Crushed (Crystal Brook Billionaires)

by Jessica Blake

  It’s Brendan though.

  “Hey,” I say, taking a seat on the couch. Crystal gets up and goes into the bathroom.

  “Hey. How are you?”

  “Good.” I pull my feet up, sitting cross-legged.

  “So,” he says. “I, uh, I’m going home early.”

  My stomach squeezes, but I’m not sure if its regret or relief. “Oh.”

  “Yeah.”

  Cue the awkward silence.

  “Why?” I croak.

  I hear him take in a deep breath. “Talking with you made me realize some things. I was holding on to you. We spent a long time apart, and I guess I kind of had all these fantasies, you know? Like, I thought everything would still be the same between us.”

  I look down at my nails. “I understand that.”

  “And I’m just tired of Los Angeles. I thought I could do the summer, but I can’t. I got stuff to do at home, you know?”

  “Your friends are there.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Your whole life.”

  “Right.”

  “I’ll be sorry to see you go,” I softly say and fall over on the sofa.

  He pauses. “Really?”

  “Yeah,” I honestly answer. “You’ll always be a big part of my life, Brendan. I don’t think saying goodbye to you will ever get easy.”

  “Maybe you can drive me to the airport.”

  “I’d like that. When are you going?”

  “Saturday morning. My flight’s at nine.”

  “Okay.” I nod, even though he can’t see me. “Traffic is going to be hell. We might get hours to say goodbye.”

  He laughs. “That’s one thing I’m not going to miss. Once I’m home, I’ll be able to walk almost anywhere I need to be.”

  A sudden pain hits me. It’s a kind of longing, but for what I’m not sure. I certainly don’t miss Manteo, so what is it? Perhaps I’m jealous for the sense of comfort and hominess Brendan has in his life. I like my lifestyle and the city I’m in, but it all still lacks something that I used to have. It’s that feeling you get when you know you belong in a certain place with certain people. It makes perfect sense that he’s going back. Manteo is his alcove in the world.

  As exciting and freeing as my life can be out West, I don’t have that. There’s no tiny corner of the Universe that is assuredly mine, no matter what.

  I clear my throat. “That will be nice, yeah.”

  “Thanks for doing this. I’ll send you my flight info.”

  “Okay,” I whisper. “See you then.”

  “Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  I hang up. Crystal comes out of the bathroom, braiding her long hair. “Who was that?”

  “Brendan. He’s leaving early.”

  “Huh.”

  “You don’t seem surprised.”

  “Nope.” She fishes a hair tie out of her pocket and secures the braid. “There’s nothing here for him. You shot him down, remember? That shit hurts.”

  I nibble on my thumb. “I know.”

  “I think he came here just to try and get you back.”

  I find the strength to lift my shoulders in a lethargic shrug. “It doesn’t really matter.”

  Crystal smiles reassuringly at me. “You’ll find someone, Sydney.”

  I didn’t even know I was worried about “finding someone.” The second Crystal gives me that assurance, though, a dam breaks in my chest and pain spews forth.

  “Thanks,” I croak.

  Moving onto someone else seems a long way off when I can still feel Simon’s phantom touch all over my body. Though I can manage to mostly escape thinking about him during the day, he’s there with me when I close my eyes at night, his kisses on my neck and his hands on my waist. Since being with him in that tiny library, the constant dreams about him have done anything but fade away. Instead, they’ve become more intense, more detailed.

  “You just have to wait for the right person,” Crystal says. “In the meantime, let everyone be who they are. If they want to be around you and you want to be around them, things will work out.”

  “You mean don’t be demanding of them?” I ask, thinking of Brendan’s words on the staircase.

  She beams. “Yeah. Exactly. I’m going to make an ice cream sundae. Want one?”

  “Of course. Maybe we can set one in front of Eryk’s door to lure him out.”

  She giggles. “That was exactly my plan.”

  *

  The next afternoon when I return to holding from set, I check my phone and find I have several missed calls. I don’t keep my cell with me when I go to set because I’m terrified of forgetting to turn the ringer down and having it blow up in the middle of a take. I’d have a whole new bullet point to add to the reputation I’m afraid will one day develop.

  Sydney Andrews. She fucked the head of the studio and then ruined one of the best takes in the history of Mulroney Pictures. Watch out for that one.

  The three missed calls are all from a number I don’t recognize. I pull up my voice mail to see if there are any messages, but it’s empty.

  “Huh,” I mutter to myself. The last call was twenty minutes ago. Maybe I should call the number back…

  Emily comes on the walkie talkie, calling for me.

  “Bring the extras back,” she says. “They need another take.”

  “Got it,” I say.

  I drop my phone back in the bag and go wrangle the ten extras I just returned with. When we get to set, we end up being there for the rest of the afternoon. I check my phone again at dinner, but no one else has called. I forget all about the number from earlier.

  My phone does, however, ring when I’m climbing in my car that night.

  “I need your help,” Crystal says. “Eryk is being completely crazy.”

  My stomach lurches. “Uh-oh. What happened?”

  “He thinks you and I are ganging up on him.”

  I sigh and drop my head back. “Where are you guys now?”

  “At home. I’m hiding in the bathroom.”

  “Okay. I just got in the car. I’ll be there soon.”

  “Good. Bye.”

  I hang up and pull out of the parking lot, trying to think of things to say to Eryk. Crystal and I both already played the nice card and he was anything but kind in return, so we’ll just have to give it to him straight.

  As I pass my old office, something catches my eye. I slow down to make sure I’m seeing what I think I am. It’s Simon’s car, parked in its assigned spot. It’s the only one in front of the building. The front windows are all dark, making it seem like the place is empty, but his office does face the other side.

  What’s he doing in there so late? And all alone? Maybe he’s come back from his “business” trip with a new devotion to his job.

  I press my lips together and speed up. From now on, I won’t look at his office when I drive by. I’ll just pretend there’s a giant sound blanket draped there, obscuring all views and cutting all sounds.

  At home, I hear the yelling from the outside hall. I jiggle my key in the lock and cringe. The shouting gets louder.

  Whatever is happening in the apartment won’t be pretty. I hold my breath and push myself inside.

  “You don’t know what it’s like!” Eryk yells.

  Both of my roommates are standing in the middle of the living room, their faces red.

  “You guys,” I shout. “Calm down before someone calls the cops. I can practically hear you down by the pool.”

  Eryk turns his hard gaze on me. “You’re in on this with her.”

  “Wh-what?” I sputter. “In on what?”

  “Don’t act so innocent, Sydney.”

  Crystal speaks up. “There is no conspiracy, Eryk. Come off it. You know we’re right. Brian told you the exact same thing.”

  “Don’t talk to me about Brian.”

  Crystal sighs and crosses her arms.

  I clear my throat. “Did something happen with Brian?”

  Crystal look
s at me. “He told Eryk exactly what I’ve been trying to say. He needs to take better care of himself.”

  “I am!” Eryk shrieks. “You don’t know what it’s like, Crystal.”

  “And you don’t seem to know what you’re doing to yourself, Eryk! It’s not normal to be so tired, or to have as many headaches as you do, or be dizzy every day. You’re not eating right.”

  “She’s right, Eryk,” I say. “We’re worried about you.”

  Eryk’s hands curl into fists and he speaks through a clamped jaw. “I told you. I’m detoxing.”

  Crystal shakes her head. “You’re not doing it right.”

  “Oh, what are you, a nutritionist now?” he snaps.

  “I obviously know more about it than you. Someone your size can’t live off, like ten calories a day.”

  “Just leave me alone,” he snarls, stalking off to his room.

  His bedroom door slams and Crystal’s mouth falls open.

  “It’s like we have a kid all of a sudden,” she says to me. “This experience itself is literally birth control. I am never having children.”

  I sigh and rub my face with my hands. “He just needs some time to cool off.”

  “He’s only so angry because he knows we’re right.”

  I nod in agreement. “Of course. But his pride is hurt.”

  Crystal crosses her arms. “I know,” she mumbles.

  “We’ll try again tomorrow. I need to get to bed.”

  “Already?” She looks disappointed.

  I take my shoes off and drop them with the others by the door. “I’m taking Brendan to the airport in the morning.”

  “Right.” She bites the side of her thumbnail.

  Passing across the room, I envelop her in a hug. “Don’t worry,” I say into her hair.

  She guffaws. “The same to you.”

  I draw back. “I’m not worried. We’ll get through to him sooner or later.”

  “I meant about Simon.”

  His name is a knife in my gut. “Oh. I’m not worried about that either. It’s over. For real this time.”

  She squints her eyes in suspicion. “I don’t know. You seem to have gotten over him pretty quickly, especially considering how hung up on him you were from the get go. Are you sure you’re not just pushing your feelings down?”

  I want to tell Crystal to stop playing therapist, but she just got told to stop playing nutritionist not five minutes ago. I’d hate to kick her when she’s down.

  “Maybe there’s no other way through this,” I say quietly.

  Crystal frowns at that. “We can talk about it any time you want.”

  I rub the spot between my brows. It’s aching from exhaustion — and, yes, probably suppression of some feelings. “Thanks. Goodnight.”

  “Night.”

  I take a quick shower and then throw on the pajamas laying on my bed from the night before. Right before I turn the light off, I remember to set the alarm clock.

  Burrowing down into my sheets, I stare out the window. There’s nothing to see but the apartment building across the street, but the presence of the open space is comforting nonetheless. The bottom window is cracked and a car zooms by on the street, bass thumping from its speakers.

  Scenes from the past week swirl around me. I take a deep breath and let it out slow, trying to release all the thoughts from my mind, trying to send them out through the cracked window and away from me, far off into the sky and space.

  But I’m still thinking of the way Eryk yelled at Crystal in the living room. He’s hardly ever lost his temper to such a degree, and never with Crystal, who’s one of the calmest and most understanding people I know.

  My worries turn to The Dawn Companion set. I’m afraid I showed my inexperience today when I forgot to turn in the tax paperwork to the second employee from the casting office. Henry had to remind me right before we left.

  You’re still doing good, I tell myself. And making friends.

  The thought of friends causes a little pang in my chest. As exciting as my new job is, I miss Dana — and even Chuck and Daniel — which is unexpected.

  Most of all I miss the person I won’t let myself feel anything for.

  Throwing the sheets off, I grab my cell phone, pull up Dana’s number, and write a text.

  How is it going with the temp?

  I stare at the little paper birds hanging in the corner of the room while I wait to see if she responds. In a few minutes, a text pops up.

  Gone through three already.

  I laugh out loud and quickly type back.

  Does that mean Mulroney came back early?

  She responds right away.

  He came back today. Acting really weird.

  I stare down at the text. Of course he was acting weird. What else is new? I resist the urge to ask her what she means by “weird.” I didn’t text Dana to start a conversation about Simon. On the contrary, I was genuinely interested to find out what’s been happening at the office.

  She texts again. He’s not happy that you left.

  I suck in a sharp breath.

  Too bad.

  I drop the phone down on the bedside table. A couple minutes go by and she doesn’t respond. Rolling over and nestling my hands underneath my chin, I clamp my lips tight and will the tears to stay behind my eyes.

  I tell myself not to think about him. But of course, I can’t help it.

  What is he doing right now? It seems odd that there’s still so much I don’t know about his life, like where he lives and how he spends his weekends.

  I sigh and roll over to lay flat on my back. It’s best that I don’t know those things. Simon — Mr. Mulroney — is in the past.

  And that’s where he needs to stay.

  Still, I can’t help but beat myself up for having gotten in such a mess with him in the first place. I close my eyes, and a hot, solitary tear slips out and rolls down my jaw, past the place where his lips pressed against my throat.

  Forget about it. Forget about him.

  And eventually, I partially do — though only because I’m falling asleep.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  A knocking noise wakes me up. I grab my second pillow and jam it over my head in an effort to block the sound.

  “Sydney,” comes Crystal’s voice. My door cracks open. “When do you need to leave to get Brendan?”

  “Ugh.”

  “It’s seven.”

  I groan. “His flight’s not till nine.”

  “Nine? Sydney, you have to go.”

  I yawn into the nice, cool sheets. “It’s LAX.”

  “Yeah, and he’s in Venice Beach, and you’re in Hollywood.” She yanks the sheet off me, and suddenly I get what she’s saying. I’m late. Damn, I’m late.

  “Shit,” I gasp, scrambling out of bed.

  “Does he have bags to check?”

  “Probably.” I rub my eyes as I hurry out of the room and down the hall. She follows behind me.

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “No, it’s okay. I just need to get my stuff.” I bump into the corner of the wall. “Shoes. Bag.”

  I grab the two listed things. My mind is still foggy and it’s hard to think straight. I sit down on the couch for a second. “What else?”

  “Phone,” Crystal says. “Keys. Socks.” She throws a pair of the last essential at me.

  “Thanks.” I quickly pull the socks on.

  “Aren’t you going to get dressed?”

  I look down. Flannel pajama pants and a black tank top.

  “Can you see my boobs through this?”

  Crystal peers at my chest. “Not really. I mean, just the slight outline of your nipples.”

  I yank on my Converses. “Then nope. No time.”

  Snatching my keys, I fly for the door.

  “Text me when you get there!” she calls after me. “So I know you didn’t crash and die!”

  “Okay!” I yell over my shoulder, yanking the door shut.

  I make i
t to Venice Beach in half the time. Really, I’m damn impressed with myself. I call Brendan on the way, but he doesn’t answer.

  “Shit,” I curse, turning onto his cousin’s street.

  He’s outside standing by his suitcases. I stop in the street and he hurries over, rolling the bags behind him. I reach over and throw the door open, trying to buy us a couple pathetic seconds. He puts the bags in the back seat and then comes to climb in the front.

  “Sorry,” I say as he closes his door and buckles up. “I’m sorry. I tried to call, but you didn’t answer.”

  “I think we have time.”

  I grimace and hit the gas. “Feel free to kick me if you miss your flight.”

  Brendan chuckles. “I’m glad you’re taking me. Hey…what are you wearing?”

  “Ugh. What I woke up in.”

  He laughs even harder.

  I nervously change lanes, trying to get in the best flow possible. Traffic is surprisingly light, and it looks like Brendan might have a fighting chance after all.

  “I can’t wait to get home,” he sighs.

  I glance at him. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  My heart lurches, and for a second it feels like breaking up all over again — like I’m losing him forever. Except we never really had a chance at a second go. That was all just hopeful thinking, just like everything in my life this past month.

  “I’ve been thinking about what you said,” I say. “About me asking a lot of people.”

  He scratches his head and looks out the window. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

  “You didn’t. It was good.” My hands relax on the steering wheel as I let the confession out. “I realize that I haven’t changed much in the last couple years. I’m not very good at just letting people be what they are.”

  I stare at the car in front of me, but can feel his eyes studying my face.

  “You mean with everyone?” he asks.

  I shift in the seat. “Mostly with men.”

  “Like boyfriends.”

  “Yeah.”

  There’s a short pause. “So you have been seeing someone.”

  “What makes you ask that?”

  I feel him studying me. He guffaws. “Come on, Sydney…”

  I bite my lip and glance at him. “Okay. Kind of. But not really. And it’s over now.”