Part of me wants to say yes, to start over somewhere I’ve chosen to be but another more nagging part knows that my only family is here, so why would I leave to be alone?
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “I can see pros and cons to both.”
“I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of printing out some of the best programs just to give you something to think about. These ones are spread across the country, and here’s a couple in state. Just give them all a read, check out the college websites. See if any of them speak to you. I know it’s still early and you’ve got plenty of time to make a decision but there’s no harm in starting to get ideas and having something to work toward.”
“Thank you,” I say, gathering up all the paperwork she’s just spread across the table. Seeing some of the college names at the top of the printouts makes my heart race a little. I’m not totally naïve on this subject, in fact, studying for my degree in America was something I’d discussed with my parents more than once. They thought it would be good for me, and some of these institutions have incredible courses that could really help kick-start my career, along with my name, of course. But in the end, I decided that I didn’t want to go that far away. I looked up some of Dad’s suggestions though and I couldn’t deny that what some of them could offer was incredible, plus the opportunity to live in stunning cities like New York was very tempting.
I’m walking out into the corridor when raised voices coming from the entrance to this part of the school make their way down to me.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t just allow you to march into the building.”
“But he’s my son. I have every right to see him.”
“Yes. Once classes are over, you may do as you wish but I won’t have you disrupting my school or my student’s education.”
“This is infuriating. Do you know who I am?”
I round the corner right as she says those words and my chin drops.
Kate Thorn. Supermodel. Porn star. Drug addict. Jake’s mum.
Fuck.
How did I not see this coming?
My movement catches her eye, and she drags her stare from the principal to me. Her eyes narrow as she looks me up and down.
“I know you.”
“I’m Amalie Win—”
“Windsor-Marsh. I know who you are.” Her lips curl in disgust as if I’m nothing more than a bit of dog shit on her shoe.
Turning away from me, she continues where she left off. “I don’t know how long I’m in town for. I need to see my son.”
As they stand and continue arguing, it gives me a chance to take her in. She looks completely different from the last time I saw her in person and everything like the images that have been plastered all over the gossip magazines for the past year or so. She used to be one of the industry’s most sought after models. She was gorgeous, had the flawless face and the slim figure every designer wanted. Dad had photographed her more than any other model in his career, he was her favourite to work with and she often demanded it was him shooting or it wouldn’t happen. But as with so many young success stories, the fame and money got to be a little too much. She was burning the candle at both ends and something had to give. She started drinking, snorting too much cocaine and lost job after job. According to the gossip, she’d snorted and pissed away every penny she earned and after a sex tape leak, she obviously realised there was money to make in sex and turned to that. I’ve not seen anything, but the screenshots and comments that have graced social media haven’t been pleasant.
Her once porcelain skin is now almost grey, her cheeks sunken and her eyes tired and bloodshot. Although she was always very slim, her skin is now hanging from her bones. But it’s her blue eyes and blonde hair that stand out to me. Although that blonde is anything from natural. It’s peroxide yellow and even from this distance, it looks as brittle as straw.
Everything Jake’s ever said to me suddenly makes so much sense. His hatred of where I came from, my parents’ industry, even my looks to a point.
His mother is Kate fucking Thorn. I feel like an idiot for not putting two and two together. But why would I? I’m sure there are a million eighteen-year-old kids with Thorn as a surname who could have been the son she abandoned as a young child. The little boy she left behind was regularly mentioned when they were slating her in the press.
It should have been obvious, the voice in my head screams. But as I stand and berate myself, still eavesdropping on their increasingly heated argument, I spot movement over by the benches.
Jake rounds the corner, the shouting in the distance catching his attention and he looks up. Everything happens in slow motion. It takes a second or two for reality to hit him, but when it does, I’ve never seen a look on his face like it. I thought he’d looked at me with pure hatred but I’m realising that I was let off lightly because as he stares at his mother, he looks murderous. His entire body tenses, his fists clench at his sides like he might just walk up to her and punch her in the face. I step forward, needing to go to him but Kate sees where my focus is and her eyes land on Jake.
“Jake, my boy. Come here.”
I drop my bag and books and race toward Jake as his chest swells and his entire body vibrates with fury.
“Come on, baby.”
“Don’t baby me, you fucking whore.” With that, he spins on his heels and runs. I attempt to chase him but he easily outruns me and I’m left panting, bent over with my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath.
“Fuck,” I mutter between heaving breaths. Looking back, Kate and the principal are gone.
I should leave him to his own personal hell but now I’ve got an understanding of why he is the way he is, I know that I won’t be able to.
Walking back toward the school, I pick up everything I dropped and try to figure out where he might go.
I don’t give school a second thought as I walk off-campus. I catch a bus toward the seafront. My first thought being Aces, although I’m pretty sure he won’t want to be around people right now, but it’s close to my second guess, the beach. If I’d just had my world turned upside down, I think I’d head straight for the ocean. There’s something so relaxing listening to the waves crashing.
I come up short in both places, so with nowhere else to turn, I head toward his trailer. Even if he’s not there right now, hopefully he’ll reappear at some point.
I get the bus to his house, not wanting to be caught by Gran. I sneak through the driveway and down to the bottom of the garden. I forego the trailer, thinking that he might be in his make-shift gym, but it’s empty with no signs he’s been here.
Thankfully, his trailer door is unlocked, so I pull it open and step inside.
It looks exactly as it did the other day. It’s much tidier than I would have expected knowing an eighteen-year-old lad lives here. I’d expect to find beer cans, clothes, and all sorts lying around but in reality, the only thing out is an ashtray.
Not wanting to pry into his life too much, I take a seat on his sofa and wait.
I must fall asleep because when my eyes flicker open, the sun is beginning to set and I have a very angry pair of eyes staring down at me.
36
Jake
Dismissing Brit like I did in front of Chelsea was physically painful. Why couldn’t I just grow a pair and admit that things had changed? The girl I’d quite happily have never seen again when she first arrived has somehow managed to bury her way under my skin and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get her the fuck out.
I’m so used to playing the part of the carefree asshole at school that the act just comes naturally. No one questions the mask I wear, no one, aside from Mason, even knows it exists. They think this douchebag is actually me. They have no idea I use the persona to cover up what’s really festering inside me. The anger, the hurt, the betrayal. It’s been years, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference, that little abandoned boy still lives inside me.
I should be in class but I managed to find o
ut that Brit has a meeting with Miss French and with everyone else busy learning, I decided I’d surprise her and make up for being an asshole. The taste of her coming against my lips last night is the only thing I can taste and, fuck, if I don’t need more of that. She has every right to tell me to go fuck myself, which I did multiple times with my hand once I got back to my trailer last night, but my need for her means I make a pathetic excuse to my teacher and march out of her room. I didn’t even hang around to find out if she’d given me permission or not. Who gives a fuck. It’s not like anyone in their right mind would question me.
When I spot the principal at the end of the hallway, I go to duck into the shadows so I can get to Miss French’s office another way. But the figure standing in front of him has me stepping out in the open.
My heart races and an uncomfortable knot forms in my stomach.
It can’t be.
Thinking that I must be imagining things, I take a few steps closer, my eyes locked on the woman who I now realize is going batshit at Principal Hartmann.
Fuck.
I’ve imagined a million times how I would react if I were ever to see her again. A million and one ways I could hurt her after what she did to me. But in that moment, before she sees me, everything inside me freezes.
She looks nothing like I remember, or like the one and only photo I have of the two of us together. She’s no longer the stunning supermodel that I picture every time I think of her but some haggard old woman. The fact that life clearly hasn’t been easy on her makes me feel a tiny bit better about everything, but it goes nowhere near making any of the anger or hurt go away. She left me without a backward glance for a life of glitz and fame. I will never forgive her for the selfish decision she made when I was a child. Maybe I could possibly consider going easy on her if she had made the decision with my best interests in mind, but it soon became clear that my happiness was not a factor in her decision. She left me with two people who quite obviously didn’t want me and who had no time for the disaster child she’d turned me into.
As was inevitable, she turns to look at me. Red hot anger pours through my veins and my fists clench to make her feel just an ounce of the pain she caused me over the years. But as much as I might want to acknowledge her, I won’t give her the pleasure.
When she opens her mouth and calls to me, my stomach turns over, threatening to empty itself on the concrete at my feet.
How fucking dare she call me her boy after everything? So what, her fancy life didn’t go as planned and she’s now a coked up, washed-up, old porn star? I’m not here to fall back on when everything’s gone to shit and there’s nowhere else to go.
My body trembles with the adrenaline racing through it. Fight or flight kicks in and after replying with words I don’t even register, I run.
I run as fast and as far as I can. Just like she did to me all those years ago. Sadly, I don’t have the kind of money I’d need to skip the country to get away from her. Instead, I find myself at the end of the beach between the dunes just like I did a few nights ago after getting thrown out of the game.
I rest my elbows on my knees as I drag in much needed deep breaths. I clench and unclench my fists, trying to release the urge I have to punch something—or someone—until that bitch can no longer affect me. I should be over this. It’s been years, but still she’s up in my fucking head, screwing me the fuck up.
Hitting my fist against my temple, I try to force her out. I haven’t even laid eyes on her in over ten years, yet she has this power over me. Exactly why I’ve always refused to date. I don’t want another woman to have this power.
Only you have, dipshit. Brit weaseled her way in despite what a douche you’ve been. Seeing the woman who gave birth to me once again only pointed out the alarming differences between her and Brit that I really should have acknowledged that very first day I saw her, but I was too blinded by her past and the life she came from. In reality, I should have seen her for who she is, not who I made her out to be in my head. She’s proven time and time again that she’s nothing like the woman I just left behind. No matter how many times I’ve hurt her, she’s come right back like she knew there was something inside me she needed to drag out. With every insult I threw at her, she came right back. It’s why I can’t stay away. She challenges me like no one I’ve ever met before and she makes attempting to look indifferent to my advances a full-time job when all it really does is make me push harder to break her.
The thought of Brit has the anger and tension starting to drain from my body. It’s enough to tell me that she’s what I need right now.
Jumping up, I set about going to get her. She’s probably still at school, and like fuck am I going back there right now, or ever again if she’s going to keep turning up. Instead, I head home for a shower to waste some time before she comes home and I can get to her.
I focus on her as I make my way to my trailer. I don’t bother catching the bus, the long walk is exactly what I need to attempt to clear her from my head. It’s not lost on me that not so long ago I’d have been walking to get Brit out of my head and now I’m restless because I need her.
Fuck. I need her so fucking bad and I’m just about fed up trying to hide it.
My legs burn and sweat runs down my back by the time I walk down the garden toward my trailer.
Reaching behind me, I drag my shirt over my head, ready to go straight to the shower as I pull the door open and climb in.
I step toward the bedroom but something to my left catches my eye.
Fuck. She’s here.
How did she know I needed her?
Dropping my shirt to the counter as I pass, I drop down to my haunches as I take in every inch of her beautiful face. How could I ever compare her to that old hag? There’s nothing even remotely similar between the two of them. Her looks are mostly fake, Brit is a pure, natural beauty.
As if she can sense me, her eyes flutter open. She sees me immediately and her breath catches in fright.
“Jake, shit. I—”
I don’t allow her to say anymore. My fingers thread in her hair and my tongue delves into her mouth. All I need right now is her. Her kiss to remind me that not everything in my world is totally fucked up.
She sags in my hold and allows me to take what I need. Little does she know though, it’s never going to be enough.
“I need you,” I say between heaving breaths when I pull back and rest my forehead against hers. I stare down into her blue eyes and it’s the first time I admit to myself that I never want to look into any others again.
“Anything,” she breathes. The honesty in her voice throws me for a moment. My fingers twist harder in her hair as I try to accept what she just said.
“Why? After everything, why are you still here and willing to give me anything?”
“I’ve no idea, I just know it’s where I need to be.”
“Fuck,” I bark, releasing her and taking a huge step back.
“Jake, what—”
“Let’s go somewhere.”
“Okay, sure. Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t mean for dinner or for the evening, I mean let’s get out of here. Just me and you. What do you say?”
“I say... are you crazy?”
“Probably. I just... I can’t be here right now.” It’s the truth. If she came to find me at school, I’m sure here will be the next place she visits. Fuck, she might even be up in that fucking house right now. “I need to go. Now.”
“Uh... yeah. Okay. Can I go and get some stuff first?”
“You’ve got ten minutes to get back here or I’m going without you.” I have no idea if that’s true or not, the way I’m feeling right now, I’d wait forever for her to come back to me.
“Okay.” Jumping from the sofa, she slips her feet back into her Chucks and takes a step toward the door. At the last minute, she turns back to me, wraps her fingers around the back of my neck and presses her nose gently against mine.
“I’m nothing
like her, I promise,” she whispers before placing a sweet kiss to my lips and running from the trailer.
My hands tremble as realization dawns.
She knows.
37
Amalie
I run through the undergrowth, the thistles scratching my bare arms but I don’t care. I need stuff and I need to get back to him before he leaves. He wasn’t expecting me to be waiting at his trailer but one look into those tormented eyes and I knew it was exactly what he needed, just like this trip. I know he wants to get away before she finds him which is why I sigh with relief when I find Gran’s bungalow empty, allowing me to shove a few things in a bag before running back toward Jake.
When I break through the trees, he just opens his door.
“Ready?”
“Yes.”
I loiter for a few seconds while he locks up, then he takes my hand and leads me toward the house’s driveway.
“What are you doing?” I whisper-shout in shock when he goes straight for his uncle’s old car.
“We’re getting the hell out of this place as fast as we can.”
I watch in horror as he pulls the driver’s door open, throws his bag in the back and jumps in.
“You coming or what?”
“Shit. Yeah. I’m coming.”
I follow his lead by throwing my case with his and falling down onto the seat right as he leans forward to jump start the car.
“What is this? Grand Theft Auto?”
“Something like that. You ready for a wild ride?” He glances over at me and winks, making me think that he’s not talking about the drive.
“Can’t wait. Show me what you’ve got.”
Jake groans as if he’s in pain before doing whatever you do to hotwire a car. The engine rumbles to life, and he backs out of the driveway at record speed.
THORN: A High School Bully Romance (Rosewood Book 1) Page 20
