The Blush Factor

by Gun Brooke

  “I’ll make sure.” a young nurse said, and patted Addison’s arm before hurrying along the corridor toward the nurses’ station.

  *

  Eleanor raised her eyebrows at the woman behind the counter. “I believe you have everything you need in these papers.”

  “I still need Ms. Garr’s legal guardian to sign the forms.” The secretary pinched her lips. “There’s a matter or insurance and—”

  “Are you saying you’re delaying me here because you’re worried the hospital won’t get paid?” Tapping her foot, Eleanor was ready to reach over the counter and throttle the annoying woman.

  “We’ve been in contact with the insurance company, and since Ms. Garr’s guardian is no longer employed by Starbucks, there seems to be a—”

  “Oh, for God’s sake. Here.” Eleanor placed her Platinum card on the counter. “I will cover the cost for Stacey Garr. Bill this card for any tests, procedures, and rehabilitation the girl needs.” She looked sternly at the now-gaping woman. “And do not bother Ms. Garr’s sister with any of these details or I will involve my very good friend Monica Beyer. Yes, that Monica Beyer, a member of the board for this fine hospital.”

  “Of course, Ms. Ashcroft. I’ll make sure you’re billed.” The woman took the card and registered it. “If you sign here, then Ms. Garr can focus on her sister’s recovery.”

  “We have consensus. Perfect.” Eleanor signed the financial agreement and left to find Addison and Stacey.

  Walking through the corridors, asking a few people who clearly knew nothing, Eleanor could feel the tremors reverberating through her. She had kept her mask in place for Stacey and Addison, but truth be told, she’d been terrified. For a frightening moment, she’d pictured Stacey dying in her arms before Addison reached them. Then when Addison was kneeling next to Stacey, she feared it was still too late for the young woman she already cared about. Not just because Stacey was Addison’s sister, but because the teenager was amazing and showed such promise in her own right.

  Eventually Eleanor found a young nurse who lit up when she asked about Stacey.

  “Miss Ashcroft, right? They just took Stacey up to do an MRI. Her sister told me that you’re to be considered next of kin as well, when it comes to Stacey.” She described the way to reach radiology.

  Eleanor thanked her and chose the stairs instead of the elevator. She just wanted to be by Addison’s side before Stacey was done with the MRI. She was pretty sure Stacey would need some sort of procedure and suspected Addison would feel the weight of such news even if she had to know this. After all, Stacey had already been scheduled for surgery before this happened, so it was likely to assume it would happen sooner rather than later.

  When she reached the waiting-room area, she spotted Addison immediately. For the first time since she’d met her, Addison looked small, fragile, and very young. The room was full of waiting people, and Eleanor wanted Addison to have more privacy than that. She spotted a smaller area with only a few chairs that were all vacant.

  “Addison?”

  Addison’s head snapped up. “Oh, thank God. Eleanor.” She rose unsteadily and walked over to Eleanor, who merely took her by the hand and guided her over to the vacant area.

  Not feeling the least bit guilty, Eleanor took their coats and arranged them in the other chairs, together with their purses and her briefcase, to make them seem occupied by temporarily absent individuals.

  “Stacey’s having an MRI,” Addison said, trembling. “The doctor thinks the aneurysm is leaking, but it hasn’t burst. Not yet. Not…oh God, tell me it’s not going to, Ellie. Please, please, please.”

  Eleanor’s heart broke at Addison’s frantic words, whispered with such frenzy. “Listen, darling, she’s in the best place possible for her. Presbyterian has a renowned aneurysm clinic and stroke unit. They’ll take care of her and see her through this. You’ll be there for her and so will I.”

  “Her neurologist said the risk of this was minimal and she was due for surgery next week. Next week! How could he say that? How could he be so sure and gamble with her life like this? Why didn’t he schedule her sooner? Why didn’t I push harder?”

  “Shh. Addie, please. You’re making yourself sick. Calm down. Listen to me.” Eleanor took Addison in her arms where they sat on the small settee. “This is not your fault. You did what you thought was best for Stacey and you’ve taken the best care of her, even keeping her from fun things she wanted to participate in, in order to keep her safe. Don’t you dare think you’re not the best parent for her, because you are. I heard her call you Mom.”

  “She—she does that when she’s truly upset or afraid. She did it more often when she was little, right after our parents died. She made a conscious decision that I was her mom now.” Wiping at more tears, Addison clung to Eleanor. “When we learned of her aneurysm, she was the strong one at first. She consoled me and reassured me. So, that’s why I can’t help but feel I failed her somewhere along the line.”

  So much guilt. So much unnecessary pain. Eleanor knew she couldn’t wipe those erratic feelings away for Addison, but hopefully, just by being there, she could be of some comfort.

  “Ms. Garr?” A young man strode up to them. “Hello, I’m Dr. Walker. Stacey’s condition is status quo, since she came here to radiology. From what we can see, the aneurysm is seeping and the bleeding is pressing on her brain. She’s on her way to surgery so if you would like—”

  “I want to be there.” Addison stood. “She needs to see me before you…you sedate her.”

  “You can see her very briefly, but she’s barely conscious, Ms. Garr.” He motioned for them to follow him down the corridor and into another.

  “You said her condition was status quo.” Eleanor glared at the physician.

  “Yes,” Addison said. “She was communicating earlier, if a bit slurry.”

  “I’m sorry. She isn’t communicating now.” He lengthened his stride and his whole demeanor suggested great urgency. Eleanor was a good judge of character, used to reading the opposition’s body language and facial expression.

  Everything about this young doctor told her Stacey was getting worse.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Addison kissed Stacey’s forehead several times, but she could tell her sister was too out of it to reciprocate. She could only hope Stacey could feel her presence. Eleanor surprised her by leaning down and whispering something in Stacey’s ear. Then the staff rolled Stacey into the operating room.

  “We have a private room for you where you can stay while waiting for updates.” A young woman guided them down the corridor. “I hope you’ll find it comfortable. If you need something to eat, you’ll find a room-service menu on the desk. The room also has wireless Internet access and cable.”

  “Like a freaking hotel,” Addison muttered as they entered the room. It did look like a hotel room, in fact. She stood there, in the middle of it, looking around the tasteful décor and the flat-screen television. Her entire body ached and she couldn’t remember ever being this cold. The world seemed fuzzy at the edges. Was she about to pass out?

  Strong arms folded around her and pulled her toward the couch. “Come on, Addison. Sit down and I’ll order us some soup and coffee. You need to eat.”

  “I don’t feel like eating.” Addison wasn’t sure why she resisted Eleanor when she was guiding her toward the couch, but she somehow felt safer standing there in the middle of the floor, being cold. If she gave in to Eleanor’s embrace, she would start to cry and most likely never stop.

  “Darling, come here. We can hold off on the food. Just sit with me.” Eleanor’s voice was low, soothing, and still very authoritative. It was oddly comforting, as it was how she’d come to perceive this woman.

  “All right.” Her legs wobbly, Addison walked over to the leather couch and sat down. Eleanor wrapped a blanket around herself and then extended it around Addison.

  “You’re so cold. Here. Lean against me.” Eleanor’s hands pulled her close. “Let’s ju
st sit here and collect ourselves.”

  “Thank you.” Addison spoke in spite of the lump in her throat. “Thank you. I know you must have things you need to do. I mean, other places you need to be.”

  “Don’t even think that. I had planned to spend the entire day with Stacey. We were off to a really good start. I’m not backing away from that commitment.” Hugging Addison closer, Eleanor stroked her back. “Besides, I want to be here. For her. For you. Absolutely for you.”

  “Don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled that you’re here. I—I really need you.” It wasn’t easy to say. Somehow it felt presumptuous and too demanding, to need Eleanor in this so very basic way.

  “If the situation were the other way around, if what happened to Priscilla had happened now, I would have needed you just as much.” Eleanor pressed her lips to Addison’s temple. “See?”

  “Yeah. You’re right.” Knowing without a doubt that she would’ve dropped everything to be there for Eleanor if their roles had been reversed, Addison allowed herself to relax into the embrace.

  They sat in silence for the first half hour. It was way too soon for an update, but Addison flinched every time footsteps passed their door, hoping, and fearing, someone would stop and knock. She closed her eyes and thought of Stacey. “Until lately, she was always healthy,” Addison said in low voice. “I remember when our mother came home from the hospital after having this little dark-haired bundle. I was nine years old and not into dolls at all, but I loved my baby sister more than anything else. I learned to change diapers, mix the formula, and check the temperature of her bathwater.”

  “No wonder you’re so close.” Eleanor caressed her cheek.

  “Yeah. As she got older, I taught her to ride a bike, spell her name, make a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, and operate the remote control to the TV.” Addison snorted softly but then grew serious and shuddered. Eleanor held her even closer. “When our parents died, the thing Stacey needed from me, not counting providing food on the table and a roof over our heads, was to debate the concepts of life and death. Where were Mom and Dad? How long would they be there? Could they hear her? Years later we had The Talk, where I tried to explain about sex. Not very easy when your own experience is limited. That was also when I told her about how I was different from most girls Stacey knew. When I broke the news to her that I was attracted to women only, Stacey took that as something entirely natural. I was floored. In fact, she demanded to meet my girlfriend. I felt pretty mortified but had to confess that I wasn’t in a relationship at the moment—the truth was, I was having issues when it came to letting someone in—but I promised Stacey that I’d introduce her as soon as I started dating someone.”

  Curling up against Eleanor, Addison sighed. Immediately, Eleanor pressed her lips to her temple again.

  “Two years later, I thought it might be okay to let Stacey meet my then girlfriend, my first serious one. Her name was Julianne, and it turned out to be a catastrophe. Stacey was so full of expectations. I think in her mind she believed we would become a family, something she yearned for. When I introduced Julianne to Stacey, it didn’t take me long to know that this relationship was over—less than an hour, I think. Julianne went from being seductive and fun to overbearing and demonstratively exasperated, which made Stacey defensive and angry. I could see how hurt and disappointed Stacey was. I simply apologized for making such a mistake and asked Julianne to leave.”

  “Oh, darling. The two of you had such hopes, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah. Afterward I held Stacey, like you’re holding me now, and comforted her. She, being typically Stacey, blamed herself for ‘ruining my life.’ It took some persuading, weeks actually, before I could convince her she was the only person who mattered to me.” Turning her face into Eleanor’s neck, Addison murmured, “I never did bring another date home.”

  “What?” Eleanor jumped. “So when you asked me to come over…?”

  “It was a bit of a nerve-wracking moment.” Addison tipped her head back. “Stacey already knew how attracted I was to you. God, it only took her minutes to figure that out.”

  “And you still wanted me to come to dinner.”

  “Yes. I had plan B figured out.” Addison trembled but tried to smile anyway.

  “Plan B?”

  “Yes. If you and Stacey didn’t hit it off, I wouldn’t be able to fool her, I knew that, but I would still be able to let you believe we were strictly about business. Luckily, we kissed.”

  “Which of course your sister figured out.” Eleanor chuckled wryly. “I’ve never been caught necking on the couch. Never.”

  “Me either. And when Maureen…Maureen!” Addison sat up so fast, she nearly tipped Eleanor over. “I have to call Maureen. She has to know. They’ve been best friends for ages. She has to—”

  “Calm down, Addison.” Eleanor tugged at her gently. “Let’s wait until we have the first update from the surgeons. As of now, we don’t really have anything to tell her. Also, she’s on that outing Stacey couldn’t attend, isn’t she? In Connecticut?”

  “Oh. Oh, yes, she is. Damn, I forgot. She won’t be home until late this evening.” Sagging back against Eleanor, Addison hid her face against her neck. “I feel like I’m losing my mind. You must be totally unimpressed.” She sighed.

  *

  Eleanor shook her head. “You’re anything but.” In fact, she admired how Addison managed to keep it together as well as she did, considering this was her only next of kin, her beloved little sister, on that operating table.

  If it had been Addison on that table, she would even have been dangerous to be around. No doubt she would have lashed out and fired half her staff.

  As it were, only the fact that she needed to be there for Addison kept Eleanor strong. She’d spent only a few hours with Stacey, if you added them up, but the girl had quickly grown on her. She had none of the traits she found annoying in some other teenagers she’d come across but wasn’t a precocious mini-adult either, which could be just as exasperating. Her sweetness, combined with a wicked sense of humor, made Stacey Garr irresistible and impossible not to like. She glanced down at Addison, who now had closed her eyes as she rested her head on the back of the couch.

  Eleanor wanted to shield Addison, and Stacey, from any heartache or misery. Not a very protective person normally, Eleanor wondered where this ferociousness came from on her part. But she did know that she didn’t intend to back down. Addison needed her and so did Stacey. Eleanor could imagine exactly which people around her would have a problem with this. Stockholders and associates be damned. So she was attracted to a woman. She couldn’t care less what others thought.

  A door slammed farther down the corridor and Addison jumped. “Ellie?” She tried to stand, but Eleanor held her back.

  “Shh. Let’s see if it’s anything that concerns Stacey. They’ll come here if it is.”

  Rigid, Addison sat on the edge of the seat. Taut, her body shivered in a barely noticeable way, as if she might shatter even if you just looked at her. Pain constricted Eleanor’s heart and she kept her arms around Addison.

  “Please. Lean back again, darling.” Tugging gently, Eleanor managed to coax Addison into reclining sideways across her lap, her head resting on Eleanor’s shoulder. Addison inhaled and exhaled deeply, clearly trying to regain her calm.

  “That’s it. You’re doing fine. I have you.”

  “I feel like I’m falling to pieces. What the hell? What kind of help am I to Stace when I’m acting like a total wimp?” Addison made a wry face. “She’s going to need me to be strong, and it feels like I’m about to rip apart at the seams all over.”

  “Then rip right here with me. Just let yourself go now, and then you can be strong for Stacey later.” Eleanor ran her hand in a circle on Addison’s back. “It’s all right.”

  “But what if I can’t put myself back together again? What then?” Turning her head, Addison looked up at Eleanor, her eyes swollen and her face pale.

  “You will. You’
re strong, and once it’s time to go to Stacey, you’ll have let some of this steam out. Just hold on to me.” Eleanor made sure she sounded equal parts firm and understanding. “When the doctor comes to talk to us, I’ll help piece you back into Stacey’s strong sister again.”

  At this, Addison flung an arm around Eleanor and wept quietly. As Eleanor’s blouse soaked up her tears, she tried to find the perfect words to make Addison believe everything would turn out all right, but such words didn’t exist. Instead, the only thing she could do that had any such effect was to hold Addison tight. Hiding her own tear-filled eyes by pressing her face into Addison’s hair, Eleanor knew that when it came to making Addie feel wanted and safe, she couldn’t imagine ever wanting to let her go.

  Chapter Eighteen

  At the knock on the door, Addison stood on legs so unstable she was sure she’d topple headlong into the opposite wall. Fortunately, Eleanor stood with her and steadied her.

  “Let me get that.” Eleanor walked over to the door and opened it.

  “Ms. Garr?” A tall man gazed over Eleanor’s shoulders at Addison.

  “Stacey? Is Stacey all right?”

  “Come inside, Dr. Stromberg.” Eleanor looked up from his nametag. “I’m Eleanor, a friend of the family.” They shook hands before Dr. Stromberg turned to Addison.

  “It’s only been a few hours. How is she?” Addison felt herself go pale.

  “Stacey is resting comfortably after the procedure,” the doctor said quickly. “Why don’t we sit down and I’ll give you a rundown on the surgery.”

  Holding blindly to Eleanor’s hand, Addison sat on the couch again. “Resting comfortably? It’s over?”

  “The procedure went very well, Ms. Garr. After reviewing the results of the MRI my team and I were in complete consensus as to the method. Coiling was the only alternative, as Stacey’s aneurysm is located in a place where we wouldn’t have been able to reach it surgically without risking vital functions.”