Paranormal After Dark

by Rebecca Hamilton

  “Why did I ever order my gown from her?” I grumbled.

  In fact, I knew why I chose her as my bridal consultant, but this was one of those ‘bitch-to-myself-about-everything’ moments so why stop? It wasn’t like she was the only bridal boutique in the world, but the next closest one was twenty miles away. And I didn’t trust my lemon-bomb of a car to make it there and back for the various fittings and alterations. Besides, I liked the fact that Janice’s shop specialized in serving human and paranormal clientele. I assumed she would also treat paranormal clients better than most run-of-the-mill shops.

  From what I’d heard around town, Janice did treat other paranormal clients with respect. It was me she had a problem with. Why? Because like everyone else Janice, feels as though I am a traitor. I’ve known Janice my entire life. She and my mother were close friends right up until a little over a year ago on the night my mother’s house exploded and I’d turned my back on the craft. From that day on, Janice looked down upon me and tolerated me only out of the respect she still holds for my dearly departed mother.

  Thank the Goddess this would be my last visit to her shop. At least one detail on my mountainous list of wedding duties would be finished. Don’t get me wrong, I was in love with Shawn, but lately the wedding felt more like a one-sided business merger that I needed to close. I’d planned and executed every detail by myself, right down to the color of boxers he would wear. All of my friends had long ago drifted away and Shawn was no help whatsoever. It was beginning to feel like this wedding was more for my benefit than a life-changing event for both of us.

  “Sometimes I wish…almost wish, we weren’t getting married.” I sighed, knowing I didn’t mean it, not really. At least I didn’t think so.

  After the agonizing slow trip through the countryside, the traffic let up just in time for me to obey the twenty-five mile an hour law through town. I was almost sure I’d make it just in time for my appointment. I sent up a silent prayer, for all I wanted was to get into town, pick up my dress and get back out without any drama or grief.

  I parked my sauna-on-wheels in the lot at “Always the Bride”. Full of dread and urgency, I jumped out of the car and plowed through the front door. In a blur of dark hair and flip-flops, I knocked Janice on her perfectly coiffed, pink clad behind, emitting from her a sound much like that of a cow giving birth. How was I to know she would be standing right on the other side of the door tapping her Manolo’s, unaware that I would arrive on the scene with such flamboyancy?

  “As always, you have perfect timing, Miss Barnes;” she hissed as I struggled to push myself off of her pudgy form and onto my own two feet. When she spoke to me, it didn’t matter what she said, without fail she always sounded like a very pissed-off snake, with explicit emphasis on each s in my name.

  I could’ve sworn I broke out in hives the moment she looked at me. Why couldn’t that woman be civil to me? Trust me, I reciprocated the feeling more and more every time I had to see the viper lady, but I knew I needed to maintain a bit of decorum. After all, today was going to test every bit of self-control I possessed and it became obvious that my trip to the store wouldn’t be as simple as ‘in and out’. That was just my luck.

  “I’m so very sorry, Janice. Here, let me help you.”

  “No! I mean, no. I’m fine.” She jerked away from my outstretched hand grabbed onto a calamine pink, velvet chair, using it to pull herself up off of the floor. Making an elaborate display of dusting off her perfectly pink A-line skirt, her eyes full of contempt met mine. I swear if the woman were on fire, she wouldn’t let me douse the flames even if I had the only hose in town.

  “I really am sorry. I was trying so hard to be on time...”

  “No worries,” she cut me off, snapping “let’s just get your dress tried on so you can leave as quickly as you came in. I do have other clients who show up on time, Selena. I’ve wasted enough of their time and mine by waiting on you…again.”

  Wow! Janice didn’t hold back, did she? The other customers, women who’d been otherwise occupied with the hunt for their own ‘perfect’ gown, now gave us their undivided attention as they stared at Janice and me, their eyes full of glee. I could almost see them salivating as they visualized who they’d be rushing off to inform first. I’m sure the entire recap of how I knocked Janice down and in turn, how Janice ‘let me have it’ would be changed, with more interesting details added for pizazz. The whole town would know within minutes that Janice ‘had put that treacherous Selena Barnes in her place’. Just as I’d predicted, within seconds, cell-phones were extracted from some of the younger women’s designer bags, while the older ladies (and I use the term ladies loosely), rushed out the door, off to fulfill the gossip quotas for their daily agendas. Another nail in my proverbial social coffin, thanks to my ever present grace and the Viper Lady.

  “Lovely”, I mumbled as I noticed the remaining busy-bodies giggle and whisper amongst each other. Their eyes were filled with delight at the prospect of more conflict to add to their latest ‘Selena Story’. I knew the few stragglers would not be leaving anytime soon and I’d be damned before I gave any of them more mud to sling. Janice clip-clopped away and I averted my gaze, mimicking Janice under my breath as I showed my embarrassed and irritated self into one of the salmon-hued fitting rooms. I closed the door as fast as I could, virtually cutting myself off from the barracuda-like women who had remained out in the main part of the store, eagerly awaiting any scrap of drama they could witness.

  I impatiently waited for her return and twenty minutes later, I stood there tapping my foot. There I was, standing there shivering in my panties and bra, yet Janice took her sweet, ole time bringing my dress in to me. She claimed to have more appointments, but she had no problem leaving me there half-naked and waiting forever!

  “I should’ve picked up the dress, said screw the fitting and left.”

  I counted to ten for the one-hundredth time just as she blew in looking like an over-sized stick of cotton candy. Her hair as usual, also a shade of pink and slightly lighter than the azalea color of her clothing was sprayed within an inch of its life. Piled high atop her head and bound to outlast any category 3 storm.

  “Here you go, though I’m not sure why a witch with your abilities couldn’t just whip up the perfect dress. Oh wait, that’s right, your boyfriend wouldn’t like any witchcraft involved in his wedding. But he can be whatever he wants to be. How did a strong woman like your mother, raise such a sniveling, coward for a daughter?” Her smile dripped with venom and Janice held the dress just out of my reach. “It must be nice to simply ‘stop’ being what you are and carry on with your life as if you’re something else. Acting as though being paranormal and having gifts, is something to be ashamed of.”

  “Mind your own business,” I hissed, and quickly regained what little composure I had left. “Thank you, Janice. Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe I can get my gown on without your assistance. Besides, I’m sure you have other things to do.” I stepped forward and snatched the dress from her meaty paws.

  I was so sick of the constant jabs and comments about my life choices! It was my life! Wasn’t that the point of living in a free country? My right to choose who and what I wanted or didn’t want to be shouldn’t have caused so much controversy!

  When the townspeople failed in turning Shawn against me, they switched their attention to what he was doing. At least two or three times a month for the past year, Janice and her friends would bring stories of Shawn’s philandering and evil escapades to my attention..

  I ignored them all as best as I could. I figured if they were focused on Shawn, they were at least leaving some other poor soul alone. Don’t get me wrong, their constant attempts at breaking Shawn and I up, were becoming monotonous and harrowing, but I knew in my heart they were lying, mudslingers. Shawn was an affluent member of the county and owned businesses left and right. In fact, he owned businesses belonging to the biggest of the gossipers. These people never said a word to Shawn’s face. Ins
tead, ninety-five percent of the time I was on the receiving end of their mental and verbal brutality.

  I learned long ago to not bother Shawn with their incessant, ridiculous claims. After bringing one particularly vivid lie to his attention, he became so enraged that he went to the storyteller’s home and immediately informed her she was to vacate the premises. Madelyn Jones lost her home and business in record time. Shawn called it “teaching the busy-body a lesson”, but the townspeople only became more angry. A few months later, Madelyn left town and no one ever saw her again. Many believed she went to live with her daughter in Maine. Other people had their own theory of her departure and none of them included a happy ending. Shawn decided ‘we should feel sorry for those fools who had nothing better to do than harbor hatred and gossip.’

  “Ahem!” Janice cleared her throat, reminding me she’d like for our appointment to move along. The hacking sound snapped me out of my reverie. Apparently, she chose to ignore my preference for her to leave me unattended and she remained in the tiny room with me and chattered on. “I do hope you’re pleased with the alterations this time. You’re the only customer, paranormal or human, that has ever demanded so many fittings.”

  She was always terse and only too happy to point out each of my faults when I came to the shop, looking down her pointy nose at me as if just being in the same building as me were sickening. She would poke and stick me with her venomous words for the duration of my visit and out of respect for my mother’s friends, I put up with it every single time.

  “I’m sure it will be fine this time, Janice.” I sighed, trying my best to ignore her latest snide remark as she attempted to grab the gown from me, intent she was to assist me in trying on the endless yards of silk and lace. Both of us stood there, our hands holding the dress tightly from opposite sides. One wrong move and it would have ripped down the middle.

  “You know this dress is a one of a kind creation. It deserves to be showcased in an elaborate wedding, not in some generic courthouse ceremony,” she mused, never releasing her grip.

  “Well, for your information we are not getting married at the courthouse.” I slightly tugged.

  “Oh that’s right; I heard Judge Weston won’t allow you to have your wedding there.” Janice tugged back. “After all, not many people approve of your union and with the election coming up it would look bad on Judge Weston if he were to perform your ceremony. What would happen to the poor old man if he wasn’t re-elected? Can you imagine the devastation that would befall his family all because of you? The old man might actually end up divorced. His wife would leave. Sylvia could never handle being with a failure.” The slit of a smile she wore reeked of false sincerity as she stepped nose-to-nose with me, my dress still in our grasps.

  She made it sound as though she was concerned for Judge Weston’s well-being, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Janice only cared about what was best for Janice and she didn’t fool me. There had to be something of benefit to Janice if Judge Weston got re-elected. My gut told me she was more than likely sleeping with the sweet old man. Maybe that’s why Janice was being so persnickety with me? She must think I knew her little secret. You’d think Janice would be nicer if that were the case. The suspicious side of me became flooded with the itch to throw out a truth spell and get to the bottom of Janice’s behavior. No! I couldn’t. I swore I wouldn’t tap into my abilities for any reason and I meant to keep it that way. Even if curiosity killed me, I wouldn’t give in to the witchy-itch I felt.

  Janice was baiting me with her quips and catty comments. And I couldn’t help but wonder if she wanted me to zap her with a spell? Could that be it? Was she trying to get me to break the rules in an effort to stop the wedding? Somehow, it incensed me even more to think she would stoop so low.

  No, I didn’t have hundreds of guests coming to the wedding. No, I couldn’t just whip up my dream dress. So what? Why couldn’t Janice just be happy about making a sale?

  “Careful Janice, your bitch is showing,” I snarked.

  Let’s face it, the client is always right. Even if the woman loathed me, she had no right to be snippy and unprofessional. I wasn’t going to keep playing this game. If she wanted to be a bitch, so be it. I wasn’t going to back down from her. My dress was already altered and paid for, so I had no reason to fear any retaliation from the plump, pink dragon lady.

  “Kindly let go of my dress. This fitting has already taken up too much of your ‘precious time’ and you are getting hand-sweat all over my silk.” She glared at me before begrudgingly releasing her hold on my gown. When she finally stepped away from me, I slid myself into what I considered the perfect wedding dress.

  I turned in slow circles, admiring the gorgeous mermaid-style fit and confirmed it to be free of paw stains. During the initial wedding planning stages, I was going to order a goddess-like satin sheath, but being in a bridal boutique changed my mind. After I was surrounded by the many racks of fabulous dresses in every fashion, I still couldn’t find “the one”. Instead, I asked Janice for help designing my own gown. She was very cordial and helpful when I handed cash to her, but that soon ended. At first, it didn’t bother me. However, after months of the ridiculous tete-a-tete between us, my ability to keep a cool head was beyond dwindling.

  I tried my best to enjoy the moment, to enjoy the beautiful creation I was wearing. My dress was covered in crystals from bodice to bustle. With the intricate lacework it was truly magnificent and a part of me wished more people would see me in it.

  With hair undone and not one speck of make-up on my face, I had never felt so beautiful and had never felt so afraid. Standing there in the Shrine to Pink Bismuth, with my future as Mrs. Shawn Richardson on the horizon, I should’ve glowed with inner joy knowing that in a few short weeks, my fiancé would be home from his overseas business trip and we would be married. However, something was wrong. There was an unease running through me and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

  “It’s perfect Janice, truly perfect.” I cleared my throat and shook off the sense of foreboding. I wouldn’t give into nerves in front of that crazy woman.

  “Yes, well as much as I would love to congratulate you, I believe you already know how I feel. Now please step out of the gown before you trip and ruin it or something,” she hissed. Janice grabbed the zipper, assuring I wouldn’t spin around and slap her.

  Janice had to know how much this moment meant to me. Every woman dreams of this moment. Was a little bit of kindness too much to ask? I paid seven-thousand dollars for a perfect gown and you’d think it would have also bought a filter for Janice’s mouth! I swear I just wanted to walk out of that salon and march down Main Street doing the cha-cha while wearing it, so I could see the absolute horrified look on Janice’s face. Of course, the mature side of me won and I remained inside the boutique. But, I couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice when I said;

  “You’re right. I wouldn’t want to come back here for anything.” I innocently batted my eyes and stepped out of my beautiful gown as carefully as I could before handing it over to the woman.

  “Finally something we agree on. I’ll get the dress into a bag and you can be on your way.” She scooped up the dress, spun on her heels and exited the room as if I were on fire.

  I put my street clothes back on and walked to the front of the store to wait for Miss Congeniality. She brought out my dress, of course, in a mauve garment bag. How many shades of pink were there in the world? I wanted to vomit and I silently thanked the goddess above that I hadn’t chosen any shade, light or dark that even resembled anything close to bubble gum, cotton candy or taffy as one of our wedding colors. I’d had enough of that nauseating color to last me a lifetime and if I had to see it again anytime soon, I would explode. As soon as I got home, I’d burn that damn dress bag just for spite! I knew from then on, I would always think of Janice and her bubble gum-boutique whenever I encountered anything pink. That was just what I needed.

  Before I could leave, Janice had a few more
choice comments. “Too bad your parents can’t be there to see you marry this...`man’. I’m sure they’d have a few words to say about all of your recent life-choices. Yes, they must be beaming with pride!” She smirked.

  Now she chose to mention my parents? Now? Everyone in town knew my parents hadn’t exactly liked Shawn or the fact that I’d stopped practicing my craft around him, but for her to cross the line and mention them with pure condescension in her voice was both beyond insensitive and ridiculous!

  I reined in my temper before I sent out a hex or an ‘f’ bomb. I’d made a promise to Sterling, my familiar, that I’d end my crazy addiction of using the four letter word. Every time it slipped out, I owed him a gift. I sucked at lying, so I knew he’d be able to tell just by looking at me if I’d flubbed up again. To date, he’d received over one-thousand dollars in goodies from me. Janice had pushed every one of my buttons during this visit. I needed to get out of that store before I got myself into serious trouble or even deeper debt.

  I knew I was chock-full of stress and this woman was not helping me maintain my usual sun-shiny disposition. I was a powder keg and presently Janice was my match. I longed to just give her a rash or temporarily seal her lips, but that whole “don’t use magic for personal gain” thing reminded me that I’d be in serious trouble if I did. Stupid rules!

  The council of elders, the most elite and proficient trusted members of paranormal society, would immediately feel whatever power I tapped into. In turn, I would be brought up on serious charges and forced to pay a pretty hefty price for acting out and breaking one of their laws.

  I inhaled what seemed like my hundredth deep breath in the past hour, I said; “So true, Janice, but maybe you can wear a dress like mine for your… what is it sixth or seventh wedding? I’m sure it’s difficult trying not to repeat your style after so many marriages. What’s that saying…’always the bride’, right? Now, you have a great day and don’t worry one bit about those wrinkles. Some men find them to be very handsome on a woman of your stature and age. Tootles;” I winked and sashayed out the front door. I felt much better after picturing Janice standing there with her mouth wide open in a perfect ‘o’ shape as she caught perfect, pink flies with her venomous pie-hole.