “I am certain that your parents will not object. Your mother would approve of the security that comes with my station. Your father cares for you, and I do not think he would gainsay your preference.”

  Elizabeth took a ragged breath and halted, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “I have not—I did not intend to cause you pain,” she began, her voice still quivering. “At first, I did not think I read your intentions aright and it was only my own heart that I risked.” She took a deep breath and her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides. “Later, I valued our friendship too much to allow you to destroy it on a whim.” She took another breath, holding it as though trying to still the same earthquake that had shaken Darcy. “I have resolved to marry only for the deepest of love—”

  “If you do not love me enough to marry me yet, I am certain that you can learn to care for me,” Darcy interjected, his heart racing and his mouth dry.

  Elizabeth laughed bitterly. “Would that it were my own feelings that required alteration.” She bowed her head. “I cannot marry one who is in love with another,” she said quietly.

  “In love with another?” Darcy’s mind raced. What could she mean? He felt reduced to acting the parrot, too disoriented to do aught but beg for clarification.

  Elizabeth turned away. “You are in love with the woman who prompted your character reformation, as you call it. I can hear it in your voice when you speak of her. And I will not share you with her. Nor will I be a substitute for that which you have lost. Goodbye, Mr. Darcy.” With that, Elizabeth strode away, no longer waiting for Apollo or Darcy.

  Darcy wanted to laugh and cry all at once. His beloved was jealous of herself! Elizabeth cared about him—maybe even loved him enough to accept a proposal. His heart leaped as her characterisation of him as one of the best men of her acquaintance reverberated through his soul. But she refused to listen. She had rejected him. He thought he had prepared for a possible rejection, but he had not foreseen this turn of events. His feet felt rooted to the ground as though he had inadvertently sunk through the earthquake and become mired in the depths of the earth.

  Apollo whinnied mournfully, breaking Darcy free of his abstraction. He sprang into Apollo’s saddle and followed his fleeing Elizabeth. However, in the short minutes since she had run, she had also hidden herself. He could neither see nor hear her anywhere and he had ridden farther than she could have covered on foot.

  Darcy slowed, his thoughts a whirl of confusion. Once again, Elizabeth had rejected him, but it had been done most unwillingly and only because she believed it necessary. How could he convince her that he had been in love with her all the time? Would he have to tell her of his vision? Even if she believed him, would she consider the Elizabeth of Before to be someone else, someone with whom she would always compete?

  No, he would show her that the Elizabeth of his vision was the same in essentials. She was the only woman for him. He needed her to make him a better man, and he loved her and desired to protect and cherish her.

  He turned Apollo and retraced his steps up to the top of Oakham Mount and back down again. Elizabeth remained hidden. With a fearful, hopeful heart Darcy turned back to Netherfield Park.

  Chapter 31

  Upon his return to Netherfield, Darcy was informed that his cousin and Mr. Bingley awaited him in the study. After changing into something suitable, Darcy joined them.

  “Thank God you’re here!” Bingley said, standing at once and rushing forward to greet Darcy.

  “Yes, thank God,” Fitzwilliam agreed with some exasperation. “Perhaps you can assure Bingley that nothing of note has happened in the two days since he left.”

  Darcy gave Bingley a bewildered look. “Is something amiss?”

  Bingley threw his hands in the air. “How would I know? I have only just arrived. I trusted you to watch over the Bennets. Has something occurred?”

  “Many things have occurred, but I do not believe any of them have been negative towards the Bennets or towards your suit with Miss Bennet.” Darcy sat down in the ch
air across from Bingley’s. “Was your business concluded satisfactorily?”

  Bingley raked a hand through his hair. “Yes, yes, but what of the Bennets?”

  Fitzwilliam groaned. “Put him out of his misery, please.”

  “I thought I had,” Darcy quipped.

  “Details! The man wants details,” Fitzwilliam returned. “I have already told him that we met the Bennet ladies in Meryton and escorted them to their aunt’s home and that Wickham had been present until we arrived,” Fitzwilliam finished with a growl in his voice.

  Darcy nodded. “That is true. We have not seen Miss Bennet outside of that event. Nor have we sighted Wickham otherwise.”

  “She was not harmed?”

  “She seemed perfectly fine, though perhaps missing a certain member of our party,” Darcy soothed.

  “Her sisters?” Fitzwilliam suggested lightly.

  Darcy frowned at him.

  “What? You have not had to spend the past half an hour listening to him worry about the Bennets.” Fitzwilliam sent him a sly look. “If you had not spent so long admiring the local beauties this morning, you would have been able to assuage Bingley’s concerns quite some time ago.”

  Darcy blushed, then cleared his throat. “I was referring rather to the fact that Miss Bennet may have missed you, Bingley.”

  Bingley wrung his hands. “I hope so. What if she has forgotten me or—”

  “If she has forgotten you in two days, then she is not worth pursuing!” Fitzwilliam exclaimed. “You do not want to marry a half-wit.”

  “Don’t call Miss Bennet a half-wit!” Bingley snapped.

  Fitzwilliam rolled his eyes. “If she forgets the man she loves in two days, then she is a half-wit.” He held up a hand. “But I do not think she has forgotten you, since she peppered me with questions regarding you and how long you would be gone.”

  “She did?” Bingley asked.

  Darcy attempted to raise an eyebrow.

  Fitzwilliam shrugged. “Three questions about someone is proof of her affections for someone like Miss Bennet.”

  “Excellent!” Bingley said with a grin. “And Caroline did not convince you to close up Netherfield?”

  Darcy chuckled. “As we are still here, I would say not.”

  “Did she try to though?”

  Darcy nodded. “She used the same arguments as Before, however, I refused to leave Hertfordshire.”

  “I did not think she would leave if you stayed.”

  “Indeed. Everyone who was in residence when you left remains in residence.”

  “What arguments did she use?” Bingley asked curiously.

  “She implied that Miss Bennet had confided in her that she did not care for you and would only marry you for your money and status. As I am more confident in Miss Elizabeth’s assertions of Miss Bennet’s feelings, I was skeptical of Miss Bingley’s argument.”

  “Miss Elizabeth has told you of Miss Bennet’s feelings for me?” Bingley blurted.

  “In my vision, yes. Now, no. However, as I have said, you are the best judge of Miss Bennet’s feelings for you—not Miss Bingley, not I, nor anyone else. You may, of course, desire to speak to the lady in question before jumping to conclusions of any sort,” Darcy said with a sigh, thinking of his conclusions regarding Elizabeth’s feelings. He had assumed that he needed to do more work convincing her that he was a person she could love, not that he needed to show her that he was in love with her instead of someone else.

  “Are you all right, Darcy?” Fitzwilliam asked, leaning forward in his chair.

  “I hardly know.” He took a deep breath. Perhaps speaking of this tangle he found himself in would clarify the situation. “I asked Miss Elizabeth for a courtship this morning.”

  Fitzwilliam cheered.

  “She rejected me. Again.”

  Fitzwilliam froze as did Bingley.

  “You have said that if Miss Bennet were to reject me, I would only need to endeavour to change her feelings and then ask again,” Bingley said hesitantly.

  “She rejected me because she believes I am in love with another, and—”

  “How could she believe such a thing? I have never known you to dabble with women, Darcy; what could she have seen that lead her to such a conclusion?” Fitzwilliam questioned.

  Darcy shook his head. “She is jealous of herself.”

  “Pardon?” Bingley said.

  Darcy put his head in his hands. “I have mentioned her—not by name—as the woman who inspired me to become a better person. She heard me speak of this ‘other’ woman with affection, and not knowing the full truth, she assumed that I am in love with someone else.”

  “Why did you not just tell her of your vision?” Fitzwilliam asked.

  “Because I was too shocked by her revelations to stop her before she fled, and, in her distress, she hid herself.”

  “Revelations?” Bingley asked.

  A smile spread across Darcy’s face despite his misery. He looked up at his two dearest friends. “She is in love with me and considers me one of the best men of her acquaintance.”

  Fitzwilliam grinned. “ ‘One of the best men?’ Even after all I told her at the ball?” he teased.

  “I am very happy for you, Darcy!” Bingley exclaimed. “We shall be brothers after all.”

  Darcy sobered. “Only if she will listen to me and I can convince her of the truth of my vision.”

  “She is likely protecting you the only way she knows how,” Fitzwilliam commented. “If she does not allow you to speak, she will not have to reject you further. Nor will she allow you to do further injury to her own heart.”

  “I realise that, but it does not make me feel any better,” Darcy snapped. “Miss Elizabeth is extremely stubborn. If I cannot convince her to listen, how will I ever convince her of my vision?”

  Fitzwilliam scratched his chin. “That is a difficulty,” he admitted.

  “She would not be convinced by simply telling her of your vision?” Bingley asked.

  “I—I do not know. I doubt it, particularly as I can offer her little confirmation of my vision.” Darcy spread his hands helplessly. “I left Before. I do not know any of the events in Hertfordshire at this time.”

  “You said that you told Miss Elizabeth about the woman who prompted your character reformation?” Bingley asked slowly.

  “Yes.”

  “Did you say anything that would, in hindsight, make it clear that she is the woman in question?”

  Darcy tried to recall. “I do not think so. I certainly did not mention that the woman’s name was Miss Elizabeth Bennet or that she was from Hertfordshire,” he said dryly.

  Fitzwilliam leaned forward. “But Miss Elizabeth knows your character reformation occurred while you were at Netherfield and that you have not travelled elsewhere since you arrived?”

  “I suppose so. I was certainly a very different person when I arrived here.” Darcy frowned. “Do you think that would be enough to convince her?”

  Fitzwilliam tilted his head to one side as though watching Elizabeth weigh the argument. “I do not know. The rapidity of your change certainly played a part in convincing me.”

  Bingley nodded. “I could not account for it myself save for the explanation you offered.” He looked troubled. “Of course, it was equally possible that you had experienced an elaborate dream and that said dream had prompted your character changes.”

  “So I shall not only have to convince her that I experienced something, but I shall also have to convince her that I experienced a true accounting of events, including how she would have responded to various events without my change,” Darcy summarised, the enormity of his task crashing over him like a tidal wave.

  “Perhaps you have betrayed other future knowledge that you could point to?” Bingley suggested.

  Darcy straightened. Perhaps he had. Was not their conversation this morning about Miss Lucas merely one more thing he had accidentally divulged from his vision? He recalled scrambling for an explanatio
n as to why Elizabeth would be glad Fitzwilliam was coming. Were there other things? Wickham’s arrival, but he had not told her of that. His concern for the Bennet girls was further evidence, but it could easily be brushed off as concern borne of Georgiana’s experiences and his love for Elizabeth.

  “I did mention yesterday that Mr. Collins would likely pursue Miss Lucas.”

  Bingley frowned. “What does that have to do with the future?”

  “Miss Lucas and Mr. Collins were married Before. This time there was no evidence of such an outcome as Mr. Collins had been pursuing Miss Elizabeth exclusively, but she rejected him.”

  Fitzwilliam smirked. “I will say it again: you have chosen an unusual bride, Darcy. First, she rejects the heir to her family’s lands, and then she rejects you on the basis that you are in love with another? Are you certain she was not merely trifling with you?”

  “I am,” Darcy said firmly, Elizabeth’s tear-stained face fixed in his mind. “She did not wish to reject me and begged me not to ruin our friendship on a whim.”

  Fitzwilliam whistled. “I’d say your chances of marrying the lady just went up considerably. She is already predisposed to trust you.”

  “I do not know how you extracted that information from what I said,” Darcy commented.

  “Darcy!” Fitzwilliam groaned. “I know you are inexperienced with women, but are you blind as well?” Without waiting for an answer, he continued, “A ‘friend’ implies someone she trusts. You are not friends with people you mistrust. And her plea for you not to ruin your friendship implies that she greatly values your friendship. I suppose that is self-evident if she admitted to being in love with you.”

  “She said that she ignored my earlier advances because she believed it was only her heart at risk. Or something like that.”

  “It does sound as though Miss Elizabeth would like to accept your courtship or perhaps even a proposal,” Bingley agreed cautiously.

  “If I can convince her that I have seen our future and that I am in love with her and not some twisted version of my own imagination,” Darcy agreed bleakly. To be so close and yet so far away . . . . He scrubbed a hand across his face, trying to wipe away the gloom that had settled over his spirit. Elizabeth loved him, he reminded himself. And she thought he was one of the best men. High praise indeed coming from her! Particularly as he had spent the past several months trying to live in such a way as to make himself worthy of her.