The Game of Luck

by Catherine Cerveny

  That just about broke me. For the past ten years, there hadn’t been any children born into the family thanks to our previous blacklisted status—courtesy of Monique. Things had changed since then, but any children from before that bleak time were considered more precious than jewels. “Oh gods, someone’s going after the kids?”

  “I wish I could say otherwise, but yes. And I wish we could have detained the individual, but my reports say the suspect moved too quickly to be captured. In the meantime, the tech-meds are working on sniping the surveillance spyware back to its source. Hopefully that will give us a lead.”

  “Thank you for keeping my family safe…For everything. I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me, Felicia. Why wouldn’t I do this? Why would you think I’d behave otherwise?”

  I had nothing to say to that. Once, I’d had to negotiate with him over every little detail and tiny scrap of help. Everything had come with a price. I might have teased him about that, but now, reminding him would only come across as insulting and hurtful. That was the man he’d been, not the one he was becoming.

  “I’m sorry,” I said instead, then scrambled frantically for something neutral to say. “By the way, Feodor misses you. He’s been mopey since you left. I’m pretty sure he hates Celeste and Hamilton’s trailer. He’ll be thrilled when you’re back.”

  “What about you? Do you miss me?”

  The words, with their melancholy tone, caught me off guard. “You shouldn’t even have to ask that. You already know the answer.”

  “I thought I did once. Now I’m not so certain either of us knows anymore.” Another endless silence where I felt sliced open and didn’t know what to say. All the words that wanted to come out were wrong. Finally, he put us both out of our misery with “I’ll see you on Jovisol.”

  And he cut the connection.

  * * *

  I zipped up my tote on the inflatable bed, the last of my things finally packed. Today was Deimsol and after four sols away from home, I was ready to leave. Only one more sol until the workweek was over. I scanned the tiny bedroom that felt more like a closet and smelled faintly musty, making sure I hadn’t left anything behind. Feodor lay on the bed during all this, watching me with half-closed eyes. Apparently seeing me pack was very dull business. A second later, he was up and fully alert.

  “Felicia? Everything okay? Can I come in?” Celeste knocked on the door, explaining Feodor’s sudden excitement. He made a few tentative barks and looked like he might jump down from the bed before I put a hand on his butt and told him to “stay”—in Russian.

  “Sure, come on in,” I said, crab-walking around the bed to reach for the sliding door that recessed back into the trailer wall. Gods, it was cramped in there. I’d grown up in a room very similar to this back in Nairobi; it amazed me how quickly I’d forgotten that detail.

  “Ready to go?” she asked, seeing my packed bags taking up what little space the room had left.

  “I think so. Hopefully I didn’t forget anything. Alexei tells me I’m terrible at packing.”

  “I really loved having you here during all this. I understand about Alexei being away and I’m sure that made things difficult for you, but it was nice to have you all to myself too.”

  “Most people find Alexei intimidating, so it probably worked out for the best.”

  She nodded absently and sat on the bed. It gave under her weight, not bouncing back the way a smart-mattress would. “I had no idea how uncomfortable this was. How’s your back?”

  I gave her a wry grin. “Nothing a few Renew treatments won’t fix.”

  “I wanted to ask you earlier, but there wasn’t a chance…What happened with Yasmine and Tait, and back on Earth—does this connect to the Nine of Swords I pulled for you? Is this why Suzette called? Is it why there are Consortium people here? At first, I thought it was because you’re here, but it seemed excessive. Some of the family have been gossiping, saying they’ve heard things from the clan back on Earth, but I wanted to confirm with you first. Should the family be worried? Is there someone after us?”

  I sat on the bed with her, my breath coming out in a whoosh. Celeste could do the math as easily as the next person, and she certainly wasn’t stupid. Gods, I should have told her ages ago. Feodor crawled into my lap then, as if magically knowing I needed the comfort. He really was the best dog in the world. I stroked his silky fur.

  “Yes, it’s connected to the Nine of Swords and Grandmother asking for my help,” I said, doing my best to think before I spoke. “My father went missing too and we’re trying to find him. I’ve asked Alexei to dig into it, and we’re trying to get to the bottom of it as quickly as possible, but I don’t know what to expect. It could be that Julien is dead too, but I don’t know that yet. In the meantime, that’s why we have all this security. I’m not going to stop digging for the answers until I find them. I promise everyone will be safe.”

  “Okay, I’m glad. If you and Alexei are looking into it, then I’m consciously not going to worry. I trust your judgment and I know you’ll take care of the family.” Celeste took a shaky breath. “The two of you are good together. Did I ever tell you that? I love seeing you settled. And Lotus. I never thought I’d see that happen, but now she’s in a functioning relationship, about to have a baby. It’s like she grew up and became an adult overnight.”

  “I wouldn’t say that. After Yasmine’s memorial service, she informed me she wants to go shopping for baby furniture on Mercurisol because she’s tired of sitting around and being depressed about dead people.”

  Celeste looked rueful. “Well, maybe a little more growing up is required. Maybe we’ll see it when the baby comes and she has to deal with the first dirty diaper.”

  “I have no doubt she’ll find a way to make Stanis clean up all the shit.”

  We both laughed and Celeste patted my leg. “I know I seemed negative when we spoke after the christening but when it happens for you, you and Alexei are going to be wonderful parents.”

  Involuntarily I flinched, dislodging Feodor from his comfortable position in my lap. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. This was the last thing I wanted to talk about now.

  “Or not,” Celeste said slowly, watching my face.

  “I don’t even remember what we talked about then,” I lied, trying to inch away from her and off the bed. “You know, I should probably get going. It’s late and I want to get settled back at home.”

  “Wait, Felicia, hold on here. I can see I’ve upset you.”

  Celeste grabbed my wrists when it seemed like I might launch myself off the inflatable bed and directly into orbit around Mars. I plopped back down, sending ripples throughout the bed that rocked all three of us.

  “Calm down, Felicia. Tell me what’s happened. I didn’t notice it before, but who could with all the sadness and grief floating around here lately? Now it’s written all over your face. Are you and Alexei in trouble? Are you pregnant? Not pregnant?”

  “It’s nothing. I’ll be fine.”

  “No, you won’t. You’ve always been terrible at hiding how you really feel. You have to talk to someone and I won’t let you leave until you do.”

  I glared at her. “You’re going to hold me prisoner until I spill my guts?”

  “If that’s what I have to do, I guess I’d better bolt the door seals.”

  “One of the Consortium chain-breakers could probably punch right through the wall and get me out.”

  “Then I’d send the bill to Alexei and he’d have to buy me a new house.”

  I laughed in spite of myself, the raw nerves and the anxiety of the past few sols taking their toll. “Babies. It’s always babies. Why is everyone in this family so obsessed with having a baby?”

  “Ah,” Celeste said, drawing out the word. “Well, they are wonderful, but they aren’t the center of the world.”

  “No? That’s what it feels like,” I shot back.

  “Yes, I suppose it does. There’s a lot of pre
ssure here, I’ll admit that. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t other things in life too. And this family—” She gave a long-suffering sigh. “Describing most of them as narrow-minded and insulated is being generous. They haven’t lived. They don’t know what’s out in the world. They’re afraid of change, clinging to the old ways and traditions. Living like that doesn’t set you free. It just ties you down. No one should ever have to feel they’re lacking just because their life isn’t headed in the direction the family dictated. A baby should never be a measuring stick of success.”

  “I know that,” I said, trying not to bristle at her words.

  “No, you don’t. You think you do, but you don’t. Let me remind you of everything you have going for you and what you’ve accomplished.” She patted my arm there, rubbing gently in a way that sent the tiniest of waves through the bed. When she spoke next, her voice was soft, taking on an almost lyrical quality that lulled me to stillness. “You came from Nairobi all the way to Mars, and now you work for One Gov. You have a husband who adores you and would do anything you asked. You have a family who—aside from a few idiots because every family has them—are all close despite being spread out through the tri-system. You have a full, amazing life, so don’t ever think you’re not complete or missing some vital component, because you’re not.”

  “But what if I can’t ever—”

  “Hush, no what-ifs,” Celeste murmured, turning my face to hers and brushing back my hair as if I were a child. “If you believe having a baby is the greatest or most rewarding thing you’ll ever do, you’re wrong. It’s only one facet of all the things you can accomplish, so don’t treat it like it’s the only one that matters.”

  Waterworks threatened. I blinked back the tears in a rush. “Thanks, Celeste. I get what you’re saying. I appreciate it.”

  “I said it because it’s the truth. Now the only thing holding you back is your lack of faith, because if you don’t believe my words for yourself, they’ll never be true to you. No more self-doubt. You won’t be happy if you dwell only on the bad things when you have so much good in your life.” Then she smiled, hugged me, and kissed my cheek like she was offering a blessing. “Now that I’ve given you the last of the advice I’m handing out today, you’re free to go. If you need more, come back and see me. You know where to find me.”

  * * *

  Since I decided I’d endured a hell of a week so far and couldn’t deal with the drama of One Gov on top of everything else, I took Terrasol off work. I promised myself I’d start fresh on Jovisol, providing I survived shopping with Lotus. There was also lunch with Tanith the sol before that. Either event would end my week with a bang. And damn it, there was still this afternoon’s puppy class with Mannette. If I didn’t show, Mannette would be like a shark scenting blood in the water and put together some ridiculous exposé full of fake facts and speculations about why I wasn’t there.

  “One event at a time,” I murmured to myself like it was some kind of litany and prayer to the gods. If I could make it through this week, I could make it through anything. Or at least that was the lie I told myself.

  We arrived early for puppy class—me, Feodor, and two chain-breakers I couldn’t have shaken loose with a fusion blast. I made small talk with the other class members and asked polite questions about dogs while Feodor sniffed everything in sight. He would look to me for approval when he found something of interest, often sitting on his butt and expecting me to give him a pat on the head or a command for release. Given his breed, I’d been told to expect this. Spaniels belonged to a class of dog once known as sporting dogs and had been used for hunting.

  Hunting? With dogs? It seemed so barbaric and I’d been surprised to learn no one had tried to breed out that behavior. Given how we modified everything else around us, from our own children to the planets in the solar system, it seemed like dogs should get the same treatment. Then again, maybe science hadn’t wanted to mess with that unique essence of dog-ness. Or maybe it had been tried and failed.

  Eventually, Mannette, Daisy the wonder dog, and her cavalcade of show-friends made their appearance. As always, Mannette was the center of attention, with the world and all of us in it existing solely to revolve around her.

  “Felicia!” she shrieked, running up to hug me. I had no choice but to return it, hugging her, the two other women, and her boy toy Pear. Pear’s hug was more like a pat on the back, his dark brown eyes darting between the hovering chain-breakers. Very smart, I noted with amusement. Probably one of the smartest boy toys Mannette had hooked up with.

  “So good to see you!” she exclaimed, giving me air kisses. “I was worried after the last class. You seemed discouraged.” Then she looked around, eyes narrowing. “Where’s the Russian?”

  “He wanted to be here, but work got in the way,” I said, mindful of the PVRs streaming on a ten-second delay and that Alexei and countless others throughout the tri-system were watching this. I needed to be careful about what I said, now more than ever.

  “For the best. I’m all for the sexy smolder, but sometimes that man’s glowering can turn the smolder into something terrifying. Animals can sense when there’s trouble. I’d hate for Daisy to have an anxiety attack. I’m looking into a yoga class Daisy and I can take together to help us manage our stress. You should come. Feodor might need it.”

  Doggy yoga—was that a thing? In order to be a good puppy parent, was I supposed to sign Feodor up for yoga? “I’m not sure Alexei and I would have time. And Feodor’s pretty well-adjusted. I doubt he has much stress in his life.” Then I thought about how he attacked the eyes on all his favorite toys. “Well, he’s well-adjusted enough.”

  “Don’t say no right away. Think about it. And don’t forget, if you and the Russian have a baby, that’s going to change everything. Feodor will be super-stressed. Making time for yoga will be the least of your worries.”

  I was saved from answering by the class instructors calling everyone to attention. I noticed the female instructor looking disappointed not to see Alexei. Yeah, that’s right, I wanted to say. You’ll have to deal with me instead. But I said nothing, concentrating on what the male instructor said before Feodor and I proceeded to put each other through our paces.

  At the end of class, Mannette posed for pictures with the other class members and arranged for CN-net avatar appearances, providing a digital autograph the fans could keep. When I said my goodbyes to Mannette, she caught me in a crushing hug and there was a concerned look on her face.

  “We need to hang out like we used to—before you up and did the old-fashioned thing of getting married,” she said.

  “Getting married isn’t so bad. You should try it.”

  Mannette barked a laugh. “Sure I want to find ‘the one,’ but marriage isn’t my thing. Listen, I wanted to check in with you. Make sure you’re okay. You know with the whole baby thing not happening, and oh shit, the stuff with your family making the rounds on the media outlets. I wanted to get in touch and be there for you but you didn’t answer my pings. I tried to get into the memorial services, but those Consortium monkeys wouldn’t let me through. So how is everything? Are you good?”

  “You tried to crash the memorial service?” Around us, her PVRs circled looking for weakness and story angles.

  She shrugged. “Just wanted to support you. You know that.”

  “Thanks for thinking of me, Mannette. That means a lot. The family is pulling together. Don’t worry, we’ll be okay.”

  She smiled, looking cagey. “Glad to hear it. And hey, the other thing I wanted to say was don’t let yourself be defined by your baby maker.”

  I blinked. “My what?”

  Mannette gave a sharp laugh and reached out to pat my stomach. “Sometimes I forget what a sheltered flower you are. This. The baby oven.”

  “Compared to you, Mannette, I’ll always seem like a rube that just crawled out from under a rock.”

  That earned me another sharp laugh and a knowing grin. “Don’t I know it? It’s j
ust one of the many things I like about you. But listen, I’m serious here and I want to make a point and drop some advice on your ass.”

  I held up a hand. “It’s okay, Mannette. I’ve had all the advice I can handle lately, but thanks.”

  “No really, listen. I may get flak for this, but any woman who says the greatest thing she ever did was have a baby is cheapening herself and needs her head examined.”

  “No, Mannette, honest, I’m good. But again, thank you for thinking of me.”

  “Huh. You’d almost think you didn’t want to chat. I thought we were friends. Thought we shared something here. Didn’t we almost die together that one time? Didn’t we used to hit the clubs pretty hard together? Remember how we met when you first got to Mars? Seems like you want to rewrite all that history.”

  “No, not rewrite it. I just…I think I need a change of scene. There’s been too much spectacle lately and I’d like less fuss in my life.”

  Mannette gave me a long stare, arching one perfectly shaped white eyebrow at me, giving me one of her famous looks. “I see. Well, then I guess this ends here. Sad days, huh? Or maybe you can ping me if you ever want to run the clubs again, or if you lose that Russian tying you down. Maybe we can have some fun like the old sols—if I can make time for you, that is.” She gave me an openmouthed kiss on the lips before I could stop her, and then she and her posse headed out.

  Fuck me. I’d just been dumped by Mannette Bleu in front of the whole tri-system. But rather than feeling upset, I was oddly relieved. I shrugged to Feodor, who didn’t care one way or the other, and decided it was probably for the best. Alexei was right—I could do with a little less Mannette-induced drama.

  Looking around, I noticed that aside from one student who’d stayed behind to speak with the instructors, my chain-breakers and I were the last ones in the training arena. The kennel would be closing soon, so there were few people left in the building. Time to get the hell out.