Judy Moody Goes to College

by Megan McDonald

  Who’s Who

  Math-i-tude

  Mom- and Dad-i-tude

  Mad-i-tude

  A New Attitude

  Brat-i-tude

  Not-So-Bad-i-tude

  Art-i-tude

  Cat-i-tude

  Flunk-i-tude

  Grat-i-tude

  Glad-i-tude

  Judy Moody’s Not-Webster’s New World College Dictionary, First Edition

  10 Things You May Not Know About Megan McDonald

  10 Things You May Not Know About Peter H. Reynolds

  When Judy Moody got to school on Monday, she had a new teacher. Her new teacher was called a sub (not the sandwich). Her new teacher was called Mrs. Grossman. Exactly three things were wrong with that. (1) Mrs. Grossman was NOT gross. (2) Mrs. Grossman was NOT a man. (3) Mrs. Grossman was NOT Mr. Todd.

  Judy was the first to raise her hand. “Where’s Mr. Todd?”

  “I’m sure Mr. Todd told everyone on Friday that he was going to a special teacher conference.”

  “I wasn’t here Friday,” said Judy.

  “He’s going to learn to be a better teacher,” said Jessica Finch.

  “But Mr. Todd’s already a great teacher,” said Judy.

  “Maybe he’s getting a special teacher award,” said Rocky.

  “Where did he go?” Judy asked. “And when will he be back?”

  The others joined in. “Are you going to read us Catwings? Mr. Todd always reads us Catwings. And Catwings Return.”

  “Are you going to take us on field trips? Mr. Todd always takes us on field trips.”

  “Are we still Class 3T? Or are we Class 3G now?”

  “Mr. Todd is in Bologna, Italy,” said Mrs. Grossman.

  Sheesh. Life was no fair. Judy liked baloney (the sandwich). Judy liked Italy. She even knew a special dance from Italy —the tarantella. Mr. Todd was probably in the Land of Baloney right now, dancing like a tarantula, while they were stuck in the Land of Multiplication, learning boring old times tables.

  She, Judy Moody, did not like third grade, Class 3T-that-was-now-3G, without Mr. Todd.

  Judy Moody’s new teacher came from New England. She did not talk like Mr. Todd. She talked funny, with a lot of extra r’s. Judy Moody’s new teacher did not wear cool glasses like Mr. Todd. She wore glasses hanging from a chain around her neck. She did not even smell like Mr. Todd. She smelled like she took a bath in P.U. perfume.

  Judy Moody’s new teacher put up a tent in the back of the room with a sign that said ATTITUDE TENT. Judy wondered what attitude they had to be in to get to go camping.

  And . . . Judy Moody’s new teacher was cuckoo for candy. She gave out candy for good behavior to everybody (minus Judy, because she was in a mood). She even gave out candy for the right answers in math. Pretty soon, the whole class was going to have math cavities. Except for Judy.

  Today, Mrs. Grossman was talking about measure. Quarts and gallons and barrels and hogsheads. She tried to make it sound like math was a barrel of fun. But Judy, for one, did not give a pig’s ear about hogsheads.

  Mrs. Grossman wore ten gallons of perfume.

  Mrs. Grossman gave out twenty hogsheads of candy.

  Instead of listening, Judy played with her watch. Her brand-new, fancy-dancy, robin’s-egg-blue, glow-in-the-dark Ask-a-Question Watch 5000, complete with predict-the-future answers and screen saver.

  Blah, blah, blah, said Mrs. Grossman. Rounding numbers up, rounding numbers down. Judy estimated that rounding did not make math one bit easier.

  Judy pressed some buttons. A night-light blinked. A dual-time button gave the time in TWO countries so a person did not have to wear two different watches.

  Scribble, scribble. Mrs. Grossman scratched on the board for a math-ternity.

  Judy pressed the big green question-mark button.

  Rare! It was just like the Magic 8 Ball. Ask the watch a question, press the glow-in-the-dark green button, and it gave you mystery answers.

  Is Mrs. Grossman cuckoo for math?

  YOU BET.

  Is Mrs. Grossman ever going to give me candy?

  CAN’T TELL.

  Am I going to college someday?

  LOOKS GOOD.

  Is Mr. Todd ever coming back?

  HAZY.

  “Judy? Did you hear the question?”

  Judy did not hear the question. So Judy did not know the answer.

  Was it 77? 88? 99? Gallons? Bathtubs? Barrels? Pigs’ heads?

  Judy blurted the only answer that sprang to mind.

  “Hazy!” she called out.

  She, Judy Moody, had to take a note home. A note from the teacher. A note that said she needed extra-special help. A note that said she was hazy-not-crazy about math.

  The top half of the note was just blah-blah, so Judy tore the note in half and gave the good half to her parents. Not the bad half. Mom and Dad looked at the note.

  “Judy’s in trouble? Sweet!” said Stink.

  “Only half trouble,” said Judy.

  “Judy, where’s the rest of this note?” asked Dad.

  “I rounded it down,” said Judy. “To one-half. Like the fraction. Get it? I’m really good at math. Fractions and rounding and everything.”

  “Quick! What’s twelve times eight?” asked Stink.

  “None of your beeswax,” said Judy.

  “Try ninety-six,” said Stink.

  “Judy, the note?” Mom said. “Dad and I need to see it. The whole thing.”

  Judy reached into her pocket and pulled out the crumpled-up bottom half of the note. She handed it over.

  Mom and Dad read it. They read it times two. It took them about one thousand years to read the fraction of a note.

  They talked to Judy. They talked to each other. They talked to people on the phone for a hundred years. They came up with a plan.

  Not a Listen-to-Your-New-Teacher plan.

  Not a Hand-Over-Your-Brand-New-Watch plan.

  Not a We’ll-Help-You-with-Your-Homework plan.

  An Extra-Extra-Special-Help plan. EESH! A Judy-Moody-Goes-to-a-Tutor plan.

  “Tutor?” said Judy. “Can’t you and Dad help me?”

  “We will,” said Mom.

  “We will,” said Dad.

  “What’s six times seven?” said Stink.

  “A tutor will be extra help,” said Mom.

  “A tutor will be special help,” said Dad. “Just like your teacher suggested.”

  “For your information,” said Judy, “Mrs. Grossman is NOT my teacher.”

  “What’s five times eleven?” asked Stink.

  “I’ll listen, I promise,” said Judy. “I won’t wear my new watch to school anymore. I’ll count to gross and great gross.”

  “You’re gross,” said Stink.

  Judy had to prove she was good at math. She started rattling off times tables.

  “Four times two equals eight. Eight times two equals sixteen. Sixteen times two equals something I haven’t learned yet. But I will. I swear.”

  “Having a tutor could be fun,” said Dad. “You’ll see.”

  “Tutors have flash cards,” said Stink. “Baby flash cards. What’s two times five?”

  “The number of toenails I’m going to paint while you’re asleep,” said Judy. Stink curled his toes under.

  Judy looked from Mom to Dad, from Dad to Mom. “Do I have to?”

  “It’s already settled,” said Mom. “You start tomorrow.”

  “Hogsheads!” said Judy.

  Dad picked up Judy after school the next day. Judy closed her eyes and slumped in the backseat of the car on the way to the tutor’s. All she could see behind her closed eyes were flash cards. Baby flash cards. She, Judy Moody, was in a mood. Not a math moo
d. And definitely NOT a flash card mood.

  Fact of Life: She, Judy Moody, was a Tutor Tot.

  “Am I going to have to count beads and glue macaroni? Stink says I am going to have to count beads and glue macaroni.”

  “I don’t know,” said Dad.

  “Am I going to have to play with jelly beans in jars? Stink says I’m going to have to play with jelly beans in jars,” said Judy.

  “I don’t know,” said Dad.

  “Am I going to have to make a cat out of a triangle? Stink says I’m going to have to make a cat out of a triangle.”

  “Let’s wait and see,” said Dad. “Maybe you’ll get to play math games — like tic-tac-toe.”

  Tic-tac-toe-nails! Judy made a mad face and slumped down in the seat some more. Dad didn’t get it. He didn’t have to spend his afternoon doing macaroni math and making geometry cats.

  “We’re here!” Dad called cheerfully.

  “Where’s here?” Judy asked in a moody tone.

  “Colonial College,” said Dad.

  “College?” asked Judy.

  “That’s where you’ll get help with your math,” said Dad. “Your tutor is a college student.”

  Judy bolted upright and threw her arms in the air. “I’m going to college!”

  Judy followed Dad down the tree-lined sidewalks of the Colonial College campus, stepping on every crack she could find on purpose. They went past a duck pond with a fountain, a serious library with a clock tower, and a way-cool giant sculpture of bacon and eggs. Finally, they came to a four-story brick building with pointy towers that looked like a castle covered in ivy.

  “This is it,” said Dad. “Grace Brewster Murray Hopper Hall.”

  They wound their way upstairs and down long hallways to a door that said MATH LAB.

  “Here we are!” said Dad.

  A girl with green eyes and a messy ponytail greeted them. “You must be the Moodys.”

  “I’m Richard Moody, and this is my daughter, Judy,” said Dad.

  “Hi, I’m Chloe. Chloe Canfield. My friends call me C-squared, since my name has two Cs and I go to CC. You know, C to the second power, ’cause I’m into math?”

  “That’s funny,” said Dad, shaking her hand.

  “I don’t get it,” said Judy.

  “It’s algebra,” Chloe said.

  “Algebra? Didn’t anybody tell you? I’m only in third grade.”

  Chloe laughed. “It just means when you multiply something by itself, you say it’s squared, or to the second power.”

  “Oh, yeah. If I’m in a mood, like a double bad mood, then it’s called a bad mood squared, right?”

  “That’s right. Moody to the second power,” said Chloe. Dad bit his lip.

  “Rounding off, squaring stuff, and big powers — yikes!” said Judy.

  “That’s what I’m here for,” said Chloe. “Math is everywhere. Math is a fact of life. You’ll see. It’ll be fun.”

  “I don’t know.” Judy saw flash cards on the table. Where there were flash cards, triangle cats and macaroni could not be far behind.

  “You’ll be fine,” said Dad, smoothing the top of Judy’s hair. But Judy wasn’t so sure. “I’ll be back in an hour to pick you up.”

  “That’s sixty whole minutes!” Judy cried.

  “Yep. Three thousand six hundred seconds.” Chloe led Judy over to an area where a table was piled with sponge blocks, color tiles, and (oh, no!) jars of counting bears and beads. For a split second, Judy had thought college was going to be cool. But this was baby college.

  She, Judy Moody, was in a mood. Not a good mood. A bad mood squared. Moody to the power of ten million.

  “This is Investigation Station,” said Chloe.

  Investigation Station was probably just another name for Homework Station.

  “What looks good?” Chloe asked, pointing to shelves against the walls stuffed with games.

  “You mean we get to play a game and I get to pick and we don’t have to count jelly beans in a jar?”

  “I knew if I made you paper — you know, fill out work sheets — you’d freak. I thought you’d be all over playing a game. Then we’d be crucial.”

  “Kru-shul?”

  “You know. Good. Awesome.”

  “Oh, you mean rare. Let’s play the Game of Life. It has a way-cool spinner.”

  “Rad,” said Chloe. She stuck the box under her arm. “Let’s go.”

  “Go where? Aren’t we already there? On Investigation Station?”

  “I know a better place to study math. It’s called Coffee Catz.”

  Judy followed Chloe into the college coffee shop. Yum! It smelled like just-baked cookies and was packed with college kids reading, studying, and madly typing into laptops.

  Chloe ordered a tall, skinny, nonfat, wet, extra-foam, no-whip latte with a double shot of vanilla (aka fancy-schmancy coffee drink), and Judy ordered a hot chocolate in a bowl. Chloe gave Judy a ten-dollar bill, and Judy got to pay like a grown-up and count the change. There was enough change to buy a candy cell phone at the counter.

  At a window seat, Chloe spread out the board and Judy helped her snap in the mountains, bridges, and buildings. Chloe gave Judy a car to drive (around the board, that is). “I love this game, because it’s like life. You get to go to college and make money and buy a house.”

  “Rare,” said Judy. “I already know I want to be a doctor.”

  “For serious?” Chloe asked. “In the game or in life?”

  “Both,” said Judy.

  “So, you’re premed. That’s what they call it before you go to medical school. Or in your case, pre-premed.”

  “Premed squared,” said Judy.

  “One of my peeps wants to be a doctor,” said Chloe.

  “Peeps?”

  “One of my friends. You know, if you’re going to go to college, you’re gonna have to learn to talk college.”

  “For serious?” Judy asked.

  “Zing! You got me there,” said Chloe, laughing.

  In the Game of Life, Judy got to be the banker. “My little brother, Stink, ALWAYS gets to be banker,” she told Chloe. She, Judy-Moody-not-Stink, was in charge of piles and piles of money and got to dish out the big bucks. AND Chloe let her be a doctor, even though it was against the rules to peek at the Career cards.

  Judy got to make a mountain of money and get married and buy a house and a high-def TV and learn sign language and find buried treasure and go to the Grand Canyon and help the homeless, and not once did a tree fall on her, not even a mid-life crisis.

  “I love Life!” said Judy.

  “You beat the pants off me,” said Chloe.

  “Speaking of pants,” said Judy, “can I ask you a question? Why are you wearing a dress and pants?”

  “It’s my thing,” said Chloe. “It’s the artist in me.”

  “Is that why you wear flip-flops and have holes in your jeans and a flower tattoo and dyed-red hair and seven pierces?” Judy asked.

  “Um, I guess so,” said Chloe.

  “Crucial!” said Judy.

  On the way back to the Math Lab, Chloe and Judy cut through the parking lot. “Look at all the VW Beetles!” said Judy. “One green, two reds, blue, yellow. My brother would go punch-buggy crazy!”

  “So you like VW bugs?” Chloe asked. “Mine’s the green one, right over there. They call that color Gecko Green. I call her June Bug, because I got her last June.”

  “For serious? Sweet! It even has a real flower vase on the dashboard. Hey, did you know you’re growing a toothbrush in your flower vase?” Judy cracked up.

  “Tell you what,” said Chloe. “Let’s count all the Beetles in the parking lot and write down how many we can find of each color. Then we’ll go back to the lab and I’ll show you how to make a graph.”

  Judy raced around the parking lot, counting lots of red, blue, yellow, and green bugs. Only two silver Beetles and one gray. “The gray one looks like a robot!” said Judy.

  Back at the Math Lab
, Judy made a graph and colored in squares for each kind of Beetle. Salsa Red, Laser Blue, Sunflower Yellow. . . . Judy forgot all about the time.

  “Richard’s here,” said Chloe, nodding toward the door.

  “Who’s Richard?” Judy looked up and saw her dad standing in the doorway. “Is an hour up already?” she asked. “You were only gone for like a giga-flip-flop-second. Can’t you stay away a little longer?”

  “Having fun with math, huh?”

  “I’m learning to make a graph, and when we’re done, Chloe says I can hang it on the wall. It’ll be graph-iti!”

  Judy could not wait to go back to college — three times a week! Getting tutored was crucial. Rare squared!

  In just two short weeks, Judy had a brand-new lease on life.

  She, Judy Moody, sashayed into the kitchen one morning before school. She was wearing a dress on top of jeans ripped at the knee, a teeny-tiny hoodie sweatshirt, monkey flip-flops, a crazy scarf, skinny glasses, half a gross of bracelets, and tattoo Band-Aids.

  “She must be in a play,” said Stink.

  “That’s ridonkulus,” said Judy. “Unless you mean the play of life.”

  “How many shirts are you wearing?” Stink asked.

  “Is that my scarf?” Mom asked.

  “I’m dressing for college,” said Judy. “I have tutoring after school today, Kate.” Chloe called grown-ups by their first names, so Judy tried it.

  “It’s too cold for flip-flops,” Mom said, frowning.

  “And you’ll need a coat,” Dad added.

  Parents. Parental Units. The ’Rents. Kate and Richard were so old skool. “College kids don’t wear coats!” said Judy.

  “What do they wear?” asked Stink.

  “They wear whatever’s their thing,” said Judy.

  “So your thing is to dress like a clown?” Stink asked.

  Eesh! What an NCP. Nincompoop.

  “How’s it going with Chloe, by the way?” Mom asked.

  “Chloe is the bomb! She drives a green gecko Beetle called June Bug and has fake red hair and a toe ring and seven pierces.”

  “Nobody needs that many extra holes in their head,” said Dad.