She went away all ashamed and confused in herself, seeing his steadfastness and her own instability. Then she thought about the grace that God had given her before, of how she had two years of great quiet in her soul, of repentance for her sins with many bitter tears of compunction, and a perfect will never again to turn to sin but rather, she thought, to be dead. And now she saw how she had consented in her will to sin. Then she half fell into despair. She thought herself in hell, such was the sorrow that she had. She thought she was worthy of no mercy because her consenting to sin was so wilfully done, nor ever worthy to serve God, because she was so false to him.
Nevertheless she was shriven many times and often, and did whatever penance her confessor would enjoin her to do, and was governed according to the rules of the Church. That grace God gave this creature – blessed may he be – but he did not withdraw her temptation, but rather increased it, as she thought.
And therefore she thought that he had forsaken her, and dared not trust to his mercy, but was troubled with horrible temptations to lechery and despair nearly all the following year, except that our Lord in his mercy, as she said to herself, gave her every day for the most part two hours of compunction for her sins, with many bitter tears. And afterwards she was troubled with temptations to despair as she was before, and was as far from feelings of grace as those who never felt any. And that she could not bear, and so she continued to despair. Except for the time that she felt grace, her trials were so amazing that she could not cope very well with them, but always mourned and sorrowed as though God had forsaken her.
Chapter 5
Then on a Friday before Christmas Day,1 as this creature was kneeling in a chapel of St John, within a church of St Margaret in N., weeping a very great deal and asking mercy and forgiveness for her sins and her trespasses, our merciful Lord Christ Jesus -blessed may he be – ravished her spirit and said to her, ‘Daughter, why are you weeping so sorely? I have come to you, Jesus Christ, who died on the cross suffering bitter pains and passion for you. I, the same God, forgive you your sins to the uttermost point.2 And you shall never come into hell nor into purgatory, but when you pass out of this world, within the twinkling of an eye, you shall have the bliss of heaven, for I am the same God who has brought your sins to your mind and caused you to be shriven of them. And I grant you contrition until your life’s end.
‘Therefore, I command you, boldly call me Jesus, your love, for I am your love and shall be your love without end.3 And, daughter, you have a hair-shirt on your back. I want you to leave off wearing it, and I shall give you a hair-shirt in your heart which shall please me much more than all the hair-shirts in the world. But also, my beloved daughter, you must give up that which you love best in this world, and that is the eating of meat. And instead of meat you shall eat my flesh and my blood, that is the true body of Christ in the sacrament of the altar. This is my will, daughter, that you receive my body every Sunday,4 and I shall cause so much grace to flow into you that everyone shall marvel at it.
‘You shall be eaten and gnawed by the people of the world just as any rat gnaws the stockfish.5 Don’t be afraid, daughter, for you shall be victorious over all your enemies. I shall give you grace enough to answer every cleric in the love of God. I swear to you by my majesty that I shall never forsake you whether in happiness or in sorrow. I shall help you and protect you, so that no devil in hell shall ever part you from me, nor angel in heaven, nor man on earth – for devils in hell may not, nor angels in heaven will not, nor man on earth shall not.
‘And daughter, I want you to give up your praying of many beads, and think such thoughts as I shall put into your mind. I shall give you leave to pray until six o’clock to say what you wish. Then you shall lie still and speak to me in thought, and I shall give you high meditation and true contemplation. And I command you to go to the anchorite at the Preaching Friars6 and tell him my confidences and counsels which I reveal to you, and do as he advises, for my spirit shall speak in him to you.’
Then this creature went off to see the anchorite as she was commanded, and revealed to him the revelations that had been shown to her. Then the anchorite, with great reverence and weeping, thanking God, said, ‘Daughter, you are sucking even at Christ’s breast,7 and you have received a pledge of paradise. I charge you to receive such thoughts – when God will give them -as meekly and devoutly as you can, and then come and tell me what they are, and I shall, by the leave of our Lord Jesus Christ, tell you whether they are from the Holy Ghost or else from your enemy the devil.’
Chapter 6
Another day, this creature gave herself up to meditation as she had been commanded before, and she lay still, not knowing what she might best think of. Then she said to our Lord Jesus Christ, ‘Jesus, what shall I think about?’
Our Lord Jesus answered in her mind, ‘Daughter, think of my mother, for she is the cause of all the grace that you have.’
And then at once she saw St Anne, great with child, and then she prayed St Anne to let her be her maid and her servant. And presently our Lady was born, and then she busied herself to take the child to herself and look after her until she was twelve years of age, with good food and drink, with fair white clothing and white kerchiefs. And then she said to the blessed child, ‘My lady, you shall be the mother of God.’
The blessed child answered and said, ‘I wish I were worthy to be the handmaiden of her that should conceive the son of God.’
The creature said, ‘I pray you, my lady, if that grace befall you, do not discontinue with my service.’
The blessed child went away for a certain time – the creature remaining still in contemplation – and afterwards came back again and said, ‘Daughter, now I have become the mother of God.’
And then the creature fell down on her knees with great reverence and great weeping and said, ‘I am not worthy, my lady, to do you service.’
‘Yes, daughter,’ she said, ‘follow me – I am well pleased with your service.’
Then she went forth with our Lady and with Joseph, bearing with her a flask of wine sweetened with honey and spices. Then they went forth to Elizabeth, St John the Baptist’s mother, and when they met together Mary and Elizabeth reverenced each other, and so they dwelled together with great grace and gladness for twelve weeks. And then St John was born, and our Lady took him up from the ground with all reverence and gave him to his mother, saying of him that he would be a holy man, and blessed him.
Afterwards they took leave of each other with compassionate tears. And then the creature fell down on her knees to St Elizabeth, and begged her that she would pray for her to our Lady so that she might still serve and please her.
‘Daughter,’ said Elizabeth, ‘it seems to me that you do your duty very well.’
And then the creature went forth with our Lady to Bethlehem and procured lodgings for her every night with great reverence, and our Lady was received with good cheer. She also begged for our Lady pieces of fair white cloth and kerchiefs to swaddle her son in when he was born; and when Jesus was born she arranged bedding for our Lady to lie on with her blessed son. And later she begged food for our Lady and her blessed child. Afterwards she swaddled him, weeping bitter tears of compassion, mindful of the painful death that he would suffer for the love of sinful men, saying to him, ‘Lord, I shall treat you gently; I will not bind you tightly. I pray you not to be displeased with me.’
Chapter 7
And afterwards on the twelfth day, when three kings came with their gifts and worshipped our Lord Jesus Christ in his mother’s lap, this creature, our Lady’s handmaiden, beholding the whole process in contemplation, wept marvellously sorely. And when she saw that they wished to take their leave to go home again to their country, she could not bear that they should go from the presence of our Lord, and in her wonder that they wished to leave she cried so grievously that it was amazing.
And soon after, an angel came and commanded our Lady and Joseph to go from the country of Bethlehem into Egypt. Then this
creature went forth with our Lady, finding her lodging day by day with great reverence, with many sweet thoughts and high meditations, and also high contemplations, sometimes continuing weeping for two hours and often longer without ceasing when in mind of our Lord’s passion, sometimes for her own sin, sometimes for the sin of the people, sometimes for the souls in purgatory, sometimes for those that are in poverty or in any distress, for she wanted to comfort them all.
Sometimes she wept very abundantly and violently out of desire for the bliss of heaven, and because she was being kept from it for so long. Then this creature longed very much to be delivered out of this wretched world. Our Lord Jesus Christ said to her mind that she should remain and languish in love, ‘For I have ordained you to kneel before the Trinity to pray for the whole world, for many hundred thousand souls shall be saved by your prayers. And therefore, daughter, ask what you wish, and I shall grant you what you ask.’
This creature said, ‘Lord, I ask for mercy and preservation from everlasting damnation for me and for all the world. Chastise us here as you wish and in purgatory, and of your high mercy keep us from damnation.’
Chapter 8
Another time, while this creature lay1 in her prayer, the Mother of Mercy appeared to her and said, ‘Ah, daughter – blessed may you be – your seat is made ready in heaven before my son’s knee, and whom you wish to have with you.’
Then her blessed son asked, ‘Daughter, whom will you have as companion with you?’
‘My beloved lord, I ask for my spiritual father, Master R.’2
‘Why do you ask for him more than your own father or your husband?’
‘Because I can never pay him back for his goodness to me, and the gracious trouble that he has taken in hearing my confession.’
I grant you your wish for him, and yet your father shall be saved, and your husband too, and all your children.’
Then this creature said, ‘Lord, since you have forgiven me my sin, I make you my executor of all the good works that you work in me. In praying, in thinking, in weeping, in going on pilgrimage, in fasting, or in speaking any good word, it is fully my will that you give half to Master R. to the increase of his merit, as if he did these things himself. And the other half, Lord, spread on your friends and your enemies, and on my friends and my enemies, for I will have only yourself for my reward.’
‘Daughter, I shall be a true executor to you and fulfil all of your will, and because of your great charity that you have to comfort all your fellow Christians, you shall have double reward in heaven.’
Chapter 9
Another time, as this creature prayed to God that she might live in chastity by her husband’s permission, Christ said to her mind, ‘You must fast on Friday both from meat and drink, and you shall have your wish before Whit Sunday, for I shall suddenly slay [all sexual desire in]1 your husband.’
Then on the Wednesday of Easter week,2 when her husband wanted to have intercourse with her, as he was used to before, and when he was coming near to her, she said, ‘Jesus, help me,’ and he had no power to touch her at that time in that way, nor ever after that with carnal knowledge.
It so happened one Friday before Whitsun Eve, as this creature was in the church of St Margaret at N. hearing mass, she heard a great and dreadful noise. She was greatly dismayed, very much fearing public opinion, which said God should take vengeance upon her. She knelt there, holding her head down, and with her book in her hand, praying to our Lord Christ Jesus for grace and for mercy. Suddenly – from the highest part of the church vault, from under the base of the rafter – there fell down on her head and on her back a stone which weighed three pounds, and a short end of a beam weighing six pounds, so that she thought her back was broken in pieces, and she was afraid that she would be dead in a little while. Soon after she cried, ‘Jesus, mercy,’ and immediately her pain was gone.
A good man called John of Wereham,3 seeing this marvel and supposing that she had been severely injured, came and pulled her by the sleeve and said, ‘How are you feeling, ma’am?’
This creature – entirely well and in one piece – thanked him for his kindness, all the time marvelling and greatly amazed that she now felt no pain and had felt so much a little before. Nor did she feel any pain for twelve weeks afterwards. Then the spirit of God said to her soul, ‘Take this for a great miracle, and if people will not believe this, I shall work a great many more.’
A worshipful doctor of divinity called Master Aleyn, a White Friar,4 hearing of this miraculous event, inquired of this creature about the whole manner of this occurrence. He – desiring the working of God to be glorified – got the same stone that fell upon her back and weighed it, and then he got the beam-end that fell upon her head, which one of the keepers of the church had put on the fire to burn.
And this worshipful doctor said it was a great miracle, and our Lord was highly to be glorified for preserving this creature against the malice of her enemy, and he told it to many people and many people greatly glorified God in this creature. And also many people would not believe it, but preferred to believe it was more a token of wrath and vengeance than of mercy or favour.
Chapter 10
Soon after, this creature was moved in her soul to go and visit certain places for spiritual health, in as much as she was cured; and she could not without the consent of her husband. She asked her husband to grant her leave and he, fully believing it was the will of God, soon consented, and they went together to such places as she was inclined.
And then our Lord Christ Jesus said to her, ‘My servants greatly desire to see you.’
Then she was welcomed and made much of in various places, and because of this she had a great fear of vainglory and was much afraid. Our merciful Lord Christ Jesus – worshipped be his name – said to her, ‘Don’t be afraid, daughter – I shall take vainglory from you. For they that honour you honour me; they that despise you despise me, and I shall chastise them for it. I am in you, and you in me.1 And they that hear you, they hear the voice of God. Daughter, there is no man so sinful alive on earth that, if he will give up his sin and do as you advise, then such grace as you promise him I will confirm for love of you.’ Then her husband and she went on to York and to other different places.
Chapter 11
It happened one Friday, Midsummer Eve,1 in very hot weather -as this creature was coming from York carrying a bottle of beer in her hand, and her husband a cake tucked inside his clothes against his chest – that her husband asked his wife this question: ‘Margery, if there came a man with a sword who would strike off my head unless I made love with you as I used to do before, tell me on your conscience – for you say you will not lie – whether you would allow my head to be cut off, or else allow me to make love with you again, as I did at one time?’
‘Alas, sir,’ she said, ‘why are you raising this matter, when we have been chaste for these past eight weeks?’
‘Because I want to know the truth of your heart.’
And then she said with great sorrow, ‘Truly, I would rather see you being killed, than that we should turn back to our un-cleanness.’
And he replied, ‘You are no good wife.’
And then she asked her husband what was the reason that he had not made love to her for the last eight weeks, since she lay with him every night in his bed. And he said that he was made so afraid when he would have touched her, that he dared do no more.
‘Now, good sir, mend your ways and ask God’s mercy, for I told you nearly three years ago that your [desire for sex] would suddenly be slain – and this is now the third year, and I hope yet that I shall have my wish. Good sir, I pray you to grant what I shall ask, and I shall pray for you to be saved through the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, and you shall have more reward in heaven than if you wore a hair-shirt or wore a coat of mail as a penance. I pray you, allow me to make a vow of chastity at whichever bishop’s hand that God wills.’
‘No,’ he said, ‘I won’t allow you to do that, because now I can
make love to you without mortal sin, and then I wouldn’t be able to.’
Then she replied, ‘If it be the will of the Holy Ghost to fulfil what I have said, I pray God that you may consent to this; and if it be not the will of the Holy Ghost, I pray God that you never consent.’
Then they went on towards Bridlington and the weather was extremely hot, this creature all the time having great sorrow and great fear for her chastity. And as they came by a cross her husband sat down under the cross, calling his wife to him and saying these words to her: ‘Margery, grant me my desire, and I shall grant you your desire. My first desire is that we shall still lie together in one bed as we have done before; the second, that you shall pay my debts before you go to Jerusalem; and the third, that you shall eat and drink with me on Fridays as you used to do.’
‘No, sir,’ she said, ‘I will never agree to break my Friday fast as long as I live.’
The Book of Margery Kempe Page 5
