by Helen Lacey
Evie nodded. “Well, I think I might take a little walk,” she announced suddenly. “I need to stretch my legs. Look after Grace and my angel for a few minutes, will you, Cameron? I’ll be back soon.”
Grace watched as Evie shuffled off the bed, touched the sleeping baby on the cheek for a moment and then quietly left the room.
“That was subtle,” he said once the door closed.
Grace swiveled softly on her heels. “You know Evie.”
He raised both brows inquiringly. “You told her about us?” he asked. “I’m surprised.”
Grace shrugged and moved across the room to stand near the window. “She’s my sister. I tell her things.”
He looked instantly skeptical. “You didn’t tell her about the accident until yesterday, though, did you?”
“You know about that?”
“Your mother called mine. Mine called me.”
Grace shrugged. “Well, everyone knows now, so no more secrets.” From the window she spotted a view of the neighboring parklands and tried to concentrate on the scene and not think about how messed up her thoughts were.
Silence stretched like elastic.
“Do you know what I thought when I came into this room and saw you holding the baby?”
She didn’t turn. Didn’t move. Rebecca’s soft breathing was all she heard. And the dreadful silence that grew in decibels with every passing second. She knew exactly what he’d thought. Because she’d thought it, too.
Cameron spoke again. “I thought how beautiful you looked holding the baby. And then I wondered how could I get you to stay? How could I get you to change your mind and give this...give us, a chance?”
Grace turned around and faced him. “You can’t.”
“I know, Grace,” he said, keeping his voice low.
Her heart lurched forward. But she wouldn’t break. “I’d like us to still be...friends.”
“Friends? You’re kidding, right? Since when have we ever really been friends?”
She drew in a shaky breath. “We could try,” she whispered.
Cameron stepped toward her. He reached up and touched her cheek. “I don’t want to be your friend, Grace. I want to be your lover and your husband and the father of your children. I want you to be the first person I see when I wake up in the morning. I want it all, as scary as that sounds to you. But that’s what love is, Grace...having it all, wanting it all.”
She nodded, although she wasn’t sure how. “Cameron, I—”
“But I know that’s not what you want.”
Grace closed her eyes. It would be easy to fall under the spell of his gentle touch, his comforting voice. She opened her eyes again when he released her and met his gaze head-on as he stepped back. The growing distance quickly pulled them apart.
“I want...” Her voice cracked. Like my heart is cracking. “A part of me...a part of me does want those things.” She looked at the baby and experienced a sharp longing so severe she had to grip the edge of the crib for support.
“But?”
She swallowed hard and stared at Rebecca. “But my career—”
“Comes first? Yeah—I got that, Grace.”
“No one gets both,” she said quietly, suddenly numb.
He didn’t say anything. The tension coursing through him was palpable and vibrated around the room. Grace longed to touch him, to reach for his face and hold him between her shaking hands. It had been so long since they’d touched and her skin ached with the need to feel the heat of his body. But she didn’t move. Didn’t dare ask him to take her in his arms.
What if we never touch again?
“In your world...I guess not,” he said quietly.
The door opened and Evie walked back into the room. She hesitated for a moment, clearly sensing the tension in the room, and then plastered on a big smile.
“How’s my girl?” she asked cheerfully and walked across to the crib. “Did she miss me?”
Grace pulled her composure together. “She’s been a perfect angel.” She touched Rebecca’s tiny head for a moment before she grabbed her handbag. “I’ll head off.” She hugged her sister close, hanging on for as long as she could, feeling Evie’s innate strength and unquestioning love. “I’ll see you soon.”
Evie nodded. “Sure.”
She didn’t look at Cameron. If he saw her eyes, if he were to look deep within her he’d know she was on the brink of a meltdown. She took a gulp of air, said goodbye to her sister and muttered another in his direction and left the room. And she didn’t take another breath until she was halfway down the corridor.
* * *
Evie Jones’s stare made it clear to Cameron that he was in for an earful. He tried to ignore it. “Your daughter is beautiful, Evie,” he said and stepped around the mobile crib. “No doubt Scott is—”
“Can I ask you something?” she queried, cutting him off, hands firmly on hips.
He took a second to respond. “Ah—okay.”
“Are you really in love with my sister?” she asked bluntly.
He stilled. “Well, I—”
“Because if you are,” she said, cutting him off again, “you’ve a strange way of showing it.”
Cameron had always liked Evie. But he wasn’t about to get into a conversation about his feelings for her sister. Even if he understood Evie’s motives and natural loyalty toward Grace. “She’s made her choice.”
Evie harrumphed. “Looks like you have, too,” she said with bite. “To act like a jerk, I mean.”
Why was it that all the women around him seemed to be dishing out insults and advice? First his mother, now Evie. “What did Grace tell you?”
“Enough,” Evie replied. “And I know my sister. Better than you do, by the looks of things.”
Cameron reined in the irritation weaving up his spine. “I know she wants her career more than...more than anything else.”
“Rubbish,” Evie scolded, not holding back. “What she wants—what she’s always wanted, probably even before she knew it herself—is you.”
It was exactly what he wanted to hear. But Cameron wasn’t about to get sucked in by Evie’s romantic notions. “I know you’re trying to help, but—”
“What I’m trying to do,” she said, making no attempt to stop interrupting him, “—is understand why you’ve given up on her so easily.”
That got his attention. “And what exactly do you suggest I do, beg her to stay?”
Evie blew out a weary breath and looked at him intently. “If that’s what it takes.”
Cameron swallowed hard. “I can’t do that.”
“Even if it means you could lose her forever?”
I’ve already lost her. It was a ridiculous conversation. “I thought I’d done enough when I asked her to marry me.”
“She’s scared of...feelings,” Evie said with a sigh.
“I know she is,” he said and pushed back the pain behind his ribs. “But I can’t do any more.”
Evie didn’t look surprised by his words. “Can’t? Or won’t?”
“She made her choice.”
“I see. So this is about pride?” Evie asked.
Heat rushed through his blood. “It’s about knowing when I’m beat.”
She’d rejected him again and he wasn’t about to go back for another dose. Not now. Not ever.
Chapter Thirteen
New York greeted her with same bright lights and never-ending energy that she remembered.
Grace holed up in her apartment for three days before she pulled herself together, dressed in her best power suit and hightailed it back to her office. Her assistant had a stack of emails, files and interoffice memos waiting for her. There was enough work to keep her busy for the next two months, including weekends.
Or anyone.
Or someone.
She pushed herself all day and when her boss came into her office around four carrying two foam cups of coffee, Grace closed down her laptop and stretched her shoulders.
“So, how was the vacation?” Jennifer Mullin-Shaw asked as she passed her the coffee.
Grace had worked for Shapiro, Cross & Shaw for eight years. Jennifer had been made partner fifteen years earlier and was the epitome of a committed, successful career woman. For many years Grace had wanted to emulate the other woman. She wanted to be a partner one day. She wanted the money and prestige and to be respected among her peers the way Jennifer was. A couple more years and she knew she’d get there.
“It was fine,” she said and drank some coffee.
“And you’re feeling better?”
“Fine.”
Jennifer, always business, nodded. “So, you’re fine? Ready to get back to work?”
Grace pointed to the computer. “I’ve enough to keep me busy for the next few months.”
Jennifer sank into the chair opposite her and looked over the rim of her cup. “There’s a spot opening up. Kurt’s moving to Chicago. Better salary, bigger office. Interested?”
Grace straightened. Five weeks ago she wouldn’t have hesitated to say yes. Five weeks ago she wanted the bigger office and better salary.
Five weeks ago she wasn’t prepared to admit she was hopelessly in love with Cameron Jakowski.
“Of course,” she said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.
“It means more high-profile clients,” Jennifer said as both brows came up. “Which equates to longer hours and pretty much means you can say goodbye to your personal life. Are you ready for that?”
“Sure.”
Jennifer nodded and stood. “Good. I’ll talk to Jim and Harris,” she said of the two other partners in the firm. “And we’ll make it official next week. Congratulations, you’ve earned this.”
Grace got to her feet. “Thank you.”
The other woman headed for the door, but turned before she crossed the threshold. “Are you sure you’re okay, Grace? You seem distracted.”
“I’m fine,” she assured her. “Just a little jet-lagged.”
“Well, I’m pleased the vacation did the trick for you. It’s good to have you back.”
As she watched Jennifer disappear her insides were strangely empty.
Grace could barely believe it. A promotion. A new office. She’d arrived at the pinnacle of her chosen profession. It was everything she’d worked toward. I’m back. I made it. She should have been jumping through hoops.
Instead, she had a hollow spot in the middle of her chest that seemed to be getting deeper and deeper each day. Five weeks ago she’d returned to Crystal Point, broken and afraid. Miraculously, she’d healed those wounds and made peace with her guilt and fear. Life moved on. She’d moved on.
And still the hollowness prevailed, settling behind her ribs, making her remember how she got to be standing alone in her office. And what she’d left behind. In the window Grace caught her own reflection. The black suit, killer heels, perfectly straight hair. All she saw was a stranger, a facsimile of a woman she’d once been.
I have the career I’ve always wanted. I have the life I’ve always wanted. It’s here, for me to take.
And yet...another life now beckoned. A life she missed. And suddenly she longed to be that woman again. The woman who’d felt like she was really part of her family for the first time. The woman who’d helped Emily ace her makeup exam and who’d spent a crazy weekend with Pat Jennings and her adorable grandchildren. The woman who’d left her hair to create its own curly madness and loped around in paint-stained clothes. And the woman who’d experienced such an acute connection with Cameron she could barely draw breath without remembering how it felt to lie in his arms.
She’d been so determined to not feel anything and to not be derailed, but as she looked out the window, Grace knew she was the world’s biggest hypocrite. Because she’d told Emily it was possible to have it all. In that last week during their tutoring sessions she’d spouted speeches about having both a career and a family. A career and a personal life.
Do as I say, not as I do.
Memories bombarded her. Bathing the twins. Sharing tea with her mother. Jed loping beside her. Emily looking so proud of her achievements. Holding Evie’s baby. And Cameron.
The man I love.
The man she’d always loved. Even at eighteen. Or sixteen, when he’d kissed her for the first time. And through the years where their relationship had been fraught with insults and goading and so much simmering tension.
And he’s in love with me, too.
The city below made noises she couldn’t hear from the lonely spot in her ivory tower. And as if a great wave of peace had washed over her, Grace knew exactly what she wanted.
She packed the laptop into her case and flung it over her shoulder, grabbed her handbag and jacket and left the room. A few minutes later she tapped on Jennifer’s office door and was quickly beckoned inside.
“Grace?” The other woman looked at her bags and jacket. “You’re heading off?”
She took a deep breath and a smile curved her mouth. “Actually...I’m going home.”
* * *
“I can’t believe I passed that exam.”
Emily’s excitement was great to see and Cameron nodded. “I told you that you would.”
“I know,” she said, and shrugged. “You and Nan both believed I could do it. And Grace.”
His back stiffened. It was hard to hear her name. Harder still to not think about her twenty-four hours a day. “Just keep hitting the books and you’ll get a good final grade.”
“Good enough to go to night school I hope,” Emily said cheerfully and bounced Riley on her knee. “Grace made some inquiries for me when she was here.”
“She’s special, that one,” Pat said from her spot at the table and looked directly at him. “But I guess you know that already.”
Cameron had dropped Dylan home after the Big Brother meeting and stayed for coffee. He hadn’t planned on every part of the conversation being about Grace. “I’ve organized the moving truck for next Tuesday,” he told Emily, ignoring Pat’s question as politely as he could.
“Great,” the teenager said. “I can’t wait to get my own place.” She quickly patted her grandmother’s hand. “Not that I don’t like living here with everyone, because I do. But it will be awesome for Riley to have his own room. And once I get my driver’s license I can come and see you all in Burdon Creek every few weeks.”
It was a good plan, and one he’d help see through to fruition. They were a strong family, despite the challenges they’d faced, and Cameron knew they’d be okay.
“You know,” Pat said and stirred her tea. “I hear New York’s quite the place to visit.”
He didn’t miss the point. “I’m not much for big cities.”
No, he was small town. Grace was big city. Oil and water. He should have known better, right? In some ways he knew he’d been waiting for her rejection since that night on the beach. And she hadn’t disappointed. His pride took another battering. So he’d bailed.
In every other part of his life, in every other part of himself, Cameron was rational and reasonable. He forgave, he compromised, and he fought for what he believed in. But this was different. Because he’d told Grace he loved her and she hadn’t said the same. She hadn’t admitted anything. She’d made him hurt and he felt that hurt through to the marrow in his bones. It was excruciating, soul destroying. He was a small-town police officer and that wasn’t enough.
His love wasn’t enough.
He wasn’t enough.
Just like he hadn’t been for his father.
Cameron’s breath suddenly twisted like a knot in his chest. Damn. There it was—the real reason he’d let her go without a fight. In a way it was the same reason he worked so hard to be a good man...to prove his worth. To override the loss of the father who hadn’t wanted him. That’s why Grace’s rejection when they were young had affected him so deeply. Because he’d felt like he wasn’t worthy, like he wasn’t enough to have her love. Then resentment and dislike had kicked in and he’d spent the next fifteen years behaving like an incomparable ass.
Until she’d come back and he’d realized that he still loved her, still wanted her, and more. He needed her. Like the air he breathed. Like water he drank. Grace was in his blood, his heart, his soul. And he missed her perfectly beautiful face.
But what could he do? Pat’s idea was out of the question. He wasn’t about to hightail it to New York to face the blunt force of another rejection—no matter how much he wanted to see her.
Only a crazy man would do that, right?
* * *
Grace was back in Crystal Point. It was late Sunday afternoon when she pulled her rental car outside her parent’s home. There were several other cars out front, including the familiar sight of Cameron’s electric-blue Ford sedan. She knew from Evie that her mother had organized a party to celebrate Rebecca’s arrival.
I can do this, she thought as she headed through the front door.
She heard the party coming from the back patio area and made her way down the hall. Grace found her mother in the kitchen and dropped her bag on the counter.
Barbara swiveled around instantly. “Grace!” she exclaimed, quickly looking her over, clearly taking in Grace’s disheveled appearance as she came around the counter. “What are you doing here? Are you okay?”
Grace accepted her mother’s warm embrace and held on. When she pulled back the other woman’s expression was one of deep concern. “I’ve been so foolish. And so blind.”
Barbara frowned slightly. “What do you mean?”
Before she could reply heels clicked over tiles and they both stepped back. Irene Jakowski walked into the kitchen and came to a stunned halt. “Grace...you’re here?”
