Edie Browne's Cottage by the Sea

by Jane Linfoot

  We all know how he feels about long-distance relationships, and those two do seem happier hanging out together than apart. It would be a shame if they can’t sort out their differences and find some kind of compromise, but when neither of them are willing to talk about it to each other or anyone else, it’s hard to help.

  I have to admit, I know where they’re coming from because I’m struggling too, with Barney. He’s had me in bits ever since that first day on the lane, but there’s a world of difference between knowing someone’s hot, that they fill the room with static every time they walk in, and finding out they are an amazingly kind and deep and wonderful person you can’t help having feelings for. There’s another watershed, when you discover you love hanging out with them, then another still when you find when they’re not there there’s this huge hole. Then all mixed in there’s that lust, and the whole fascination and fantasy of wanting them. But at the same time, deep in your heart, you know you’ll never be able to have them, because they’re so out of reach. And you train yourself to accept that, and make the most of the bits you can have.

  And then the unthinkable happens and the whole shebang gets blown out of the water. Until I actually snogged him it was manageable. Now it’s agony, knowing better what I can’t have. Because he’s always been clear; Cam’s his priority, a huge responsibility, that he can’t compromise with a relationship.

  And I know in a couple of days it’s going to break my heart to tear myself away from here. But as I feel now it would be impossible to stay and see Barney, and know I couldn’t have him. If I hadn’t been rushing around helping with the festival preparations, the last few days would have been even worse.

  Yet, having said all that, I’m still a sucker. When Barney rolls up in the barn yard the day before the festival and says, ‘Hey, Edie B, if I promise there’s no bodyboarding or going in boats, can I borrow you?’ I don’t even bother to ask, I just follow like a proverbial bloody lemming. And this is where it’s got me.

  *

  ‘Okay, feet on the rock, lean backwards on the rope. Find your balance point, Edie.’

  ‘Shut the eff up about balance points, Barney, and tell me what the proper point of all this is?’ As for how the hell he still looks smoking in a climbing harness and hard hat, that’s another of life’s mysteries.

  He’s laughing next to me. ‘There isn’t only one point. I brought you for loads of reasons. It seemed a good way to prove how far you’ve come.’

  ‘What? You throw me off a cliff to prove that?’

  ‘I didn’t throw you, you pushed off yourself.’

  I have to remind him. ‘I screamed.’ The creases that slice down his cheeks when he sends me that ironic smile are killing me.

  ‘It was more of a whoop, and then you aced it.’ He gives me the benefit of the full-frontal grin as he turns. ‘I just wanted to bring you up here so you would remember the day at the creek, then look at yourself now.’

  ‘Jeez, if you make me shudder, I might freeze again. That was so awful.’

  ‘But you got there in the end. The interesting thing is, as your confidence has come back, you’ve rediscovered your courage too.’ He’s hugely overestimating.

  ‘I’m abseiling, Barney. We’re side by side, you’re telling me what to do. We’re just dangling, inching all the way down to the ground, we’re not seconds away from tumbling into a sodding gorge with a river gushing in the bottom that would carry us out to sea.’ I have to say, ‘This is actually how I’d have been if a helicopter had winched me off that tree.’

  ‘Okay, Edie, you win on that, but you do make me laugh.’

  ‘You make me laugh too.’ I don’t mean the jokes, it’s more this strange bubbly feeling that pops inside me whenever he’s near.

  He gives me that weird sideways look he does. ‘Mostly I brought you here for the view of the sea.’

  As we twist around, the stretch we’re looking out onto is wide and deep and the colour of topaz, and I have to agree, it’s spectacular. ‘The blue is so solid today, like cobalt in the paintbox.’

  ‘I want this to be the view you remember … so you’ll want to come back.’

  ‘You want me to come back?’ My voice is high with surprise.

  ‘You weren’t planning to forget about us entirely?’ He shoots me a ‘what-the-hell?’ glance. ‘It sounds awful, but I was secretly hoping you wouldn’t make it back to Zinc Inc.’

  ‘Really?’ It’s higher still.

  ‘Pure selfishness. I had this ridiculous thought that if you didn’t you might want to come and stay with Cam and me. There’s plenty of room, I’ve always been big on space and short on people to fill it. Do the Barnaby and Browne thing.’

  ‘Christmas.’ As my knees give way I lose my balance and my cool and end up twisting into the rock, and bouncing back out again.

  ‘Are you okay there?’ He pulls a face. ‘No, you’re completely right. You staying with us is the last thing you’d want, it’s a dreadful idea, my worst this week, forget I ever mentioned it.’ He shakes his head. ‘But we’ve missed you, we are going to miss you. A lot.’

  ‘I missed you too.’ It’s out there. ‘Both of you.’

  He reaches across and squeezes my hand. ‘I know the effort you put in to get back to Zinc Inc. And you’re the queen of shepherd’s huts, you’re going to ace it up there with garden rooms.’

  There’s so much love in those deep brown eyes of his, my throat is constricting. ‘I couldn’t have done it without you, Barney.’

  ‘Rubbish, the success is all yours, don’t knock it.’ He readjusts his helmet. ‘There’s something I wanted to ask …’

  My stomach does a somersault. ‘Yes …?’ Mostly I’m packed, but if he’s building up to asking me to stay, I’ll agree in a heartbeat.

  ‘Can Cam and I take you back to Bath?’

  ‘S-sure.’ My bursting chest has collapsed so fast I’m in danger of slipping through my harness.

  ‘I know your family’s coming down for the festival, but this way Cam can see where you’re going. Somehow it’s easier if he leaves you, rather than you leaving him.’

  ‘Great.’ I should have known he’d work out the best way for Cam. If I’d been a bigger person and less concerned with myself and my own problems I’d have thought of that too.

  ‘And maybe we could come up to visit some time?’

  I’m still clinging onto his fingers. ‘T-totally.’

  ‘So shall we go down, get you back on terra firma?’

  I feel like I’ve hit the ground already. Even if he hadn’t withdrawn his invitation practically even before he made it, I couldn’t possibly stay here. Feeling like I was about to throw up every time he turned around? That wouldn’t work at all. As far as my queasiness goes, the sooner I’m back in Bath, the better.

  45

  Day 325: Saturday, 22nd September

  The Barn Yard Festival

  Epic Achievement: This one is all Aunty Jo’s.

  ‘We can thank my mum for the blue sky, she’s never seen Cornwall any other way.’ I’m chatting to Loella at her table outside her barn yard door on Saturday morning, and every time I remember this is my last full day here, my stomach turns to jelly. If I didn’t have a million things to do, and Cam and Dustin to keep me distracted, I’d be bawling my eyes out.

  Loella looks up from the rainbow-coloured pile of patchwork fabrics she’s tidying. ‘Your mum and Josie are like two peas.’

  I watch them laughing further along the yard. ‘My whole life I’ve never seen them as alike, but now Aunty Jo’s got more curves, you’re right. It’s actually mind-blowing having the family from Bath wandering around here too.’

  Beth’s looking out from behind her stack of lanterns. ‘Malcolm’s taken your dad off, they’re already doing a great job clearing tables outside the big barn and sampling the Roaring Waves beers. They’ve got most of the kids helping them too, so we’re in for a blissfully quiet day.’ She sends me a wink. ‘How about you? I hear Barney�
�s been trying to thrill you again.’

  Loella’s giving me a sideways look. ‘The lengths that poor lamb goes to – will you please just go out with him?’

  ‘That’s not what he wants.’

  Loella’s doing a huge fake cough into her hand. ‘Says who?’

  ‘He thinks girlfriends aren’t fair on Cam.’

  ‘You’re not any old girl, you’re Edie B.’ She’s tilting her head to where Cam’s sitting on the floor, building a pirate lair out of gravel and sticks watched closely by Dustin. ‘I mean, Cam’s with you, and so are both Barney’s dogs. I rest my case.’

  Whatever they think, I’m not going to get any special dispensations. ‘It came up twice since I got back, both times he shut me down. In any case, I’m about to disappear to Bath, that’s as final as falling off a cliff. But don’t worry, I’ve helped to make Barney’s units look cool for today, then handed over.’ We’ve let the prettiest pieces spill outside, and everything’s been priced up with Loella’s eldest and her bestie taking charge of sales, and coming to find Barney or me if there are any queries. ‘And Barney’s filled the field with huts and disappeared back to the office, so I’m off to have a look around.’

  Beth’s wagging her finger at me. ‘When you find the fudge stall in the barn, ask for the mint and eucalyptus flavour.’

  ‘I will, but first I’m going to sit at the table and take it all in. I can’t believe how beautiful it is.’ Down the middle of the courtyard there’s a line of tables with a wooden framework overhead, with chairs to either side. But best of all, along the centre of the tables there’s a row of jars filled with vibrant pink and purple and orange and yellow flowers, all donated by Malcolm’s allotment holder friends.

  Loella’s nodding. ‘You certainly excelled yourself with this one, Edie B.’

  I laugh at her. ‘I’d say you two went above and beyond yourselves.’

  Beth’s calling after me. ‘And don’t forget there’s dancing later.’

  ‘I won’t.’ I may just have to go and zip up my bags when that happens.

  *

  It’s late afternoon when Aunty Jo pulls me aside. ‘Sweetpea, I need a word.’ She thrusts a raspberry muffin the size of our heads into my hand, shushes Dustin, and then pulls me out into the field and pushes me down on a bale.

  ‘If it’s about the sand Dustin dropped in the garden room, I promise to sweep it up before I go.’

  ‘Stuff the sand, Edie.’ She can’t mean that. ‘I just wanted to thank you for today, tell you how wonderful everything is.’

  The straw bale is warm to the touch, and it’s the first time I’ve sat down all day; every time I was going to, I ended up rushing off to somewhere else.

  ‘You were right when you said it’s the people who are important, Aunty Jo. Everyone’s certainly pulled together to make today amazing.’ Every time someone sends me a cheery wave or sweeps me into a hug, the sad ache in my chest is overlaid with a warm glow. And the festival is so alive. There are the distant notes of a guitar, and the crowds who have arrived haven’t left, they’ve just moved through into the barn for Aunty Jo’s tea and delicious Little Cornish Kitchen cakes, and on into the field to flop on the grass and bask in the warmth of the September sun while sipping drinks from the beer tent.

  Aunty Jo clears her throat. ‘You see, I’ve actually changed my mind. St Aidan does feel like home after all.’ She crosses her legs, smooths her striped apron and fiddles with one of her glittery pumps. ‘Your makeover in the day room worked wonders.’

  I smile at her. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll make your next place just as cosy.’

  ‘No, Chicken, you don’t understand.’ She’s staring at me and her hand lands on my arm. ‘What I’m saying is, I don’t want to move to Bath after all. I’ve decided to stay here.’

  It takes a moment to pick up my sagging jaw. ‘How’s that going to work?’

  ‘I definitely want to keep the cottage.’ She’s beaming at me as if she hadn’t just totally wiped out everything we’ve both been aiming for since I arrived. ‘I was hoping you’d know what to do for the rest. You’re the one with the good ideas.’

  ‘Right.’

  She gives a little cough. ‘And Malcolm’s agreed to move in with me.’

  My gasp is so big I almost choke. ‘Did he suggest that?’

  ‘No, I did what you said, and asked him.’

  ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘You definitely told me women do the asking these days, so I took a leaf out of your book. It was very empowering.’

  ‘Shucks.’ Since when did Aunty Jo listen to me?

  She’s watching me as my eyes turn to the beer gazebo. ‘His answer was nothing to do with beer goggles either. It was earlier this morning, before the Roaring Waves tent arrived.’

  My eyes are popping out of my head for every reason. ‘Well done for that! Go, Aunty Jo!’

  Her smile fades slightly. ‘You do think Harry would be okay with it?’

  As I nod I’m aching for her. ‘I’m sure he’d understand, but most of all, I think he’d like that you were staying.’

  ‘I already rang the agents to tell them the sale’s off.’ She’s smiling again. ‘I took your other advice too, you see.’

  ‘How is this my fault?’ The only advice I can remember dishing out is when I said the dado in Bath would suit her down to the ground, and that was more of a joke.

  ‘You told me if there was a chance to be happy, I had to go for it.’

  Fuck. ‘That’s true.’

  ‘So I did … I have … I am. I can honestly recommend it. You should try it for yourself, Sweetpea.’

  It’s hard not to be right behind her when her eyes are shining. ‘Well, George will be the best person to guide you.’

  ‘But …?’ She’s pushing me.

  ‘I’d maybe think of B&B in the cottage. We mentioned that once before.’

  ‘And …?’

  Now my eyes are the ones that are shining. ‘You could carry on with the barn yard as it is …’ it’s dawning on me this isn’t only huge for her, it’s massive for everyone else too ‘… then no one will have to leave, and everything can carry on the same. I know we did swaps to start with, but now it’s getting established the income will be more secure, especially after today. You could get Loella and Beth to run it, they could even start a crafting cooperative.’ I sweep her into a hug. ‘That would be so amazing for everyone, and for you too.’

  ‘I like the sound of that.’

  I do too. ‘Then you could possibly look for the right person to buy the big barn so you release some cash.’ Flicking my eyes around our rent-by-the-week crafters, I’m not sure there’s anyone here with that kind of money. I give her arm a nudge. ‘But you know what, this is St Aidan – it’ll all work out, because everything always does. And Malcolm’s a great man, you’ll be wonderful for each other.’

  As I pull her into another hug I’m really happy for her. But there’s also a part of me that wishes I was getting to stay too. And how the hell has Aunty Jo had the guts to sort out her future when I’m feeling so confused about mine?

  ‘Thank you, I knew you’d know what to do for the best. Now we’ve got a plan I can go and find Malcolm, and we can tell Beth and your mum.’

  ‘I’ll eat my cake here, and catch you up.’

  And as I munch my way through the raspberry muffin, I know it’ll be approximately two breaths before the ‘confidential’ news spreads all around the barn yard. I can’t help being amazed that one pink sofa has changed so much more than Aunty Jo’s living room.

  46

  Day 325: Saturday, 22nd September

  The Festival After-Party

  Epic Achievement: Watching Aunty Jo grab her own happy ending. And asking Barney to dance.

  There’s never a point when the festival finishes. A few people drift away, but most people sit around in the field looking out over the sea. As the sky turns turquoise then smoky pink then orange, the lights on the swinging strings begin to s
hine. Mum and Dad are with Tash and Malcolm’s leading all the children around, lighting the candles in the lanterns, with Aunty Jo following hanging onto Tiddlywink and Wilf. The huge outdoor barbie is already glowing, the barn has been cleared for the dancing, and as the music begins to waft across the air I’m easing towards the lane when Loella catches me.

  ‘And where do you think you’re going, Mrs?’

  ‘I’ve some packing to finish.’ The only thing left out are my jeans and a Seven Sins T-shirt for the morning, but it’s the best I can come up with.

  ‘Nice try.’ She’s not buying it. ‘We’ve ordered soft lighting, it won’t be too loud, we’ve got the cheesiest party bangers for you to dance to.’ She starts to sound desperate. ‘Anyway, you can’t leave now. There’s something special for you later.’

  Then Cam and Mia dash up and, as the other children dance around us, they hang off our arms and pull us back towards the barn. As we go in through the massive open doors, I take in the walls, washed with pastel lights, and Morgan gently twirling Beth around the floor to the twangy sound of Baby I Love You.

  I pull a face at Loella. ‘My dad’s going to be in his element.’

  ‘St Aidan discos aren’t for wimps, you’ll need double meds for this next bit.’ She gives me a shove in the ribs then her grin widens. ‘Come on, time to dance, and when we can’t stand up any more we’ll get some food.’

  As the first few beats of the next song ring out I stop to listen. ‘It isn’t …?’

  ‘What kind of disco would it be without Let’s do the Time Warp? And then it’ll be Bohemian Rhapsody, and we obviously all join in the words to that, and then we’ll go crazy to Jump, and Common People, obviously, and I hope you’re ready for S Club 7’s entire playlist.’ She’s laughing at me now. ‘So, are you ready to party?’