Friday Night Stage Lights

by Rachele Alpine

  I had just filled up the teakettle and put our special mugs on the table when my phone rang. Mom’s name flashed across the screen.

  “Hello?” I asked.

  “Brooklyn, honey! I’m so glad I got ahold of you. Are you home?”

  “Yep, I was making some tea—” I said, but she cut me off.

  “Okay, good. I’m so sorry but I forgot to tell you that I wouldn’t be home tonight for dinner. Marjorie planned a team mom dinner, and we’re going over stuff for senior night. It’s still far away, but it’s going to creep up on us before we know it. Anyway, do you think you could find something in the fridge to make?”

  She went on, but I didn’t hear anything she said. I couldn’t hear anything she said, because my heart was too busy crumbling apart. A team mom dinner. For Tanner. Right when I needed Mom the most, she wasn’t here.

  “So you’ll be okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah, sure, I’m good,” I told her, and the worst part was that she didn’t even hear the tears in my voice.

  “Great. Love you, sweetie. Call me if you need anything.”

  She hung up, and I pushed the phone across the counter.

  “Don’t cry,” I told myself, but it didn’t work. I couldn’t stop the tears; as soon as I blinked, they fell out, one after another.

  This was so unfair. Mom was supposed to be here for me. Not for some stupid football thing for Tanner. I was the one who needed her, but she was too busy to realize her real daughter needed her real mom more than anything. It was times like this that brought back all the memories of my horrible, awful recital.

  The one Mom never saw.

  I hated thinking about it, but this afternoon seemed like the perfect time to feel sorry for myself.

  Mom had never dated anyone before she met Stephen. Dad got sick and passed away when I was too young to remember, so it was always the two of us. Everything became different when she met Stephen. Not necessarily bad different, but she was spending tons of time with him, and I missed her. I missed what the two of us had together. I’d wanted a way to get her attention, so I begged my ballet teacher to let me do Clara’s dance from The Nutcracker. The one Mom and I had loved when we went away on our girls’ weekend. The one she had told me she could see me dancing. The way I figured it was that if I performed it at the recital, she’d remember how much fun we’d had during that weekend and maybe she’d want to spend more time with me again. It was silly, but I had missed her so much at the time that I was willing to do anything to get her attention again.

  I’d worked nonstop on the dance. I practiced until I could do it in my sleep, and then I practiced some more. I wanted to be the best. I wanted to wow Mom and make her proud of me.

  I wanted her to notice me.

  My recital came, and I was ready. I’d spent the week before as I fell asleep imagining what this night would look like. I pictured myself dancing better than I ever had, the audience’s applause nearly deafening, and most of all, I envisioned finding Mom in the crowd. She’d be beaming with pride, stunned by the beauty of my dance. She’d remember how incredible I was, and she’d come running backstage to tell me that.

  The problem was, that never happened. About ten minutes before my dance, I received a text from her. She was on her way with Stephen, but they were stuck in traffic. There had been some sort of accident on the highway, and all of the cars were at a standstill. She told me she’d do whatever she could to make it, but it didn’t seem as if anyone was going anywhere any time soon.

  I was devastated. I’d thought about nothing but the recital nonstop for weeks and how it might make Mom notice me, and now she wasn’t even going to make it.

  I was a mess, but I went out and danced anyway, because what else could I do?

  I couldn’t focus. As the music began, I thought about the way this night was supposed to have gone and how it had turned out instead. I tried to shake the thoughts. I tried to get my mind right so I could dance, but it was impossible. Everything was scrambled in my head, and when I did a leap, I landed wrong. My ankle twisted, my muscles revolted, and I crashed to the ground. I told myself to get up, to try to keep dancing, but the pain was too much, both from my injury and from what Mom had done. So instead, I collapsed in a heap and remained there as the music to my song continued to play around me. Miss Gretchen rushed onstage to help me. A mother of another dancer, who was a doctor, came backstage to check out my ankle. But none of them were who I wanted to see. I wanted Mom there.

  She showed up at the theater about twenty minutes later. I was backstage on a chair with a bag of ice on my ankle. She apologized over and over again, and while she couldn’t have helped what happened, it still didn’t make things better.

  The memory of that night hurt as much now as it had when it happened. I still remembered the weight of the phone in my hand as I read her text. The way my makeup smeared against my fingers when I wiped the tears away. The pain in my ankle when I fell, and the ache in my heart that cut even deeper.

  But even if I wanted to forget that night, my injury made it impossible to. Mom took me to the hospital, and we found out I’d badly sprained my ankle. I had to wear a brace for almost a month and then do physical therapy twice a week after that. I never danced again at my studio in Oregon.

  It wasn’t until we came to Texas that I got the courage to dance again. I needed to dance again, because it was the only thing that was the same for me after moving away from my entire life.

  But there was a big difference between dancing with a class, with a partner, or on FaceTime with your friend, and dancing a solo by yourself. And I was secretly scared that I’d never be able to dance a solo anywhere again; not after what happened. I never want to feel the way I did onstage that night: ignored and forgotten. Fear has a way of stopping you dead in your tracks, and it pretty much had a super grip on me.

  Tonight brought those fears up all over again. Because just like Mom hadn’t been there for me at my dance recital, she wasn’t here for me now, and I really needed her support.

  Chapter 16

  Mom was in the kitchen when I got downstairs Monday morning, which should have been a good thing; she had been busy working in the yard with Stephen all weekend, and now we could talk, but it made me more depressed.

  “Morning, honey,” she said and smiled as if everything was normal. Which, I guess she thought everything was normal since she hadn’t been around for me to tell her otherwise.

  I gave her a halfhearted smile and popped a piece of wheat bread into the toaster. I missed the breakfasts Mom and I used to have. Once a month, she’d surprised me and made blueberry pancakes. I never knew when they were coming, and there was nothing better than waking up and finding Mom cooking a big stack. On those mornings, she’d take me to school instead of having me ride the bus so that we could take things a little slower and “enjoy our time together,” as she used to say. Those were the best mornings ever, and I wished we still did them.

  “Honey, I checked with Elliana’s mom, and she’s going to take you home from practice today,” Mom told me. “I volunteered to bring dessert for the team dinner this week, so I need to go to the grocery store after work. I’ll probably be back around the same time you will.”

  “Okay,” I mumbled. “Although it doesn’t matter much anymore.”

  “What?” Mom asked.

  “Dance classes. My shot at getting noticed by anyone in the All-City Showcase is ruined. Jayden broke his leg,” I say and wait for her sympathy. Maybe she wasn’t here yesterday when I needed her, but she was here now.

  “Oh, honey, is he okay?” She asked.

  I wanted to tell her that I was the one who wasn’t okay. But instead, I pushed the words deep down inside of me and nodded.

  “That’s awful,” she said. “Will it be better for the Showcase?”

  “No, and that’s the problem. I don’t have another partner to dance with.”

  “But you have your solo,” Mom said. “You can dance that, and the jud
ges will love you.”

  “How do you know?” I asked, because Mom had never even seen the dance.

  “Because you’re incredible. Whether you dance with a partner or by yourself, you’re going to impress the judges. And if it doesn’t work out, you still have the studio and Leighton High School.”

  My stomach did a little dip at the idea of going to Leighton High School. TSOTA was where I wanted to go; I couldn’t picture myself anywhere else.

  But what choice did I have? Right now, none. I didn’t have a dance partner, and I wasn’t going to dance alone, which left me with no other options. That meant maybe my fears about going to Leighton weren’t so far out there.

  Chapter 17

  When Elliana and Adeline dropped Jayden off in math class, I did a double take. Jayden had so many signatures on his cast that you could hardly see the bright green color anymore.

  “It’s too bad you don’t have any friends to sign your cast,” I joked.

  “Right?” Jayden asked. “I told my mom that I might need to break my other leg to make some more room. Pretty much the entire high school football team signed it yesterday when we went to pick up Malik. I bet after this thing comes off, I could sell it and make some good money off of their signatures.”

  “You could probably make millions alone from Tanner’s signature,” I said and resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the fact that there probably was someone in this town nuts enough to want to pay for something like that.

  “That’s the plan. I’m pretty sure I’m set for life after this break,” Jayden said.

  “At least some good came from it,” I said softly.

  “Aww, Brooklyn, I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “I know you didn’t,” I quickly said. “And I do have some good news. My mom said you could come over this Saturday afternoon. I even got her to agree to pizza, so if you’re feeling up to it, we could have a movie marathon. Maybe even start a weekly thing until you can dance again. What do you think? I feel like I haven’t hung out with you in forever since you’re not at dance classes.”

  “Can we get pineapple and green peppers on the pizza?” Jayden asked.

  “On half of the pizza,” I said, and scrunched up my nose.

  “You’ve got yourself a deal,” Jayden said. “I’d love to come over.”

  “Great,” I said, and it was nice to think about doing something that didn’t involve ballet or football. I missed Jayden, and it would be great to spend time with him.

  The bell for class rang, and a bunch of the boys from the team barreled through the door at the last minute. They were as loud and obnoxious as usual, and all walked in front of Mr. Jenkins’s desk before taking a seat.

  “Sorry, Mr. J,” Randy said. “Had to grab a breakfast sandwich in the cafeteria.”

  “Not a problem. You all need your fuel to make it through the day so you can get out onto that field.”

  “Exactly!” Randy said and followed the rest of the group to the back of the room, where they sat together. This time I didn’t resist the urge to roll my eyes. I rolled them so hard that I’m surprised they didn’t get stuck in the back of my head. Because, come on, that was ridiculous. A breakfast sandwich? Fuel? Puh-lease. Mary Rose would go nuts if she found out we were eating stuff like that before rehearsal. She was all about proteins and vegetables. Something told me a greasy sandwich that sat under a heat lamp for an hour and was covered with cheese and bacon wouldn’t exactly top her list of foods to eat for energy.

  “Okay, let’s get started, since we’re on a shortened schedule today,” Mr. Jenkins said to the class.

  “A shortened schedule? For what?” one of my classmates, Callie, asked. Callie was the biggest gossip at our school, and I guaranteed she wasn’t too happy to be out of the loop.

  “Yep, we have a pep rally,” Mr. Jenkins said and gestured to the boys who sat in the back of the room. “These boys have a game this week against Sparson, so the administration thought it would be a great idea to pump them up with a little Leighton Middle School spirit.”

  “Are you kidding me?” I asked, and everyone turned to look at me. I’d meant to say that in my mind, but the words slipped out. “I mean, I, um, have a lot of work that needs to get done.”

  I tried to do some damage control, but nothing helped. The class stared at me as if I’d just declared that I was an alien from another planet.

  “Can we skip it if we don’t want to go?” I asked Mr. Jenkins.

  He cleared his throat a few times, as if he didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t have to, because Randy spoke up for him.

  “Why would anyone not want to go to the pep rally? Is there something wrong with you?”

  “Why would anyone want to sit in a gym and cheer on a bunch of people who do nothing but run around with a ball and tackle each other? It sounds like there is something wrong with that,” I snapped back, the anger I had toward him from the way he acted in the lunchroom still brewing inside of me.

  “Oh, like twirling around and leaping across the stage is so much better?” he asked.

  “It’s a heck of a lot harder,” I said.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Mr. Jenkins said. “Let’s calm down a bit here.”

  “But she’s talking like football isn’t important,” Randy shot back.

  “She isn’t saying that—” Mr. Jenkins started, but I cut him off.

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying,” I said, which obviously wasn’t the best response. Some of my classmates whispered under their breath and others shifted around in their seats as if I’d committed an awful crime. Jayden stared at me wide-eyed, one girl sat in the corner with her phone out recording everything, and Callie furiously texted on her phone, no doubt making sure she got this news out before anyone else could. Great. Just great.

  I sank back into my seat, the fight gone out of me. “Whatever, forget it. I’ll go,” I said.

  “Hold up, let’s think about things for a minute. This is an unusual request,” Mr. Jenkins said. “But if you really don’t want to go, I’m sure we can find a place for you.”

  “Don’t worry, it’s okay. I’ll go. It’s important to show my support for the team. Go, Leighton Middle School!” I said with about as little enthusiasm as I felt. I stuck my hand in the pocket of my hoodie and found my earbuds. I wished I could place them in my ears right now to block out the whispers from all around me. But at least I’d have them for the pep rally. The school might be cheering on the team, but I planned to get lost in the world of Swan Lake.

  Chapter 18

  I survived the pep rally that day, with the help of some very loud classical music, and then found myself going back to the conditioning class, even though I’m not sure why I bothered now that I didn’t plan to dance in the All-City Showcase. But I didn’t want to let Mary Rose down. I still cared about dancing at the studio, and I was afraid to get blacklisted by her and forced to dance small parts for the rest of my life.

  The boys were already in the studio when I arrived. They were seated against the wall, and every single one of them was quietly waiting for class to start.

  It was weird.

  Very, very weird.

  It was as if I were in some parallel universe. Mary Rose clapped her hands together to start class, but she didn’t need to. She already had the room’s attention.

  “What’s going on?” I whispered to Logan because the silence was hard to take. It made me uneasy, like when they play scary music in a horror movie and you know something bad is going to happen.

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “You’re all acting funny. Like, you’re not being obnoxious.”

  “We’re always like this,” Logan said, and for him, it was true. He took all of this a little more seriously than most of the boys, but the same didn’t hold true for his friends, and I told him exactly that.

  “Maybe you are, but Randy isn’t.”

  “It’s because of who your brother is. He doesn’t want to mess w
ith Tanner’s sister.”

  Unbelievable. I didn’t need to be treated any differently from how the boys have always treated me and certainly not because of who my stepbrother was.

  “That’s ridiculous,” I said. “First, Tanner is not my brother. He’s my stepbrother. Second, I don’t need special treatment. At all.”

  I went through the rest of class angry and upset. Randy behaved, and as crazy as it sounded, I hated it, because I knew why he was acting this way. He did everything Mary Rose asked of him without one complaint.

  When the conditioning class was over and they left the studio, I should’ve been glad that another class with them was over, but instead, I was numb. Everywhere I looked, I thought about Jayden and how hard the two of us had worked to prepare for the All-City Showcase. And he wasn’t gone forever or anything, but it was kind of like a death. The death of my dream to go to TSOTA. And it didn’t help that everything in this studio made me think of him.

  The door made me remember my first day of class, when the girls had acted all cliquey, but Jayden walked in and announced that he heard there was a new girl and he had dibs on being my partner, because anyone who moved here had to be awesome.

  The mirrors reminded me of all the funny faces we’d make at each other during rehearsals. We’d catch each other’s eyes in our reflections as we waited for the music to start and try to crack each other up by sticking out our tongues or crossing our eyes.

  I thought about the time I’d had a really bad cold and watched the class instead of dancing. Jayden had brought me ginger ale and made a seat out of blankets and pillows, so I was like a bird sitting on a nest.

  Or the time we agreed to be partners for the All-City Showcase, and he wrapped me in a giant hug and swung me around and around in the air until I was dizzy, because he was so excited.