When they arrived at their room, Tumi began pacing the length of the room, still not paying any attention to Edgar. His expression was completely blank, although his jaw looked clenched. Edgar walked towards his bed – the bedding had been freshly washed and he had replaced the mattress that morning before leaving for the township with Tumi. He sat down and watched Tumi pacing up and down their small room. Tumi seemed like he was a million miles away, and Edgar had no idea how he would reach him.
Finally, Tumi sat down on his own bed across from Edgar, and began shaking his head slowly. Edgar wanted to comfort him. Tumi was clearly distraught after the meeting, and Edgar felt completely useless to help the guy he had started to care about so much. He said, gently, “I’m here for you, Tumi. If you want to talk about what happened, about why seeing that man upset you so much, I’m here to listen.”
Edgar watched Tumi in silence for a few long moments. Tumi’s lips were quivering. There was something behind his eyes, a deep pain that had been freshly exhumed, that Edgar longed to help him heal. When Tumi spoke, his voice was low and filled with emotion: “I went there today to confront my past. I was adopted when I was two years old. I hardly remember my birth parents at all. All I have of them are scraps of research I’ve done, trying to find them. I found an address of a man I suspected of being my birth father, and when I went to the address today…” Tumi’s voice became even more strained, and his eyes filled with tears, “I found out that my birth father died just before I was put up for adoption. The man we saw today was his father, my biological grandfather. I’d never considered… I just thought that I would be reunited with them, and finally be able to understand something about my past. To find out that he’s been dead this whole time…”
Edgar walked over to Tumi’s bed and sat down next to him. He put his hand on Tumi’s back, feeling the tremors of emotion shoot through Tumi’s body, hearing the deep, desperate sobbing. Edgar thought back on the night in the law library, how they had fought about Tumi being so critical of Hein when Edgar thought that Tumi was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Tumi had insisted that his life could have been very different. At the time, Edgar had no idea what Tumi was talking about, but now it all made sense. Tumi had been born into poverty, with a father who died and a mother who gave him up. If he hadn’t been adopted by the Moketlas, he would be living a completely different life. “I’m sorry, Tumi. I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry that you had to find out like this. I had no idea.”
Tumi turned to Edgar suddenly and put his arms around Edgar’s neck, sobbing into his shoulder and hugging him tightly. Edgar squeezed Tumi against himself, running his hand over Tumi’s back and rocking slightly. He wished that he could take away all of the pain that Tumi was feeling.
Tumi stopped crying suddenly and pulled away from Edgar slightly, looking into his eyes. Tumi’s face was covered in tears, and his eyes were red with sorrow. All Edgar could see was the beautiful person looking back at him, the person he wanted to protect. Tumi’s voice cracked as he said, “Thank you, Edgar, for coming with me today. I really appreciate it. You’ve meant so much to me over the past few days. Just having you around…” Tumi leaned in and kissed Edgar softly on his cheek, and Edgar felt his heart jump into his throat. He closed his eyes, loving the feeling of the soft, full lips on his skin. But Tumi didn’t stop. He planted a series of soft, gentle kisses on Edgar’s cheek, inching slowly forward, and finally their lips connected. Edgar’s eyes were closed as he felt Tumi kissing him deeply. He wondered if he was doing the right thing, if he was taking advantage of Tumi during a vulnerable moment. But everything about it felt right. He felt closer to Tumi than he ever had, and he wanted to kiss Tumi, to show him how he felt. He returned the kiss, putting his hands on Tumi’s cheek, feeling the wet tears on his fingertips, tasting the warmth of his mouth. Tumi was repositioning himself, climbing onto the bed and straddling Edgar with his legs. Edgar lay back onto the bed, his lips never disconnecting from Tumi’s as he felt the strong, slender body on top of his. Their kissing grew even more passionate, and Edgar felt Tumi’s fingertips on his shirt buttons, fidgeting to free his chest as they maintained the kiss. Edgar wanted it, and he could feel that Tumi wanted him. He ran his hands down Tumi’s back and felt his body, the muscular spine leading down to the ample butt. Tumi managed to free Edgar’s torso completely from the confines of his shirt, and finally pulled back from the kiss to look at Edgar’s body. His eyes seemed more focused, passionate. He drank in Edgar’s body, kissing his neck and chest, running his hands over Edgar’s freckled skin.
And as Edgar felt Tumi’s hands reach down for his belt, they both froze. Edgar’s phone was ringing, seemingly breaking the trance that the two of them had fallen into. Tumi stopped kissing Edgar and took his hands away from Edgar’s belt. Edgar whispered, “We can ignore it. We can keep going if you want to.” But he could feel that the moment was over.
“I just got carried away. Now isn’t the best time for this,” Tumi said as he stood up from the bed and walked towards the door.
“I understand,” Edgar said, trying to make sure that he said the right things but feeling frustrated at whoever had decided to call him at that moment. Tumi gave Edgar a final smile before he walked out of the room, and Edgar stood up from Tumi’s bed with a deep sigh to answer his still-ringing phone.
It was from a private number, and Edgar answered with an angry tone: “Hello?”
“Edgar? Have you been sleeping? Your voice sounds groggy.”
“Father?” Edgar said. His father’s deep, commanding voice was ringing through the phone, and Edgar immediately felt his body freeze. It was the last person he ever wanted to hear from. Usually, Edgar’s father would simply task Wesley with calling him, and only ever spoke to Edgar to scold him for the more severe infractions. Hearing from Lawrence Sr. was almost always bad news.
“Yes of course it’s your father. Who else does it sound like? I just heard from Thomas. He says you are doing well and behaving yourself after your recent silliness. I’m glad to hear that you’ll be returning in a few weeks, ready to transition into working with the rest of the family after your final semester.”
Edgar felt a burst of panic. Returning to his life in England had always been at the back of Edgar’s mind, but with everything that had happened between himself and Tumi, he finally had a reason to want to stay. He steeled himself and said, “Actually, father, I’m considering staying for another semester. The course has been going very well and I’d like to see if I can get credit for doing another course with the professor I’m working with.”
Edgar held his breath as he waited for the response. He was greeted by nothing but silence for a long time. He knew that he was about to be assaulted with anger, but he had to try to reason with his father. He couldn’t just leave Tumi after everything, and risk losing what they were feeling for each other.
But the answer Edgar received wasn’t the screaming fit that he expected. Instead, his father’s voice was menacingly calm: “I’m going to pretend that you didn’t just say that to me, Edgar. You have wasted more than enough of your time and my money in that place already. I thought I would give you the chance to live out whatever fantasy you thought that country could offer you, but it’s time to come back to the real world now and take up your responsibilities. Forget about waiting until the end of the semester; you will come back with Thomas when he returns in a few days. If there are any exams, you can return to write them in a few weeks, but I want you back here as soon as possible. Do you hear me? You have a degree to finish here at Cambridge and then you have to work to pay me back for all of the luxuries I’ve showered you with for your whole life. Staying there has made you soft in the head. I’ll tell Thomas of the new arrangements and I expect to see you in a few days.”
Edgar opened his mouth to respond, but he was met with the click of the receiver and the tone for an ended call. He had no idea what to feel. If his father cut off Edgar’s funds, he would be stranded in Sout
h Africa with no way to support himself. He had to do exactly as his father said; he simply had no other choice. But the thought of leaving Tumi at that time made him feel lost. A few days before, the thought of going back to England was comforting to Edgar, but now it was hard to even imagine leaving. He had no idea what he would do.
As he put the phone down on his desk, Tumi walked in, a weak smile on his face. Edgar wished that he could return Tumi’s smile, but he felt shell-shocked after the call with his father. Tumi said, “I’m sorry I rushed off like that. Please don’t think that it means that I didn’t enjoy what we were doing. I just needed to get some fresh air and clear my head a bit.”
Edgar stood up, feeling a fresh wave of the strong feelings that were developing for Tumi flow through him. “Don’t worry about it. And I enjoyed it too. I completely understand.”
They spent some time talking about everything that happened, and as the late afternoon approached they studied together, but Edgar had no idea how to tell Tumi that he would have to leave South Africa even earlier than he thought. He wanted to get closer to Tumi, but he knew that he would only end up hurting the person who meant so much to him. That night, Edgar hardly slept, plagued by confusion and indecision.
Chapter 20
The day after his trip with Tumi, Edgar lay on his bed as the afternoon sun warmed their room in Nova. Tumi was still in class, and even though they had become much closer to each other and the interactions between them had changed, Edgar knew that Tumi was going through a difficult time. He couldn’t believe that he would have to leave in only a few short days. Thomas had let Edgar know that he had booked them flights to London in two days’ time, and that Edgar should pack most of his things so that he wouldn’t have much left in the room when he returned for exams. Luckily, Edgar would still have time for the final session of mock court before their flight in the evening. He couldn’t leave Prof. Nkuna’s course unfinished. It gave him some small feeling of consolation that he would be able to see it through.
Edgar looked at the screen of his phone as his head rested on the two pillows he had propped up against the wall at the head of his bed. He knew that he had to tell Tumi that he was leaving, the sooner the better. If Edgar allowed their feelings to grow any more than they already had, it would spell disaster. There was no way Edgar could stay in South Africa; his father had already proven that he was willing to cut Edgar off financially, and he would be left stranded, unable to pay for a place to stay or even for the extra courses he wanted to take on. He had to return like his father wanted. But he couldn’t find the words to tell Tumi.
Edgar began typing a text on his phone, figuring that the best way to tell Tumi would be face to face. Can I take you to dinner tonight? I need to talk to you about something. He sent the message, feeling his stomach seize up in knots. More than anything, he wanted to stay there with Tumi. He had grown used to having Tumi around. They even had their little rituals over the past few days: Edgar would make up his bed after his morning shower to avoid Tumi’s angry stares, and then head down to his favorite coffee stall and order two vanilla lattés, leaving one on Tumi’s desk every morning. It always drew a smile from Tumi. Tumi, in turn, had placed one of his pot plants on the windowsill by Edgar’s desk, and watered it every day, a small gesture that made Edgar feel cared for. They had started to grow almost dependent on each other over their time as roommates, despite the initial tension, and the few annoyances that they had expressed at the start were beginning to be ironed out. It would be hard for Edgar to simply break away from all of that without talking to Tumi and explaining himself first.
Edgar’s message tone chirped through the room and he saw that Tumi had responded. He opened the message: That would be nice. Meet you at the room at 7? I have some things to do at the library after class. Should I dress up?
Edgar smiled. Even in Tumi’s heartache at finding out the difficult truths about his past, he was still putting on a brave face for Edgar and even seemed excited about dinner together. Edgar’s expression turned to a frown at the realization that he only had two days left of being Tumi’s roommate, and of exploring his feelings with the guy he had grown to care about so much in the past few days. Even the country that he had been so disillusioned with for most of his stay, the place he had started to resent, he had found a new fondness for. He had seen a lot more of South Africa, visiting his aunt Celeste and driving through the township, than he had in just being in Ridgemont and Cape Town City, and visiting the museums which didn’t really give him insight into the country. Now, there was something hopeful about the place, even through all of the struggles, and he wanted to know more. He wished that things could have been different, but he saw no way out. He responded to Tumi’s message: You’ll look great no matter what. I’m looking forward to it.
***
Edgar sat at the table of JJ’s Bistro with his hands on his lap, feeling the collar of his button-up shirt scratching into his neck, but trying to ignore the discomfort. He gave an awkward smile to Tumi who was sitting across from him. Even though Edgar had been on a lot of dates before, he had never really cared about a guy in the way he cared for Tumi. He had never felt as strong an attraction to another person, and the memory of the passionate kiss they shared came back to him often throughout the day. The lights were low in the restaurant, and romantic jazz music was playing over the speakers. Tumi looked gorgeous: his face was freshly shaven, bringing out his soft, chiseled features and accentuating his light brown eyes. He wore a casual green shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, giving him a breezy summer look. His cologne was a distinctive musk that was intoxicating to Edgar. Everything about Tumi was drawing him in even deeper. He could feel something that he hadn’t felt in as long as he could remember: the giddy exhilaration of butterflies in his stomach.
The waiter came over to take their orders, and Tumi asked for an open beef sandwich with fries. Edgar browsed through the menu again, not terribly impressed with his options, but simply nodding and ordering the same meal as Tumi. “And a bottle of sparkling wine, please,” he said, feeling the need to be extravagant. Both he and Tumi had been through a lot, and it was good to just be able to relax.
The waiter looked concerned, and said that they only had the Le Mont sparkling wine in stock, and asked Edgar if he was sure that he wanted it. Edgar looked at the menu, and scanned the high three-digit price of the bottle of wine, feeling his heart suddenly sink. “Maybe we should get something else then. I’m not sure if that’s the right wine for us tonight.”
“My treat,” Tumi cut in. “It’s a really good wine.” Tumi nodded to the waiter to bring the bottle, and gave a reassuring smile to Edgar. “It helps to be a Moketla sometimes,” he said to Edgar with a wink, and Edgar felt relief wash over him.
Edgar felt embarrassed as he tried to explain himself to Tumi: “My father canceled my credit card. I’ve had to be a bit more cautious with my finances lately. But you really don’t have to buy such an expensive bottle of wine. I’m happy with just water.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Tumi responded, his reassuring smile growing larger. “You buy me those delicious lattés every morning, so it’s my turn to treat you for once.”
Edgar nodded, still feeling self-conscious but eager to get past the uncomfortable moment. “How are you doing?” he asked. “You’ve had a lot to take in over the past few days.”
“I’m a lot better,” Tumi responded, looking down at the table. “It still hurts that I’ll never get to know my birth father, but maybe the fact that I never even knew who he was until a few days ago makes it a bit easier to not see this as a loss. I still want to find the woman who gave birth to me, but now it feels like a dead end. Just a first name, Abongile, and no marriage certificate for my birth father, makes it pretty impossible to track her down. I still have my parents. I’m seeing them tomorrow just to talk through everything. I think it’s time to find out if there’s anything more that they know. I gave up asking them after my last unsuccess
ful search. Figured it was hard for them to even think about it. But maybe there’s something they can tell me about Abongile that will help me.”
“I’ll be here for you,” Edgar said, and immediately realized that he was lying to Tumi. He would be out of the country in two days, and he hadn’t even told Tumi yet. He took a deep breath, not sure what exactly he would say, but knowing that he needed to say something. “Tumi, I need to tell you something…”
“Wait,” Tumi interrupted him, his expression suddenly becoming deathly serious. “If you want to talk about us, about what’s happening here… I want us to wait. I’m not sure I can make sense of any of it right now. I’m not even sure that I’m ready for a relationship. There’s just a lot to think about. You live in another country, and I have to focus on getting my mind right about my birth parents. If you want to talk about that, I just need to ask you to wait.”
Edgar looked at Tumi’s face closely, the confusion reflected in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak again, but he had no idea what the point would be. Was it even fair to promise Tumi that they would try and start something when they lived so far apart? What kind of promises could Edgar make to Tumi, a guy he had only known for a few months and only grown close to for short time? Edgar wanted to say so much, but he wanted to spare them both the harsh reality that they would probably have to end their romance before it even really began. He bit his lip, just wanting to live in the fantasy that everything would be okay for a short while longer.
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