All That They Desire

by Zoe York

  “I made good time.” He held out the chocolates. “With a stop on the way to pick these up for you.”

  “Oooh.” Her eyebrows bounced as she took the box with one hand, and reached for him with the other. “Thank you.”

  He stepped in for the hug. And it would have stayed just a hug if she hadn’t made a noise that undid him, a sweet little sigh as she pressed against him.

  But the one armed hug put her a bit off-centre from him, which meant her hip was right against his cock. And when she sighed—that sweet, happy, this-is-a-nice-hug sound—his cock flexed eagerly.

  She froze.

  He froze, too, because what the fuck did he say? I know you don’t want anything to do with me sexually, but I crave you and need you and miss you, and your hugs turn me on.

  She whispered his name, and he wanted to die inside.

  The box of chocolates hit the floor with a thud and she stepped back, but she pulled him with her, just enough to clear the door, then she closed it.

  “I—” But that was all he got out before she was in his arms. He responded instinctively, wrapping his arms around her. One hand slid around her waist, the other landed behind her neck, and she closed the gap, her mouth hard against his.

  It was a burn-down-the-house kind of kiss. A whirlwind, chaotic swirl of oh God and missed you and please more. Her mouth was warm and slick, and each stroke of her tongue against his made him think about sex, and his wife stretched out naked. Other warm, slick spots on her body he could lose himself in.

  She murmured his name, then dove in again.

  Kissing.

  Tasting.

  Consuming, and then, just when he thought it might never end, it did. His heart could barely stand it.

  “Where did that come from?” He palmed her hip as she stared up at him. His pulse was racing. “I’m not complaining. Kiss me like that as often as you want. But I thought you said no funny business.”

  “I didn’t say it like that.” She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth. “That was a whole different time in my life.”

  “That was last month.”

  “A lifetime ago,” she said breathlessly.

  “You’re in an extraordinarily good mood.” He kissed her again, since that was allowed now. “I’d like to think it was the chocolates, but I’m guessing not.”

  “They helped!” She touched his face, her fingers gentle. “I’m happy to see you.” Stepping back, she leaned over to pick up the chocolates. “Come on in. I was unpacking, so I need to get changed before we head out.”

  Oh. They were pivoting away from kissing. All righty. “Where are we going?”

  “There’s a lavender farm just outside of town. They have a walking maze that I’ve been wanting to check out. Apparently it’s kind of meditative to do?”

  “Like a corn maze?”

  “Yeah. But lavender bushes. Very relaxing.”

  Why not? His swollen erection could use some relaxing. “Sure,” he said weakly. “I’m game for whatever.”

  She didn’t miss his problem. Her gaze slid down his body, lingered, then climbed back up to his face. “Sorry,” she whispered.

  But her eyes were dancing. “You aren’t, and neither am I. Go get dressed. Or just put on a hoodie if you don’t mind me looking at your legs while we meditate and walk.”

  “Yeah?”

  He gestured at his erection, then at her legs. “I’m an open book here, babe. Yes, please. Wear those shorts and drive me nuts.”

  As much as he didn’t want to break up their unexpected and painfully good kissing, the lavender maze proved to be a curiously good thing.

  For one thing, they had it to themselves. And it was massive, an entire field of purple. The bushes were still low to the ground, baby plants. The woman who greeted them said that by the end of the summer, the bushes would be big enough that they couldn’t be stepped over. Right now, though, at the end of spring, the maze was more a mental challenge than a physical one.

  The other surprising thing about the maze was what it did to their conversation. As they ran into dead ends and had to figure out which path to take to make progress, they had to slow down what they were talking about, almost as if the maze was making them think more about what the other person was saying before they could reply.

  “Tell me more about your good mood,” he said as they backtracked from their first wrong turn.

  “Work is going well.” She stopped, looked forwards and back, then pointed ahead. “This way.”

  “And you got chocolates.”

  “Yep.”

  “And the taco date went well…”

  She spun around, her hair cascading around her face as she gave him a gleeful look. “It did. As is my lavender maze date, too.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “The maze?” She winked at him over her shoulder. “Or my date with Evan?”

  “That.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Maybe. And I’d like to talk about that kiss you laid on me, too.”

  “That was fun.”

  No denying that. “So you’re having a good week.”

  “I am.”

  He was genuinely happy for her. “Good.”

  She told him a little about the date, and how there hadn’t been a repeat yet because Evan was in Europe for a week now.

  “He travels a lot, eh?”

  “Yeah.” She stopped at a crossroads in the maze. “Go ahead a bit, tell me if this is a dead end. I’ll stay here and remember which direction we came from.”

  Even though they could see the edge of the field, they had gotten turned around a bit. Brent had taken note of their starting position—they’d entered the maze from the southeast, so they needed to eventually turn back that way to get out—but she had a point. He stalked forward and investigated. Sure enough, there was nowhere to go after two turns.

  He strolled back, enjoying the walk towards her—and the view.

  “Stop looking at me like that,” she whispered. “No, I take that back. Keep looking at me like that, we’re all alone.”

  “Get me out of this maze and I’ll do more than look,” he murmured before kissing her. “If you want me to.”

  “I think I do, yeah.” She cupped his face, her fingers cool against his skin. “Is that okay? If we fool around and I’m happy about my date with Evan, and…I know this is complicated.”

  There was only one answer there. “What do you want?”

  A wild, reckless smile spread across her face. “I want to date Evan. I want to date you. I want to maybe date other people, too. And I want it to all be very open and honest, because there’s a lot of recovering from secrets that needs to happen in my heart.”

  That was on him. He’d done that to her, and it tore him up inside.

  She made a little sound, glaring at him. “Do not beat yourself up about this.”

  That made him laugh. “I’m not. Much. Just…I’m sorry about the secrets.”

  “Me too. But that’s in the past now, right?”

  “Right.” He kissed her again, then laced their fingers together. “Come on.”

  They turned their attention fully to escaping their knee-high prison, and once they did, Jess dragged him willingly into the gift shop, where she bought lavender satchels to hang in her closet and soap for her bathroom.

  Back at her place, he followed her into the kitchen, where she pulled out sandwich fixings. They made a late lunch together, then she opened the box of chocolates for dessert.

  “I’ll share with you,” she said sweetly.

  He grinned. “That’s very kind.”

  She settled on the couch, and he joined her.

  “Raspberry truffle?” She held it out for him, and he took it—and he kept her hand, too.

  Her eyebrows raised in an unspoken question.

  He kissed her fingertips. “I’ve been thinking.”

  “Yes?”

  “Hear me out. I may not say this
the right way. You being super open and honest with me about dating Evan, about wanting to date other people… Do you think you’re doing that in part to show me that it’s okay for me to be open and honest with you?”

  Her mouth fell open. “Oh.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “It wasn’t really conscious.”

  “I want to make something really clear. I’m not dating anyone. You’ve got a much more active social life than I do, and that’s okay. You deserve that. I’ve kissed Evan, and hugged you, and that’s all the action I’ve gotten in a long time.”

  She wiggled her fingers in his hand and he released her. She grabbed a truffle and shoved it in her mouth.

  “Did I just make this really heavy?”

  “It was already heavy,” she mumbled around the chocolate. “I was just being selfish.”

  “No.” He put his hand behind her head and drew her carefully to him so he could kiss her forehead. “I’m the one who left. I gave up all claims to you when I did that. You get to live your life however you want to, I can only hope to put my case forward that I think we should get back together.”

  “That’s your goal?”

  “Yeah.” Hadn’t he been clear enough about that? “I love you.”

  “I know.” She made a rueful face. “It’s not as sexy as when Han Solo says it.”

  “It’s pretty sexy. You’re pretty sexy.”

  “You want to be with me?” she asked quietly.

  “Yes.” The answer tore out of him, fast and eager.

  “Do you want to date anyone else?”

  He hesitated. “No.”

  “Why did you pause before you said that?”

  Dating wasn’t the word he’d use. “It’s…if you’re going to kiss other people, I… But I don’t want to date people? I’m not looking for a meat market.”

  Her eyes went wide, and she pulled on her bottom lip with her teeth. “Do you…” She smiled again, her voice gaining confidence. She liked it when she saw through him. And he didn’t hate it, either. “Do you want to kiss anyone else?”

  Fuck, was he blushing? Heat surged through him.

  Jess’s mouth—that gorgeous, pink mouth—dropped open with a breathy gasp. “Brent, do you want to kiss Evan again?”

  Good Lord, the floor could open him up and swallow him now, because he definitely was blushing—in front of his wife, about just how much he wanted Evan to shove him up against a wall. “I punched the guy.”

  “Weird foreplay move,” she whispered.

  He scrubbed his hand over his jaw, then nodded slowly. She wanted honesty. The whole time he kept his gaze glued on her face. “Yeah. I’d kiss him again.”

  “Wow.” She blinked. “That’s…surreal. And hot.”

  Hot. Yeah, it was for him. But for her? The rush of intense feelings inside him swirled harder. Lower. A tug deep in his belly, a heavy ache in his balls.

  She ate another chocolate.

  Held one out for him.

  The silence stretched between them as she nibbled and thought, thought some more, then grabbed another truffle.

  He squirmed under her attention, but he didn’t dodge it.

  He wanted her back. He’d walk through fire to get that, and if fire was re-examining the fact that he was bi, and so was this other guy she was seeing, and they’d had an angry, sexy kiss that would never be repeated, but if it could be, Brent would like that.

  Very, very much.

  “Is it okay if I ask about it?”

  Her question startled him. “The kiss?”

  His gaze was locked on her mouth now. Her lips were wet from where she’d licked them.

  Heat blasted inside him again.

  She nodded. He caught that, vaguely, behind the parting of her lips. “Yeah,” she said. Her front teeth sank into that pink flesh for a moment, then she kept going. “If it’s private, that’s okay.”

  “It was hard. Rough.” He heard his own voice before he realized he was talking.

  Jess leaned in.

  “And then it was soft,” he said quietly. She smiled. She was smiling at him, like this was okay. It is okay. He knew that. But his brain was pretty scattered right now. “Probably like any first kiss, it was a little unexpected and unfamiliar.”

  She exhaled, and nodded, and then smiled.

  His heart hammered against his ribs, kickstarting back to life after he’d held his breath there. “We were fighting about you,” he said. Had he told her that? He thought so. “And then we kissed, and it was wild.”

  “It sounds like it,” she murmured. “You should, uh… You know. Call him.”

  “The guy you’ve started dating?”

  She licked her lips again. She needed to stop doing that, or he’d be kissing her, too, and he wasn’t sure she wanted him to do that just yet. This was an important conversation. Terrifying, but important. “Yeah.”

  “He’s not my biggest fan.”

  “There’s a weird, fine line between love and hate.”

  “That’s a cliche.”

  “For a reason.” She took a deep breath. “Look, I don’t know if he’s into you. But he made a threesome comment—”

  Brent’s brain blanked. She kept talking, but he couldn’t follow.

  It didn’t take long for her to realize that she’d lost him. “Hey. Where’d you go?”

  “Uh…”

  “Did I lose you at threesomes?”

  “Something like that.”

  “It was an offhand comment. He actually meant it more like sharing in a polyamorous relationship, but—”

  This time he held up his hand. “Back up.”

  “What?”

  “Poly-what?”

  “Polyamory.”

  “Okay.”

  “It’s—”

  “I know what it is,” he said softly, his thoughts pinging off in all directions. Most of them dangerously, pornographically erotic. “I just have never heard it come out of your mouth before.”

  “Turns out, I’ve led a sheltered existence.”

  “And now…?”

  “Now I’m exploring my options. Like, I don’t need to be with only one person, maybe.”

  “Ah.” His chest hurt. “Of course not.”

  “And you…maybe don’t need to be with only one person.”

  He shook his head. “I tried. I’m not interested in dating other people. I’m sorting out how I feel about myself, and focusing on you.”

  “But you said you wanted to kiss Evan again.”

  “I—I said it would be hot.” He had to regroup. “I want to kiss you. That’s where I’m focused right now.”

  She crawled closer, almost in his lap now. “And what if I said I want you to kiss him?”

  “You wouldn’t be jealous?”

  She stopped and tilted her head to the side, thinking. “No,” she finally said. “Not in the least. Evan said that the jealousy goes away, it’s just a temporary spark.”

  Really? Because Brent burned with it right now. He was envious of this other man who had all the answers when Brent had none himself.

  “What are you thinking?” She crawled closer still, and he tugged her the last bit of the way onto his lap so she was straddling him. “Talk to me.”

  “I’m confused,” he finally said. “Because…I dunno. I thought maybe you and me would work through this and end up back together. Because maybe I wish we’d figured this out together, instead of you and Evan surging ahead of me and then looping me in. Does he know you think I should call him?”

  “No.” She shook her head fiercely. “This is just between you and me. I wouldn’t do that to you. It wasn’t even something I was thinking about consciously until you showed up and we kissed. I don’t know what I’m doing here, either, I promise. I just think you should text him. See what he does.”

  “I don’t have his number.”

  She wiggled her fingers. “Gimme your phone if you want it.”

  “What would I say?”

 
; “‘Jess and I were talking about you. She said you like rock climbing.’”

  “You didn’t tell me that.”

  “I just did. Now.”

  “Jess—”

  “If for no other reason than you blush when you think about him kissing you, you should give it a try. He’s in Europe this week, but he’ll be back on the weekend, so it’s not like he’s going to jump out of the shadows and kiss-attack you.”

  That wasn’t the worst sounding thing in the world. He gave her his phone. His heart pounded as he watched her add the contact information. His palms were slick when he took the phone back.

  He set it down and put his hands on her hips.

  Between them, his cock was rock hard. There was no denying his body was interested in what she was saying.

  “I’m not going to make up a reason,” he said, more to himself than to her. He was going to be honest. His new motto in life, with everyone.

  She leaned in and kissed him. “You just be you. And see what he says.”

  Then she crawled off him.

  He chased her, making her giggle, and then he kissed her slowly, his hands buried in her hair.

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  She nodded. “I love you. And I think we’re here for a reason. I think we probably should have explored this a long time ago.”

  He pressed his forehead against hers, took a long, deep breath, then reached for his phone. “What time is it wherever he is now?”

  She glanced at the clock on his phone screen. “After dinner.”

  Brent: This is Brent. Jess gave me your number.

  A reply came back immediately. Wherever he was, he was on his phone.

  Evan: She did, did she?

  Brent: Yeah.

  Evan: Did she tell you I’m away for a few days?

  Brent: She did.

  Evan: Let’s catch up when I get back.

  Brent: Sounds good.

  17

  “Welcome back.”

  “Thanks.” Brent glanced around the therapist’s office. Nothing had changed in here.

  But out there, and inside him, everything was upside down and confusing.

  “Last time, you said you were going to help your ex move. How did that go?”

  He shrugged. “You know. Okay.”