Edgar grabbed his towel and toiletries and walked towards the door, watching Tumi one last time before he left. The gentleness on his face was something he rarely showed to the world, let alone to Edgar after all of the arguing they had been through. But seeing that side of him made the feelings that had stirred up in Edgar the night before only become more intense. He was starting to fall for Tumi. He knew it, even though it had come at the worst time for him. Just when he had felt so certain that returning to London in a few weeks would be the best choice for him, his feelings for Tumi had completely thrown him for a loop. He opened the door as quietly as he could and made his way to the bathroom. It was just before 7 a.m. and a few of the guys were already hitting the showers, but Edgar could luckily find some privacy in front of a corner basin where he looked at himself in the mirror. He looked frazzled. He had only had a few hours of sleep, and his pale skin looked washed-out. Dark rings had formed under his eyes, and his red hair stood in all directions. He was glad that Tumi wasn’t awake to see him in that state.
As he began to brush his teeth, he thought back on the kindness Tumi had shown him the night before. Tumi had seen how much Edgar’s brothers had hurt him with their words, and how embarrassed Edgar was that they had insisted on visiting the room in the middle of the night. And instead of turning away from Edgar, Tumi had comforted him, stuck by him, and even wanted to defend him. It gave Edgar the freedom to open up to Tumi, to tell him about his mother and about why he had first wanted to come to South Africa and studied their law so closely. Edgar had looked at Tumi in a new light the night before. He had been so ashamed of what his brothers had done and at putting Tumi through so much, but Tumi had been nothing but forgiving and supportive. Edgar wanted to show Tumi how much he appreciated it, and decided to ask Tumi out to dinner. It was the least he could do.
Edgar walked towards one of the open shower heads and tried to ignore the few other guys showering around him. He undressed and opened the faucet, feeling the warm water reinvigorate his body. He felt a slight hangover, but nothing he couldn’t push through for classes. After the shower, he dried his body with the towel and made his way back to the room. He was slightly anxious when he put his hand on the door handle, wondering how it would be to see Tumi after their closeness the previous night. Would Tumi pretend that nothing had changed? Would he treat Edgar any differently? Edgar entered the room and turned towards Tumi’s bed, seeing that Tumi was up and sitting on the bed with his hands on his knees. Tumi looked up at Edgar as he entered the room. Immediately, he felt a knot in his stomach. The look of worry on Tumi’s face made him think that Tumi had been awake earlier and knew that he had put his arm around Edgar. Was this a look of regret?
Edgar cleared his groggy throat and said, in as cheery a voice as he could manage, “Good morning. Did you sleep okay? I’m sorry if I moved around too much in my sleep. I hope it wasn’t a problem.”
Tumi looked up, his hair slightly longer than the almost fresh-shaven head he usually kept, and his gorgeous, full lips framed by a stubble. The sunlight shining in through the open curtains made his coffee-brown skin look radiant, but the look in his eyes showed something that made Edgar’s heart heavy with concern. Tumi looked almost paralyzed with fear. Something was wrong.
Edgar took a few steps closer to Tumi, making sure that his towel was wrapped securely around his waist. “Are you okay, Tumi? What’s going on? Is this about last night?”
“No, it’s not about last night. You don’t have to worry about that. Last night actually made me forget about everything for a while. I’m just dealing with some stuff today that I… I don’t even know what to think.” Tumi’s eyes darted around the room, and he was tapping his foot on the ground anxiously.
“You don’t look well, Tumi. Is there anything I can help you with?” Edgar sat down on the bed next to Tumi, feeling slightly exposed but trying to show his support. He noticed Tumi’s eyes glancing at his naked torso and at the knee which was peeking out at the side where the ends of the towel met around Edgar’s waist.
“It’s really something I need to deal with on my own. I need to get through classes this morning, and then there’s something I need to do. Someone I need to see. I’m a bit nervous.”
“You look more than a bit nervous,” Edgar responded, his face sinking into an expression of sympathy. “I’m here for you, okay? You don’t need to go through this alone if you don’t want to. Whatever it is, I can try my best to help you in any way.”
Tumi’s brown eyes finally connected with Edgar’s, and for a brief second, a smile crossed his lips. Tumi said, “I can’t really include you in this. I can’t tell anyone about it yet. There are some things I’m just not ready to talk about. I hope you can understand that. I need to go and see someone from my past, and I’m not sure at all how it will go, so I’m a bit scared.”
Edgar reached out his hand and put it on Tumi’s, feeling that same warm skin that had offered him so much comfort the night before. He looked Tumi directly in the eye and said, “You don’t have to talk about it. But if you need someone to go with you, I’ll do it with you. I’ll just be there silently if you don’t want me to say anything, and I’ll be happy to listen if you want to talk about it at any point.”
Tumi shook his head and responded, “It’s not really the place for… well, to be blunt, for a white person. It’s in the township. There’s someone I need to see and I need to do it as soon as I can so that I can move forward with my life.”
Edgar squeezed Tumi’s hand slightly, not yet ready to take his hand away from the ball of nerves sitting in front of him. “I can handle myself in the township. I went on a tour when I first got to Cape Town and it didn’t seem as bad as you’re making it out to be. Besides, I want to be there for you. You helped me yesterday, so let me help you today. It will make me feel a lot better.”
Tumi looked down at the floor, a heavy burden clearly showing all over his expression. He thought for a long time in silence. All the while, Edgar kept his hand on Tumi’s hand. Finally, Tumi responded: “Okay. I think it might help me. I’d like to leave at noon. Will that work for you?”
Edgar nodded and smiled, even though he realized that he had arranged a meeting with one of his advisors over lunch hour. He would just have to postpone it. This was more important. “I’ll be there. You can meet me here at the room.”
Tumi’s eyes were filled with emotion as he looked at Edgar. “Thank you,” he said, a million different unspoken things being said with his eyes.
Chapter 18
Tumi could hardly believe what he was looking at. They drove silently through the township close to Ridgemont, Edgar’s eyes focused on the road as he navigated the narrow streets, and Tumi sitting with his mouth slightly ajar and a million thoughts running through his mind in the passenger seat. This had been the place he had lived for the first two years of his life.
There were lots of people in the streets, many children standing at the side of the road staring at the cars going by, litter and emaciated dogs everywhere. The tiny shacks were made of discarded wood and corrugated iron, and sometimes even cardboard which surely would be completely useless in the Cape Town weather. Tumi couldn’t believe that millions of people were living that way; at the back of his mind he knew that the impoverished townships were everywhere in South Africa, but growing up in the Ridgemont Valley made it very convenient to forget all about what was only a few miles away. Tumi saw that many of the shacks had electricity lines running to them and even had small antennas and satellite dishes on their roofs, strange sights for such a bleak place. There were spaza shops, shebeens and various micro businesses in every street; many of the people in the township had no formal employment, and besides the meagre social grants they stood in line for once a month, they had to hustle for extra money.
The tar streets were remarkably drivable, even though there were occasional potholes and the minibus taxis that zipped past Edgar’s rental car made navigating the streets challenging. Edga
r looked slightly flustered as Tumi finally turned to look at him. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were intensely focused directly ahead of him. He seemed to not even be noticing the squalor around him. Tumi wondered what someone who grew up in London and studied at the University of Cambridge thought about the townships of South Africa. It must have seemed like a completely different world to him. Tumi was grateful that Edgar had been willing to go with him to the address that was listed for the man known as Hannes, the man who it seemed might have been Tumi’s father. Tumi hadn’t been able to tell Edgar why they had made the trip to the township yet; it was all too raw, and Tumi hadn’t even made sense of all of it himself. He wanted to be sure. He didn’t want to tell Edgar that he might be meeting his birth father only for it to end in another dead end like it had with Angela Ngcobo. But at that moment, Tumi wanted no one else by his side. Edgar had become someone who made Tumi feel comforted at a time when he felt like he hardly knew himself anymore. Tumi’s brother Mohale was getting a divorce, he felt like he was floundering at his studies, and he had so many questions about his past that it seemed might never be answered. In all of that, sharing the room with Edgar, and sharing his bed with the handsome man the night before, had meant a lot to Tumi. He had even awoken to realize that his arm was around Edgar’s waist, that their bodies were pressed tightly against each other. And instead of feeling self-conscious and pulling away, Tumi stayed in that position, enjoying the warmth of the guy he had once thought so little of but who had now become someone so important in Tumi’s life.
Tumi looked at the road signs next to the streets, graffiti and gang signs sprayed over many of them, and finally saw the street name that had been in the archives of the labor movement. “That’s the one. Turn right up ahead,” he said to Edgar, pointing.
“Right,” Edgar said, never taking his eyes off of the road ahead of him.
Tumi cleared his throat. “I just want to say…” he started, but Edgar interrupted him.
“You don’t have to say it, Tumi. I’m happy to be here with you. I can see that this is something important to you, and I want to help you in any way I can.” Edgar smiled reassuringly, and finally turned to Tumi. His eyes showed how anxious he was feeling, and Tumi reached out his hand to touch Edgar’s knee, returning his nervous smile.
“It means a lot to me,” Tumi finally said. He turned back to look at the shacks along the road, very few of which had any sort of numbering to help them find the right one. Tumi saw a number on one of the homes, 38, and began counting in multiples of two at each passing home, hoping that the numbering would follow the convention he was used to. He was looking for number 62. He motioned for Edgar to slow down and said, “We should be close now. I think it’s two houses ahead. Right over there. Just pull up next to it. It looks safe enough to stop over here; there’s a main road not too far away so lots of cars are coming and going.” As the car pulled to a stop, Edgar and Tumi turned to face each other, and Tumi said, “I have to do this alone. I’ll be as quick as I can. If anything suspicious happens, just honk on your horn, drive to a safer spot and call the police immediately, okay? I know it’s not safe here, but it looks a bit better than the rest of the township.”
“Don’t worry about me,” Edgar said. “I’m more street-smart than I look. I’ll be able to handle myself if anything happens. You just focus on what you need to do. I’ll be right here waiting. If you need me to come inside, just send me a text and I’ll come and get you, okay?”
Tumi was overcome with emotion, and leaned in to hug Edgar tightly. He thanked Edgar again and stepped out of the car, walking up to the incredibly tiny shack. It must’ve only been a single-roomed home. The rotting wooden door was hardly hanging on the hinges, and a small opening with clear plastic served as the window in front of the house. Was this really where his biological father lived?
Tumi knocked on the door and waited, and after a few seconds of no response he called out: “Hello? Hannes? Is this where Hannes lives?” He could hear movement inside of the house, and finally the door opened.
An old man stood in front of Tumi as the door swung open. He walked with a cane, and his face was filled with deep lines and age marks. He coughed before he spoke: “Ungubani? Wazi njani Hannes?” The old man’s expression was serious and intense. He looked at Tumi’s face closely through blue-lined, cataracted eyes.
Tumi shook his head, “Sorry, I only speak a little Xhosa. Do you speak English? I’m looking for a man named Hannes.”
The old man stood in silence for a long time, and motioned for Tumi to come into the house. He turned his back and walked towards a small table in the middle of the room, and Tumi followed him inside. The shack was dark and Tumi could smell damp in the air. He sat down at the small stool across the table where the man was already sitting. Tumi noticed the serious expression of the old man soften.
“Why do you look for Hannes?” the man said in broken English.
Tumi was relieved to hear him speak English. He said, “I was doing some research and found out that Hannes used to live here. Is that true? I need to find him and talk to him. Is he still here?”
The old man looked down at his hands, fidgeting with his fingers on the table in front of him. He sighed deeply, and without looking up he said, “Hannes was my son. He died in the fire many years ago. After he died, no one help me to rebuild. I built this place myself. He was my son.”
Tumi felt himself choke up. While he still wasn’t sure if Hannes was really his father, the sadness in the old man’s voice and the way he clearly still missed his son made Tumi feel the loss personally. “What is your name?” Tumi asked the man sitting across from him. He looked at the features again closely, trying to see if he could find himself in the man’s face.
“Petrus. Petrus Maseko. Umntwana wam, why have you come here today asking about Hannes? Why are you bringing up these painful memories for an old man like me?”
Tumi felt his heart sink. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the newspaper clipping, showing it to the old man. “I think that Hannes knew this woman,” Tumi said. He handed the clipping to Petrus, who held it very close to his weak eyes. His face was strained in concentration, and after a few moments, a smile crept across his eyes.
“This is Hannes’s lady! And his little boy! Where did you find this picture? I thought they were killed in the fire. They never came to see me afterwards. They never even came to his funeral. Did they live?” Petrus’s voice was excited, and filled the small room in the shack. He had a look of anticipation, as though Tumi was bringing light into his life for the first time in a long time. All the while, Tumi’s heart was breaking more and more as the realization began to sink in.
“I’m actually looking for the woman as well. The one in the picture. If you can give me her name, I will find her and tell her that you are looking for her.”
“Her name?” the old man asked, his face clouded with confusion. “She… Hannes was always a good boy. He was working, all the time, to make life better for us people. The forgotten people. But then he told me that he had met a Sotho girl, and that she was pregnant. It is not in our tradition, you see? He knew that. I told him that he should either leave the girl or he was no longer a part of our family. He was bringing shame. I only met the girl once, and I only saw the boy in the street when I tried to talk to them years later. Her name was Abongile. That was what he told me. But I don’t know anything more about her. Abongile. I don’t even know the young boy’s name. If you find them, can you tell them I am sorry. I am sorry for turning Hannes away. I was a different man then. But the years have taken a lot from me. I am weak now, and I think every day about the family I threw away. Can you please tell them for me?”
Tumi nodded in agreement, feeling his face tense up and his entire body growing weak. He couldn’t believe what was happening. He stood up from the stool, barely able to look at Petrus anymore, and said his goodbyes. Petrus thanked Tumi for the visit, saying that he was glad that Tumi had gone on the s
earch, and that one day he dreamed of being reunited with his grandson. As Tumi got ready to leave, he saw a quizzical look on Petrus’s face, as though something was finally dawning on him. But Tumi had to leave. He stepped out of the shack, and heard the old man calling out after him, but he ignored him. He got into the car next to Edgar and asked him to drive away quickly. “I need to get out of here right now,” he said. Edgar obliged, and drove through the streets of the township back in the direction of Ridgemont.
After a few minutes of silent driving, Tumi’s head swirling in thought, Edgar finally asked him, “Who was that man, Tumi.”
And Tumi, finally feeling his emotions rush to the surface, responded, “That was my grandfather.” He collapsed into tears, his hands over his face. All of the years of confusion that he had felt about where he had come from rushed to the surface. His heart was broken.
Chapter 19
Edgar parked the car under the oak trees in front of Nova. Tumi had been crying for most of their trip back to Ridgemont University, and Edgar had tried to comfort him as best he could. But the situation was very confusing. Why had Tumi said that the old man in the shack was his grandfather, when Edgar knew that Tumi came from a well-off family who lived in the Ridgemont Valley? Why had visiting the man affected Tumi so much? Edgar couldn’t ask the questions on his mind, at least not yet. For the last few minutes of the drive until they reached Nova, Tumi had finally stopped crying and just sat in silence. He didn’t respond to anything Edgar said to him, and Edgar knew that he had to back off. As soon as the car stopped, Tumi stepped out and walked through the front entrance of Nova at a fast pace, ignoring Edgar’s calls for Tumi to slow down. Edgar locked his car and ran after Tumi, following him over the quad as other students watched them rush past. Out of the corner of his eye, Edgar saw Hein watching them. He had a strange smile on his lips, and Edgar decided to simply ignore him and follow Tumi.
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