by Shelly Crane
He hasn’t made any moves on me since I kissed him that day in the commons room either. Just sits with me, checks on me and watches me intently. We eat lunch together everyday and joke before he goes to work and then when he gets home from work, he comes to my room and checks on me again, until I pull him down to lay with me. So sweet how he never insists or assumes that I want him to stay until I make the move to do so.
Heck, he can stay with me every night for all I care but I doubt he will. He only stays because I ask him to. I needed him to. But with my new found revelation on the bad luck of being with me, I’m not sure I should do that anymore.
Of course, I could be jumping to conclusions. Maybe, like Mitchell, he just feels like I have no one else and wants to protect me or something. Maybe, that’s all he feels. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t kissed me. Not once since that night of the rally.
I take all my neatly folded clothes back to my room and stack them in the corner. Make my pathetic pallet and brush my hair out. Then take Cain’s pile to his room. I started doing Cain’s laundry this week as a thank you for him putting up with my neediness. I bit my lip as I held up a pair of black boxers and tried to imagine what he’d look like in them. Then I mentally chided myself for doing such a thing. If only I was certain of how he felt about me.
I then walked up the hall to the commons room. It was a Wednesday.
Since Polly and Pipers little stunt, they have been watched every minute of every day. We couldn’t very well make them stay locked up in their room forever, though most of us kinda wanted to.
We had a meeting. It was explained to everyone what they both had done, to a small degree to let Merrick keep his dignity, and why they were being watched carefully. We can not use our gifts on each other. It’s unacceptable. So... they stated that anyone else caught doing so, other than practice and training, would be removed from the bunker, including Piper and Polly, to fend for themselves. The good of the many has to outweigh the one. Now, whether they would actually kick someone out is left to be seen.
I seriously doubt it. I think they are just hoping they never have to test it. Though Jeff looked pretty serious to me. I have learned in the past few days, you don’t mess with Sherry nor Merrick, or you deal with Jeff.
So this is the first day those two have been completely left to their own devices. Polly accepted the cleaning duty with as much grace as a self absorbed priss does but she was glad to be able to do it by herself, and not have to fool with or answer to anyone else so she took it. Just as Merrick and Sherry thought she would.
I watch her now as she comically tries to dust the lights and sconces. Her nose is scrunched in disgust and she flicks the feather duster over the glass in her fingers and coughs and sputters and shivers like it’s painful to do so. It’s just a little dust. Jeez.
I keep moving. Piper and Cain should be outside checking on the garden right now. Poor Cain got stuck with Piper for help. Oh well, if anyone could handle her crap, it would be him.
I walk by and startle, seeing Ryan sitting on the stairs where I hadn’t seen him before.
“Hey there, Lillian,” he says and smiles, straightening.
Ryan is so very sweet and cute. I’ve only talked to him one other time and that was for him to show me how to work the energy saver water thing in the shower down the hall. We got to talking after that and wound up talking for almost an hour. He told me all about Calvin, his charge, and answered all my Keeper questions. He asked me a dozen questions about being a preacher’s daughter and being married and living in the mountains.
I thoroughly enjoyed it. He didn’t make any passes at me, just talked. He too is definitely fond of these people, Sherry in particular, and told me a few stories about her that made me laugh. He explained to me about how he objected to Merrick and Sherry in the beginning because he would be missing some much from home. Because he didn’t think humans and Keepers could have a real relationships, that he didn’t understand it, but eventually, after getting to know Sherry, came to be happy for them. I swear, everyone loves that girl.
“Hey, Ryan. What are you doing over here all by yourself?”
“Just sitting. Thinking.”
“You ok?” I ask.
He seems to be acting a little strange.
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I’m really just guarding the stairs, though I’m not supposed to be. I’m still not very trusting of a certain Special.”
He nodded toward Polly who was shaking a dust bunny of her sweat pant leg like it was a tarantula.
“I see. I can understand that.” I came to sit by him on the stairs. “After what they did, I can definitely understand.”
“I still can’t believe Piper. You just don’t do that to humans, let alone your charge. I just can’t see how she could do it.”
“Well, teenage girls are finicky and emotional. I remember being sixteen. It wasn’t all fun.”
“Yes but, she’s different. We all, Keepers I mean, deal with the accordance with our vessels, our bodies, but you can’t let the chemical emotions control you. We still have our thoughts, our morals, ourselves.”
“Is that why you objected to Merrick and Sherry? You think love is a chemical emotion?” I ask and watch his face to see how he answers.
“Yes, at first, I thought that. But I’ve seen enough to know that’s not true anymore. But Piper should be able to control herself. I’ve never seen a Keeper behave this way before. It’s a little...disconcerting. It doesn’t give the rest of us much hope of overcoming whatever we might be going through ourselves.”
I watched him as he watched his hands in his lap.
“What are you having problems with, Ryan?”
He finally looked up to me, seemingly startled by my question.
“Nothing in particular. It’s not so bad, being human. Just different. I’m really liking it here. If things weren’t so messed up, I think I’d enjoy it. See, I’ve only ever been here twice before and only for a couple hours. Most of the others have been here more often or for longer lengths of time.”
“What’s it like? Where you’re from?”
“It’s...there’s no way to describe it to you, Lillian. No human words to use. Maybe, one day, when we have lots of time to kill, I’ll try.”
“Deal. It’s a date,” I said cheerily and he snorted.
“And how would Cain feel about that?”
“What do you mean? Cain and I aren’t together. He isn’t even interested in that, I don’t think.”
“You think wrong. Simon is very talkative about his charge. And Cain isn’t exactly trying to hide anything. When he looks at you, you can see it, as plain as if I were reading his mind. I’ve seen it in others.”
I felt a little uncomfortable, talking about Cain without him here, and with a Keeper who has a direct line to Cain’s Keeper’s mind no less. It felt like eavesdropping.
“Well. It was nice talking to you, Ryan. I’m gonna hold you to that talk, now. I want to know all about it.”
He smiled and looked at me like he didn’t believe it.
“Sure thing, Lillian.”
“Ryan.” I pause and collect my thoughts. “You can come talk to me anytime, about anything. I may not know what you’re going through, but I can listen.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate that.”
I nod to him and wave over my shoulder as I turn to leave and head into the kitchen. Busy morning. Every room holds someone that I will no doubt have to hold a conversation with. And I’m grateful for the distraction.
“Hey, Sherry.”
I see Sherry sitting on the counter in the kitchen.
“Hey. How are you feeling? Cain said you had a rough night.”
He did, did he? When did Cain see Sherry? Seemed to me like he’d been avoiding her.
“I guess. It’s ok. He helped me through it.”
“Good, I’m glad. I’m glad he’s here for you. He’s a really sweet guy to have around.”
“Yes, he is. So when did you s
ee him? I thought he was in the garden.”
“Oh, he is. I took them up a glass of tea. I always do in the mid mornings and afternoons, it’s so hot right now. Anyway, Piper is giving him heck for sure. When I walked up, she was complaining because her arms were getting more tan and redder than the rest of her. I’ve never heard a Keeper with so much negative chatter.”
She jumped down off the counter and walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a pitcher of cold water out and made her and me a glass.
“Thanks,” I said as I took it.
“You’re welcome.”
“How can you be so cool about Piper after what she did?”
“I’m not cool about Piper. I’m fiery hot about her... but what am I supposed to do? Ignore her? Berate her?” She shook her head. I could tell she was angry but was tamping it down. “I just think, it’s not completely her fault, as much as I want to blame her. It sucks what she did and I can’t imagine even a human doing that but I have no idea what it’s like to be trapped in a body that I don’t want to be in so, who am I judge.”
Wow. Sherry really was a selfless altruistic martyr. I repeat, no wonder everybody loves her. Jeez. And she’s so cute and unknowing of it and prances around acting like she owes some kinda debt to everyone and is working double time to pay it back. Cain didn’t stand a chance around her.
“I guess. It’s just so weird to be holed up with criminals.”
“It is weird. I think everyone’s a little edgy. But they are steering clear of me and I’m trying to... I don’t know. I don’t want to rile them but, I feel like maybe they just need someone to show them that we’re here for each other no matter what. I mean, Polly didn’t say anything about Piper’s threat because she didn’t trust any of us.”
“With good reason. She hasn’t exactly been very kind to any of us.”
“True. And you know better than anyone that Polly is not exactly BFF material either, but we’ve all got to learn to get along if we’re gonna be stuck down here together. Maybe they can change or at least cope. That’s what I’m hoping.”
“Yeah. You’re right. It’s hard though. Forgiving isn’t the hardest part, it’s the forgetting,” I said, thinking back to my daddy’s umpteenth sermon on forgiveness.
“Actually Lillian, I don’t think we’re supposed to forget. Then how do we learn any lessons? Forgive, but don’t forget. Remember but don’t dwell. Face facts but don’t forget the mystery.” She stopped and looked a little embarrassed. “Wow. I totally sound like a Hallmark card right now.”
“It’s ok.” I laughed. “I’m used to it.”
Wow, I miss my dad.
“So now, tell me about your night out with Cain. I haven’t had a chance to talk to you about it.”
“Not much to tell. Didn’t learn anything crucial, I don’t think anyway.”
“Really? Cain said you guys had a good time. That you danced and you were a lot of fun... He also said you kissed,” she said smirking and wiping her hands on the dish towel.
“He told you that?”
This shocked me. I thought he wouldn’t want Sherry of all people to know we’d kissed. I mean, yeah, I kissed him, a peck really, and she saw it but I don’t know, I kinda thought he might’ve been upset with me about that. A little. Maybe not. If he would tell her that himself, then he must really be trying to move on. To forget his feelings for her. Hmmm. Or just trying to make her jealous...
“Yeah, he did. He seemed a little...oh, I don’t know, bashful about it, too. Not at all like Cain. What in the world have you done to him Lillian?”
“What do you mean?” I said horrified by what she might have meant by it.
“I’m joking, honey.” She came to grab my hands and I was surprised at how small they were. “I mean you got him all tied in knots. I’ve never seen him like this before. I mean, I haven’t know him that long but... It’s a good thing. He really likes you, I can tell. I’m a human lie detector, remember?”
“Oh. Yes. Well, I like him too. I do. He’s...really sweet.”
“Good. I’m happy if you’re happy.” She smiled widely and then turned to start chopping something. Looked like onions. “Can you help cook dinner tonight? If I don’t make the training session tonight, Merrick and Miguel are gonna have my behind.”
“Sure. Of course.”
“Thank you. You know you should start lessons soon too. We all take them. Just in case. They’re in the last room, down the hall by the stairs. They start at about 4:30 or so.”
“Yeah, I will. I always wanted to take a self defense class, just never got around to it.”
“Good, they’ll love a new recruit to pound on.” She winked at me over her shoulder. “Now, I made some sugar cookies with the last of the flour before our next run. If you want one, they are fresh out of the oven, right there in that cupboard.” She pointed to a high shelf above the freezer. “I have to hide them til dinner time or they never make it. And sadly, it’s not the children I have to worry about.”
“Uh, how on earth did you get them way up there, shorty?”
She just smiled and patted my arm and left me there. I thought about how long it’s been since I had a cookie. I was getting thinner, as was everyone over the past months, I wasn’t sickly thin. Just thinner. I wasn’t too happy about that though. Michael had always loved my curves.
I decide to try for the cookies.
I grab a chair and still can’t fathom how she finagled these cookies up here because I can still barely reach over the freezer top to reach the cabinet. I push my arms further and the chair slips sideways from my one foot leaning on it that way.
Instantly I’m airborne and on my way down to the hard tile. I brace myself for impact but instead of hard floor I feel hard arms. I looked up to amused eyes the color of the sea.
Cain.
“Uh, and what would you have done had I not chose this moment to come into the kitchen, hmm?”
“Hurt all over?”
“I think you’re right,” he said laughing and put me back to my feet.
“Thanks. I’m so playing the cliché girl in distress role right now, aren’t I?”
“Kind of. Yeah.” He laughed. “Can I ask what you were doing up there?”
“I have it on good authority that there are cookies up there.”
“Aha! So, that’s where the wench hides them! She thinks she can fool Ryan and Danny and me, but now, with your help of course, I have the I Spy cookie mystery solved. However can I repay you?” he said and took my hands, bowing before me playfully.
“Well, I can think of a few things, but right now. Cookies will do.”
“You got it, gorgeous,” he said, winking and making my heart jump.
It always jumps with him.
He grabbed my chair, righting it as it was tipped over and hopped up on it with gracefulness. He reached the cabinet with ease and brought the heavenly smelling clear container down.
We got a couple cookies each and he replaced the container in the cabinet. We escaped the kitchen, the crime scene as far as cookies were concerned and ran to the second room. He put on a c.d., something by Switchfoot.
We sat on the bed together, leaning our backs on the wall and stretched our legs out. He must have come in and showered because he smelled clean like Irish Springs soap. And divine.
“So, what have you been doing today?” he said through a mouthful of cookie.
“Mm.” I swallowed. “Not much. Laundry. So exciting. Talked to Ryan for a little bit and Sherry.”
He nodded and ate his second cookie in one bite.
“I’ve got work later. Only three more days and the need warehouses open and I’m unemployed.”
He sighed sadly.
“Yeah, well. I’m kinda ready for you to be. It sucks worrying about you while you’re out at night. I can’t believe you’ve still been doing it all this time anyway,” I say, fidgeting with my frayed shirt hem.
“Worried about me? What on earth for?” he said it softly and
I looked up at him to see him eyeing me with the strangest look on his face.
Like he didn’t deserve someone’s worry.
“What do you mean what for? It’s kinda crazy dangerous out there if you hadn’t noticed.”
“Yeah. But I’ve been just fine. No one messes with me ‘cause I have such a pretty face,” he joked but he still look bewildered.
“Well, that’s true,” I said and felt that familiar ping in my gut for flirting.
“Lillian. Don’t worry about me. There’s no need to. I’m immune to the Lighters speak. Besides, I’ll be useless soon enough.”
“You mean like the rest of us?”
“No. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know. It doesn’t mean your useless though. Everyone has a job here right? The garden is pretty important.”
“Yeah. I guess,” he conceded grudgingly.
“Well, you could always join the enforcers,” I said sarcastically.
That had been Crandle’s big idea of helping the ones who lost their job at grocery stores and restaurants instead of going on unemployment, to give them jobs in the enforcement unit. One more curse disguised as a blessing.
“I should.”
“What? I was joking,” I said, wondering how he could have taken me seriously.
“Yeah, but I could. Think about it. It would be great for spying and getting information. And give me something to do.”
“No, Cain!” I yell but then realize it and try to tone down. “I mean...I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled, it’s just such a crazy idea, don’t you think? I mean, it’s bad enough what you do already, risking yourself everyday. Right?” I exhale, frustrated.
He reaches over and grabs my hand.
“What’s the matter, Lillian.”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me.”
“It’s stupid. And girly,” I suddenly felt very very stupid.
“Tell me,” he repeated.
“Cain, just don’t, ok. I’m don’t want-”
He scooted over so that our legs were touching and then pulled me to look at him with a warm palm on my cheek. His thumbs rubbing caresses.
