Everlasting

by Candace Knoebel

  Cassie guides us up a flight of stairs, and then down another, quieter hallway. “This floor is strictly for training the mind. While Hunters train their bodies and minds to feel no pain, we train our bodies and minds to feel every inch of every emotion. It’s what we draw upon and it’s where our magical energy is sustained.”

  “And according to Mack, I’m supposed to use both,” I say more to myself than to anyone else.

  We pass a door that says Aura Reading and stop in front of a door that says Hypno-Linking. Cassie turns the knob, and Jezi walks through. I stop in the doorway, scoping out every inch of the room. There are two rows of four cozy beige lounge chairs. Small potted trees sit in the corners, breathing life into the air. Next to each chair is a small medical table with two needles and a vial filled with dark liquid.

  Trepidation impresses on my extremities. The room spins a little. I close my eyes, but still see the needle. I see it entering my skin. I feel the inevitable prick. I watch my blood swell up out of the tiny hole. My stomach rolls and tosses like a stormy sea.

  “Sit there,” Cassie says, pointing to the chair in front of me. She must notice the pale look on my face because she stops what she’s doing and eyes me over like a doctor would.

  I fill my lungs with a breath of determination and do as she says. I know Jezi’s eyes are on me like a hawk, waiting for me to slip up, waiting for an excuse to insult me. I can’t give her one. I cross the room, taking small, careful steps, and sit in the chair Cassie stands by. My body sinks into the cushions.

  “We’re going to connect minds, and then I’ll be able to show you the core of being a Witch. Each Witch must find an inner balance, a safe place to meditate. Since we run off of emotions, we can get kind of …” Her hands sway through the air, reaching for the right words.

  “Crazy,” Jezi answers for her as she drops into the chair next to me. She tosses me a spiteful grin.

  “I was thinking more along the lines of passionately driven,” Cassie says with a smirk. She rolls the sleeves of her jacket up a little past her elbow. Her affinity mark is a jagged crescent moon.

  Jezi picks a needle up and grabs a vial. She fills the syringe, and then sticks the needle in the crook of her elbow where her link with Jaxen resides. I get a brief look at it, but almost gag as the needle pushes through her flesh. I have to look away. It’s one thing stabbing a Vampire, but watching someone stick a needle in themselves is entirely different.

  “What is that?” I ask, my voice faltering. My mouth is dry. My palms are sweating. My heart kicks off beat, stuttering in fear.

  “It’s a serum that helps induce us into a relaxed state of mind,” Jezi says, her eyes already growing heavy. “Once we fully relax, we can reach out to each other’s auras and blend with them, allowing us to connect mentally. I’ll be able to interact with you on an alternate plane.”

  “You’ll basically be sort of tripping,” Cassie says, picking the needle up next to me.

  “What’s the serum?” I try to avoid looking at the needle, but I can’t keep my eyes away. I can’t keep my stomach from twisting. I can’t keep my hands from gripping the armrests.

  “It’s made from the Belladonna plant.” She turns the vial upside down and flicks it, then plunges the needle into it, drawing out a small dose. She never blinks.

  “Belladonna?” I nearly choke out. I look over to Jezi, who’s head is already slumped over to the side, her mouth hanging slightly open. I jump out of my chair, reaching for her arm to check for a pulse. “That’s a poisonous plant, Cassie. One of the most deadly!” Her pulse beats so slow I can barely feel it.

  Cassie snickers. “Sit down, hero. She’ll be fine. As a Primeval, we have a high tolerance to poisons. Didn’t your parents tell you that?”

  I don’t answer.

  She waits for a moment, and then quickly says, “Well, we do. We have a high tolerance for a lot of things. The amount inside this serum is just enough to make you trip, not die.” She shoves me back down into the chair. I try to push back up, but her blue eyes flash with power. Invisible restraints form around my body, holding me in place. I can’t even move my lips. I can’t even blink.

  “This will go a lot smoother for you if you just relax,” she says soothingly. “Fighting the serum will only hinder your trip and make your journey through your inner balance that much shorter. Then you’ll have to do this all over again, so I suggest you trust me and relax that deer-in-the-headlights look.”

  I can feel my heart racing and my mind screaming with the need to keep her from putting that needle in my arm, but even though there’s power in me, I have no idea how to tap into it. I try to remember what Jaxen said. Inner strength. Shut it off. This isn’t so bad. I’ll be fine. I try to think freeing thoughts. Anything that will help me cut the pain, but, before I know it, the needle pierces my skin and the heaviness of sleep wraps around my mind and weighs me down.

  Still bound by her magic, I watch her walk to the chair beside me before she disappears out of my line of vision. I can tell the moment she injects herself, because the magic holding me releases, but I’m too far gone to move or yell for help. Even if I could, I wouldn’t anyhow. It would only prove me weak and unfit.

  My eyes drift shut and my mind sinks further and further away, until I feel the tendrils of their minds reaching out for mine. I’m a floating light, drifting through a land of fog. In front of me, there are two other floating beacons, and I know it’s them. I can sense it. They seek me out, and connect to me like an antenna picking up on a signal.

  Shimmering colors brush the outskirts of my mind, followed by a sense of peace. I find myself standing in a misty forest surrounded by never-ending Redwood trees. The ground is mossy and covered in bright green ferns that curl into pretty spirals with drops of dew sliding down the spines. The enchanting sounds of water and birds and branches swaying in a breeze dance around me.

  Across from me, Cassie stands wearing nothing but a white satin gown that forms and flows around her every curve. Her strawberry hair is pinned up on top of her head with short spirals falling out around her face. Her deep red lips are crooked up into a smile, lifting her rosy cheeks.

  Jezi stands off to the side, wearing a black lacy dress that forms around her top half and billows down around her legs. A train spreads out along the forest floor behind her, dragging along with her steps. Her lips are crimson and bring out the sparkle in her hazel eyes. An overflow of chocolate hair spills down her back and fans around her face, framing her olive-skinned features.

  I glance down at myself. I’m wearing a tea-length pink lace gown with a black satin ribbon tied around my waist and forming a bow in the back. My platinum hair cascades down around my face in wide ringlets dyed pink on the ends. My feet are planted inside of black and white Converse, the laces the same pink as my hair.

  “This is your inner balance,” Cassie says, her hands out in display. “And I have to say…” she spins once, taking in the majestic forest and all its sounds and scents, “it’s pretty relaxing. And a good taste in clothing.” She checks herself out and twirls in her gown, her smile lifting up to the heavens.

  “What does yours look like?” I ask, running my hands down length of my gown. “Your inner balance, I mean.”

  “Not as nice as this place.” Her smile cracks in half. I want to ask why, but she appears right in front of me and takes my hand. A second later, we’re perched on a rock, gazing at a waterfall that tumbles down over the jagged cliff side of the forest. Jezi appears next to us, standing with one foot perched high on a rock.

  Cassie lets my hand go and takes in a deep breath. “Do you feel calm?” Her eyes are closed, her face tilted up to the warm sun.

  “Yes,” I say, finding myself smiling without reason.

  “Good. That’s what a Witch must retain in order to be at their strongest. When you pull on more power than you can handle, and your mind is spinning on the crazy side, this place will cleanse you.”

  Leeriness sets in, adding
weight to my smile. “Do I have to take Belladonna every time?”

  “In the beginning, yes. Every novice is given a small amount to keep, further into their studies, but it must be taken in extreme moderation and only when necessary. Eventually, you’ll learn to relax your mind on your own and find your own path to your inner self.”

  “But you both aren’t novices.”

  “No, but Belladonna puts you in a very deep frame of mind. In order for us to find you, we needed to take it too,” she says.”

  “So is that what you brought me here for?” I ask, enjoying the gusty breeze that careens through the trees.

  Her eyebrows lift. “Actually, no. I brought you here to find what you specialize in. As you may already know, every Witch has a specific talent. Some can read auras and futures very well, while others can pull on a certain element or write spells. Each one of us learns to use all forms of magic, but there’s always one ability we are strongest at. Knowing that will help you along in your studies.”

  A train of anguish collides into my heart. My mother specializes in Herbology and Clairvoyance. Memories of her smile, the way she always had a remedy or a hug to make me feel better, of the potted plants my head always bumped into, crash through my mind. Piece by painful piece, my heart shreds, leaving an irreparable mess inside my ribcage.

  “What do you two specialize in?” I ask, my voice breaking. I cough to clear my throat and look between them, wishing for any form of distraction. Jezi has her arms folded and her chin pushed into the air. There has to be a way for me to show her I’m not a bad person. I’m not a threat. Her eyes flick over to mine at the thought, and for a moment, I see a glimmer of conflict, of regret and remorse, of pain and betrayal.

  “I specialize in channeling all of the elements,” Cassie says, holding her palm out. Fire dances within it and within her eyes. Then she blinks, and her eyes fill with liquid and water splashes out of thin air, putting the fire out. She purses her lips together and blows, the air from her lips turning the water into ice. Her eyes are a bright blue now. Then she crushes her palm closed, her eyes turning greenish-blue, and opens it. The ice is gone and in its place is dirt.

  “And you?” I lift my gaze to Jezi.

  “Herbology,” she says without looking at me. My stomach twists so hard I have to bend over a little, clutching my arm across me. Cassie gives her a weird look, and then turns back to me.

  “You okay?” she asks, her hand on my back.

  I nod. “Stomach ache,” I say, staring out into the waterfall. I quickly blink and wipe my eyes. “So how do I go about finding mine?” I swallow the pain and force myself to sit straight.

  “This is the quickest way to learn,” she says. “In here, you cannot lie to yourself. Truths are always truths. I can tell you by doing this.” She places her palm against my forehead and closes her eyes. Jezi steps closer to us, maybe from wanting to know just as bad as I do.

  “What’s she doing?” I ask, my face flushing under the heat of her palm. Behind her closed eyelids, her eyes are wiggling furiously.

  “She’s seeking out your power source. You’re susceptible to invasion by anyone when you allow them to combine their aura with yours,” Jezi explains, her tone flat as a paper.

  Cassie’s eyes flicker open. “Well, it seems you have strengths in a few different things. Figures.” She flicks a quick glance at Jezi. “You have a strong ability in writing spells. The knowledge and insight you have allows this. I sense a strong connection to the elements, and I also sense a strong connection to an ability to invoke and evoke spirits.”

  “Really? I don’t feel anything,” I admit, looking down at myself.

  “That’s because you haven’t trained to use it yet. A Witch has to learn how to pull, how to master the art of intent. We’ll show you how. Tomorrow we’ll start with all the basics, just to bring you up to speed. Based on your strengths, it shouldn’t take you long to pick up on it,” Cassie says. She stands up, offering me a hand. I take it. “For now, it’s getting late.”

  “And I’m starving,” Jezi adds.

  Cassie snaps her fingers, and then disappears. Jezi does the same. I’m left standing on the edge of the waterfall, watching as the moon begins to rise, changing the color of the water to dull silver. I look at my hands, and then think of waking up before snapping my fingers.

  When I open my eyes, I’m back in the room. Cassie pulls a needle out of my arm. “What the hell was that?” I ask, bending my elbow to stop the blood.

  “Just a little something to help push the serum from your system. It will also lessen the groggy after effects that come with using it.” She touches the spot where the needle had been with a finger and whispers something. The hole disappears.

  Jezi finishes her injection and then gets up. “Meet you in the dining hall,” she calls over her shoulder as she walks out of the room.

  “Okay,” Cassie says, injecting herself. “Go clean up, kid. Dinner will be soon. We’ll start fresh tomorrow.”

  The clock says that we have been out for hours. I don’t even bother to ask.

  TWO WEEKS PASS IN THE same grueling fashion. I wake every morning with Jaxen outside of my door holding a protein bar and an apple. We fall into a comfortable routine of little words and stolen glances, and somewhere in the middle of it all, find ways to get to know each other better. We eat, run laps around the track, lift weights, and then I get passed off to the Witches to work on beginner techniques.

  I barely have time to think about anything outside of training, let alone find time to hang with Katie. She’s been scarce at dinner, so I usually take my meal back to my room just to avoid the crowds. It’s almost like I’ve been thrown into a numb state with a man who I grow closer to one minute and distant from the next.

  It’s a beautiful, chaotic routine I think I’ve craved for my whole life.

  After spending the afternoon learning how to weave healing spells with Jezi and Cassie, I quickly cross the campus and head back to my room. I keep my head low and avoid the many stares of passing novices. This campus is large but not large enough. The older year novices don’t try to hide their curious stares as they head to their next class. I pretend like I don’t notice.

  After shutting myself behind the door to my room, I turn and gaze at my surroundings. My room looks like something out of a historic magazine, like something someone like me would only dream about but never actually see in person. But then again, what does someone like me know? I am, after all, an entirely different person than I thought I was. Or maybe it was always there, but just buried beneath the lies and the heartache.

  I walk over to the window and pull the large burgundy draperies aside, letting in a wash of golden color. Minuscule specks of dust sparkle from the sudden burst of light and air. I trail my hand through the honeyed rays, letting my thoughts drift. I could get used to this.

  There are no portraits or pictures hanging which leaves the room barren, unclaimed and empty, just the way the Coven likes us to be. I like it that way. I wouldn’t want to feel the eyes of a stranger spying on me at night. A cushioned chair rests under the window across the room, overlooking the courtyard below; a place to curl up at night with a good book and forget the world I’m slowly drowning in.

  I drift over to my bed and fall onto it. My mind needs a moment to sit in quiet, to sit in the stillness of the room. I need a chance to absorb everything that’s happened and sort through what’s important to my future and what’s not. It’s almost too much to sort through, almost blindingly overwhelming. I could easily lose track of what’s important-my parents. I could easily stray away from my initial reasons for being here and dive into all that Mack has offered without ever looking back.

  I hope that’s not Mack’s intentions.

  The mattress absorbs my weight and envelops me in comfort. I pull a pillow over to me and bury my face in it. Before I know it, I nod off. It’s not until a fervent knock sounds at my door that I wake. I jolt upright, coming off the tendrils of a
nightmare. Vampiric fangs and sinisterly long fingers were reaching out for me, wanting to take me away from my parents. Cold, sticky sweat saturates my forehead and the back of my neck.

  The clock on the night stand reads four in the afternoon. I’ve been asleep for almost five hours. The knock comes again, this time sharper and hastier. I jump up, using the bottom of my shirt to wipe away the sweat. “Coming,” I say, wiping the side of my mouth where I drooled a little. I open the door and a stack of books are angrily shoved at me, and instinctively, I take them. I nearly drop them when Nathaniel dumps three more stacks of books in my arms.

  “These are from Gavin. He wants you to read them.”

  “Typically, that’s what you do with books,” I shoot off, not liking the tone in his voice and the way his eyes graze over me like I annoy him by just breathing.

  His eyes narrow. “Just so you know, Middleton, I’m not your errand boy,” he says, sounding out of breath. His brown eyes are almost black and squinted into two furious lines. “I’m the Head Grounds Keeper. I keep the grounds of the Academy, not the little girls who come in here demanding things and taking over.” His nostrils flare when he speaks.

  I pinch my lips together. I know I should overlook his clear callowness, but little pieces of the shell that used to be the quiet me continually chip away, allowing me to be the person I have truly always been. And that is someone who doesn’t take crap from anyone, not anymore, not after everything I’ve sacrificed in return.

  “That’s all you were assigned to? A Grounds Keeper? What a shame. You must not have done well on your final trial,” I say shortly, feeling a hot flush beneath my cheeks. I’m grateful for the weight in my hands because it prevents me from covering my mouth in shock. I just spoke my thoughts out loud. I just insulted him, and the thing was, it felt good.

  He runs his finger along his collar as if it’s too tight, and then stares at me for a moment. His finger lifts and his mouth opens, but then he swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. He looks flustered and it gives me a triumphant feeling. “Well then,” he says sharply, “good day, Middleton.” I don’t like how he said the last word, as if it was vile and poisonous. He turns and stalks off, disappearing down the hall before I can say anything more.