by Helen Lacey
She wasn’t about to admit to Cameron’s little bit of blackmail. “To help Emily.”
Her sister clearly wasn’t convinced. “Another thing I don’t understand. Since when have you been a math tutor?”
Grace met her sister’s gaze. “She needed help to pass a makeup exam. I’m good with numbers.”
“I know that. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met. But you don’t usually get...involved...with what other people are doing.”
Now Grace raised a brow. “Is that a nice way of saying I’m a self-absorbed neurotic with little time for anyone other than myself?”
Evie smiled. “Well, I might not put it exactly that way.”
“But the gist is the same? Yes, I know what I am. I know what people think.”
Evie smiled again and drank some tea. “Well, who cares what others think. I love you for who you are. We all do.”
Grace swallowed a thick lump in her throat. Shame and guilt pressed down on her shoulders. She felt like such a coward. She’d returned to Crystal Point and then run from the truth. As she had done over and over. If she was to be with her family and try to heal the disconnect she’d felt most of her life, then she needed to really be with them. She needed to let them in and admit she was scared and vulnerable and hurting.
She needed to tell them about the accident.
Cameron was right. Thinking about him brought a deep, hollow pain to her chest. His words resonated in her head over and over.
I love you, Grace. Marry me.
He loved her. It was the first time a man had ever said that to her. And the first time she’d ever wanted to say it back.
“What?”
Evie again, looking way too intuitive. Her sister could be relentless when she wanted to know something. “It’s nothing.” She took a deep breath. “I’d like to go to our parents’ tomorrow night. There’s something I need to tell you all.”
Then she could go home.
* * *
“I hear she’s leaving next week.”
Cameron sat in the kitchen of his parents’ house. His mother stood on the other side of the granite counter, looking at him over the rim of her reading glasses. Irene Jakowski always got straight to the point.
“So I believe.”
“And you’re letting her go?”
He ignored the jabbing pain at his temple. “Let’s not do this.”
“I didn’t raise a quitter. I raised someone who became the kind of man who goes after what he wants.”
Until I got my heart crushed.
“I can’t make her feel something she doesn’t,” he said flatly and stared into the coffee mug in front of him.
Irene tutted impatiently. “If you want her you should fight for her.”
“I also can’t fight against her ambition,” he replied and pushed the mug aside. “She’s made it pretty clear what’s important in her life.”
“Cameron,” his mother said, gently this time. “The Grace I saw at the picnic didn’t seem too interested in her career. She couldn’t keep her eyes off you. You’re made for one another—you always were. Besides,” Irene’s eyes grew wide and she smiled. “I want grandchildren. With Evie’s baby coming soon, Barbara will have six little angels and I don’t have any. Soon I’ll have nothing to talk about with my best friend.”
Cameron smiled at his mother’s sense of drama. “I didn’t realize you were so competitive with Barbara Preston.”
“Of course I am,” she replied with a laugh. “What else do you think we want to talk about? Kids and grandkids are our staple diet of conversation. At least, it would be if you decided to settle down and supply me with some.”
“Maybe you should try your luck with Lauren?”
“Hah,” his mother scoffed. “Your sister has convinced herself she’s a man-hater after that fiasco with what’s-his-name. You, on the other hand, have an opportunity to be with a perfectly lovely girl who just happens to be the daughter of my best friend.”
“Since when did you become the president of Grace’s fan club?” he asked, trying to diffuse his mother’s enthusiasm.
“Since I realized that you’re in love with her.”
He wasn’t about to deny it. Irene Jakowski could see a lie through thick fog. “She’s made her choice.”
She took a breath. “And when did you become so black-and-white? You negotiate and work through problems every day in your job with those troubled kids you help. You don’t give up on them—you don’t give up on anyone. What about Dylan? Isn’t he another example of keeping faith in what you believe? You wanted to help him and you did. You helped that entire family get back together. Don’t the same rules apply in your own life?”
Her point had biting accuracy. “It’s not the same thing.”
Irene took off her glasses. “Oh, I see...bruised that monumental ego of yours, did she?”
“I don’t see what—”
“You’re as bad as your father. Did you know he dithered around for months before he asked me out and when I said I had plans he didn’t bother to ask me again? I waited three weeks and then I asked him. Then I stood him up just to make a point. He got mad for about two days and then came back groveling. And he proposed marriage three times before I finally accepted him. Good thing, too.”
“Is there a point to this?”
“My point,” she said slowly, “is that women, even the most complex women, like to be wooed. Chased, pursued...call it whatever you like.”
“And if she turns me down again?”
Irene grinned. “Go woo some more.”
Cameron laughed for the first time that week. Irene Jakowski always said what she thought. Woo her? But he knew his mother was right. He had quit. Grace had announced her intention and he’d bailed, he’d walked off to lick his wounds in private.
Fat chance of that in this family.
He wanted to see her again. He wanted to hold her again. But he knew Grace...he knew the more he pushed the more she would resist.
“She’s going back to New York,” he said flatly.
“So, follow her.”
Cameron stood and pushed the chair out. “I have to go,” he said and grabbed his keys. “Thanks for the coffee.” His kissed his mother goodbye and left.
* * *
Grace was incredibly touched by the support she got from her family when she told them about the accident, Richard’s death and her ensuing breakdown. They sat quietly and listened as she spoke of the two days she was trapped inside the car and the fear that she would die before she was found.
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” It was Noah, her most practical sibling, who spoke.
“At first I was in shock about what had happened. And then...I was embarrassed that I’d fallen apart,” she admitted and looked up from her spot on the big sofa. “Anyway, I apologize for shutting everyone out.”
“Grace,” her mother said and grasped her hand, patting it gently. “Even though you live thousands of miles away, you’re still very much a part of this family. If you had called we would have been there for you.”
Of course they would have. In her heart she knew that. But the feelings of disconnect she had from when she was sent to boarding school had caused her to close up like a vault. But right now, more than ever before, Grace knew she was loved. Everything Cameron had said was true. Grace could have wept. “I know,” she said and managed a tight smile. “And thank you for understanding.”
Except when she drove Evie back to the B and B, she couldn’t miss the deliberate silence from her sister.
“Okay,” Grace said as she pulled into the driveway and turned off the engine. “Say what’s on your mind.”
“Is there any point?” Evie asked and let out an exasperated breath as she unclipped her se
at belt. “I can’t quite believe you, Grace. Maybe our parents and Noah and M.J. were too stunned to say anything back at the house—but I’m saying it now—what gave you the right to exclude us so deliberately? You could have been killed. One of us should have been there—heck, we all would have been there if you’d only said something. A phone call. Even an email. Would that have been so difficult?”
“No,” she replied softly. “You have every right to be angry.”
Evie touched her arm. “I’m not angry. I’m...hurt. Don’t do it again, Grace. Don’t treat us like we don’t matter.”
Grace was about to apologize again when Evie winced. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” her sister assured her and then touched her belly. “Only, I’m thinking the backache I’ve had today isn’t backache.”
“What do you—”
“I think I’m going into labor,” Evie said on a rush of sharp breath. “You might want to go inside and tell my husband. And also tell him not to forget my bag,” she added.
Grace was out of the car with lightning speed.
* * *
Sure enough, Evie did go into early labor. Grace stayed at the hospital through the night and was the first person to be told that her sister had given birth to a healthy baby girl.
Evie’s husband, Scott, emerged from the birthing room to give her the news.
“They’re fine,” he said and ran a weary hand though his hair. “The baby is three weeks early, and she’s...she’s...” He stalled and took a deep breath. “Perfect.”
“Congratulations,” Grace said and found herself in the middle of a huge bear hug.
She didn’t pull away. The old Grace would have balked at hugging anyone, let alone her brother-in-law. But she’d changed. Her prickles were...well, less prickly.
The ice princess had finally begun to thaw.
She left the hospital and headed back to the B and B to shower and change and give the new parents some time with their baby. But that afternoon she returned for a visit with her sister and took only minutes to be persuaded to hold the baby, who had been named Rebecca.
“She’s so beautiful, Evie,” she said, holding baby Rebecca close. A tiny tuft of dark hair stuck out above the top of her soft pink wrap and Grace touched her head gently.
Evie sighed contentedly and pushed back against the pillows. “I know. I can’t believe she’s finally here.”
“And there were no complications during the birth?”
“Not one. She was eager to come into the world. Although I’d forgotten how tiring the whole thing can be. It’s been sixteen years since I had Trevor.”
Grace looked at her niece and smiled warmly. “Well, you did great. And Scott?”
“Poor darling.” Evie’s face lit up. “I sent him home to get some sleep. He’s mesmerized by how perfect she is and has been staring at her for most of the day.”
“He’s a first-time father so I guess that’s to be expected.” Grace glanced at her sister and smiled. “It’s really good to see you so happy.”
Evie nodded and adjusted the front of her nightgown. “What about you? Do you truly believe going back to New York will make you happy?”
With her emotions bubbling at the surface the last thing Grace wanted to do was break down when Evie was experiencing so much joy. She put on the stiffest face she had. “It’s where I live.”
“That’s not exactly an answer. Is it what you want?”
What I want? Grace didn’t know. Holding the baby brought up so many feelings, so many longings. Her womb was doing a whole lot of uncharacteristic backflips and she suddenly found herself doing the unthinkable—actually imagining having Cameron’s baby. The very notion brought heat to the back of her eyes.
“I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t think it was for the best.”
Evie’s mouth twisted. “I know you better than that. What exactly happened between the two of you?” her sister asked. “And don’t just tell me you slept with him. There’s more, I know it.”
Grace touched Rebecca’s face and marveled at the softness of her skin. She drew in a shaky breath and told her sister the truth. “He proposed.”
Evie’s huge green eyes bulged. “Cameron asked you to marry him?”
“Yes.”
“And what did you say?”
Grace pushed back the emotion in her throat. “I said I was going back to New York.”
“You turned him down?”
“I...guess I did.” The pain of the words struck deep and Grace gathered her composure. “We can’t have a relationship when we live in different countries, let alone a marriage.”
“You could stay,” Evie suggested. “Or you could ask him to go with you.”
Grace didn’t bother to hide her surprise. “His life is here.”
“And yours is in New York? Yeah, yeah, I get that. I just don’t understand why there can’t be a middle road.”
“Because...because there just can’t. Cameron’s life is in Crystal Point—his job, all the work his does with kids... I would never ask him to change who he is.”
“And you won’t change for him?”
She shrugged.
“Do you really hate Crystal Point that much?” Evie asked.
“I don’t hate it,” she replied quickly. “I just don’t...fit in.”
“Look at you,” her sister said gently. “You’re holding your niece like she is the most precious thing in the world. And for the past two weeks you’ve been running the B and B, babysitting Noah’s kids and helping a young girl pass her exams. Does that paint a picture of someone who doesn’t fit in?” Evie sighed. “You know, love is sometimes about compromise. You do love him, right?”
Grace pushed back tears and looked up, denial hanging on the edge of her tongue.
Evie’s gaze narrowed. “Well, even if you won’t admit it, I’ll bet my boots you do.”
Her gaze dropped immediately. “You know I—”
“Don’t let anyone know what you’re feeling...ever?”
The old Grace would have jumped all over her sister’s words. But Evie was so right it hurt through to her bones. “I guess I don’t,” she admitted, thinking about the small velvet box in her handbag. She’d carried the ring with her since the night he’d asked her to marry him. Sometimes she opened the box to look at it, never quite having the courage to put the ring on her finger—afraid that if she did she would be forever changed.
“Like I said,” Evie continued, “compromise. And sometimes one has to give and one has to take. It’s not a competition, Grace, I mean to see who has to change the most...it’s just the way it is. When Scott moved his life from California to Crystal Point he did it with an open heart. He did it because he loved me. And I am grateful for that every single day.”
Grace touched the baby’s soft hair. “But you had this beautiful girl on the way,” she reminded Evie. “That’s a big incentive for anyone.”
“Love is enough, Grace. You just have to let yourself believe it.”
I’m not that brave—I wish I was. Grace snuggled Rebecca against her chest and inhaled the sweet baby smell. She was a wondrous thing and she couldn’t get enough of her soft hair and rosebud mouth. All her adult life she’d insisted that children weren’t in her future. And now, as she held the newborn infant, Grace experienced a longing so deep and so acute her heart actually ached.
There was a brief knock on the door and Evie invited whoever it was to enter.
Grace almost hyperventilated when the door swung open and Cameron strode across the threshold. He stopped when he saw her and the flowers in his hand dropped to his side. He looked at Grace and then the baby she held in her arms.
The room spun momentarily. Her breath caught, making a sharp sound which echoed around the walls. Grace’s
heart surged. She hadn’t seen him in what seemed like an eternity. In that time she’d experienced every emotion possible—from despair to anger and then a deep wrenching pain. And as he watched her with blistering intensity all of those sensations pulsed through her blood. Time stalled, drawing them both into a moment of acute awareness. With the baby held against her, Grace knew what he was thinking.
This could be our child one day.
A hollow ache rushed through to her bones. Her womb rolled, taunting her with the possibility of what could be. Like a speedy camera she saw it all so clearly—the home, the children and the happiness she’d always been afraid to want.
“Hey, Evie,” he said, breaking the contact between them as he walked toward her sister, kissed her cheek affectionately and handed her the flowers. “Congratulations on your new addition.”
Evie was appropriately grateful and glanced at Grace. United in loyalty, she recognized her sister’s questioning look. Grace forced tears back and concentrated on the baby while Cameron and Evie spoke. She couldn’t look at him. She was raw. If he said a word to her Grace knew she could break down and cry. And that wasn’t an option. Not in front of Evie. And not in front of him.
Dressed in uniform, he’d obviously come straight from work. He looked so attractive and she was struck with images of how she’d often imagined stripping his blues off.
She stiffened when he approached and admired the baby from barely two feet away. The familiarity of him assailed her senses. His hair that she loved running her fingers through. His broad shoulders and arms which had somehow become a safe haven. Everything about Cameron made her want...made her need. She took a steadying breath as she stood.
“Cute kid,” he said easily. But Grace wasn’t fooled. His shoulders were tight, his jaw rigid. She knew he was hanging by the same thread she was. The temptation to run into his arms became a powerful force and it took all her will to keep a rein on her emotions.
Grace had placed Rebecca in her mobile crib when Evie spoke again.
“Would you like to hold her?” her sister asked Cameron.
His hand immediately rested on the pistol holstered at his hip. “Not while I’m wearing this,” he said evenly. “I’ll wait until she’s home.”
