by Alice Raine
I briefly tried to recall the encounter with him again. Pah, who was I kidding? I didn’t need to try and remember it – it had been on my mind constantly since I’d walked away from him. I’d even accidentally called one of the job agency guys Jack by mistake when his name was Peter, which had gained me a disapproving frown and must have looked completely unprofessional.
Yeah, all in all, persevering with my job hunt after the Jack interlude hadn’t been one of my better ideas. Being stubborn though, I hadn’t wanted to accept that a man had left me as ruffled as I felt, so I’d tried to brush it aside and carry on as normal. Unfortunately, I had failed dismally. I’d be completely stunned if I even managed to get one job offer thrown my way after my pathetic performance today.
Groaning at the bizarre reaction he had caused in me, I closed my eyes and tried to get a grip on my senses, but it was no good. The way he’d looked, smelt, and felt as he’d gently cleaned the cut on my arm seemed to be imprinted on my brain for posterity.
The whole occurrence was so unbelievable that it felt much like a dream now. Had it really happened? Opening my eyes, I glanced down at my elbow and saw the reddened skin and carefully applied plaster. So that was a yes. Biting my lip, I shook my head. Talk about surreal. Wandering towards some shade I leant back on a wall and pulled my water bottle from my bag for a much needed drink. The way I felt, I could do with vodka in this flask, not water, but I’d have to make do until I got through these final interviews and could get something stronger.
As much as I might not like to admit it, I was still decidedly shaken from it all. My heart rate hadn’t quite returned to normal either, and I was fairly sure it had absolutely nothing to do with the nerves from my job interviews and everything to do with a broad-shouldered, brown-haired man who now seemed more like a hallucination than a reality.
Thoughts of Jack vanished for a second as I caught a glimpse of a woman dashing down the pavement opposite. Gosh, for a moment there she looked just like Allie, except her hair had been a touch longer. Frowning, I craned my neck to try and see her again, but she’d been swallowed up by the bustling crowds. Glancing at my watch, I shook my head. It couldn’t have been her; I was fairly sure Allie wasn’t even due to land for another hour yet. Besides, Sean was picking her up. God, my brain really was frazzled if I was conjuring up images of my best friend out of thin air.
I felt a small twinge of disappointment that it hadn’t been her, because while my protective nature was trying to persuade me to keep my run-in with Jack to myself, I was also quite tempted to unload the details of my encounter onto someone, and my best friend would have been the perfect target.
Leaning back on the wall again I stared up above the crowds and buildings to the blue sky and lightly played with the elastic band on my wrist. Actually, all things considered, keeping this to myself was probably for the best. Feeling so nonplussed because of a man was not a feeling I liked, or usually tolerated, but if I told Allie about my literal run-in with Jack Felton it would end up with her getting waaay overexcited, and trying to persuade me that it was time to get back on the dating scene. Which it wasn’t. I knew she had my best interests at heart when she tried to encourage me to meet someone, but I couldn’t do it. Shuddering, I rubbed at the goose pimples suddenly peppering my arms and took a long calming breath.
I would never open myself up vulnerably like that to another man as long as I lived. Never.
Chapter Eight
Allie
Thank goodness for the little man on the street corner selling maps to the stars’ houses, otherwise I think I would have been lost in this bloody city for the rest of my life. He must have noticed the overwhelmed expression on my face as I stood at the street intersection, shielding my eyes from the bright sunshine and reading the multitude of street signs in a vain attempt at orientating myself. Or perhaps he’d spied the dried tracks of the tear I’d let escape after fleeing from Sean. Whatever the reason, the man came up to me with a smile and held out a map. ‘You look a little lost, sweetheart.’ He had a thick American drawl, a kind smile, and a bright red trilby balanced jauntily on his head.
A little lost? He had that right – my life had turned to shit, and apart from the fact that I knew I was in Los Angeles, I had no flipping clue where I was.
‘Thank you so much.’ I breathed in relief. Taking the map, I started to dig in my pocket for some change, but he held up a palm and shook his head. ‘No charge. You look like you’re new in town.’ Blinking several times at the unexpectedly kind gesture, I very nearly burst out crying again, but luckily I mustered up my British grit and managed a weak smile instead. ‘That’s incredibly kind of you.’
‘Where are you heading to?’ he asked, taking the map from my hand and unfolding it for me.
He seemed like a nice guy, but I was new in town and didn’t want to tell a complete stranger my exact destination. I did, however, distinctly remember Cait mentioning that she could see the famous pointy roof of the Chinese Theatre from her hostel window, so it seemed a sensible landmark to head for. ‘I need to get to the Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard,’ I said, hoping it might magically be just around the corner.
‘OK, that’s not so far.’ Turning the map, the man squinted at the jumble of roads for a second before pointing. ‘You’re here at the moment, Melrose Avenue. Follow this road straight up for four blocks,’ he said, pointing to the traffic-filled street behind me, ‘then you’ll be on Hollywood Boulevard. Turn right, and in no time you’ll be able to see the theatre. You won’t be able to miss it, it’ll be the one building with crowds of people outside.’
I nodded my thanks, but I had no idea how long ‘four blocks’ would take me to walk. It sounded short enough, but I wasn’t exactly experienced with American city design. Seeing my uncertainty the man smiled again, revealing a set of bright white teeth with one sparkling gold tooth smack bang in the middle. ‘Even with your suitcase it’ll take you just over half an hour to walk, or you could grab a cab and be there in ten minutes.’
After thanking the man profusely, I clutched my new map tightly and went for the lazy option of getting a taxi. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought to jump in one earlier, but I supposed the shock had numbed the sensible part of my brain. As I stood there on the edge of the pavement trying to flag down a cab, I ended up staring almost blindly at passing traffic. I felt raw and hollow inside, like today had all been part of a strange, distressing dream.
A cab pulled up, giving me a honk to wake me from my stupor, which briefly relieved my melancholy as I sighed my relief and slid in. It smelt a bit like cabbage, and the plastic seating was far less luxurious than Sean’s limo, but it did have one distinct advantage – it didn’t contain Sean.
After the long haul flight and the shock of Sean’s bombshell, I was a bit dazed – major understatement – and all I wanted was to get to the hostel so I could find Cait, sit down, and then probably cry again as I confessed my woes. Luckily, the cab ride didn’t take long at all, and after paying my fare the car pulled away, leaving me standing alone on a wide pavement.
Looking up at the hostel building I squinted, trying not to be too judgemental – but if I’m being honest, the hostel looked like it had seen better days. Waaaay better days. Perhaps last decade it had looked good, but now it just looked … run down. And that was being generous. The paint was shabby, the roof wonky and there were large cracks visible around some of the windows, but I was still so stunned by the morning’s events that I didn’t really care. All I wanted was to get inside and find Cait.
Since fleeing the limo, my brain had struggled with something to focus on other than Sean’s hideous deception, so finding Cait had become my goal. My best friend always knew what to do in crappy situations, so she would hopefully have some words of wisdom for me. That was what I was banking on, anyway, and as a result I needed to see her desperately.
Trudging up the five steps to the entrance, I bounced my poor battered suitcase behind me and found that
the foyer beyond the huge red front door was much more welcoming: light and airy with high ceilings, soft, comfy-looking sofas, and several huge plants climbing their way towards the large windows. Any slight signs of the building’s age were cunningly disguised with a bright and cheery paint job depicting a rainforest. All in all, I liked what I saw and felt my shoulders marginally relax.
I like to think myself a very open-minded individual, but I couldn’t help but stare slack-jawed at the young guy manning the reception. Every single inch of his exposed skin was covered in an ornate swirl of Oriental-looking tattoos, even on his face. His lips, ears, nose, and eyebrows were dripping with a multitude of different piercings. Wow. I bet airport security was a nightmare for him.
He even had a small metal bar through the skin of his wrist. I’d never seen someone with a pierced wrist before and it made me briefly wonder what other hidden body parts might contain metal. I’d place money on the fact that there was some in his pants, and my cheeks heated. His hair was fastened into a multitude of dreadlocks and plaits with various colourful ribbons and strings entwined throughout it, and looked distinctly like it hadn’t been washed for a while. A very long while.
Talk about a walking work of art. I was so fascinated by him that I think I stared for a good two minutes before realising the girls in front of me were finished and that he was politely waiting to serve me.
Thankfully, after a bit of shuffling of incoming guests, the tattoo guy managed to get me a bunk in the same dorm as Cait – who he informed me wasn’t back yet – and then kindly gave me a hand up the stairs with my suitcase.
We stopped at a door and I had to bite on my lower lip and blink several times to stop more tears from flowing. The name plaque on my dorm read ‘Hollywood Heartbreakers’ Hangout’ and I shook my head in disbelief. How ironic. Pursing my lips to stop myself having a meltdown in front of the tattoo guy, I nodded my thanks and made my way inside, thankfully finding the room quiet and empty.
What a day. First, I’d pretty much dumped my very own Hollywood heartbreaker, and now I was going to be sleeping in a room with the same name. How depressingly apt.
Had I really finished with him? God, I felt exhausted – physically, emotionally, and mentally – and had so much to think about that I could barely comprehend it at the moment. Dragging my case to the only empty lower bunk, I decided to rest my tired body before attempting to sort out how I was going to proceed with Sean. Hopefully Cait would be back soon and I could share my woes with her. She might not be experienced with relationships, but she was always level headed and great at giving sensible advice.
I’d just dumped my suitcase down beside my allocated bed when my phone rang in my handbag. Plonking wearily onto the mattress, I felt the wiry springs protesting with a series of unsatisfied squeaks and winced – my planned rest might not be the most comfortable one I’d ever had.
Pulling out my phone with a sigh I desperately hoped it would be Cait calling, but suspected that it may well be Sean. Again. My phone had rung fourteen times in the cab ride over here, all from Sean, and all that I’d stubbornly ignored.
Looking at the screen I saw his name flashing, and my face folded into a sad, resigned frown. Sighing heavily, I decided to get it over with now while I had some peace and quiet in the room, so I connected the call and raised it to my ear. ‘Hi.’
‘Allie.’ My name came through the earpiece in a whispered, desperate wheeze that made me close my eyes tightly as scorching tears built up behind my eyelids. He sounded as emotionally fraught as I felt. ‘What the fuck were you doing jumping out of the car in the middle of the goddamn road? You could have killed yourself!’
His soft tone had lasted all of two seconds, and now he just sounded monumentally pissed off. He wasn’t happy, that much was clear, but almost as soon as Sean had expelled his frustration, I heard a long, rushed breath down the phone as if he were deflating like a used balloon. Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions. He seemed to be fluctuating wildly between his feelings, which wasn’t helping me to settle either.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry … I didn’t mean to shout. Thank God you’re safe.’ My eyebrows rose as I heard his voice trembling. Or perhaps that was just my dodgy phone signal, I was still using my UK SIM, so the call sounded a bit tinny. ‘Are you checked in to the hostel?’
I’d only just connected the call and already I wanted to end it. Even hearing Sean’s breathing down the line was painful – too painful. The gnawing, raw pain in my chest felt as if my heart was literally tearing in two, making me physically rub at my sternum uselessly, but I still couldn’t bring myself to hang up on him.
Sighing, I nodded and hissed out a curt ‘Yes.’ As heartbroken as I was, thankfully my anger was still bubbling inside me and just about helping to keep tears at bay.
God, this was awful. I’d never experienced emotional pain like this before. Keeping the phone clutched to my ear, I rolled onto my side and curled my body into a protective ball, staring blindly out at the room as silence stretched between us.
‘I hate the thought of you staying there,’ he muttered, sounding agitated again. ‘Make sure you lock your room, Allie. I need to know you’re safe.’
A dry, ironic laugh escaped my throat as I surveyed the basic surroundings of my room: three bunk beds, six wooden lockers, and a threadbare carpet. That was it. Sean would go ape shit if he saw this place, and a small vindictive part of me suddenly felt the urge to hurt him as much as he had me. ‘I’m in a dorm room with six other girls, there’s no locking the door, Sean.’
There was a pause, several clunking noises as if he had briefly dropped the phone, and then a yell echoed down the line. ‘What?’ Moving the earpiece away from my head, I winced. He sounded like he’d almost exploded on the other end of the line. I couldn’t see him, but I’d place money on the fact that his eyes would be bulging and he’d be doing that tight lip pursing he did when he was agitated.
‘You’re staying in a fucking dorm? With no lock? This is LA, Allie, you can’t stay somewhere without a lock!’ His voice grew higher with every word until finally he expelled a huge, rushed breath. I just knew that his eyebrows would be dipped into one of his deep, daunting frowns by now. No doubt I was driving him insane.
‘I’ll be fine, Sean,’ I muttered defiantly. I had enough money to go elsewhere if I wanted, but if things with Sean really had collapsed like they seemed, then I may as well save my cash and go back to my original plan to travel for a while. Seeing the world would certainly help to take my mind off of Sean, for a while at least, after all, it wasn’t like I had a job to get back to, and seeing a few more countries might be exactly what I needed.
‘I need to see you, Allie, please. I said some really stupid things in the car, and I’m so sorry, but you can’t just run away without even talking about it.’ He sounded like he was in a foul mood, which just added to my annoyance, because if either of us had the right to be throwing a strop right now, it was me.
‘What you said in the car … about not being mine any more … please say it’s not true. Say you’re still mine.’ His plea was whispered in a voice so small and weak that it made my chest compress. I was still his – my heart was, at least – but was he mine? I wanted to ask, but my throat had closed with unshed tears. Pushing myself back up to a sitting position, I drew in a long breath, trying to force my battered emotions to the side and think rationally about all that had transpired since I’d landed in LA.
I loved him, that was undeniable, and for that reason I wouldn’t just write him off, but I also wouldn’t lower myself to sharing him or hiding away like some dirty little secret – my pride simply wouldn’t allow it.
What I needed was a clear head, and that was something I certainly didn’t have at the moment. With my emotions running wild and a serious case of jet leg setting in, my head felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool. Pulling another huge breath into my lungs, I then released it from between clenched teeth and made my decision.
; ‘Look, I’m jet lagged and emotional. I need to get some sleep and cool off, then we can talk. This has been a hell of a day.’ I hadn’t answered his question, but it was about the best I could give him right now.
There was a long silence, broken only by the sound of Sean’s ragged breathing. ‘OK.’ He sounded thoroughly dejected in his agreement. ‘Look, Allie, I know you’re pissed off with me, but just do me one favour, will you? Don’t stay in that bloody hostel tonight. There’s a room booked at the Beverly Hills Hotel in your name, go there, please?’
It was rude, but I didn’t even bother replying. ‘I’ll be disconnecting this number immediately after this call to swap to my temporary US number. I’ll call you in a day or so when I’ve calmed down. Goodbye.’
As soon as I hung up I sent both my mum and Cait a quick text letting them know what my new number would be, and told Cait that I had arrived and was at the hostel waiting for her. Then I switched my phone off and swapped the SIM card to the American pay-as-you-go one I’d bought earlier, grateful I had opted for one that gave me a new phone number so that Sean couldn’t call me back. Clicking the plastic cover back in place, I turned it on in case Cait called, then stowed my phone in my handbag and put my bag under my pillow for safety before flopping down on it.
As I stared up at the slats of the bunk above me, a cold sensation swept across my entire body before a series of shudders shook me. My seemingly perfect life appeared to have unravelled before my eyes and I felt like I was rapidly descending into shock. Maybe I was – it wouldn’t be surprising after the hellish day I’d had. I didn’t know what to do, or how to proceed, but I was exhausted, so maybe sleep would help evade this feeling of grief that was swamping me like a suffocating blanket.
As much as I wanted to escape into the quiet darkness of sleep, I couldn’t even begin to settle my hammering pulse. Sleeping right now felt like an impossible task, especially with several mattress springs poking me in the arse and lower back, but I would persevere and try. I was perched on top of an emotional breakdown, I could just feel it, and I needed to be unconscious to forget my hideous morning, even if only for a little while.
