by Alice Raine
Straighten it all out? It seemed pretty straight to me – I’d travelled half way around the world to be told that my boyfriend was actually ‘engaged’ to someone else.
‘Look, let’s go to your hotel and I’ll explain,’ he murmured softly.
My world was practically shattering before my very eyes, but Sean somehow sounded calm and flat and almost dismissive of my shredded emotions, so much so that I could barely take it in, my frayed nerves immediately snapping again.
‘Ah yes, the nice hotel you mentioned earlier?’ I growled at him, feeling quite disgusted. ‘Like I’m some kind of mistress? Hidden away in a hotel so no one sees your bit on the side?’ Spinning on my seat I faced him fully, my eyes bulging and my heart racing to the point where it sounded like it was going to burst in my eardrums. I felt sick with shock, but utterly furious. He could have told me this yesterday before I flew half way around the frigging world!
Sean paled at my agitation, visibly panicking and fidgeting on his seat so repeatedly that it was like he had ants in his pants. Watching him squirm I briefly wished that he did have ants biting his arse. Really big fuckers that would itch for weeks. It would serve him right for putting me through this shit. His eyes darted around my face as he chewed on his lower lip so frantically I was surprised I couldn’t see any blood.
‘Of course not! Just let me explain, Allie, please.’
Glancing down at the article I felt my stomach turn sickeningly as I looked again at the pictures, all of Sean with some waif-like beauty clinging to him. Clearly the ‘Savannah’ that the article referred to.
There was no way I could ever compete with her; she was as skinny as a chopstick, with beautiful brown eyes like a deer, flawless skin, and sleek, shiny chestnut hair that fell all the way to her non-existent waist. Oh God … was that why he liked my hair long? Because it reminded him of her? Fuck. The very idea made me want to shave my head as I began to feel sick to my bones. Just looking at the pictures made me feel dowdy, fat, and distinctly snarky.
‘You want to explain, Sean? Fine. You say this is all fake, but you look pretty flipping friendly in this picture,’ I said, jabbing viciously at a photo in the newspaper. ‘You have your hand on her arse, for fuck’s sake.’
Sean visibly withered before my eyes. ‘I do … but that’s not a recent shot. It was taken last year, well before I’d even met you.’
Last year. Before he’d met me. When it was OK to put his hand on her arse? My lips pursed with instant displeasure – not from jealousy, although I was jealous – but because I distinctly remembered him telling me that he hadn’t slept with anyone for at least two years before meeting me, and yet here was some lovely pictorial evidence that distinctly suggested otherwise.
‘Have you ever dated her? Or do you make a habit of groping women’s arses in public?’ I demanded, my tone seething with barely contained pain.
Sean flinched and then fiddled with his sleeve, a reaction that spoke volumes. ‘Uh … yes … that photo was taken early last year during the last season. Filming lasted a few months and we went out once or twice. That was it, just a couple of dates.’
It seemed he’d lied to me at Christmas when he’d told me he hadn’t slept with anyone for two years. And when he’d said the rumours of him dating his co-stars was untrue.
Bloody bugger it. I was usually so good at spotting a liar that I couldn’t believe I’d missed all this bullshit. And to top it all off he was engaged to her, but apparently that was made up too?
Shaking my head, I blew out a long, trembling breath, desperate not to cry. It seemed that I’d been so swept up by the intensity of the connection between us that I’d fallen for everything he’d said hook, line, and sinker. God, how could I have been so stupid? I felt so naïve it was unbelievable.
Swallowing hard, I nodded as a bitter taste rose in my throat when my eyes fell to a different picture with a date of just over two weeks ago. ‘And have you “dated” her recently? Since you’ve been back in America?’ I asked bluntly, my emphasis on the word dated making it obvious that what I actually meant was fucked.
‘No, Allie, of course not. But Savannah can be quite … demonstrative. Her behaviour set a few rumours off again. I always set her straight through, Allie. Always.’ Apparently not in public, I thought bitterly as I stared at the pictures.
‘This photo was taken at an awards ceremony three weeks ago and you have your arm around her again,’ I murmured in stunned disbelief.
‘That’s just for the cameras. Besides, it’s not on her arse that time,’ Sean pointed out, which almost made me cackle with demented laughter and slap him around the face for his stupidity – as if that made it better! It didn’t matter where the fuck on her body his hand was, it was the fact that his hand was anywhere on Savannah Hilton that was irking me.
Shifting again, Sean looked like the epitome of discomfort; there was a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead and panic was contorting his usually handsome face. ‘Because having a beautiful woman draped all over you must be so tough to deal with,’ I spat. Blowing some loose hairs out of my face I shook my head again and stared at the article.
Before I could make further comment, I suddenly drew in a horrified breath. ‘Oh my God … she’s wearing an engagement ring …’ A huge, sparkly diamond took pride of place on her ring finger, clearly on display as she showed it off to its full potential.
My wide eyes flew to his and I saw Sean blanch of colour and then frown. ‘She is … but I didn’t buy it or give it to her, Allie. It’s fake.’ The glittery ring didn’t look particularly fake to me, and neither did their cosy embrace. ‘She looks gorgeous … and you look like you’re about to kiss her,’ I whispered faintly. As sick as my words made me, it was true. Leaning in closer to the picture I squinted as I took in the details of their stances. She had one arm around his waist, but it suddenly occurred to me that the other, the one with the ring, was practically tucked in the front of his flipping trousers. How had I not noticed that before?
‘Christ. Sean, she’s practically wanking you right there on the red carpet.’ Which was perhaps a small over-exaggeration, but seemed necessary. He was supposed to be dating me, didn’t he realise that that meant only I could touch him like that? Or did he simply not care?
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ he barked, but I could tell from his stormy expression that I had hit a nerve. Either that, or he was finally losing his patience with my freak-out.
‘I’m not being ridiculous, Sean, her fingers are below your fucking belt!’ OK, so perhaps I needed to rein in my voice a little, because I had definitely just yelled loud enough to rattle the window glass.
My shouting apparently snapped Sean’s composure too, because suddenly he was leaning forward, his eyes blazing and tendons stretching in his neck. ‘Fine, OK, you want to know the truth? Savannah did try to kiss me that night, Allie,’ he spat, his face reddening with growing anger. ‘Repeatedly, in fact. The whole fucking crowd was chanting for me to do it too, and yeah, she looked fucking hot so it would have been easy to give in.’
As he glared at me I felt another part of my heart crumble away. At this rate there would be nothing left of it by the end of this car journey. His spiteful words felt like they had stabbed me in the chest and I dragged in a ragged breath as pain lanced through me, only just managing to hold myself together. ‘But I didn’t kiss her. You want to know why? Because I love you. You, Allie,’ he growled. ‘I could never do that to you, and on top of that, I would never want to do that.’
As reassuring as his words were no doubt meant to be, my mind just kept replaying his earlier phrase. And yeah, she looked fucking hot so it would have been easy to give in. I doubt I’d ever looked ‘fucking hot’ in my entire life. Not to the standard that Savannah did, anyway. How long would it be until he did give in and kiss her?
I felt hot bile rise in my throat and had to swallow hard to avoid throwing up in the back of his posh car. This was suddenly all waaay too much for my poor jet-lagged brain. His spit
eful words had been the last straw. A dry sob broke from my throat as my face finally crumpled and I buried it in my hands, determined not to cry, but not knowing how to avoid it as I felt tears building.
‘Christ. Please don’t cry,’ Sean begged, his voice softer and sounding almost as shattered as I felt. ‘I’m sorry. I’m freaking out and some of that came out wrong … Look, I know how this must seem, but let me try and explain.’
Lifting my head, I stared at him and then shook my head sadly. ‘Actually, I’d rather not hear it, Sean. Besides, these pictures make it all very clear,’ I stated decisively, making an on-the-spot decision to save my heart while I still had a vague chance to salvage at least a small portion of it.
‘I knew deep down that trying to date an actor would crash and burn, I just didn’t realise it would happen so quickly,’ I muttered with a grimace. ‘I’ve made plans to meet Cait. I’ll stay with her.’
‘What? No, you can’t do that!’ Sean spluttered as I rummaged through my bag. Grabbing my phone I loaded an email from her letting me know the name of her hostel and leant towards the driver, lowering the privacy screen until I saw David glance at me questioningly. ‘Can you take me to LA Digs Hostel please? It’s on Hollywood Boulevard,’ I asked as I felt panic and hysteria build in my stomach.
‘Allie. Please,’ Sean said in a near desperate tone, one of his hands reaching out for me.
‘Don’t touch me!’ I shrieked, terrified that if I felt the reassuring warmth of his skin on mine that I would cave and fall into his arms.
‘Don’t say that. I have to touch you, Allie, you’re mine.’ Is that why he touched her too? Was she his as well? The thought sickened me to my core. His voice lacked its usual conviction, his concern obvious in the way his hand hesitated in the space between us, desperately seeking my permission. But he wouldn’t be getting it, not today. Not ever, if he really was involved with that woman.
‘Not any more I’m not.’
‘Allie, no! You don’t mean that …’ His voice was choked, eyes wide with panic, but I’d had enough. This was all too much. The car pulled to a stop in some traffic and suddenly I couldn’t bear to stay in the enclosed space with Sean for another second, so I decided to grab the opportunity the crowded downtown roads presented me with. In other words, I planned to high tail it out of there.
‘I do. I might not be some famous superstar, but I’m worth more than being your secret bit on the side. Besides, I’m clearly too regular and boring to date you and your “fucking hot” fiancée. Good luck with the new series.’
And with that I was gone. Grabbing the door handle I pushed it open and slid out into the road, somehow managing to rip the boot open and grab my suitcase before Sean had followed me. Leaving the boot open I dashed onto the sidewalk dragging my case carelessly behind me and lost myself in the crowds almost immediately. I had no idea where I was, but I didn’t care. Hearing Sean yelling my name somewhere behind me, I hunkered my shoulders down to hide myself as I zigzagged through the bustling crowd, but I didn’t glance back, not even as the first hot tears finally escaped my eyes and began to slide silently down my cheeks.
Chapter Six
Sean
There was a split second where I simply sat there, staring at the open door with my jaw hanging loose in shock. Then I was jolted from my stupor by David in the front seat swivelling to look at me with a stunned expression on his face. The last twenty minutes quite apparently more than made up for my subsequent lack of drama as his employer.
Ignoring him, I burst from my seat as if a rocket had been shoved up my arse, then launched myself through the open door. Cursing as the bright sunshine temporarily blinded me, I squinted and made a haphazard dash in towards the pavement.
‘Allie!’ Shading my eyes, I winced at the penetrating light and frantically looked in both directions, trying to catch a glimpse of her long, blonde hair. It was just my luck we had stopped in a main shopping area, so the bloody pavements were chock-a-block with sodding people.
Pushing through the crowd for a few seconds I stood in the midst of the jostle and yelled her name again, spinning in all directions. There was no sign of her.
‘Fuck.’ Cursing under my breath, I strode back towards the car and slammed the boot shut before rounding back to my door. Placing my foot on the floor of the car I stood up and rested a hand on the roof, scanning the crowd from my slightly higher vantage point. Ripping my phone from my pocket I dialled her number and shoved the phone to my ear, waiting impatiently for it to connect. It rang and my heart soared. Please answer, my gorgeous girl. My silent plea was to no avail though, because my call continued to ring until it clicked to answerphone.
Disconnecting, I banged my hand on the roof. ‘Shit!’ There was still no sign of Allie, she wasn’t answering her phone, and I was starting to draw the attention of quite a few people in the crowd. Wasn’t this just fucking perfect?
‘Sir?’ Blinking away from my search I scowled down and saw David, now standing beside the car looking up at me and flashing wary glances at the gathering crowd.
‘Perhaps you should get in the car, sir. I can park up and then you can try and find her? It’s just that we’re causing a bit of a blockage.’
It was only after he spoke that I vaguely noticed the honking of car horns behind us and looked over my shoulder. David was being polite when he said we were causing a ‘bit of a blockage’, because behind us there was a substantial line of cars and several irritated drivers standing beside their vehicles.
Acceptance fell on me like a heavy weight – Allie was majorly pissed off with me and clearly didn’t want to be found. She had successfully melted into the crowd, and realistically no amount of aimless wandering by me was going to find her. ‘No, leave her to cool down. Let’s go,’ I murmured, dropping down and stepping back inside the car before slamming the door as hard as I could. The fierce tug and heavy thunk gave me some satisfaction, but not nearly enough to dissipate the agitated energy bubbling up inside of me.
Fuck. I could barely think straight. My breathing was so loud and ragged it was as if I’d just run a marathon. As the car pulled forward I caught sight of David throwing me several concerned glances in the rear view mirror.
What a total shit storm. I couldn’t believe Allie had run off like that. What the hell should I do? My phone was still gripped in my hand, so I dialled her number again, praying that she might answer this time. Again it rang, but just like last time the call went unanswered and I tossed it on the seat beside me with a grunt. Running a hand across my face, I found it drenched and slippery and wiped it on my jean-clad thigh with a curse.
I cast my eyes down towards the abandoned newspaper and scowled before reaching across and grabbing it. Ripping my fingers violently through the pictures of myself and Savannah, I screwed it up and threw it to the floor in disgust, then watched with growing concern as my hand visibly trembled in front of me.
Pounding heart, sweaty skin, edgy nerves, shaking hands … If I wasn’t careful I was going to have a panic attack right in front of David. Fuck. He knew I could be temperamental, but I’d rather avoid him seeing that particular spectacle. Pulling in several breaths through my nose I tried to lower my stress levels. Jesus, I really needed to try and expel some of this energy before it totally overwhelmed me.
Allie was gone. God knows how she would find her way around. Fuck. The thought of her alone, upset, and lost in an unfamiliar city was too much to bear and as the car began to pull forward I felt the wall of control within me crumble. Dropping to my knees on the floor I hammered my fist onto the opposite seat with a frustrated snarl. It felt good, freeing, and then before I even realised it I was repeatedly smashing my hand down onto the unresponsive leather as a loud yell roared from my lungs.
Over and over I hit the seat, until my chest was screaming at me to stop and I was dripping with yet more sweat. Flopping forward, I rested my head down, my body practically curled into the foetal position as I tried to pull some air back in
to my protesting lungs.
Finally mustering enough energy to sit up on my haunches I blinked several times, feeling surprisingly calm after the tirade. Examining the seat for damage I saw none, a sweat patch from where I had rested my head the only evidence of my unprovoked attack. Giving it a vague wipe I pushed myself back into my chair, fastened my seatbelt, and raised my eyes to look forward.
‘I apologise, David,’ I murmured, my voice scratchy and sore after yelling. I wondered what the hell he must be thinking after witnessing my mini-breakdown, but seeing me thrashing the hell out of a seat was probably better than seeing me in a full on anxiety attack.
‘No apology needed, sir,’ he replied politely. ‘How can I help?’
Sighing heavily, I kept my eyes pinned to the pavements passing by outside, just on the off chance I might spot her. ‘I’m not sure you can, I’ve well and truly fucked up this time.’
‘Perhaps I could take you to the hostel she mentioned, sir?’
My gaze snapped away from the crowds and focused on David’s in the mirror. That was it. I could go there and wait for her, talk to her and try to explain. It was the prefect plan … except for one minor detail. I was Sean Phillips, and I tended to draw a crowd whenever I went out around town over here. Sometimes being famous was a complete pain in the arse. I glanced down at my jeans and shirt. I might only be dressed in a smart casual outfit, but I had no hat with me to even vaguely help hide my identity. It would be just my luck to get recognised and prompt some bullshit story in the papers.
Fuck. This situation seemed utterly hopeless. Scowling, I dropped my head forward in defeat and sighed heavily.
‘No. You better take me back to the house.’
Back to the house, back to my all-star American life, and back to Savannah.
Chapter Seven
Cait
What a bloody waste of time the day had been. I think the run in with Jack Felton first thing had rendered my brain incapable of even simple conversation, because all of my interviews at the job agencies so far had flopped. Big time.
