by Brill Harper
He nods again. “What we had last night,” he says finally, “that was more than good sex. We need to find a way to make her want to stay with us.”
Well, now. That’s a change in tune. “If she stays, we’re a couple then...or whatever it’s called for three. People are gonna talk.”
“They already saw us dancing with her at the Hound. They’re probably already talking.”
In this town, yeah. “Do you care?”
“Nope. Do you?”
I shake my head. “So, people will probably assume you and I do stuff to each other too.”
“Probably.”
How have I never noticed before that he smells good? We use the same soap and shampoo, but somehow he smells different.
Get back to the subject at hand, Colt. “Do you care? What they assume?”
“Nope. Do you?”
“I did for a minute. This morning, when you were calling her bluff about touching me, I was thinking maybe I cared. Then you touched me for real, and I stopped caring what anyone outside of that bedroom might think. All I cared about was you and Bliss.”
I never thought I’d enjoy a man’s touch before. I never thought I’d be in the same room with Wylder while I was having sex, much less in the same girl. I never thought I’d feel his cum dripping onto my balls while we were inside that girl at the same time. I never thought I’d be looking into his eyes while we were in her. Or that I would kiss him.
“Wylder...”
“Can we just let it rest for a bit? I’m not disgusted and you’re not disgusted. We have some kind of attraction, but we don’t need to jump into anything too suddenlike. Wade into the water slowly is what I’m thinking.”
“Fair enough. In the meantime, we can work on making sure Bliss never wants to leave the ranch.”
He nods. “Now go fucking get dressed.”
Chapter Twelve
Bliss
One month later
We’re snuggled on the couch after dinner and chores and we’re all acting normal. I mean, if you count me snuggling two big cowboys on the couch normal. But I feel like this is what a lot of people are looking for. We’ve been sleeping together for a month now. I know this because they brought me flowers and wished me a happy anniversary yesterday.
They dote on me, absolutely. They make me feel safe and cared for. And they are so darn easy on the eyes.
During a commercial, Colt picks up my feet and starts rubbing them. “Johnstone called me again today.” I assume he’s talking to Wylder since I don’t know Johnstone. “He said he has a break in his schedule in September if we change our mind about building the sleeping quarters this year?”
Wylder lets out a beleaguered breath. “I just don’t know.”
“What is this about?” I ask. September is not that far away. Less than a month now.
Colt does something magical to the ball of my foot, and my whole body relaxes. “The next phase of the ranch needs more ranch hands. It’s standard to include room and board. Have a bunkhouse on-site.”
I look at Wylder. “Why don’t you want to?”
He shrugs. I look at Colt. “Why doesn’t he want to?”
“I don’t speak for Wylder, darlin’.” His voice is calm, but resolute. They’ve been backing each other up for a long time.
They make eye contact with each other, and I can tell that Wylder appreciates Colt’s loyalty, too. But it stings a little. A lot. It’s not my business, literally. I don’t know anything about running a ranch other than feeding two cowboys. I’m not their girlfriend, not really. I know they aren’t going to date anyone else while I’m here, I do trust that. But I’m still temporary. Why would either of them include me in their business decisions?
“I hate talking about this kind of stuff,” Wylder says. The muscles in his jaw bunch up like he’s holding himself in check. Like maybe that sentence leaked out when he didn’t mean it to.
My stomach is churning, and it’s silly. “It’s okay. You don’t have to.”
The strain shows on Wylder’s face. He’s holding himself so tightly, like he’s about to explode off the couch. “It’s stupid,” he says through a clenched jaw.
“It’s not stupid,” Colt says. “If it’s not the right time—”
Wylder cuts him off. “I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else, that’s all.”
This is about the night of the fire. Does he feel responsible for all that? He walks around balancing the world on his shoulders, so I’m sure he does take responsibility for things that even he couldn’t have stopped. If there was a fire here, and someone in his employ got hurt or died, he’d totally feel responsible. The same way he feels he let his family down.
I bet Colt wanted to hire more guys in the beginning, but he’s been patiently waiting for Wylder to be ready. Because that is how they work, whether they know it or not. Colt has immense compassion, and I think all he’s wanted all these years is to take care of Wylder. Wylder is a natural leader, but he uses his impressive ego to protect himself from pain. And he feels an awful lot of pain. So, he’s spent the last few years in his bubble of control and anything outside of that scares him—not that he could show it. Or even deal with it.
“That’s fine,” Colt says. “Besides, then we’d need to hire a full-time cook, too.”
He leaves it hanging in the air like he’s already moved on, but I’m shell-shocked. I put my hand over my heart to keep it in my ribcage, but then lower it quickly, hoping no one noticed. “What do you mean?”
Colt’s gaze is inscrutable. “We’d need to feed the ranchers three squares a day.”
Don’t wish. Don’t wish.
It’s impossible not to wish. “I was wondering why you had such a great kitchen. It’s part of the next phase, then? So, you’re planning on having a cook live here also?”
“I guess so,” Colt answers. “Eventually.”
I pull my feet out of his lap. I need to rein in my brain, and I can’t think when he’s touching me. “And this person...they will plan all the menus and do all the shopping?”
He nods. “Sure. It’d be like what you do now, only for more people. Probably four ranchers to start, but the bunkhouse could house more later down the road. Of course, the cook won’t have time for housework.”
So what I do now minus the stuff I screw up. Full-time.
I can’t imagine anything I’d enjoy more for a job. When I first thought about college, I thought that I would go on to culinary school. The career path didn’t seem that stable, though. I didn’t want something with a lot of highs and lows. Restaurants are fraught with drama, but what I yearned for was a life of pleasant...boredom. At least I did when I was finally out of the trailer park and someplace safe. Security meant not depending on anyone for anything I had. At the time, I thought all I wanted was a small apartment to go home to at five o’clock every evening. Maybe a cat. Netflix on weekends.
I never imagined dating. Or being creative like I get to be when I cook. I didn’t think about kids or weddings. Just a job I could be good at and a safe place to sleep.
Don’t wish. Don’t wish.
Wylder is awfully quiet. I’m sitting right next to him, but I feel very far away.
For a minute, I imagine that things are different. That I’ve been here for years and this is my life now. That I’ve spent all day in the kitchen, and everyone loved my stew and French bread so much there were no leftovers. The other cowboys are all tucked into their bunkhouse, and mine are getting ready to take me upstairs and make love to me all night like we do every night. Maybe we even have a cat.
A dangerous longing fills my heart. Don’t wish, girl. But I can’t stop myself. It would be such a dream come true—a job I was good at and a safe place to sleep at night—but it would be more. There would be love. And belonging. There would be laughter. And hot sex all the time.
My brow furrows. I’m getting too far over my head in this. I promised myself I would enjoy every minute of this affair and not taint i
t with depressing thoughts about “after,” but I need to do an intervention on myself for a bit. “You guys, I’m super tired. I think I’m just going to go crash for the night.”
I start to sit up, but Wylder snags my hand, halting my progress. “Stay.”
“I know you like it when I listen to your every command, but I’m too tired.”
He draws a deep breath. “Stay. Don’t go back to school.”
Wylder
MY HEART TAKES A HARD hit when I look at the doubt in her eyes. I only ever want to see trust and happiness shining there.
“What?” she asks.
“The job is yours.”
Colt turns off the television and sits up straight.
“The job?” Confusion is etched across her face. “The cook job? I won’t be here.”
I can’t think of that. The idea of her not being here causes a physical ache in my chest. “We’ll build the bunkhouse, hire the hands, and you can cook.”
“Wylder, maybe she doesn’t want to—”
“She wants to. Think about it, Bliss. You love that kitchen and you’re an amazing cook, Stay.”
She bites her lower lip. “What about school?”
Shit. I don’t know why I acted so impulsively. Of course she’s not going to quit school to be a cook. “Finish your classes.”
“My accounting classes?”
“You don’t want to be an accountant. But you should finish your degree. The job will be waiting for you.”
She takes a shuddering breath. “And you? Will you both be waiting for me?”
“Is that what you want?” Colt asks, the hope in his voice reminds me of that evening with the wounded foal. How does he hold on to hope despite everything that’s happened to him? How does he let down his guard so easily? Anyone could take his heart and hurt it, he just leaves it out. Bliss could break it. Hell, I could break it.
She’s twisting the ends of her hair. “I don’t know what I want.”
“Yes, you do,” I say bluntly. “You know exactly what you want, you’re just too afraid to take it.”
Her jaw works a bit, like she’s trying to form words or maybe hold a few choice ones back. “Why do I always have to be the one that is vulnerable first?”
“What are you talking about? I just asked you to stay.”
She shakes her head. “You offered me a job.”
Colt is leaning in real close, his hand on her knee. “Do you want more than the job?”
“See? And then I have to tell you what I want before you offer it. Tell me what you want. Tell me how you feel. I understand that I was a virgin when we started and that I relied on you both for guidance and that I was naturally the one with the most fear. But now I think we’re all evenly matched. None of us know how to put ourselves out there, and we’re all scared. But what you are asking me to do is take all the risk of putting my feelings out first so you both can keep yours to yourself until it’s safe. I’m afraid of what comes next, too. I’m afraid I’ll tell you how I feel and be rejected or maybe hurt someone.” Her hand shakes as she brings it to her face to wipe a tear threatening to fall. “I don’t know why I’m even having this discussion. You two have been best friends for twenty years and haven’t even been honest with each other about how you feel or what you want. Why would you open up to me?”
Colt’s hand squeezes her leg gently. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s been a month and the only contact you’ve had in the bedroom is eye sex. I know you are both interested in going further with each other, but nobody will say it first. You just look at each other intensely and wait for the other to show his cards.”
I can’t sit still any longer. This situation is out of control again. “Fine. I want you to stay because I can’t imagine a day without you in it. Does that satisfy your need for a sacrifice?”
“Fifty percent,” she answers, and then turns to Colt and waits.
“Hell, darlin’. If I told you how I really feel, you’d run screaming into the night.”
“Tell. Me.” Her voice is quiet, but firm.
He takes her pretty face in his hands. “Bliss Camden, I fell head over hoof for you the day I gave you the tour of the kitchen. Yes, I want you to stay. Yes, I’ll wait for you as long as you need to finish what’s out there in the world before you’re ready for what’s right here. And yes, what I want is forever. I want to put babies in you and grow old with you at our side.”
Her eyes widen. Mine do, too.
“Oh,” she says simply.
“Yeah, oh,” he repeats and kisses her. “Told you it was scary. Want to hear something else?”
“There’s more?”
He turns to me. “I want to explore what we started last month.”
“Colt...I...”
“I want you, Wylder.”
Colt
THIS IS IT, I GUESS. I said my piece. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I spent that first day trying to figure if I was magically gay overnight, and it finally occurred to me that I was just me, and no other labels were important. My heart has always belonged to Wylder.
I just didn’t know it was his. Until Bliss came along, there was no one who ever got close to my heart. Now I know why. I didn’t want anyone to come between the two of us. It wasn’t until she came into our lives that the clouds parted. She’s the key to everything.
I’ve done everything in my power to stay in his life since we were kids. To be a part of his every day. I love him as deeply as a man can love, and I’d like to find new ways to express it.
But it’s scary as fuck putting it out there.
“You want me?” His eyes are shining fiercely, but he’s not telling me yes or no.
“I do,” I say simply. “She’s right. I’ve been waiting for a green light or something from you since we talked about that kiss. But now I’m saying it for the record. I want you.”
He turns to Bliss. “And that’s okay with you?”
“Again, Wylder, you’re asking me to tell you how I feel so you know how much of yourself you can reveal.”
“Fuck.” He paces some more. “I hate talking about feelings. How am I supposed to know how I feel?”
She stands up and puts her arms around him. He stops pacing, but he’s stiff and uncomfortable. “Okay, okay. I’ll take a turn. I don’t want to go back to school in September. I feel like I should finish my degree, but maybe I can do it online or something. I want to stay here, with both of you, because this is where I belong. Where I feel safe. The thought of anyone else working in my kitchen makes me want to throw the cast iron pan into a wall. And the idea of anyone else in your bed makes me feel like murdering someone.” My heart lifts at her words. She wants to stay. She wants us. “And I loved watching you two together. I don’t want to just be the object of both of your affections—I want to be a circle where we all take care of each other.”
Wow. Her vision of what the future could be is even more awesome than the one I was devising.
Wylder lets out a deep breath, relaxing a bit in her arms but looking at me. “Fine. Yeah, I can’t get my mind off what happened between us. And yeah, I’m curious. Hell, you know how I feel about you, Colt.”
I nod, letting him off the hook. A little. “I do.”
“I don’t actually know...how it would work. In bed with both of you that way. I don’t know how...how it would work. But I want to try.”
“We don’t need to rush anything,” I tell him.
I join their hug, still holding myself a little apart from Wylder. “Is anyone else feeling horny as hell right now?”
“If I say yes, can we stop talking about feelings?” Wylder asks.
We agree to take it to the bedroom. When we get to Bliss’s room, we stand next to her bed facing each other and strip ourselves slowly. It feels more like more than just getting naked. It feels like getting...defenseless.
Also horny.
But I feel like I’m shedding off more than the protection
of clothes. When we’re finally naked, I let myself look at Wylder’s body.
He’s always been mine, hasn’t he? And I’ve always been his. We’re just adding another layer. Bliss takes my hand and puts it on his chest, a reversal of that morning so many weeks ago.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I’m nervous as hell. I even watched some gay porn to get pointers. But they were all about what parts fit where. I don’t think they were screwing their best friend. I don’t think they were afraid of feeling too much or not feeling enough.
I lean down to flick my tongue across one of Wylder’s nipples, remembering how it felt when he touched me there last time. He inhales harshly, and his stomach tightens under my palm when I coast my hand down his body. I swirl my tongue before taking the small nip in my mouth and sucking. I look down and see his cock is already big and ready.
When I rake my teeth lightly across his nipple, he hisses and grasps a handful of my hair to lift my head. I don’t resist his attempts to bring me higher, and I meet his mouth with my own.
His lips press against mine, pushing them open so his tongue can slip inside. He strokes and caresses as though he’s trying to memorize every inch of my mouth. Like he’s afraid we’ll only have this one night.
When we break away from the kiss, I see Bliss in the chair touching herself, and I groan. I feel bolder now. “That’s it, sweet girl. Keep your fingers in your pussy while you watch me do this.” Trailing kisses down Wylder’s chin and neck, I continue my path south. His bulky body is thick and strong, his chest mammoth and wide. He’s rock-hard now, his cock, roped with veins, glistens at the tip.
He’s never heard of manscaping, and that makes me harder still. I always liked sweet, soft women. But I like his hair-roughened thighs and the thick pelt between them. His hard compact muscles. I like the deep growls he’s making and I want to make him come.
