Come to the Lake

by Macarthur, Autumn

  Maddie unwrapped the gift, and then flicked through the pages of the feminine, fabric-covered New Testament in a modern translation. Her eyes rose, meeting his gaze, and she swallowed. “It’s beautiful. I—”

  The phone rang. Seeming grateful for the interruption, she jumped up to answer it. “Merry Christmas to you, too.… I’m so glad.… No, it makes sense. If you’ve prayed about it.… Of course I will.” Only right at the end did he guess who she must be talking to. “Tell Ruth we’ll keep praying for Carol.”

  She hung up the phone, shaking her head, eyes wide. “That was Susanna. The good news is, the baby is a little fighter. The other news? Well, I don’t know if it’s good or bad. They’ve decided to sell the store and stay in Coeur d’Alene to support Ruth. They’re contacting a Realtor tomorrow.”

  Ridiculous hope sparked in his heart. Once Liz married and the store sold, Maddie would be free to leave the lake. Except she never would. Love kept her here.

  And she loved this place more than she loved him.

  They got through opening the rest of the gifts, and breakfast. Maddie’s laughter and appreciation seemed subdued and forced. His, too. Though he tried to act normally, to joke and respond so Jacob wouldn’t pick up on anything, the pancakes could have been made with sawdust.

  He timed his departure right after Hiram arrived with more gifts. As Maddie said, the older man’s presence would divert Jacob. The snow had stopped falling, so the chance of sledding added another distraction.

  Still, the boy clung as Brad hugged him, unwilling to let him go. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. And we’ll talk on the phone, okay?”

  Jacob nodded, but sniffed.

  Liz enveloped him in a warm embrace. “Don’t give up hope,” she whispered. “I feel sure the way will open for you two.”

  Brad didn’t want to disillusion her, but he couldn’t believe that. Despite winning the promotion, the optimism he’d traveled here with had crashed and burned. He’d truly trusted that God had a plan, that He intended for them to reconcile and remarry.

  He’d been wrong.

  And he wasn’t sure who he was most angry with. Maddie, himself, or God.

  Right now, it felt like a three-way tie.

  Maddie offered him a dutiful kiss on the cheek, their bodies barely touching. Hiram’s hearty handshake held far more warmth. Not difficult. The nearest snowbank held more warmth than Maddie.

  As he drove away, he looked back at them in the rearview mirror. Jacob jumped up and down waving, but Maddie stood still, with one hand raised. Brad glimpsed something in her face, something so lost and desolate it wrenched him and tore his chest.

  For a second, the craziest urge to turn the car around and go back to her swept him.

  Then he steeled himself and drove on. Going back was pointless. All he’d do was lose his promotion, upset Jacob again, and give Maddie another chance to reject him. Time to harden his heart and forget her.

  Once he rounded the corner onto Main Street, they disappeared from view.

  He tried to dredge up some enthusiasm for work, and mentally ran through the documents Harry sent him in preparation for the meeting tomorrow. This was it. His chance to play with the big boys at last. He couldn’t blow it. He had to know his stuff, impress head office. That was what mattered, not wondering what etched those lines of sadness into Maddie’s features as he drove off.

  But he couldn’t forget her face, and he couldn’t forget what she’d asked him last night. What was he trying to prove and to who?

  The snow-slick road needed all his concentration, but that question nagged at his mind. Along with a Bible verse that kept niggling his conscience. Something about not being conformed to the world.

  He couldn’t keep going. He had to stop the car.

  The parking lot for the old boathouse was right ahead. Slowing as he approached, he impulsively pulled over. Though this was the worst possible place to stop if he wanted to quit thinking of Maddie, taking five minutes to look up that Bible verse wouldn’t make him miss his flight.

  Then he’d drive on.

  Back to L.A. And then on to Chicago and his new job, even further away. He’d leave his ridiculous hopes of reunion with Maddie far behind.

  Chapter 15

  Maddie tried to forget the emptiness she’d felt as Brad left.

  It should be easy. She had plenty to keep her busy. Thankfully, Jacob’s tears hadn’t lasted too long. Hiram stepped in and took him sledding. Gran went too, giggling like a schoolgirl, throwing snowballs at them both.

  Normally, she’d be out there with them. But today, Maddie couldn’t join in. Numb and cold, she had no joy and no playfulness in her. Not now. Not when Brad had let her down again.

  Needing to tidy the house and get lunch started was a good excuse to stay inside, but she and Gran had prepared too well. Once she cleared up the discarded wrapping paper and set the dining table, she ran out of things to do. Giving the turkey an occasional basting wasn’t the distraction she needed.

  She picked up her gifts and carried them upstairs. Her fingers clenched on the floral linen covers of the pretty New Testament Brad gave her. Rage broke through her icy detachment. She wanted to fling it at the wall. Without love, it was just another book. Nothing but empty words.

  He’d chosen to leave. Chosen yet again to put his ambition before his family. She didn’t want the things he valued, the fancy meals, the clothes from the right stores, the new car. Those trappings of success weren’t enough to give life meaning.

  “Trappings” was the right word for them. The desire for them seemed to have trapped Brad.

  She wanted a family life, a life of love.

  This time, she really didn’t think she could forgive Brad. She knew she should. She knew she ought to pray, take this to God.

  But she couldn’t.

  It was too big, too raw, too deep a hurt. Just when she’d started to trust Brad again, to believe he’d changed.

  As she threw the Bible onto her bed, the pages caught and crumpled. Muttering a hasty apology to God, she picked it up. She was angry, sure, but not angry enough to think mistreating His Word was a good idea.

  Her gaze dropped to a creased page as her fingers smoothed it. She hadn’t intended to read. But still, the words seeped in, past her anger and her hurt.

  Live a life that is worthy of the calling He has graciously extended to you. Be humble. Be gentle. Be patient. Tolerate one another in an atmosphere thick with love. Make every effort to preserve the unity the Spirit has already created, with peace binding you together….When you are angry, don’t let it carry you into sin. Don’t let the sun set with anger in your heart… Banish bitterness, rage and anger… be kind and compassionate. Graciously forgive one another just as God has forgiven you….

  Something twisted in her heart as the words spoke directly to her. All the things she’d been refusing to do and refusing to let go of. But until she did, she wouldn’t know peace and she wouldn’t know love.

  Straightening the final few bent pages and closing the Bible, she bent forward, covering her face with her hands.

  Help me to forgive Brad, Lord, though he keeps breaking his promises. I try to, truly I do.

  Suddenly, she winced, as if God had gently shaken her, with strong but loving hands. That was the problem. She’d been trying. Trying to be loving. Trying to be good. Trying to forgive.

  She wasn’t that good. No one was.

  She’d asked the wrong questions. She’d focused on all Brad had done wrong, on the reasons she shouldn’t trust him. And on the reasons she felt she shouldn’t trust God.

  She’d stopped trusting God really had a plan and a purpose for her, a long time ago. Maybe even as a little girl, when Dad told her it was God’s will he left her behind.

  She’d let her anger carry her into sin. Her eyes hadn’t been on Him. Or on love.

  Only on her bitter anger and resentment.

  For the disappointment. For her marriage not being easy and effortles
s like the sweet, lovely homemaker blogs she read. For the way she’d made sacrifices for Brad. For moving to the city. For all those evenings and weekends alone. For all the “not fairs” in her life. For feeling abandoned, all over again.

  Her anger felt so righteous.

  And so wrong.

  She had to let God change her from within. Only God could heal her angry, hurting heart, walled and barricaded and barred like a fortress. She had to decide, now, whether to let Him in. Tears filled her eyes, and she bit her lip as emotion racked her chest.

  God wouldn’t force her. This had to be her free will.

  She had to open her heart. She had to let go of being right and just be. She had to choose to forgive — He would do the rest. Not just forgiving Brad, but forgiving God and forgiving herself, too.

  All those broken relationships to heal. And she couldn’t do it on her own.

  Letting go of the struggle, she surrendered.

  Yes, Lord, yes!

  The walls dissolved as if they’d never been. In place of the dry arid desert they’d contained, flowers sprang up and blossomed. Joy bubbled in her, a fountain in the middle of the garden of her soul. She could love again. Really, truly, love. She felt it, swelling in her, expanding in her heart and mind. Tears poured down her cheeks, but she smiled, laughed, and lifted her hands to God.

  Thank You. Thank You.

  So this was what grace meant. A gift, freely given, and all she needed to do was accept it. She didn’t need to try harder to earn love. She didn’t need to try harder to be the good, loving and forgiving wife she should be. She just needed to be where she was — broken and fallen and hurting — and let God into her heart. He would make her over to be the wife He created her to be.

  She’d thought being a good wife was about making sacrifices for her marriage. No. A happy marriage wasn’t about quietly and bitterly waiting for her husband to fulfill her dream. It was about being partners. True teamwork. Learning each other’s love languages. Sharing the joys and the burdens.

  She wasn’t perfected yet. No doubt, she’d slip back into feeling she had the right to be angry and into trying to do it on her own. But God would be there, waiting for her to hand it over to Him. Always.

  Now she could see and feel how Brad loved her, all the things she’d been too blinded by hurt and need to see before. He’d done the best he could, coming from the family he came from.

  That Christmas Day they’d gone to his father’s L.A. mansion, Brad’s dad hadn’t been interested in him or Jacob. He’d only cared about how much money Brad was making, Brad’s status in the hospital hierarchy, and showing off the glossy new Lamborghini he’d bought to match his glossy new Italian wife. That was what Brad’s father loved. Money, status, flashy cars, and flashy trophy wives.

  And now God asked her to choose. What did she love? Her life as it was or Brad? Her life as it was or obedience to God and to her marriage vows?

  She couldn’t shake the feeling He wanted her to step out in faith.

  To take a risk for love. To follow Brad.

  Grabbing her car keys, she ran downstairs to the kitchen and quickly basted the turkey. She touched a sweet pea blossom in the vase on the windowsill with a gentle finger. And then she hurried out to the hillside, just in time to see Jacob do a perfect sled run down the slope.

  “I’m going after Brad,” she explained to Gran. “Will you take care of things here for me? I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

  No surprise, Gran grinned. “Of course.”

  Maddie hadn’t thought she’d argue with the plan.

  As it coasted to a halt, Jacob jumped off the sled and victory punched the air. “I did it!”

  “I saw. You did great, kiddo!” She scooped him up. “I need to go talk to your daddy. I’ll be home long before your bedtime. Okay, Peanut?”

  He flung his arms around her neck, and his hot breath fogged her ear. “Tell Daddy I want him with us all the time.”

  Maddie squeezed him tighter. “That’s my plan. We’ll all end up living together again.”

  How, she wasn’t sure. As she started her battered old truck and headed out of town, she acknowledged it might mean moving back to the city. God might ask her to take that step of surrender.

  And with God’s help, she could do it.

  Intent on catching up with Brad somewhere along the road, she almost missed seeing his big black rented SUV parked at the boathouse. She’d driven past before she realized. As she swung around at the next turning point to go back, she prayed.

  Please help me, Lord. I don’t know what to say to him. I do know it’s Your will for this relationship to be healed. Help me to be the woman You intend. Make me humble, patient, loving, kind. Open my heart, make me willing to give and to forgive.

  As she parked beside him, Brad ended a phone call and then glanced over. The joy lighting his face was the best Christmas gift ever. Heart pounding, she jumped out of her truck and ran to his vehicle. He swung open the passenger door.

  “Maddie.” He shook his head in amazement. “Please, get in. It’s too cold out there.” He reached a hand to her.

  Gratefully taking it, she climbed in beside him and braved an uncertain smile. “I’m glad I spotted you. Because you’ve had less practice driving on snow, I guessed I’d overtake you long before you reached the Interstate. But I wasn’t expecting you’d still be in Sunset Point.”

  His hand tightened on hers. “I’m not going on to Spokane. I was about to drive back to the cottage.”

  She blinked — not going? He couldn’t mean…? Could he? She gaped at him. “But what about your job? The promotion?”

  “Leaving you and Jacob behind made me realize some stuff. I’ve phoned Harry and told him I’m letting the promotion go. Family is more important.”

  Maddie gulped. “No. Don’t do it. I know how much it means to you. Phone him back and say you made a mistake.”

  He chuckled, a deep warm sound that filled the car. “I can’t. I meant what I told him.”

  “You don’t have to give it up for me. I’ll move to L.A. Or to Chicago. Wherever you go.” Releasing his hand to steeple her fingers over her mouth, she loosed a shaky laugh. “After you left, I realized some stuff too. I blamed you that I wasn’t happy in the city. But I didn’t try to make the best of things there. I expected you to do it all for me. This time, I’ll do things differently. I’ll find the right church, with a playgroup and a good Sunday school.”

  Brad shook his head. “What about Jacob? You said he’s happier in the country.”

  “If we’re together as a family and Jacob sees I’m happy, he’ll be happy. Gran wants to give me her cottage, so we’d still get vacations at the lake. Like you said, it’s only a plane and a car ride away.”

  “You’d give up the life you love and move back to the city? For me?” Such doubt crackled in his voice. Something painful that didn’t dare to hope clouded his eyes.

  “I love you, Brad. I want to be with you. I believe God intends us to be together. If I have to leave the lake for that to happen, yes, I’ll do it.” The words she’d hesitated over saying flowed so simply and easily in the end.

  Wonder lit up his face, and he reached for her hands again. “Oh, Maddie! That means so much.” He smiled, a smile containing a universe of emotion and truth. “I love you, too. I’ve always loved you, but it’s different now. Deeper and more real.”

  Tears filled her eyes, at his sweet, heartfelt words. Silently, she nodded. Her love was the same. Deeper, richer, truer.

  Looking out to her beloved pine-covered hills, she knew leaving would wrench her heart. But she could do it. Not in a haze of romantic, hormone-fueled dreams like last time, expecting he’d give her an instant happily-ever-after. In a more grown-up love, understanding the need to give as well as receive, depending on God to carry her through any trials.

  “It might be a while. I need to keep my promise to Pat to look after the store till they find a buyer.”

  “I don’t thi
nk they’ll take long to find buyers.” Brad grinned, looking so like Jacob plotting mischief she couldn’t resist grinning back. “You and me. With our savings and what I’d get for the apartment, we’d probably have enough.”

  She stared at him, covering her open mouth with both hands, shocked beyond speaking.

  Her obvious surprise triggered an even wider delighted grin. “I want us to buy the store your great-great-grandfather started, and run it together as a family. I’ve seen how much being part of the lakeside community means to you, and I can’t take you away from that. I want it for myself, too.”

  “But your job… your apartment… your whole life. You’d leave that behind?”

  He shook his head and smiled wryly. “There’s a lot of good stuff and a lot of good people in the city. But I’ve been chasing the wrong dreams. I don’t want to be like Harry, in the office instead of with his family at Christmas. Or like Dad, in a perpetual midlife crisis, lusting after younger wives and faster cars.”

  “I’m so glad you figured it out.” Joy and thanksgiving flowered in her heart. This blessing was so much more than she’d dared to hope for.

  He pulled out his cell phone. “As I drove away, a verse kept going through my head. That’s why I stopped, to look it up in my Bible app. Can I read it to you?”

  She nodded.

  “Do not conform to the pattern of this world,” he read, in his rich, expressive voice. “But be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

  Clicking his phone off, he raised his head, and truth shone in his clear hazel gaze. “I’ve conformed to the wrong things. My career was meant to prove myself to Dad. I took on his values, but they weren’t mine. Or God’s. He’s asking me to start following His will for my life. And to stop pretending to myself.”

  “God told me something similar, after you left.” She lifted her shoulders in a rueful shrug. “That I hadn’t been living my life in a way that was worthy of Him.”

  “Me neither.” Brad sucked in a sharp breath then let go. “It’s embarrassing to admit, but part of the reason I was away working so much was because being a husband and father scared me. I didn’t know how to do it right. I didn’t know what to do for Jacob. I didn’t know how to make you happy. But I did know how to make money. I felt like a loser at home. At work, I could feel like a success. But I want to learn to be a good husband and father. I really do.”