Everlasting

by Candace Knoebel

  He’s up on his feet and in front of me, his hand covering mine over my heart. His lips are so close. His breath is so warm and sweet. His eyes are so intensely beautiful. I’m falling past flirtation, tripping over rationality, and stumbling over reservations meant for the cynical.

  His fingers caress my chin, moving my gaze up to meet his. His thumb brushes over my lips while his eyes devour me from the inside out. It only takes one look for him to know, for him to see, that I’m ready.

  His mouth finds mine and his hands are everywhere, all over, unrestrained and eager to please. We fall off the face of the earth and land on a haven of desire. The mattress meets us, welcoming our trembling bodies with warmth and comfort.

  He hovers over me, his hand cupping the back of my head, lifting my lips to his and holding me there. My hand slips under his shirt, and I smile against his lips when his skin tightens and then rises with goose bumps. I cause that? I trail my fingers over his skin, along the raised marks of pleasure.

  I want to do everything, try everything, and the thought makes me blush. I have no idea what I’m doing…I have no idea where this is going. All I know is that I don’t want to be anywhere but in his arms and feelings his lips all over me.

  His soft lips dance along my jaw and down my neck where they stay, flooding my system with fire and need. His hand roams down the length of my body and stops just on my hip, his fingers digging into my skin.

  No matter where my hands touch, it isn’t enough. My fingers drift down his back and dig into him, pulling him closer to me. His knees drift between my legs, moving them open to fit his weight. No part of me denies him. No part of me wants him to stop.

  He props himself up on his forearms, his arms encasing my head. I don’t understand why I can’t feel his lips anymore. I don’t understand why his fingers have left my skin. I lift my mouth to his, but he pulls back, his lips pressed into a thin line.

  “We have to stop. I can’t…I don’t want…I won’t be able to control myself much longer.” His words are a painfully restrained whisper that my mind can’t process. His lips brush against mine when he speaks, every touch affecting me like a heat wave. His forehead leans against mine, desperately seeking salvation.

  I’m too drunk with need, too dizzy with passion. All I can think about is his hands on my body. I don’t want it to end. I don’t want to leave this moment. I want to freeze it and remain in it forever, locked underneath his pleasantly heavy form, tucked beneath his lean, quivering muscles, and stuck within his all-consuming scent.

  I shut my eyes to revel in the feel of his fingers as they graze the skin along my pant line. Somewhere amongst his subtle kisses and quiet roaming, I find my voice. “I…I don’t want to stop,” I say, opening my eyes. I want him to see my desire.

  His breath catches, coming and going in ragged torrents. His lips disappear against mine, commanding them to open and allow him access. His tongue, like velvet, caresses mine, moving and swaying in an erotic dance.

  My mind explodes with sensations I’ve never felt before. My skin is on fire, and my blood is rushing, pumping, filling me with everything I need. His hand is on my waist, slowly pushing my shirt up. His fingertips leave trails of electricity. With every inch he moves, I shudder under him, unable to take a steady breath.

  He stops just below my bra, and presses his body harder against me, shooting a burst of pleasure through my system. I want to explode. I kiss him harder, twisting my fingers in his thick hair as I try to meet him halfway. He groans against my lips when I move underneath him, the small sound sending my senses into chaos.

  His hands slide behind my back, his fingers stopping just on the outside of my bra strap, when a knock sounds at the door. We both freeze in place, the fire between us scorching and depriving us of oxygen.

  “Who?” It’s all his quivering voice can muster.

  I’m a wreck of nerves, a confused bunch of emotions all seeking release in the form of him. He rolls off of me and helps me sit up. We both fix our shirts and try to brush away the desire, but it lingers in the air. I smooth my hair as he walks over to the door.

  Weldon appears in the doorway. He takes one look at us, and a smile grows like a sunrise on his face. There’s already so much heat on my cheeks, on my skin, I can’t feel the embarrassment flow to my face. I stare ahead at the bathroom, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart.

  “Gavin said I would find you here, just not how I’d find you.”

  “Shove it. What’s up?” Jaxen asks, blocking the doorway to keep Weldon from being able to see me. I’m grateful for it.

  “It’s time. Car’s out front so pack your things. Meet you there.” Weldon disappears down the hall, laughter following his words.

  Jaxen shuts the door and turns back to me. Thrilling spikes jolt through my system just by looking at him, just by thinking of his touch on my skin. He plunges a hand through his hair and sighs. Pent up frustration floats between us. He walks over to me and offers me his hand.

  I give it to him. He takes his time bringing it to his lips. His eyes find mine, and then he pulls me up to stand. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me close, kissing the top of my head. “One of these days, everything will come together for us.”

  I close my eyes as he slips out of my room. One of these days can’t come soon enough.

  AFTER JAXEN LEAVES MY ROOM to get ready, I stand there for awhile, thinking of everything. I think about what he proposed. I think about what I told Katie about wanting to run away. Now, with the option right in front of me, I find myself stepping back from it.

  I don’t want to run from my problems, even if running means keeping myself alive. My parents kept my identity a secret from me because they thought I couldn’t handle it, but now that I have a handle on my life, even if the handle is small, I don’t want to toss it away. And I don’t want to toss away a chance at finding them.

  I dress in the standard uniform, sliding boots on, and tuck my father’s flux into the slits cut into my pants. My hands tremble the entire time, knowing this will go against what Jaxen wants. He has to understand. I know he’s desperate to save me, but I don’t believe for a second that running is something he truly wants to do. He’s a fighter, like me, and we don’t back away when something gets hard.

  Ever.

  I pack everything I brought, including my acceptance letter. When I finish, I run over a quick mental checklist, ensuring I haven’t forgotten anything, and then head out to meet up with everyone.

  I stray off the path to the front of the school and end up at Katie’s door. I can’t leave without saying goodbye. I knock once, and Chett answers it. My muscles tense at the sight of him. “Can I speak with Katie, please?”

  “Sure,” he says easily, lightly.

  She appears under his arm. Her scar has faded a little. She has one arm wrapped around his waist and fits perfectly against him, almost like it was meant to be. A lot has changed since I last saw her, and I don’t know how to feel about it, so I just force a smile.

  “Hey, Faye,” she says, smiling back.

  “Hey.”

  She realizes from my tone that I’m not here casually and steps out from under Chett’s arm. I look between her and him, asking her with my gaze for some privacy. She smiles up at him, and then shuts the door behind her. “What’s going on?”

  “I’m leaving,” I say, feeling a lump form in my throat.

  Her gaze drifts down to my bag and her face pales. “Where?”

  “I’m not sure yet. I’m going on a hunt and, after that, I’ll be staying somewhere off campus. I umm...I’m not sure when I’ll be able to see or speak to you again.” I look away from her and bite my lip. I’ve put off thinking about this for too long, and now it feels like a freight train filled with every horrible emotion has rammed into my heart.

  There’s a long moment of heavy silence as reality sinks in, chilling the air around us. Our roads have indefinitely veered apart and there isn’t a single thing either one of us can d
o to stop it.

  “You have to promise me you’ll take care of yourself,” she says after a long minute.

  “I can say the same to you,” I say, hearing the implications in my tone.

  She looks up at me with a soft smile. “Chett will take care of me. Every day it gets easier, more natural between us.” She offers a smile that I believe. It settles the tremor of acid in my stomach.

  I drop my bag and pull her into a hug. “I’m going to miss you, Kat. I promise I’ll find a way to talk to you. I’ll let you know where I am and what’s happening. You stay strong in here and kick ass. Be the best Witch. Win every trial.”

  She laughs, and I can hear the tears staining her tone. “This isn’t goodbye, Faye.”

  “No, it’s not.” I give her one last squeeze, grab my bag, and walk away. I know if I don’t, I won’t ever be able to.

  When I make it through the snow to the dimly lit entrance of the Academy, Jaxen’s the only one standing out front with the car running, belching white puffs of smoke into the crisp night air as it warms to take us wherever we’re going. He’s perched up against the wall, his hands tucked inside the deep pockets of his leather jacket. He’s a perfect statue of a man. My pulse takes off at the sight of him, threatening to lift me off the ground. He looks up, and our eyes connect like two points on a map leading directly to my heart.

  “This life is what you want, then,” he says, the left side of his mouth twitching up into a grin.

  I swallow down every bit of emotion lingering from meeting with Katie, and manage to find my voice. “You thought it wouldn’t be?” I ask, holding my breath. I set my bag down next to me.

  “No, I figured it would.” He kicks off the wall to stand straight. “You’re too stubborn and too strong for your own good.” He trails off as he moves closer to me. He caresses my cheek.

  My smile hides beneath my fraudulent composure as my gaze dips to the ground. “You act as if you know me,” I say, surprised by how indifferent I sound.

  I catch his gaze and stick like a moth on a web. “I do know you, Faye,” he says, his honesty jarring me like the aftershock of an earthquake. “And it’s because of that reason that I can’t walk away from you, that I can’t get you out of my head.” He steps closer to me, and I forget how to breathe, how to think. “You’re mine, Faye Middleton. Without a doubt, I know it.”

  “How?” I breathe out, the word drifting up to the stars above us.

  He shuts his eyes, a small smile on his lips, and then opens them. The streaks of green grass peaking beneath the snow hold nothing in comparison to the green of his eyes. His stare is like lead in my bones.

  “Hey! Get a room!” Gavin shouts from somewhere close behind me. Jaxen doesn’t move from me. His eyes never leave mine. Not even when Gavin and Weldon walk up with Cassie and Jezi. Over his shoulder, I see her eyes are cold and hard and set straight on me. Her lips tremble, holding back a scowl.

  I didn’t quite picture my first hunt being filled with awkwardness. I didn’t quite picture spending it with someone who had their claws sunk deep into the guy I like, but then again, she’s Jaxen’s Witch, and he needs her if he’s going to use his magic.

  Gavin grabs Jaxen by the shoulder and spins him around. “Mack wants her to stay at one of our apartments until she’s fully trained.” He’s pointing between him and Jaxen. He looks over at me. “I’ll leave that decision in your hands.”

  My tongue trips over itself and my cheeks brighten in color.

  Gavin turns back to Jaxen with a smirk. “He gave the coordinates to Cassie earlier. We’re good to go.”

  “Since when does a Witch get the coordinates of a hunt?” Jaxen says.

  Cassie sucks her teeth. “Excuse me. I don’t know who you thi…”

  “Since today,” Gavin says, cutting Cassie off. “She has a lot of inside contacts with where we’re headed.”

  “Don’t we know that,” Jaxen says, looking away.

  “Jaxen,” Jezi says harshly, “what’s your issue?”

  “I know what his issue is,” Cassie says, staring directly at me.

  “Look, everyone, let’s not start the hunt off like this. Cassie and I know a few Demons who’ve given us the exact location of the issue Mack wants us to solve,” Weldon says, smiling at her. “We’re all going to be stuck with each other for awhile, so why not make the best of it?” His words are like Mack’s, precise and poised.

  “Thank you,” Cassie says, dipping her head.

  “Anyway,” Gavin drags out, “can we go now?”

  “How can I make the best of anything when my Hunter’s stuck to…to her?” Jezi asks with her arms folded across her chest, her usual stance. I wish I could bottle up her attitude and use it as a hex on my foes.

  “Jezi, knock it off,” Jaxen warns. “We talked about this. You said you understood.”

  She shoves her chin in the air. “Maybe I lied. And you know what? Maybe I don’t feel like hunting tonight. You have the Everlasting, so it’s not like you need me, right? Not when you can pull power off of her.”

  He growls a warning.

  “What is she talking about?” I ask, feeling years away from understanding her words.

  She turns her attention on me. “Oh, you didn’t know? Here, let me show you.” She shrugs out of her jacket and hands it to Cassie. Cassie’s eyes are closed and her head’s pointed to the ground. Jezi steps closer to me, rolling up the fabric of her shirt that covers her forearm.

  “Jezi, please. Stop,” Jaxen says, this time sounding somewhat nervous.

  I look over at him and then back at her. “This,” she says, pointing to the affinity mark on her forearm. It’s an awkward heart shape, the same as mine. “This is what I’m talking about.”

  My heart is synchronized with the deafening pound of my pulse. My lungs refuse to work, refuse to let me inhale, but my mind is in overdrive, processing more than I can handle in that moment.

  “We have the same affinity mark,” I blurt in shock, my voice shuddering as I gasp for air. No wonder the attraction, the closeness, the need to be around him and with him.

  “I know.”

  Those two words he says so calmly, but with the kind of calm that only ever appears right before a storm, the kind that tricks you into thinking everything is okay, only to yank the rug out from under you when you least expect it.

  I just pray I can weather his storm.

  “That was stupid,” Cassie says to Jezi. “She doesn’t need this added to her plate right now.”

  “No one asked you,” Jezi says, her voice dangerously low. “I’m done here. Report to Mack if you have a problem.” She walks off, disappearing into the shadows of the night.

  No one dares to say anything else to Jaxen, no one except Gavin, of course.

  “That’s bordering abandonment,” he says, his glassy blue eyes floating over to me. I look away from him, directing my gaze to the blur of darkness.

  “No one’s abandoning anyone,” Jaxen says, breaking up the silence. His hands plunge through his hair and then stop, gripping back whatever internal war he’s fighting. I want to touch him so badly. I want to console him, ask him the million questions floating around in my mind, and show him that I’m not upset.

  “What does this mean?” I ask.

  “It means you’re treading more dangerous ground than you thought,” Cassie says. “You thought being the Everlasting was hard? This kind of thing would make everyone question the Culling, question our leaders. No one can know.”

  “But, the Culling quartz...”

  “Apparently it isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Your shared mark proves that.”

  “Cass,” Gavin warns. He looks at me. “Just drop it. This isn’t a safe place to speak about this. Let’s go.”

  Gavin gets in the car, and Cassie hops in the passenger seat. Weldon slides into the back, leaving the door open for us. I pick up my bag, toss it in the trunk, and slide in with Jaxen right behind me. Gavin takes off, leaving trails of exha
ust fumes in our wake.

  Leaving my ability to make sense of what’s happening.

  GAVIN DRIVES US TO AN abandoned street somewhere in Brooklyn. The entire ride has been silent ever since the doors closed and the car rolled forward. It’s a horrible silence, the kind of silence where your thoughts scream at you to listen and dissect, the kind of silence you don’t want to have when you’re crammed in an overheated car on your way to take on the supernatural.

  Gavin’s the first to break, and I can’t help but sigh with relief when he does. “I can feel it buzzing in the air,” he says. He eyes Cassie, who’s staring out at the city lights. When she doesn’t say anything, he nudges her elbow off the center console.

  “Hmm?” she says distractedly, looking over to him with a thin smile.

  “I said, I can feel the buzz of paranormal activity,” he repeats, his head tilting to her with his brow lifted smartly. “It’s been awhile.”

  “Oh,” she says with a laugh. “Yeah, it’s been awhile, that’s for sure.” She rests her chin in the cup of her hand and turns back to stare out the window. I almost wish I could go back and get Jezi, just to remove the awkwardness. Jezi’s her friend, and here she is, with me and Jaxen, taking me on a hunt. It can’t be easy for her. I take a deep, pained breath and close my eyes.

  It wasn’t my fault.

  Heat scorches the side of my face. I open my eyes and peer to where Jaxen sits. He’s turned away from the window and is looking at me. His brows crease when he narrows his eyes on me, and then to the place on my arm where my mark is.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” I dare to ask, tilting my head.

  He doesn’t say anything at first. He just clears his throat, still wearing a crease on his forehead. I think I age ten years before he finally speaks. “I didn’t want to make things worse for you, confuse you. Mack’s looking into it. It’s part of the reason I went to Ethryeal City with him. I wanted to find out the truth, but the few he trusted enough to ask are stumped and advised we keep this to ourselves. This hasn’t been seen before.”