by Fiona Lowe
She swayed as if he’d hit her. “Scott, I want to explain.”
“I think you did a pretty good job explaining when you were last here. I’m not good enough for you. I’d be the thrift-shop purchase in your designer life. I get it. You can leave now.”
She lifted her chin with the determined jerk he knew well and then sucked in a breath. “No thank you.”
He sighed wearily. “It’s not a choice, Melissa.”
She didn’t move to stand. Instead she pushed at the lank strands of hair that stuck to her cheek. “It’s an allegory.”
Don’t engage. But he opened his mouth anyway. “What is?”
What the hell are you doing?
“The dress.” Her empty hand fingered the intricate lace. “I bought it in January as the talisman for my year. I figured that if I had the dress, then I’d meet the guy I’d marry.”
Incredulity dumped on him. “I thought you were an intelligent woman. Life isn’t a fairy tale, Melissa.”
She opened her palms in her lap as if she was accepting the criticism. “I know it sounds idiotic and it is and me explaining it will probably only make it sound even more stupid but I’m thirty-four, Scott. I’ve got a body clock that ticks so loud it’s like the roar of a jet engine and on New Year’s Day, I decided this would be the year I would silence that sound and replace it with the gurgles and cries of a baby. I just didn’t realize that along the way I’d be so focused on what I wanted that I’d lose my perspective and, worse still, throw away the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Hope soared and he tried to temper it. Sitting down on the coffee table he faced her, trying to read her. “What are you saying?”
“I love you, Scott.”
He badly wanted to trust her. He ached to, but self-preservation held him back. “It’s not easy to believe you after everything you said.”
She bit her lip and heartache filled her face. “I know and I’m so, so sorry. Sorry for what I said and sorry for being so blind. You were right. I had this idea of what I wanted for my life and because you’re very different from any guy I’ve ever been with everything snuck up on me. I...I didn’t recognize that what I was feeling for you was love.”
His heart hammered hard and fast, desperate to have faith that she loved him and he leaned forward, his knees and feet tangling in the lace. “So what’s changed? How do you know it’s love?”
Her bluer-than-blue eyes filled with tears. “These last four days have been awful. I’ve missed you and Lily so much.”
“Thank God.” He picked up her hand and kissed it, feeling like he’d been raced to the top of the tower ride and filled with elation.
She tugged her hand away, fisting it in her lap.
The ride dropped him fast and wariness pressed in on him like lead weights. “What?”
Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. “Loving you both scares me rigid.”
A long sigh shuddered out of him. “You’re scared of being Lily’s mom?”
“No.” She shook her head violently and grabbed his hands. “It’s not Lily. Please hear me on this. I love her and I know we’ll probably have some heartbreak along the way as we get her to adulthood and beyond, but that doesn’t scare me.”
He saw her love for him and for Lily in her eyes and bewilderment tangoed with frustration. “So what scares you? Tell me, because it can’t be worse than what I’m already imagining.”
“I love you, Scott, and I know I almost lost you by obsessing about things being perfect. That was dumb and I can compromise on a lot of things but I can’t compromise on a baby.” Her voice cracked. “I want us to have a child together. I want Lily to have the joy and frustration of a sibling. We love each other but that’s the easy bit, right?”
The reality of her words dripped fear through him and he rubbed his face with his hands before raising his gaze again to hers. “I’ve been on my own for so long that until the other day I’d never given any thought to having another child. I love Lily but I’d be lying if I said I’d be happy to have another special-needs child.”
Understanding flowed from her and she pressed the papers she’d been holding on to against his lap. “I know it freaks you out and part of it freaked me out too, so I’ve done some research.”
Surprise slugged him. “Research?”
“Yes. Knowledge is power,” she said quietly as she rifled through the pages. “Listen to this.” She commenced reading. “‘Most cases of Down syndrome are not inherited and the chromosomal abnormality occurs as a random event. The abnormality usually occurs in egg cells and very occasionally in sperm.’” She looked up. “In other words, if you were having another child with Margaret the risk of having another child with Down syndrome would be a lot higher. With us, the risk’s not as high, although the longer we wait, the higher it rises, but it’s relatively flat until I turn thirty-seven.”
His mouth dried as he forced himself to say, “And if the baby did have Down syndrome?”
“We’d be unlucky but we’d cope.” She slid her hand along his cheek. “I think we should talk to a doctor so we have all the facts.”
“And what if...” He ran his hand through his hair. “What if I was the ‘very occasionally’ reason Lily is how she is? You’re still willing to take that chance and have a baby with me?”
She smiled wanly. “Someone I respect and love once told me that life isn’t perfect. There’s a risk attached to everything, Scott, and I don’t see this as a big risk. If we’re unlucky, we’ll deal with it together. I’m not like Margaret. I want this baby. I ache for it.”
She reached out her hand. “I want you, Lily and our baby in my life. Will you take a risk on imperfect me and marry me?”
We’ll deal with it together. I’m not like Margaret. And he knew to his core that she wasn’t anything like his ex-wife. He’d known that within a couple of weeks of meeting her. She wanted to take this life journey with him and Lily and their yet-to-be-born children. A journey with pitfalls and imperfections, and a whole lot of love. If she was brave enough to try then he’d be a fool to walk away from that.
He gazed at her with her smudged makeup and disheveled hair, surrounded by yards and yards of lace and she’d never looked so beautiful to him. Tears pricked the backs of his eyes. “I couldn’t think of anything more wonderful.”
Melissa let go of the breath she’d been holding as equal parts relief and joy rushed her, making her dizzy. She’d been on tenterhooks for so long, completely uncertain of how he’d react to the idea of a baby and then to her proposal. She still couldn’t quite believe her ears. Despite everything, despite her foolishness, he wanted her. He wanted to take a leap of faith and have a child with her. Share Lily with her. She’d never felt so loved in all her life.
Needing to touch him, to reassure herself this was all real, she flung herself into his arms, her tears dampening his shoulders. “I thought you’d say no.”
He cupped her face in his palms and his gaze overflowed with love. “How could I say no to a bride?”
“No bride should ever look like this,” she said, wiping her face with a tissue. “I’m a complete mess.”
“You’re a beautiful mess.” He kissed her, infusing her with his love and hope for a future neither of them could predict.
A future they’d deal with together. A future she couldn’t wait to start.
As his mouth roved over hers, his hands traversed her back and then her front before settling on her waist. “This dress is a fortress. How the hell do I get to you?”
She laughed. “There are forty-five buttons and a corset to undo.”
“Seriously? And this was your perfect dress?” he said, finding the hem.
“Well, I can see now that it might have a design fault.”
His hands lifted the skirt and his head disappeared
as lace cascaded over her head.
His hands touched her thighs and his muffled voice said, “I think I’ve found a shortcut.”
“Can’t breathe,” she said, hitting him on the back while trying to claw at the lace so she could get some air. “The Bugle headline will be, Groom Suffocates Bride with Dress.”
He reappeared with a grin on his face. “Can’t have that.”
He swung her into his arms and carried her to his bedroom. As he carefully undid each button, he whispered all the things he was going to do to her and when the dress finally fell in a puddle of lace at her feet, she was a puddle of need.
She pulled him down onto the bed, wrapping her legs around him and tilting her hips, reveling in the way he filled her body. When her orgasm hit she knew he filled her heart, her mind and her soul. She might have been slow to know the joy of the love of an amazing man, but it had been well worth the wait.
* * *
Amy had filled a yellow legal pad with as much information as she’d been able to find on Stokes and Bent, the company that was interviewing her next week. It wasn’t a Fortune 500 but it had a growing reputation as being innovative and as none of the other twenty-six companies had offered her an interview, she was taking this one. She needed this job.
Her phone beeped and she laughed at a photo Cindy had sent her, taken when they’d been playing Twister. Ben, keeping his right arm out of the action, had still managed to bend backward and balance himself over Heidi to win the game.
Men who play Twister with our family are worth keeping. Ignore Daddy who thinks no guy is ever good enough. Besides, Ben’s hot! C x
She sighed. She knew Ben was worth keeping but how did she keep a guy who didn’t want to be kept? She had no clue but ever since the night she’d spent with Melissa, she’d considered telling Ben she loved him. Only every time she got close to telling him, a nagging voice said, what’s the point? She had this new job and he had—What did he have? More solo traveling? For a guy who sought solitude he certainly wasn’t a loner. In social situations, he was always far more at ease than she.
Getting no joy from this line of thinking, she tried to come up with a list of possible interview questions that might be asked. She felt so out of practice. The past few years, she’d been the one doing the interviews and this felt like starting over. Her phone beeped again with a text.
If the law doesn’t work out, consider relationship counseling. THANK YOU! Engagement drinks at the Udder Bar tonight. Hope you can come. Melissa & Scott xx
Happiness for her friend filled her along with the fact she’d played a part in it. She hadn’t felt this buzzed since she’d presented a family with an electric wheelchair on behalf of the Kids Plus Foundation. She tried to return to possible interview questions but she couldn’t concentrate so she printed off some information to read later.
As the printer hummed, spitting out pages, Amy gazed out the window. Ben was working on Red as he did a lot. When she’d asked him how often an engine needed to be tinkered with, he’d shot her an incredulous look that said she had no clue what she was talking about and then he’d said, “Stick to the law, Amy.”
Well, she hoped she was. God, she wanted this interview to go well. She so needed this job.
She watched him straddle the bike, his strong legs firmly planted on either side of it and then he gripped Red’s handles.
She held her breath.
He flicked his wrist, kicked down and the throbbing and thunderous sound of the engine broke the stillness of the morning with an explosive roar.
She flinched, telling herself it was concern for his untested shoulder but knowing it was the sound of the bike. There was no turning back. Things were really changing.
Of course they’re changing. This time here isn’t real life.
He turned and she caught his wide grin. Happiness radiated off him and although he looked as deliciously handsome as ever, there was something else. She realized with a sob that he looked carefree. He was looking forward to his next adventure. Mustering up a smile from somewhere around her ankles, she raised her hand in a stationary wave.
He gave her a thumbs-up with his right hand and then Red was moving forward and Ben was positioning his feet and riding away.
You have two days left.
Her phone beeped again twice in quick succession. The first message said, Enjoy last day of vacation and tell Ben safe travels. Luv Mom & Dad x
She was sure her parents genuinely wished Ben well but the fact this was also a check-in text to confirm that she was returning to Chicago wasn’t lost on her.
There wasn’t a second message and she realized the other beep must have been an email coming in. She saw it was from the personnel department of Stokes and Bent and it most likely contained instructions for accessing the parking garage on Monday.
Dear Ms. Sagar,
Unfortunately, due to a situation beyond our control, we are no longer able to interview you on Monday. The previously advertised position is now under review and at this stage, no interviews will be conducted. We apologize for any inconvenience and wish you every success in the future.
Doris van Loon
Stokes and Bent
A hot flush crawled over Amy’s skin and she immediately reread the email thinking she must have scanned it too quickly—that she must have missed the invitation to be interviewed at another time. She forced herself to reread it more slowly but by the time she reached Doris’s name, she’d arrived at the same conclusion. The email had a finality to it that couldn’t be misconstrued. There was no interview on Monday or at any other time.
Don’t panic. She huffed out a breath, trying to slow her breathing that kept hitching in her chest. After four weeks of seeking work, this had been the first interview she’d been able to get and now it was canceled. With her vacation time exhausted, she was now officially unemployed.
She ripped the pages of research off the legal pad and violently scrunched them into a ball. Staring at the blank yellow page, she knew she had to rethink her strategy. Widen her search.
Her brain froze, refusing to cough up a single idea.
She pushed back from the desk and walked to the kitchen, her mind spinning with a thousand incomplete thoughts and an overwhelming need to do something. To make something. To have something tangible to show for her actions instead of the nothing she had after hours and hours of futile job seeking. Her gaze fell on the box of vegetables that Keith and Lindsay had sent over for them.
She’d make soup. Ben loved rich, thick vegetable soup. She grabbed an onion and started dicing.
After twenty minutes of frenzied chopping and dicing, she now had all the ingredients for minestrone soup bubbling on the stove. Finally, the calm she’d been seeking descended, stealing through her and reminding her that everything was going to work out. After lunch with Ben, she’d draw up another list and contact some of the companies she’d ruled out earlier, having considered them too small for the career path she and her dad had always talked about.
You go, girl.
Only her enthusiasm for the task wasn’t what it should be. She’d rather be outside watching Ben. Hiking with Ben. Watching a movie with Ben. Making love to Ben.
Loving Ben.
Oh, why had she allowed herself to fall in love? She was seriously hopeless in the relationship stakes. The only solace she could take this time was that at least her taste in men was improving. Ben was caring, kind and honest—the complete opposite to Jonathon in every way. But even if she’d managed to get that right, it was all moot. Her life was in Chicago and Ben’s was where the road took him.
Her phone sounded again and she picked it up, hoping one of her sisters was sending her another funny photo because she could do with a laugh. But it wasn’t Cindy, Heidi or Sally.
The name on the screen was like a sucker p
unch to the gut and with trembling fingers, she opened the text.
Got an interesting call from Stokes and Bent. Sadly I couldn’t find a way to recommend you. Give up trying to work in Chicago. Time for a new career? Jonathon.
She broke out in a cold sweat and her heart bounced off her sternum. How the hell had Stokes and Bent even come to speak with Jonathon? His name wasn’t anywhere on her résumé and her list of references didn’t include him.
No interviews will be conducted. The words of the Stokes and Bent email peppered her like buckshot.
She gagged knowing exactly what Jonathon had told them. Her career was officially finished.
* * *
Ben knew he was grinning like a fool but he’d just ridden Red three miles down the road and back without feeling a single twinge from his shoulder. The relief was exhilarating because the days were shortening fast and he needed to get out of Wisconsin before the weather locked him in. Al had offered him a job over the winter but Ben wasn’t eager to stay. The idea of Whitetail without Amy wasn’t all that appealing.
She was inside preparing for her interview and in forty-eight hours she’d be driving to Chicago, which was why he’d done the test ride today. He wanted to take her on a farewell ride on Red tomorrow and then he’d pack his saddlebags, kiss her goodbye and ride out of town too. He still had a lot of the country to explore and he planned to winter in the southern states and island hop in the Caribbean. Beyond that, he had no clue.
He made his way into the house to wash up and was surprised to find Amy in the kitchen surrounded by the heady aroma of garlic and onions. He breathed in deeply and then lifted the lid on the simmering pot. Something shifted in his chest. “You made me minestrone?”
She laughed. “I made us minestrone. Who knew it’s as easy as ratatouille?”
He kissed her on the cheek. “Thank you, but I thought I was on cooking duty because you’re on a fact-finding mission for your interview.”
She dropped her gaze for a moment. “The facts were all running into each other so I took a break.” Her fingers started climbing up his chest. “And talking about breaks, the soup isn’t going to be ready for half an hour so...”
