by Shelly Crane
He played a few more tunes, including, by request from Josh, The Hollies version of “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother“.
I thought about my dad. My mom. Mrs. Trudy.
After Cain was through, he put down his guitar to indicate that his concert was over and people started talking again. Mostly about the ones who had died. Funny stories or crazy things they’d said or done. Josh was telling a particularly hilarious story about his father.
Cain and I glanced at each other, remembering that we’d seen Josh’s father outside that night before the cave. And we’d never said a word to anyone. Josh’s father wasn’t just dead like he thought. Josh’s father was a Lighter.
Which was worse.
“So anyway, he took this board, right?” Josh was very animated in his telling. “Like a piece of plywood and placed it over the hole in the window, only we had no way to prop it up or make it stay so, my dad came up with this crazy idea to use the mop. So he propped the mop up outside to hold the wood in place propped against the tree and we went to bed. Well, we heard a thud and a big crash and went to check. I was behind him and when we turned the corner to the kitchen, all you could see was the mop standing there. The mop head looked like hair and the tree branches looked like arms. Upright it looked like some lady was just standing there in our broken bay window. My dad screamed like a girl. I thought he was gonna pee his pants.”
Calvin and Franklin literally rolled on the floor laughing and murmuring “pee his pants”.
We traded storied for a while and then I saw Lily start to nod off in Merrick’s lap. Then a quick look showed Merrick nodding off too. I remembered that we hadn’t gotten much sleep the passed couple night, what with all the drama and uh, other things going on at night. Ahem.
I gingerly took Lily, it was a hefty task, from Merrick on the floor and urged him by scratching the top of his head to follow me to bed for a nap.
I put Lily down and then we went to bed ourselves. By now it was lunch but I could care less. Too many things on my mind.
We laid there and I decided to grill him, even though we were beat, on all the things that could happen, are happening and what he thinks we should do.
“So, the new Taker has all the old Takers memories?” I ask after he explained as much.
“Yes. It’s like, the very first Taker and every one after him is kinda stuck in the new one. He has their memories, their thoughts so they know exactly what they were thinking about, what they wanted, what they had planned to do. It makes the new Taker all the more dangerous because he knows what worked and what didn’t.”
“Why can’t Lighters and Takers be female?”
“We have no idea. For whatever reason, Lighters in Lighter form are all males. We can only come here in the same sex of a the body we take. Human females can be absorbed, but that’s it. They can’t be used as vessels.”
“How do they reproduce?”
He laughed.
“They don’t, honey. Neither do we. We are a limited number. That’s why it’s so hard on us when a Keeper dies. Because unlike humans, there will never be another one to come along and replenish the numbers. Just like Lighters. When they are all dead, they’re dead. Done.”
“So, I know it’s impossible but, if we somehow killed off the thousands of Lighters who made their way here, it would be over?”
“Yes.”
“But, would the moon’s light return?”
“No. The moon would still be dark because the Lighters weren’t there.”
“Hmmm. I never understood that- wait. The glowing skin? They all just sat up there and glowed all night?”
He laughed again.
“You are so cute. Yeah, kinda. After everything you’ve seen, is that really so hard to believe?”
He left his arm there as my pillow but shifted so he could lay sideways to face me. I did the same.
“Yeah. It sounds so fake and weird. I always thought the moon’s light was a reflection of the sun’s light.”
“It was the only way humans could explain it.”
“Hmmm. I see. So, I’m not trying to be self centered or anything but...you think I’ll have to worry, about this new Taker, ya know, trying to come and take me?”
“I hope not. Like we said, I’ve never seen a Taker do that before. The human who absorbed him must have had a very strong sense of family. Some of the human stuff sticks around, just like it does with us when we take a body. Us usually more than them but, the Taker is very susceptible to human emotions and the Lighters really are when he’s here.”
“Well, good.”
“And besides, this Malachi is not new, he’s from England, back in the sixteen or seventeen hundreds. I remember he was particularly ruthless. He doesn’t like to kill humans, or at least he didn’t back then. He wants to make them his mindless minions and slaves, basically. He just wants to be treated like a king. Make them his maids, cooks, chauffeurs, army, his, uh, entertainment.”
He cleared his throat.
“What? You mean sex?” I whispered it like it was dirty, because I thought it was.
“Yeah.”
“Takers have sex? So it wasn’t just the last one who had an interest in it?”
“No. They are in human bodies. The bodies physical needs are the same as any other human. He doesn’t love them, he uses them and keeps them on staff specifically for that purpose.”
“What?” I can feel my face scrunched in disgust.
“It is what it is to them. Some human men are the same way.”
“That’s...gross.”
Gross! Gross! Who would want to have sex with a Taker? I guess, to them he’s like a rock star or the president or something. Eww. I’m appalled also by, not just the devious nature of the Takers but how it mixes with the human stuff too. Humans have enough meanness in us without adding to it. I wonder if he hurts them or cares about them at all. But if he was terrible to them and hurt them, wouldn’t just not go back?
Then I remember the Takers compulsion. Oh no. They stay because they can’t leave. My stomach heaves and I feel sick thinking of helpless girls, just trying to be loved and feel special, though going about it completely wrong and being turned into, for lack of a nicer word, whores for evil. Against their will. I pray that’s not true. I pray that he is gentle with them and they at least want to be there.
I refuse to ask Merrick if that’s how it is with the girls because I’m afraid of his answer.
“Yeah, but it’s what the Takers do, most of them. I remember Malachi was extremely unruly about things like that. But the saddest part are the human woman lined up willingly to be his next girl. Just to be put on the list, to be next because he won’t keep the girls for very long, is such a privilege to them.”
“Ok. Can we stop talking about that? It’s making me sick thinking about it,” I whispered because I didn’t trust my voice.
Suddenly I felt as if I’d led a very sheltered life.
“I’m sorry.” He kissed my nose. “Let’s talk about something else.”
I racked my brain for anything else.
“So, he’s a Taker who’s done the job already but with a free education of the last couple centuries.”
“Yep.”
“Sounds great,” I said sarcastically. “Just great. I don’t know if I can handle much more of this. Things aren’t even really bad yet and I already feel so defeated.”
“That’s what happens when you lose people. But we can’t let that distract us. That’s what they would use against us, to take advantage. We always have to be diligent. In our watching and waiting and training.”
He pinched my ear gently when he said training. I couldn’t see his face in the dark but I knew what he meant.
“I know. I know. I promise I’ll make it to training lessons tomorrow. It’s Susan and Kay’s day to cook. I’ll be all yours.”
“Actually, you’ll be all Miguel’s. I’m just going to watch.”
“Why can’t you help teach me?”
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“I don’t like the idea of practicing hits on you. Even if I accidentally hurt you, I’d have a hard time with that. It’ll be hard enough watching and not wanting to jump in to help you.”
Considering yesterdays events, probably more so now than before.
“But...I want you to. I want it to be you. Miguel is so busy already and Kay will be cooking tomorrow so you can take her spot in training. With me.” I smiled smugly.
“Hmmm.” A pause. “We’ll see. I’m not too thrilled about the idea. It goes against my whole nature to even think about placing a hit on you. It’s bad enough watching someone else do it. ”
“Well, I’m the one who needs to practice right? So I’ll be doing most of the hitting. Right?”
“I guess.”
“Please,” I said and bit my lip, for his visual benefit in the dark.
“Alright, pouter.” He laughed. “You win.” He leaned close until our noses were almost touching and whispered. “But be gentle with me.”
“Hmmm. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t,” I teased. “I guess it depends.”
“On what?” he said and ran his palm down my arm.
“On...whether or not you take it easy on me. I’d rather, not.”
“I know you wouldn’t but I think I’ll make that call. Like I said, we move faster than you and are stronger. I don’t want to hurt you by accident because I get caught up in the moment.”
“But, you let the other Keepers practice on everybody else. You’re not worried about them getting caught up in the moment.”
Sherry, you are not everybody else.
“Fine.” Subject change needed. I wound a piece of hair around my finger and eased into a more stressful subject I’d been wondering about. “So...how would you go home, if you wanted to? And the Lighters? Just think home and click your heels three times?”
He of course didn’t get my Wizard Of Oz reference.
“Uh, sort of. We have to mentally shed the body. It’s all about free will and personal decision. We have to mentally choose to shed the vessel and reclaim our true form and then decide to go home. It’s a process. It can’t be done accidentally and it won’t happen unless we really want it. It’s all very technical and precise.”
“Uhuh, so...technically, you could go home right now?” I asked cautiously.
“Technically? Yes. If I wanted to. Though there’d be no job for me there and with my Special and all the other Specials with deceased Keepers down here, running around with no guardian, my conscience would be buzzing like crazy. I wouldn’t be able to stand it.”
“Your conscience?”
“Yeah. When we are working, from where I’m from, when a Special is your charge or if a newborn Special needs a Keeper, we get a buzzing feeling in our head. A nagging at our inner conscience telling us that someone needs us and it wouldn’t stop at all right now. You’d get no peace. It’d be painful even. And when you are at where I’m from, it’s different. We don’t have all these human things to deal with, distractions, all you have to focus on is your charge. So, the nagging would literally drive us insane if we didn’t go to our Special.”
“What do you mean human things? You had emotions before you became human didn’t you?”
How could he have loved me if he didn’t?
“Yes. We had emotions, but on earth, human emotions are so tied into your body and actions and reactions and bodily functions and whether you’ve had food or not and all kinds of things we never had to worry about before. To never feel pain, to never feel exhaustion or hunger or...jealousy. If your body was perfectly content, humans would be a lot more mellow.”
“Yes, that is definately true. I know I get cranky when I’m hungry.”
“Yes, you do.” He tweaked my nose. “So...why are you asking me about all this?”
“Curiosity?”
“Is that a question or an answer?”
Just admit it Sherry.
“Ok. I was thinking about Piper.”
“Piper?” he said and I could hear the annoyance and shock in his voice.
That Keeper certainly ruined any chance she might have ever had to be close to Merrick.
“If she’s so unhappy here, why not just let her go home? It’s what she wants. But I see why not, now.”
“Why are you worried about Piper? You can’t think I’d ever be interested. Not now-”
“No. I don’t think that.”
He sat silently for a few seconds then blew out a long telling breath.
“You feel sorry for her?” he asked incredulously.
I didn’t even have to think about it.
“Yes.”
“Don’t you remember what she did to us? I say she deserves a little bodily prison after what she put us through, Sherry.”
“I know. And I’m angry at her too but, that doesn’t mean that I want to watch her suffer. Especially if there was something we could do to help her, short of divorcing that is.”
I snorted at my lame joke but he stayed serious.
“Sherry,” he breathed and cupped my cheek. “Why? Why after everything that has happened to you can you still be so sweet and forgiving?”
He asked me so softly. He wasn’t mocking me. He just genuinely wanted to know.
“Well. I choose to be, Keeper. Just like you choose your actions, so do I. Though I worry sometimes. I worry that I’m getting bitter. That one day I’ll snap and be epically bitter and nasty and mean and unlovable.”
“Won’t happen.” He pulled me closer into the warmth of his chest.
“I won’t be unlovable?”
“Well no, you won’t but you won’t be bitter either.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I just remembered that...I know you. If there was ever a reason to be bitter, it was at your parents for leaving you, it was for losing Mrs. Trudy, it would have been for what Phillip almost did to you and Marissa’s Muse vision on you and to the Lighters for everything else that has happened in the past almost two years. If that won’t make you bitter, nothing will, honey.”
I think about it. He’s right. I hate the Lighters and I hate to use that word, but I do. But would I want to sit and watch one suffer? Would I enjoy that? Absolutely not.
I think about the Lighter we interrogated and remember how I covered my face and flinched at Miguel’s tactics for information extraction.
“You’re right,” I conceded.
“I know,” he chuckles. “Sometimes it works out that I’m right.”
“You’re right a lot of the time. But mostly...” I tease him again.
“Of course, it’s you.” He smiles against my forehead, then snuggles me closer and rubs his scratchy chin on my hair as I tangle our legs together. “Now close those gorgeous brown eyes and let’s get a few minutes of sleep before Lily gets up.”
“Yes, sir,” I tease.
“I love you, honey.”
“I know.”
And we dozed off for a few minutes, me feeling a little bit better about my personal damnation.
Beckon Call
Chapter 27 - Lillian
Taking Cain and my clothes off the drying racks in the laundry/ utility room, I remember the last time I was in this room. Mitchell confessed his feelings for me and kissed me.
I miss him, something fierce. His was my best friend. But, I have no doubt that someone is looking out for me, other than Keepers and guardians. God placed me with my parents after I was abandoned at a hospital when I was three days old, then with Michael right before my parents moved to Guatemala for a ten year mission trip, then into Mitchell’s care when I lost Michael, then Cain came along right before Mitchell died.
I’ve always been taken care of and loved by someone, even when I didn’t deserve it. But...this is making me wonder. I’m starting to wonder, if Cain will be next in the line of Lillian’s collateral damage. If by loving me or protecting me you are somehow destined to leave this earth too soon.
Maybe I shouldn’t get
so close to him. Maybe we should just stay casual friends. Maybe that be safest for him. I’m not usually so superstitious but the evidence speaks for itself, no matter how much I’d miss the kissing.
I’m so confused and hurt but thankful. Is that weird? I guess so but it’s how I feel.
And Cain. He has definitely been good to me. It’s been one whole week since the fight where we lost Mitchell. It took me a couple days to muster up the grief I needed to let go. And when I did, it flooded me. I balled and sobbed and cried and ached inside. I felt guilty on more than one level and missed Michael and Mitchell and my parents and wondered why everything bad that every happened to me happened.
You know how those go. Those pity party sessions. Those indefinite feeling long drug out cry phases.
Well, I had a particularly bad one last night, which to be honest was my last. I think I’ve gotten it all out and it was all thanks to Cain. He sat in my room, every night this week and held me while I cried and talked and remembered. And last night, while I sobbed loudly and stained his shirt with my tears, was the worst one yet. And like I said, it was the last.
He was so sweet. Gentle and careful with me. He let me talk, asked me questions about Michael and Mitchell and seemed genuinely interested, not jealous. And I knew he had to be tired, he’d just gotten off work but he still came, every night and let me blubber on.
“I’m sorry this happened to you but I’m here. Whenever you need me,” he said one night. Then he said, “Don’t be silly. I feel honored that you trust me with all this,” another night when I apologized for crying yet again.
I won’t make Cain sit through one more tear of me crying for another guy or anything else. It’s gone. Their gone. It’s time to move on and just remember them sweetly. But what to do about Cain?
Our days were spent laughing and goofing off together and the nights were spent a sobbing mess. It was a strange arrangement but one I desperately needed. And while we was at work, I missed him. It’s weird. I barely know him but he has affected my life so thoroughly in these past couple weeks with his concern and gentle handling of me.
