Antony dismounted in one quick motion and came toward me, offering his hand. After a brief pause, I took it and allowed him to help me from the horse. It wasn’t until I was sitting on solid ground that I realized how badly I was in need of a rest from our wearisome travels.
“It isn’t much,” he said by way of apology as he offered me an apple and a large piece of day-old bread.
I took what he offered and quickly busied myself with the task of eating so that I didn’t have to reply. Not that he seemed to mind—Antony had no trouble filling in the silence.
“My Sarah used to bake the finest bread any man’s ever tasted,” he remarked as he tore a chunk off with his teeth. I gave him a sidelong glance as I ate my portion in small, ladylike bites. “Sarah was my wife,” he explained, though I hadn’t inquired. “A finer lady has never been made, before or since.” After speaking, he bowed his head for a moment, as though in remembrance.
I wondered what he remembered. My own memories, so fresh in my mind, were nothing one would want to remember. “Your wife?” I ventured, intrigued despite myself.
Something in my tone made him laugh. “Yes, my lady. Did you think me a leper without friend or family to speak of?”
“No,” I answered softly, because the truth was, I hadn’t thought of it at all.
“She was the most Godly, the most giving of women,” he told me, his voice turning reverent. “I don’t suppose you can bake?”
I couldn’t help but smile at the longing in his voice. “No, I’m afraid not.”
“It’s a useful skill to have, Duchess. Perhaps you could learn. We’ll see to it that you get a lesson when we get home.”
I couldn’t help but flinch as he spoke of “home” knowing that it meant two entirely different things to us, but I didn’t offer a word in protest. In fact, I ate in silence for the remainder of the meager meal, and he seemed too lost in his own thoughts to notice.
As soon as we were both finished, we mounted our horses once more and began to ride for a destination that was unknown to me. It occurred to me more than once that now that I had my own horse, perhaps an opportunity to try to escape would arise. Though I’d become more pliant following my recent chastisement, the desire to return home was one that stayed with me, even if I ceased being vocal about it. But horse or no, I realized that I didn’t know the landscape well enough to survive. Nor did I know what road would lead me back to Hohenzollern. And then, of course, there was the matter of the retribution I would face once more at his hands if I were caught, which made it all the more imperative that I be certain of escape before I tried to attempt it.
I kept my eyes fixed straight in front of me, my vision filled with a line of trees that made up the endless landscape we rode along. Was it any wonder that I would need assistance finding my way back home? Every snowy hill and frost-covered tree looked the same to me. The more we rode, the more I silently began to question if even Antony knew where we were going. I became bored early on in our journey and my mind began to wander, thoughts of my life at the castle distracting me. I was so lost in thought, in fact, that I began to take no notice of any of the landscape that whirred by as we rode. I didn’t even take notice when the sun began to sink in the great, vast sky and still, we rode on. Only when Antony pulled his horse to a stop did I wake from my trance.
“We can sleep here tonight,” he remarked as he dismounted. “The ground is soft enough.”
“The g-ground?” I echoed as he helped me down, certain I must have misheard him. “But I… I’ve never…”
“It’s nothing to fear, princess,” he said with the gently mocking smile I was becoming accustomed to. “It won’t open up and swallow you, I swear it. And if it does, then I’ll go to the depths of hell to rescue you.”
I was used to courtly flattery, and perhaps it was that—this small reminder of what I’d left behind, the remembrance of the kinds of promises Wallace had once made—that made my eyes narrow as I looked at him. “Perhaps it will do me the favor of swallowing you then, so that I might return home.”
“Perhaps,” he agreed, chuckling despite the daggers I glared at him.
I hoped that Wallace missed me. I hoped he pined for m and repented of every harsh word, every indecent action. Perhaps this would be a blessing in disguise. If my lord husband rued his treatment of me, then it would not be all for nothing. I would forgive him, of course, after a time. And then I would make him order me ten new gowns, for I found I never wanted to be in a dirty dress again.
“I will go scout for firewood, though God knows it will be scarce in this weather. I don’t fancy running after little girls who can’t behave, so see to it that you stay put.”
I whirled on him, prepared to shout that I was a duchess and far from a little girl, when I realized that was just what he wanted. Instead, I clamped my mouth shut while giving him another poisonous stare, but he only wagged a finger at me in warning as though my withering looks meant nothing to him.
“And if anyone should happen this way, don’t attract attention to yourself, and don’t speak to them. I am certain you still remember what happened last time.”
“I didn’t attract attention,” I snapped peevishly. “I was only walking…” I trailed off, furrowing my brow at the pointed look he gave me. “As you wish, my lord,” I grumbled through gritted teeth.
He gave a little mocking bow in return and turned and walked away as though my barb had bounced right off him and he hadn’t felt a thing. I “hmphed” loudly, but by that time there was no one around to hear.
I didn’t know what it was about this man that vexed me so. One moment, I felt fragile around him, and the next, I was acting the part of a child, despite my royal station and the years of tutelage I’d had in the genteel arts. I’d never deserted my courtly manners no matter what Wallace had done to me, and yet this man was capable of bringing out a side of me that I hadn’t known existed.
I’d met some of the finest, wealthiest lords in the kingdom. What did Antony possess that, even common-born, he should make my heart beat so strangely beneath my breast? Each day, it grew worse; ever since the spanking he’d given me, I’d begun to feel my body flush with heat every time he came near. Even now, just thinking of it made my skin tingle anew with warmth that made a fire seem almost unnecessary.
When I heard the hoof-beats of approaching horses, I ducked down quickly and crawled slowly to the nearby brush, hoping to hide myself from their riders. As much as I might not appreciate being given orders, Antony had a point—in my gown, even as stained and sullied by earth as it was—I was an intrigue that most strangers wouldn’t pass up. As the hoof-beats came closer, I shrank back, hoping that the green foliage would shield me from their sight. Better yet if they should keep riding.
I concentrated on breathing slowly, in and out, until I heard them stop near my hiding spot. At that point, I tried to stop breathing altogether. My ears strained toward the strangers and as I heard the plunk of boots hitting the snow, I realized that they were dismounting one by one. There were three of them, if I should hazard a guess.
Three. My chest was beginning to ache from lack of air, so I let my breath out as slowly as I possibly could before inhaling in the same manner.
“I’m tellin’ ye, there’s an inn up the road this way.”
“You’ve already led us astray twice, Smith. At this point, I would be a fool to believe you.”
“It weren’t my fault that the fork in the road was missing!”
I leaned closer, peering between the brush as the men argued amongst themselves. Just then, I saw something with familiar colors flutter in the wind. Why, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear that horse bore the Hohenzollern flag! Catching my breath, I leaned closer, turning deaf to the men themselves as I tried to get a closer look at the animals they rode. Each bore the same flag, in the Hohenzollern colors of light blue and deep violet.
So consumed was I with righteous anger that I’d stood to my feet and marched over to the ri
ders before I even knew what I was doing. Even when they caught sight of me and stopped speaking, I was shaking too hard to think twice about my actions.
“Ah, well-met, m’lady. Who might—”
“How dare you?” I demanded, my tone heavy with accusation as I glared at them. “Who do you think you are? What in all hells gives you the right—” I broke off, my chest heaving as the men looked at each other. I could see now that they were all soldiers. Even though they didn’t wear the armor like Hohenzollern warriors, they were each outfitted in the same black jerkins and trousers and each had an impressive sword sheathed on his hip. Too late, I realized that I’d been lecturing men that probably had no cause to be friendly toward me.
“I’m sorry if we’ve somehow given offense, m’lady,” one of the men—clearly the leader—said as he stepped toward me.
I took a step backward, silently cursing myself for my foolishness. I’d done it again—acted without thinking, and I’d be lucky if I could get myself out of it now. Oh, why didn’t I think before I spoke? “You’ve stolen these animals,” I said, my voice much lower and controlled than before.
The leader, who was tall and well-muscled, shared another glance with his companions. “They weren’t stolen,” he informed me, looking me over carefully. “They were spoils of war.”
He continued speaking, but I didn’t hear anything that was said. My entire body was going cold, the blood in my veins turning to ice as his words washed over me. Their implication was enough to make me feel faint, but the proof was right in front of me, in the form of the animals that bore the mark of my home. What Antony had been trying to tell me all along, what I refused to believe…
“M’lady? Perhaps you should sit. You look unwell.” His hand found my shoulder, but I brushed him off without sparing him a glance.
“Of course I am unwell, you brute. Don’t deign to touch me.”
“Very well then. Tell me, are you traveling alone?”
My mind spun with the horror of what I’d learned and my breath began coming in short, sharp gasps. I couldn’t make any sense of what he was asking me. The only word that made it through to my dazed brain was alone. God knew I’d never felt more alone in all my life.
“No, she is with me.”
When I heard Antony’s quiet yet strong voice, I turned my head at the sound of it. For the first time, I was so happy to see him that I longed to run to him and pitch myself in his arms. I would have done, if my feet hadn’t melded to the ground I stood on.
“I see.” Though I didn’t turn my head, I could feel the other man sizing Antony up. “You ended up with better spoils than we did, friend.”
I tensed at the words, even though I saw Antony smile easily.
“Perhaps you would not think so if you knew what a tongue lashing the lady can deliver.”
The other men snorted laughter and the leader replied only with, “Perhaps. A good horse is as valuable as a good woman, I always say.”
“Well said, friend. Is there any way I can help you?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, we’ve gotten turned around somehow. We’re on our way to Amshire and were looking for a place to rest our heads for an evening.”
“Ah, well, you’re headed in the right direction. Only an hour’s ride down this road and you’ll find a quiet inn. The rooms aren’t much to speak of, but the food will keep you warm and full.”
“Many thanks to you. M’lady,” he said, nodding in my direction.
“Wait.” I swallowed hard, already fearing the answer to the question I knew I must ask. “Did you… the Duke of Württemberg. Do you have any news of him?”
“Ah, the Duke of Württemberg, you say? As a matter of fact, I’d heard that he was mortally wounded fleeing the battle. Was he a friend of yours, my lady?”
Fleeing the battle. So, he’d come for me, after all. He must have assumed I’d ridden for Hohenzollern, and instead of me, he’d found a battle and his untimely end. “No,” I answered, feeling hollow deep down inside where my heart should be.
“Then perhaps it’s nothing to you that he’s dead. Thank you again for your assistance.”
I didn’t trouble to make a reply and instead watched as he climbed in the saddle and snapped the reins. In moments he and his companions were out of sight. I stared after them without truly seeing. My mind was spinning with what I’d learned and all of the emotions that came with it. I simply couldn’t believe it.
Nearly as soon as they’d vanished, Antony turned to me, and I could see in a glance that he was not well pleased. If I’d had any doubts, his first words to me would have alleviated them. “What did I tell you specifically not to do, Cecily?”
For one moment, I felt like a scolded child. I was ready to give him an abashed apology when I remembered that I was still angry. I was more than that—I was shocked and hurt and grieving and I wouldn’t be spoken to in such a manner. “Have a care for the way you address me, sir. I don’t think I like your tone.”
He regarded me with stern gray eyes that any other time would have brought me to heel. “Indeed? Well, I don’t care for the way you disregard my instructions. Which were, if you recall, not to speak to strangers who might come riding by.”
“And who are you to order one such as me?” I demanded, narrowing my eyes and drawing myself to my full height.
“Your protector, in case you haven’t been paying attention.”
“And that gives you the right—”
“I told you, Cecily. You’re to be my wife. That gives me every right.”
“Perhaps I don’t care to be your wife!” I said with a little toss of my hair. I wanted to hurt him—God help me, he’d been nothing but considerate to me in every instance, but my heart was bleeding and I wanted someone to hurt the way I did, even if it was only to the smallest degree.
“Very well,” he answered with the bland aplomb I’d become accustomed to. “Be that as it may, so long as we travel together you need to follow my instructions. We’ve had this conversation before.”
“They were riding on Hohenzollern horses!” I exclaimed, my words running together in an angry hiss. “What was I to do? Ignore their impudence?”
“Yes, my lady. That is exactly what you were to do.” Though I had no doubt that he meant what he said, his voice held a measure of regret. “I feel for your situation, Cecily. Please believe me, I do. But you won’t do anything but harm if you keep accosting every man that displeases you. And Cecily… I truly am sorry for your loss.”
I was still trying to assess my own feelings about what I’d learned and certainly wasn’t ready to discuss it. “Did you bring the firewood?” I asked, my voice mulish.
Antony stared at me with a firm gaze that made me drop my eyes and turn away. “As a matter of fact, no. I came back when I heard the horses. I had a feeling that, despite my explicit instructions, you would manage to get yourself into trouble.”
“Well, then you worried for nothing. As you can see, I’m fine.”
“Yes. But I wonder, do you think that would still be the case if I hadn’t come along?”
I folded my arms across my chest, turned my back on him, and refused to answer.
Antony did not speak for a long moment and when he did, his voice was gruff. “I am going to see to that firewood now. Though I know you won’t heed me, I feel I must tell you once more to stay out of sight.”
I didn’t answer, but it didn’t seem that he’d expected me to, because the next thing I knew, he was gone. Strangely, once I’d been left all alone, the anger drained out of me until I felt as sad and hollow as a shell. My legs gave way beneath me and I found myself crumpling to the ground. My breath left my body in a long, anguished cry before I began heaving with sobs.
It couldn’t be true—it couldn’t, and yet, it must be. Antony had tried to tell me, but I’d been too stubborn to hear him, convinced that he would only say those things to hurt me. But now that I’d heard from someone else… seen with my own two eyes the proof, it was
indisputable. My home was gone. There would be no escaping from Antony, for even if I could, there was nowhere I might return. The castle I’d grown up in was taken, the life I’d once led was no more.
All the faces of the people I’d once known flashed before my mind’s eye in a blur. My ladies-in-waiting. Susanna. What had become of them? Would they have been raped, or even… killed? The thought was too horrible to bear, and soon I was doubled over with heaving sobs that seemed to go on and on until I feared that they would never abate. Finally, I caught my breath, and with it I got control of myself. I couldn’t stay here, crying on the cold, wet ground. I had to get up. I had to do something. Even if the only thing I could do was find wood for the fire.
That was how Antony found me when he returned, on my knees and brushing snow off icy leaves to scout for twigs. “Cecily! Whatever are you doing?” he demanded as he marched toward me.
“I’m looking for firewood,” I explained as I accepted the hand he extended. After he’d helped me up, I began brushing the dirt and leaves from my gown, not even taking notice of the filth. What did it matter now? I would be going to a place where no one cared how fine my gown was, or if my headdress was in the latest fashion—which was good, for I had none.
“Why do you trouble yourself with things I’ve told you I will worry about?” he asked, sounding more than a little irritable.
But of course he would be. I’d been nothing but trouble for him from the very start. “Forgive me, sir. I didn’t mean to anger you.” I’d spoken in my humblest voice, and I could see that he’d taken notice. After I’d spoken, he also seemed to be taking notice of my tear-streaked face. Embarrassed, I turned away from him.
He laid a hand on my shoulder and I did not shrink away. “What is it? Are you feeling alright?”
“I…” I took a deep breath and my lip quavered. How did I explain to him that I’d only just realized what he’d known for days—what he himself had tried to tell me? “I’m just thinking of my home, that is all.”
“Ah.” He gave me a pat on my shoulder and didn’t push any further as he dropped his hand and walked away to begin to lay the fire.
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