The Human Side

by Cori Garrison

  “Oh don’t worry about that. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright. You know I love you.” Amanda responded.

  “I know and thank you. I hope to have an apartment soon and then you need to come visit me!” Stacy said. She heard movement from upstairs and was anxious to talk to her sister. “Listen Amanda, I’m sorry to cut this short but I need to chat with my sister before I hit the hay. I’ll call you later okay?” She hung up the phone and headed upstairs.

  “Well good morning or should I say good night?” Rebecca smiled as Stacy entered the kitchen.

  Stacy could immediately sense the lightness in Rebecca. She hugged her tight. “I’m taking your mood as a sign that the car in the driveway is a good thing?”

  “It’s a very good thing. Shawn should be down in a minute and she can tell you herself.” Rebecca said as she began to pull breakfast items from the fridge. “I’m starving. I feel like I have my life back and apparently that makes me want to eat.”

  “Right, it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that you’re eating for two?” Shawn said teasingly as she entered the kitchen. She pulled Rebecca into her arms and kissed her.

  Stacy gave an exaggerated cough as their kiss continued. “Listen ladies, I love you both but seriously, you’re making me jealous okay?” She laughed.

  “Oh seriously; I’m sure all the guys down at the precinct are drooling all over you already so I’m sure you won’t be lonely for long!” Shawn laughed.

  Stacy rolled her eyes. “It’s like working with junior high boys. They are so obvious with their stares and lines. Besides, I have enough to worry about without complicating things with worrying about someone else.” She said with a shake of her head.

  “So listen. We are going to have Sam and Jenna over for dinner tonight and we want you to be here also since you’re not working. Is that okay?” Shawn asked her. “I’d like to talk to all of you at once about this past week.”

  “Of course I’ll be here.” Stacy said kissing Shawn on the cheek. “I’m glad you’re home. But now, I’m off to bed. I’m exhausted. I’ll see you guys tonight.”

  ****

  Later that evening, they all sat around the dining room table at Rebecca and Shawn’s house. They laughed and talked as they ate. Shawn looked around the table and smiled.

  “I wanted to talk to all of you about this past week.” Shawn said. “First of all, I want to apologize to all of you for making you worry and also for being here for Rebecca.”

  Rebecca reached under the table and squeezed Shawn’s knee as she spoke. Her quiet encouragement gave Shawn the support she needed to speak openly about the darkest part of her life.

  “I know that you all know things haven’t been easy for me with mom and dad since I came out. Their behavior, things they’ve said and done, have scarred me deeply. I have never been able to talk about it; I just buried it and focused on living day to day.” Shawn looked down and squeezed her hand over Rebecca’s.

  “I don’t know how to really explain this, but the night I left, I drove until I had no idea where I was at. I pulled over and checked in to a motel. I don’t know a better way to convey what I was thinking or feeling other than to say, I felt like I was in a cave. Alone.” She looked up into Rebecca’s eyes and saw only love in them.

  “You are never alone Shawn. Please remember that.” Sam said quietly. “I’m sorry that you felt like you were.”

  “It’s nothing that any of you did or didn’t do. I know you are all here for me. I just, well, I guess I just broke when father said that the world would have been better off if I wasn’t born. I just kept thinking that maybe he was right. Maybe if I wasn’t here, you and Stacy wouldn’t be in the position you are in now with our parents.” Shawn shook her head. “But then something happened. I went to a diner nearby to get some food and the waitress there was so kind to me.”

  Shawn wiped her eyes. “She made me realize how much I wish I had a parent that loved me, cared for me, was compassionate to me. I went back again and she was there. She sat down and talked with me. She said she felt drawn to me, like she was meant to share her story with me. She told me about her daughter and how she treated her when she came out to her. Her daughter ended up killing herself because she felt so alone, worthless and ashamed. She told me to not waste my time worrying about their approval or basing my worth on them. She said I had nothing to be ashamed of, that they did. So here I am. I made the decision that I am no longer going to base my self-worth or my happiness on them. I have sisters, a best friend and the love of my life and that is all that I need.”

  Rebecca leaned over and kissed Shawn’s cheek gently. “I’m glad you chose us and your happiness baby. We all love and need you in our lives.”

  “Shawn, I’m sorry that I didn’t speak up more in your defense growing up. I should have but I was a coward. I should have done more. I’m so sorry.” Sam cried.

  Jenna pulled Sam to her, hugging her tight. “Baby, nothing you could have done would have changed them. They are responsible for their own behavior.”

  “She’s right Sam. Don’t blame yourself; you have nothing to be sorry for. They are the ones who should be sorry, not any of us.” Shawn smiled and reached across the table for Sam’s hand. “Let’s make a pact as a family that we will do whatever it takes to make sure that our kids grow up knowing nothing but unconditional love from us. Let’s change the things we don’t like in our parents, by being the kind of parents that we wish we would have had.”

  Each one of them nodded around the table. It was quiet for a minute or two, before Stacy spoke up. “Well here is a little good news. I found a place to rent I think!”

  “Does this mean you won’t be our live-in nanny?” Shawn joked.

  “No, this means I don’t have to worry about seeing your naked ass streaking through the house or any weird sounds coming from your room.” Stacy kidded back.

  Rebecca’s face flushed. “Okay, let’s change the subject shall we? We have a doctor’s appointment on Monday and we should know if it’s a boy or girl then!”

  “Well we have a little news of our own.” Jenna looked at Sam for the okay to share it. Sam nodded and smiled. “We are going to start trying for another baby soon. We don’t want the kids to be too far apart in age.”

  “Jesus, you ladies are making me feel like an old maid!” Stacy exclaimed smiling. “I feel like my biological clock is about to run out and I’m only twenty two!”

  “Well then I guess you better get a move on finding the perfect man.” Shawn laughed. “Now let’s put the baby in bed and get in the hot tub for a while!”

  ****

  As Shawn and Rebecca waited for the doctor to come in the exam room, they talked about their plans for the weekend.

  “Stacy said she can move in to her new apartment next weekend so we don’t have to worry about that this weekend. I say we go shopping for furniture for the baby’s room and we can even get the paint we were wanting.” Rebecca said with excitement.

  Shawn laughed. “Whoa. Slow down. We can definitely do all that, but we may need to change your paint selection because in a few minutes we are going to see our boy!”

  “I believe you meant to say our girl, didn’t you?” Rebecca smacked Shawn on the butt.

  “Oh, Ms. Johns you better be careful, you are at perfect height on this table for me to….” Shawn cut off her playful response as a knock came on the exam room door and the doctor entered.

  “Are you ladies ready?” Dr. Sorenson asked with a smile.

  “Absolutely, I need to prove to Nurse Johns here that I am right and we are having a boy!” Shawn smirked.

  Rebecca rolled her eyes. “We will never hear the end of it if this baby is not a girl. Please Dr. Sorenson let’s get this answered before her head gets any bigger from her inflated ego.” She squeezed Shawn’s hand with a smile.

  Several minutes later, the doctor moved the ultrasound wand, working to get a good overall view of the baby. Both Shawn and Rebecca wer
e glued to the video screen anxious to get a good look at their baby.

  Rebecca giggled “Look, she’s sucking her thumb!”

  Dr. Sorenson stared intently at the screen as she moved the wand. She seemed to be taking an extraordinary amount of time and hadn’t said anything yet. Shawn flicked her eyes between the doctor’s face and the screen.

  “Is there something wrong Dr. Sorenson?” Shawn asked, her mouth growing dry.

  “No, nothing is wrong that I can see. The good news is that Rebecca is right, she is sucking her thumb.” The doctor said. “But, in other news, she looks to be a camera hog and almost made me miss her brother.”

  Shawn squinted her eyes, cocking her head at the doctor, her brain still digesting the doctor’s words. “Are you saying there are two babies in there?”

  Rebecca’s eyes grew big and round. “Oh my God, are you saying we are having twins?”

  “Oh, I’m not just saying it, I’m showing you. Look right here.” She pointed to the screen at an object that could have been either an arm or a leg. “That is your boy’s arm. It looks like he has it wrapped around the girl.”

  “Holy shit! I mean holy crap! Sorry doctor. I can’t believe this!” Shawn said in shock.

  Rebecca carefully looked at Shawn’s face, trying to judge whether Shawn was just in shock or if she was scared. “Baby, it will be okay.” She reached for Shawn’s hand.

  “Are you kidding me?” Shawn said as she stared at the screen.

  Rebecca’s throat constricted. Oh God, please don’t let this be too much, too soon.

  “We’ll figure it out honey. We just need time to absorb it and get used to it.” Rebecca said again, trying to calm Shawn’s fears.

  Shawn turned towards her, her eyes wide. “Are you kidding me? This is awesome! Oh my God honey, we are having twins!” She smothered Rebecca in a crushing hug.

  “Okay ladies, I’m printing a couple of copies of that shot. You’re good to go for today. I’ll see you back here in four weeks. We are going to step up the timing of your visits now that we know you’re carrying twins. We want to make sure that everything is going smoothly!” Dr. Sorenson said as she walked out.

  Rebecca turned and looked at Shawn as she swung her legs over the table and sat up. “Are you sure you’re okay with this baby?”

  Shawn laughed and took Rebecca’s face between her hands. “What could be better than two babies that are a part of you? I love you so much.” She kissed Rebecca and then said “Hurry up and get dressed! We have two times the shopping to do now!”

  They left the doctor’s office a few minutes later. Rebecca was on her cell phone calling her mom and Shawn was dialing Sam.

  “Sam! Oh my God Sam, we just left the doctor’s office. What? No, nothing is wrong. Hush and let me talk! We are having twins!” Shawn laughed with joy. “No, I’m not joking. A boy and a girl, isn’t it fantastic?”

  They both hung up the phone as Shawn parked in front of large baby store. They looked at each other with enormous smiles. “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe we are having two babies. I am so excited I want to tell the whole world!” Rebecca was glowing with joy. “I never thought I’d have a child and now I’m having two. I never thought I’d be with you either and now here you are with me and we are having two babies!” Tears formed in her eyes.

  Shawn reached out and brushed them from Rebecca’s cheeks as they rolled down. “Rebecca, I am so glad that I pulled my head out of my ass and realized that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. We have so much to look forward to and I’m not going to waste another minute worrying or letting someone else’s issues burden me. I love you. Now let’s go shop for our babies!”

  The two strolled through each and every aisle, looking at everything possible. “Wow, I had no idea there were so many things we would need. It’s a little overwhelming!” Shawn said as she picked up a pacifier. “Seriously, who knew there were so many different sizes and shapes of pacifiers, not to mention whether they are silicon or whatever this other material is. How in the world do you know what to choose?”

  Rebecca smiled. “Well, the important things we will research and see what’s best. It’s not like we both aren’t obstetric nurses, we can figure this out. I know what you mean though. Look at all these different types of bottles and nipples. And if I breastfeed, we have all these different pumps to choose from.”

  Shawn laughed. “Maybe we should focus on the big things first like cribs, bassinets, car seats, strollers, etc. Maybe we can get a few small things today and keep track of other things that we like by taking pictures of them so we can add them to our registry when the time comes.”

  “I love you and your organized mind you know that?” Rebecca kissed her quickly. “Let’s start with cribs and bassinets, then go from there. We can get those picked out so they can be delivered to the house, unless you’re too impatient to wait and want to load them in the back of the Armada?”

  “I think maybe we should have them delivered. We have to get the room painted before I can put anything together or it will just be in the way.” Shawn came to a stop in front of a dark colored crib. “Do you like the white, light or dark colors?”

  Rebecca did a 360 looking around at all the different colors of wood for cribs. “I think I’m partial to the darker ones like the one you’re standing in front of.”

  An hour later they had picked out cribs, dressers, mattresses, bassinets and moved on to look at car seats. “Do you think we should just decide what we want and leave the rest for the registry?” Rebecca asked as she inspected infant car seats.

  “That’s probably a good idea. We can always go buy anything that people don’t get for us later.” Shawn smiled as she watched Rebecca’s face. “Let’s pick out a few more things and take pictures of them so we remember what we liked, we’ll grab a few small things to buy today and then let’s go get some lunch.” She pulled Rebecca close and kissed her. “I have to make sure my baby mama has enough to eat.” She laughed as Rebecca rolled her eyes at the term.

  They both jumped when they heard a voice behind them. “Excuse me. I don’t mean to intrude.” They turned to see a middle aged gentleman standing behind them. “I was hoping you could help me. I’m trying to find this for my son and his husband. I’m not having much luck.” The man held out a printed registry page to them.

  Shawn took the page and glanced at the circled item on it. “I think I just saw this stroller on the other side of this aisle.” She said as she walked around. “Yep, here it is. Your son and his husband have great taste, this is a cool stroller.”

  The man chuckled. “When are you two due? My grandson is due next month.”

  Rebecca smiled. “Congratulations. It sounds like you’re excited. I have fifteen weeks to go yet, well that is if I make it that far. We just found out today that we are having twins!”

  “Well congratulations to you both! And thank you for helping me, I appreciate your kindness.” The man said as he pushed the car away with stroller box teetering awkwardly on top.

  The two finished picking out a few small items to buy in celebration and headed towards the checkout. Shawn looked down at the tiny onesies she held in her hands, one pink and one blue. “This makes it feel so real. I mean I know it’s real but actually buying something for them makes me feel like this is really happening.”

  Rebecca slid her hand into Shawn’s and squeezed. “I know.”

  ****

  Jenna quietly opened the door to Jackson’s room, crossing to stand in front of his crib. She peered down at the sleeping baby. He looked so peaceful; his thumb was stuck in his mouth and his other hand was holding on to the leg of a stuffed dog. She leaned down, kissing his head and quietly left the room. She walked back to the living room where Sam was half asleep on the couch.

  “I’m sorry I’m so late. We had a difficult delivery tonight and I wanted to stick around to make sure mom and baby were fine.” She brushed the hair away from Sam’s face and kissed her s
oftly.

  “It’s okay, but I’ve been dying to tell you the news!” Sam grinned.

  “The news? Did we win the bet? Is the baby a girl?” Jenna asked.

  “Shawn called earlier today after they left the doctor’s office. Yes, the baby is a girl. I don’t think we can claim that we won the bet though, because Shawn won also. They saw a little hitchhiker hiding behind her, a boy!” Sam laughed.

  “What? Are you saying they are having twins?” Jenna’s eyes lit up with excitement.

  “Yes, unless there is another one hiding. We are going to be aunts two times over!” Sam reached for Jenna. “I think you should kiss me in celebration.”

  “Oh you do huh?” Jenna leaned down to grant her request, kissing her on the mouth. “How about I go grab a quick shower and you meet me in bed?”

  “Sounds like a wonderful plan to me. Don’t forget to wash all the important parts.” Sam grinned.

  Jenna raised an eyebrow at her. “My, my; someone is feisty tonight. Make sure you’re still awake when I come out!” She said as she headed down the hall.

  Sam folded up the blanket that was covering her, switched off the TV and headed to make sure all the doors were locked. She checked on Jackson one last time and went to their bedroom. She quickly walked to where her iPod was docked and swiped a few times until music started playing. In two quick movements she stripped out of her sweats and t-shirt and climbed under the covers.

  A few minutes later, Jenna emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her. Her hair was still wet and her eyes were a dark blue. She stared intently into Sam’s eyes and then crooked her index finger, motioning for Sam to come to her.

  Sam sat up on her knees, holding the sheet over her and she scooted across the bed towards Jenna. When she stopped in front of her, Jenna reached out and tugged the sheet out of Sam’s hands, letting it fall to reveal Sam’s naked body. Jenna kept her eyes focused on Sam’s beautiful ones as she leaned close.