Boyfriend Shopping: Shopping for My BoyfriendMy Only WishAll I Want for Christmas Is You

by Earl Sewell

  “Oh, my gosh, you look so cute!” Jade says when she sees me.

  “And I love your hair,” Olivia adds. Instead of wearing my hair in the usual bun, it hangs loose and curly around my shoulders.

  “You guys look great, too,” I say, placing the vegetable tray and seven-layer dip that I brought with me onto the table. Jade is also dressed casually, in burgundy corduroy leggings and a billowy cream top. Meanwhile, Olivia is all dolled up, looking like she’s about to walk a red carpet. She has on the same teal cocktail dress she wore to last year’s prom, and her hair has been teased to high heaven.

  “Are you guys as nervous as I am?” I ask.

  “No, I’m not nervous at all,” Olivia says with her trademark confidence.

  “Well, I am literally shaking in my boots,” Jade admits. “What if none of these guys like me?”

  “Ah, sweetie, don’t be silly,” I say. “The guys I picked for you are exactly your type, and you are exactly theirs.”

  “Well, I picked some wonderful guys for you, too,” Olivia assures Jade. “If anything, you’re going to have a hard time choosing which one you want to be your boo.”

  Jade smiles big. “Oh, boy, now I can’t wait,” she says, gleefully rubbing her palms together. “Let’s get this party started!”

  Olivia and Jade have done a great job with the decorations so far. The blinking white lights give the room a Christmassy feel, and I pitch in and help bling it out even more by stringing sparkly streamers and silver garland everywhere. By the time we finish decorating, we have just ten minutes to go before our guests start arriving.

  “Hey, let’s exchange names of the guys we each picked for each other so that we have some idea which ones to look out for,” Olivia suggests.

  “Yeah, let’s do that, because I don’t want either of you thirsty chicks pushing up on any of my guys,” I joke.

  Jade passes out Post-it notes. We write down the names of the guys we invited and then give them to the others. For Jade I invited Roger Johnson, Cameron Carson and Alex Bernal. And for Olivia I invited Anthony Caruthers, Matthew Wright and Tristan. I am proud of myself because they are all great, good-looking guys.

  I read over the list of guys they picked for me: Michael Brockman, Elijah Conway, Wayne Hall, and I notice that one name in particular is written down on both notes... Oh, no! I’ve been duped and bamboozled. I went out of my way to carefully select some really stellar guys for them, and in return, this was the best they could do for me? Unacceptable.

  “You both think Jordan Patterson is a good match for me?” I ask, fuming.

  “Yeah, Bree, you have to admit that when you guys dance together, your chemistry is crazy,” Jade says.

  “It’s true,” Olivia adds. “You and Jordan are two peas in a pod, and everybody sees it except the two of you.”

  This is one of those times when I wish I could fast-forward my life. Is this really happening right now? Out of all the boys in Buffalo, Jordan Patterson is the one they choose for me? This has to be some cruel joke.

  “Clearly you two don’t know me very well,” I say with deep disappointment.

  “Oh, suck it up, Bree, and stop being a brat,” Olivia says, sounding like my mother. “We picked Jordan for you, he accepted the invite and you will deal!”

  Olivia is one of those girls that you’d totally hate if she wasn’t your friend. She is a natural beauty, so perfect and refined, with her flawless skin and long dark hair. But right now, I hate her anyway. I mean, really? Jordan Patterson?

  At that moment, we can hear the doorbell ring from upstairs. Olivia turns on the music and then runs upstairs to greet our guests. Over the hip-hop coming from the stereo, I can hear lots of footsteps from above, accompanied by various male voices.

  Jade looks like she’s about to have a nervous breakdown, and I feel like I’m going to vomit.

  “Me and my bright ideas!” I say.

  “Calm down. We can get through this,” Jade assures me, gripping my hand so tight she crushes my fingers.

  “Ouch!” I rub my aching hand and paste a smile on my face as about ten boys file down the stairs and into the room. I recognize a couple of them from school, but the rest I’ve never seen a day in my life. Talk about random. The good thing, though, is that Jordan Patterson is not among them. I breathe a sigh of relief and relax.

  Olivia trails down behind the boys, looking totally in her element as a gracious hostess and center of attention. “Welcome, everybody!” she says, while giving me and Jade a look that reads Get it together! “Please mingle, eat and make yourselves at home.”

  While the boys make a beeline to the refreshment table, I pull Jade and Olivia in for a quick huddle.

  “Okay, so where is this Wayne Hall?” I ask Jade, since she is the one who recommended him.

  “Glasses, tan pants, red Christmas sweater...” she whispers out of the side of her mouth.

  I find the guy who fits the description, and all I can say is Nuh-uh!

  “You’re trying to set me up with a nerd?” I ask, incredulous.

  “How was I supposed to know he was going to wear that corny sweater?” Jade asks in her own defense. “Other than that, Wayne is actually a very nice guy. He goes to my church and his father is a doctor.”

  “I hate to be picky, but I really wouldn’t care if his daddy was president of these United States,” I say, trying to keep my voice down. “That boy has zero swag, and I’m sorry, but he’s just not the one.”

  “Yeah, you dropped the ball on that one,” Olivia tells Jade. “Seriously, would you date him?”

  Jade frowns. “Eww, heck no! I’ve known him since we were little kids, and he’s totally not my type.”

  “Mine, either,” I say, giving Jade the side eye. “Okay, Olivia, what about this Elijah character. Where is he?”

  “He hasn’t made it here yet,” she says, taking a sip of punch.

  “Okay, well, what about Michael Brockman?” I ask, referencing my slip of paper.

  “Six feet, black bomber jacket, Boston Red Sox cap and fine!” Olivia says proudly.

  “Dang, do you want him for yourself?” Jade asks.

  “No, that’s all Bree.” Olivia smiles. “Get it, girl!”

  Just like in the movies, I look across and see this tall, handsome guy with a winning smile. It seems like a spotlight is shining on him and him alone. And am I imagining things, or is that actually a halo on his head? Oh, my.

  “Now, that’s more like it.” I smile as I walk across the room to introduce myself to Michael.

  The conversation starts off good. Michael tells me he goes to East High School, works part-time at Taco Bell, has his own car and doesn’t have a girlfriend. I’m thinking, Jackpot! Just might be the guy to help me get over Lance, right? But when Michael tells me he is eighteen and in the tenth grade, all bets are off.

  I end the conversation right then and there because what kind of future would we have? “Well, kids, your daddy’s a dummy, but I love him anyway....” No, thanks, I think I’ll pass.

  * * *

  An hour later, the party is in full swing, and everybody is turned up and having fun.

  Everybody except for me, that is. This matchmaking party hasn’t yielded any positive results for me so far, but, hey, at least Jade and Olivia get to walk away with some really great prospects.

  If we were giving out awards, Olivia would officially take the title for Belle of the Ball.

  Right now she’s refilling the punch bowl, passing snacks around and flirting with several guys at once.

  Meanwhile, Jade is all hugged up with Tristan, who seems to have her mesmerized. I’m happy for Jade. They look cute together, and I can tell by the way he looks at her that he really does like her a lot. Seeing Jade and Tristan on the cusp of a new romance reminds me of when L
ance and I first started dating. For the longest time Lance was just a guy who lived down the street from me, until one day we realized we liked each other, and it suddenly became much more.

  Oops! There I go, thinking about Lance again. I quickly put him out of my mind and go back to drowning my sorrows in orange sherbet punch.

  “That must be some pretty good stuff you’re drinking,” I hear a familiar voice say from behind me.

  I turn around and see that it’s Jordan Patterson. When did he get here?

  “It is. You should try it,” I say. “Very tasty...”

  At this point, I don’t mind making small talk with Jordan. And that’s only because he has no idea that the reason he was even invited is because my two so-called best friends think the two of us should hook up.

  I rarely see Jordan in anything other than dance clothes, but he actually cleans up very nicely, even though I wouldn’t dare say it to his face. Tonight, he’s wearing khaki pants, a black button-down shirt and leather loafers. I would be lying if I said that Jordan wasn’t easy on the eyes, but that attitude? Let’s just say that it leaves a lot to be desired.

  “Nice party.” Jordan smirks, which is one of his many annoying habits.

  I’m not sure if he’s being sincere or facetious. Either way, I decide to play nice and be a good cohost. “Yeah, it’s not bad, I guess. Thanks for coming.”

  “No problem,” he says, surveying the room. “But why are there so many guys here and only three girls?”

  Oh, dang it! Inviting other girls so the ratio isn’t so lopsided was the one detail we failed to cover while planning this party. Oh, well...can’t think of everything. Obviously.

  “Actually, we invited tons of other girls,” I say, thinking fast. “But none of them could make it for one reason or another.”

  He smirks again and looks like he doesn’t quite believe me.

  Whatever!

  “Anyway,” I say, changing the subject. “Are you looking forward to the trip next weekend?”

  “Of course.” He smiles without the smugness for the first time. “I’ve been counting down the days since Ms. Duncan told us about it. How about you?”

  “Two days in New York City—are you kidding? I absolutely cannot wait!” I’m gushing, but I can’t help it. This field trip is going to be epic.

  “Since we’re talking about the trip, I think we should clear the air so that we can both relax and have a good time while we’re in Manhattan.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Clear the air in what way?”

  “Well, you have to admit that there is some awkwardness and tension between us,” Jordan says. “So for my part, I want to step up and apologize for anything I may have done in the past to get under your skin. I know I can be pretty intense sometimes, but it’s only because I want us to give the best performance we can possibly give.”

  I stare at him like he has a horn sprouting out of his forehead. Nevertheless, I’m pleasantly surprised that Jordan was able to put his big-boy underwear on and apologize for being an insufferable jerk. “Apology accepted,” I say. “From now on, let’s put our differences aside for the sake of the ballet and for having a great time in the city. Deal?”

  I offer Jordan a handshake, and he seems eager to accept it. “Deal,” he says, and we shake on it.

  ten

  It is the crack of dawn and bitterly cold outside when my classmates and I climb aboard a chartered bus headed to New York City. Mom insisted that I eat breakfast before I left the house, and that causes me to be one of the last ones to arrive at the school parking lot, where the bus is waiting. I am parking the Jetta when I see Ms. Duncan frantically waving to me to hurry up. I grab my suitcase and overnight bag out of the backseat and make a mad dash for the bus. The portly bus driver looks friendly and patient. He takes my suitcase and puts it in the baggage compartment with all the rest.

  Just as I get on board the bus, someone starts to chant, “Road trip! Road trip! Road trip!” And we all join in. To say that we’re all hyped for this trip is an understatement. Even Ms. Duncan has a rare smile on her face. In all, there are forty-six of us. Forty students, six chaperones and, of course, Ms. Duncan.

  Due to all the excitement, it takes a minute for me to register that the only available spot left is next to Jordan. Great! According to Yahoo Maps, Buffalo is 376 miles from New York City, which equals out to be a six-and-a-half-hour trip. I know Jordan and I called a truce last week at the party, but I had no idea the universe would turn around and test me like this.

  Jordan apparently sees reluctance written all over my face and says, “Don’t worry, I won’t bite.”

  “You sure about that?” I ask jokingly.

  “I promise.” He crosses his fingers. “And you can even have the window seat if you want it.”

  “Wow...okay, thanks,” I say as he gets up and steps into the aisle of the bus so that we can trade places.

  I had hoped to sit with Olivia and Jade, but apparently I am the least of their concerns. Jade and Tristan are officially a couple, so they are sitting together eating breakfast takeout from Dunkin’ Donuts and making goo-goo eyes at each other. Olivia is sitting next to Keith Maxwell, who’s playing the role of the prince. Keith is one of the guys Jade invited to the party for Olivia, so I’m glad to see the two of them actually hitting it off.

  The bus pulls out of the school parking lot and travels east toward the interstate.

  It’s going to be a long trip, so I whip out my iPod and am just about to put my earbuds in when Jordan says, “So, did you end up hooking up with anyone special at the party the other night?”

  “Nope, not at all,” I say. “Why do you ask?”

  “Well, that was the whole purpose of the party, right? For you and your friends to find someone to hook up with?”

  Face palm. How humiliating! And how could he possibly know all that? After all, the matchmaking party was supposed to be top secret and confidential between just the three of us. Was our plan really that obvious?

  “If you’re single, isn’t that the purpose of just about every party you go to?” I ask casually.

  “Yeah, I guess...” Jordan says, giving me a knowing look. “But you and your girls were so transparent and pressed. I was honestly embarrassed for you guys.”

  “Transparent and pressed?” Okay, now he’s going too far trying to push my buttons.

  Believe me, there is a whole lot I can say to Jordan Patterson right now, but for the sake of keeping things peaceful I will neither confirm nor deny his suspicions.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but whatever it is you think you know, bravo and gold star to you for figuring it all out,” I say, giving Jordan a round of applause.

  Sometimes, the best way out of a sticky situation is to change the subject. “All right, everybody, let’s sing!” I call out. “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree...” Everyone on the bus joins me in singing “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” It’s hilarious because most people are off-key, don’t know the correct words or both. By the time we finish singing the remix edition, the whole bus is roaring with laughter. Even Jordan.

  “Hey, Bree, do the Cephus and Reesie version,” Jade says, referring to the crazy characters played by Kim Wayans and David Alan Grier on In Living Color.

  “Okay, but I need a partner,” I say. “Does anybody else know it by heart?”

  Jordan is the only one who does, which surprises me.

  “Really? Okay, let’s go,” I say to Jordan.

  We sing together like a washed-up country/R & B couple: “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...nine packs of Kool-Aid, eight oxtails, seven grape sodas, six honey buns, five turkey legs, four cans of greens, three chicken wings, two fugazy rings, a box of ‘Jiffy’ mix and a gold
tooth!”

  Everyone cracks up and chants, “Encore, encore, encore!”

  Jordan and I oblige and make the second version even more ghetto than the first. Afterward, we collectively put our own unique spin on several other Christmas songs, and as we’re singing, I realize that this is the first time I’ve seen Jordan really let loose and not be so uptight and serious. I never knew he had a fun, silly side. Maybe he isn’t so bad after all.

  eleven

  The six-and-a-half-hour bus ride flies by so fast that before we know it, the bus is crossing a bridge into Manhattan. We check into the Empire Hotel, close to Lincoln Center, and I’m in awe because the hotel is like a work of art. It’s small, but it has a really nice ambience, with a gold-and-burnt-orange color scheme and lots of shiny, reflective accents. In the lobby, they even have bowls of apples for the taking, which I think is a nice touch, especially since I haven’t eaten anything since lunch.

  After we get our room assignments from Ms. Duncan, Jade and I squeal with joy when we find out that we’ll be sharing a room together. Olivia, on the other hand, is super salty because she’s stuck rooming with Kelly Baker. Kelly is a nice girl, but she comes alive only when she’s dancing. Otherwise, she can be so quiet that she’s almost invisible.

  “Dinner is at 6:00 p.m., and the ballet starts at 8:00 p.m., so everyone needs to be properly dressed and back down here in the lobby no later than 5:00 p.m. sharp,” Ms. Duncan tells us as we wait on the elevators to take us up to our rooms.

  Jade and I get off the elevator on the seventh floor and search for room 721. When we find it, I slide the key card into the electronic slot, which unlocks the door to our temporary home away from home.

  “O...M...G...!” Jade screams and dashes into the room.

  I drop my bags right in the doorway and look around, taking it all in. The room is so swanky, it looks like it belongs in one of those celebrity-cribs shows. It’s not overwhelmingly enormous, but the decor and furniture are very modern. “Art deco” is what I think it’s called.