‘Well,’ he said, ‘then I’m going to have sex with you again.’
She begged him to allow her to say her prayers, and he kindly allowed it. Then she knelt down beside a cross in the field and prayed in this way, with a great abundance of tears: ‘Lord God, you know all things. You know what sorrow I have had to be chaste for you in my body all these three years, and now I might have my will and I dare not, for love of you. For if I were to break that custom of fasting from meat and drink on Fridays which you commanded me, I should now have my desire. But, blessed Lord, you know I will not go against your will, and great is my sorrow now unless I find comfort in you. Now, blessed Jesus, make your will known to my unworthy self, so that I may afterwards follow and fulfil it with all my might.’
And then our Lord Jesus Christ with great sweetness spoke to this creature, commanding her to go again to her husband and pray him to grant her what she desired: ‘And he shall have what he desires. For, my beloved daughter, this was the reason why I ordered you to fast, so that you should the sooner obtain your desire, and now it is granted to you. I no longer wish you to fast, and therefore I command you in the name of Jesus to eat and drink as your husband does.’
Then this creature thanked our Lord Jesus Christ for his grace and his goodness, and afterwards got up and went to her husband, saying to him, ‘Sir, if you please, you shall grant me my desire, and you shall have your desire. Grant me that you will not come into my bed, and I grant you that I will pay your debts before I go to Jerusalem.2 And make my body free to God, so that you never make any claim on me requesting any conjugal debt after this day as long as you live – and I shall eat and drink on Fridays at your bidding.’
Then her husband replied to her, ‘May your body be as freely available to God as it has been to me.’
This creature thanked God greatly, rejoicing that she had her desire, praying her husband that they should say three paternosters in worship of the Trinity for the great grace that had been granted them. And so they did, kneeling under a cross, and afterwards they ate and drank together in great gladness of spirit. This was on a Friday, on Midsummer’s Eve.
Then they went on to Bridlington and also to many other places, and spoke with God’s servants, both anchorites and recluses, and many other of our Lord’s lovers, with many worthy clerics, doctors and bachelors of divinity as well, in many different places. And to various people amongst them this creature revealed her feelings and her contemplations, as she was commanded to do, to find out if there were any deception in her feelings.
Chapter 12
This creature was sent by our Lord to divers places of religion, and amongst them she came to a place of monks, where she was very welcome for the love of our Lord, except that there was a monk, who held great office in that place, who despised her and set no value on her at all. Nevertheless she was seated at mealtime with the abbot, and frequently during the meal she uttered many good words as God would put them into her mind – the same monk who had so despised her being present with many others to hear what she would say. And through her conversation his feelings began to incline strongly towards her, and he greatly savoured her words. And so afterwards this monk came to her -she being in church and he also at the time – and said, ‘I hear it said that God speaks to you.1 I pray you to tell me whether I shall be saved or not, and in what sins I have most displeased God, for I will not believe in you unless you can tell me what my sins are.’
This creature said to the monk, ‘Go to your mass, and if I may weep for you, I hope to have grace for you.’
He followed her advice and went to his mass. She wept amazingly for his sins. When mass was ended, this creature said to our Lord Christ Jesus, ‘Blessed Lord, what answer shall I give to this man?’
‘My beloved daughter, say in the name of Jesus that he has sinned in lechery, in despair, and in the keeping of worldly goods.’
‘Ah, gracious Lord, this is hard for me to say. He will cause me much shame if I tell him any lie.’
‘Don’t be afraid, but speak boldly in my name – in the name of Jesus – for they are not lies.’
And then she said again to our Lord Jesus Christ, ‘Good Lord, shall he be saved?’
‘Yes,’ said our Lord Jesus, ‘if he will give up his sin and follow your advice. Charge him to give up his sin – and be shriven of it -and also the office that he has outside.’
Then the monk came back: ‘Margery, tell me my sins.’
She said, ‘I beg you, sir, do not ask after them, for I undertake that your soul shall be saved, if you will follow my advice.’
‘Truly, I will not believe you unless you tell me my sins.’
‘Sir, I understand that you have sinned in lechery, in despair, and in the keeping of worldly goods.’
Then the monk stood still, somewhat abashed, and afterwards he said, ‘Say whether I have sinned with wives or with single women?’
‘Sir, with wives.’
Then he said, ‘Shall I be saved?’
‘Yes, sir, if you will follow my advice. Sorrow for your sin, and I will help you to sorrow. Be shriven of it and give it up with your whole will. Leave the office that you hold outside,2 and God shall give you grace for love of me.’
The monk took her by the hand and led her into a beautiful room, gave her a great dinner, and afterwards gave her gold to pray for him. And so she took her leave at that time.
Another time, when the creature came again to the same place, the said monk had given up his office at her advice, and was turned from his sin, and made sub-prior of the place, a man of good conduct and disposition – God be thanked – and he gave this creature a great welcome and highly blessed God that he ever saw her.
Chapter 13
On one occasion, when this creature was at Canterbury in the church amongst the monks, she was greatly despised and reproved because she wept so much – both by the monks and priests, and by secular men, nearly all day, both morning and afternoon – and so much so that her husband went away from her as if he had not known her, and left her alone among them, choose how she might, for no further comfort did she have from him that day.
So an old monk, who had been treasurer to the Queen when he was in secular clothes, a powerful man and greatly feared by many people,1 took her by the hand saying to her, ‘What can you say of God?’
‘Sir,’ she said, ‘I will both speak of him and hear of him,’ repeating to the monk a story from scripture.
The monk said, 1 wish you were enclosed in a house of stone,2 so that no one should speak with you.’
‘Ah, sir,’ she said, ‘you should support God’s servants, and you are the first that hold against them – our Lord amend you.’
Then a young monk said to this creature, ‘Either you have the Holy Ghost or else you have a devil within you, for what you are speaking here to us is Holy Writ, and that you do not have of yourself.’
Then this creature said, ‘I pray you, sir, give me leave to tell you a tale.’
Then people said to the monk, ‘Let her say what she wants.’
And then she said, ‘There was once a man who had sinned greatly against God and, when he was shriven, his confessor enjoined him as part of his penance that he should for one year hire men to chide him and reprove him for his sins, and he should give them silver for their labour. And one day he came amongst many great men, such as are here now – God save you all – and stood among them as I now stand amongst you, they despising him as you do me, the man all the while laughing and smiling and having good sport at their words. The chief among them said to the man, “Why are you laughing, you wretch, when you are being greatly despised?”
“Ah, sir, I have great cause to laugh, because I have for many days been taking silver from my purse and hiring men to chide me for remission of my sin, and today I can keep my silver in my purse, I thank you all.”
‘Right so I say to you, worshipful sirs. While I was at home in my own part of the country – day by day with great weepi
ng and mourning -1 sorrowed because I did not have any of the shame, scorn and contempt that I deserved. I thank you all highly, sirs, for what, morning and afternoon, I have received today in rightful measure – blessed be God for it.’
Then she went out of the monastery, they following and crying upon her, ‘You shall be burnt, you false Lollard!3 Here is a cartful of thorns ready for you, and a barrel to burn you with!’
And the creature stood outside the gates of Canterbury – for it was in the evening – with many people wondering at her.
Then people said, ‘Take her and burn her!’
And the creature stood still, her body trembling and quaking dreadfully – without any comfort in this world – and she did not know where her husband had gone.
Then she prayed in her heart to our Lord, thinking to herself in this way: ‘I came to this place, Lord, for love of you. Blessed Lord, help me and have mercy on me.’
And then, after she had made her prayers in her heart to our Lord, there came two handsome young men and said to her, ‘Are you neither a heretic nor a Lollard?’
And she said, ‘No, sirs, I am neither heretic nor Lollard.’
Then they asked her where her inn was. She said she didn’t know in which street, but anyway it would be at a German man’s house. Then these two young men escorted her home to her lodgings and were very nice to her, asking her to pray for them -and there she found her husband.
And many people in N. had maligned her while she was away, and slandered her in respect of many things that she was supposed to have done.
Then after this she was very much at rest in her soul for a long while, and had high contemplation day by day, and many a holy speech and confabulation with our Lord Jesus Christ both morning and afternoon, with many sweet tears of high devotion so abundantly and continually that it was a marvel that her eyes endured, or that her heart could last without being consumed with the ardour of love4 which was kindled with the holy converse of our Lord, when he said to her many times, ‘Beloved daughter, love me with all your heart, for I love you with all my heart and with all the might of my Godhead, for you were a chosen soul without beginning in my sight and a pillar of Holy Church.5 My merciful eyes are ever upon you. It would be impossible for you to suffer the scorn and contempt that you will have, were it not for my grace supporting you.’
Chapter 14
Then this creature thought it was a joyous thing to be reproved for God’s love. It was great solace and comfort to her when she was chided and scolded for the love of Jesus, for reproving sin, for speaking of virtue, for conversing about scripture, which she learned in sermons and by talking with clerks. She imagined to herself what death she might die for Christ’s sake. She thought she would have liked to be slain for God’s love but feared the point of death, and therefore she imagined for herself the most easy death, as she thought, because she feared her lack of fortitude -and that was to be tied at her head and her feet to a stake, and her head to be struck off with a sharp axe, for the love of God.
Then our Lord said in her mind, ‘I thank you, daughter, that you would be willing to suffer death for my love, for as often as you think so, you shall have the same reward in heaven as if you had suffered that same death. And yet no man shall slay you, nor fire burn you, nor water drown you, nor winds harm you, for I may not forget you and how you are written upon my hands and my feet1 am well pleased with the pains that I have suffered for you. I shall never be angry with you, but I shall love you without end. Though all the world be against you, don’t be afraid, for they cannot understand you. I swear to your mind, that if it were possible for me to suffer pain again as I have done before, I would rather suffer as much pain as I ever did for your soul alone, rather than that you should be separated from me without end. And therefore, daughter, just as you see the priest take the child at the font and dip it in the water and wash it from original sin, just so shall I wash you in my precious blood from all your sin.
‘And though I sometimes withdraw the feeling of grace from you, either in speaking or in weeping, do not be frightened at this, for I am a hidden God in you,2 so you should have no vainglory, and should recognize that you may not have tears or spiritual conversing except when God will send them to you, for they are the free gifts of God, distinct from your merit, and he may give them to whom he wishes, and do you no wrong.
‘And therefore take them meekly and thankfully when I send them, and suffer patiently when I withdraw them, and seek diligently until you get them, for tears of compunction, devotion and compassion are the highest gifts, and the most secure, that I give on earth.3
‘And what more should I do for you, unless I were to take your soul out of your body and put it in heaven, and that I will not do yet. Nevertheless, wheresoever God is, heaven is; and God is in your soul, and many an angel is round about your soul to guard it both night and day. For when you go to church, I go with you; when you sit at your meal, I sit with you; when you go to bed, I go with you; and when you go out of town, I go with you.
‘Daughter, there was never child so meek to its father as I shall be to you, to help you and look after you. With my grace I sometimes behave towards you as I do with the sun. Sometimes, as you well know, the sun shines so that many people can see it, and sometimes it is hidden behind a cloud so that it cannot be seen, and yet it is the sun nevertheless, in its heat and its brightness. And just so I proceed with you and with my chosen souls.
‘Although it may be that you do not always weep when you please, my grace is nevertheless in you. Therefore I prove that you are a daughter indeed to me, and a mother also, a sister, a wife and a spouse, as witness the Gospel where our Lord says to his disciples: “He who does the will of my Father in heaven is both mother, brother, and sister to me.”4 When you strive to please me, then you are a true daughter; when you weep and mourn for my pain and my Passion, then you are a true mother having compassion on her child; when you weep for other people’s sins and adversities, then you are a true sister; and when you sorrow because you are kept so long from the bliss of heaven, then you are a true spouse and wife, for it is the wife’s part to be with her husband and to have no true joy until she has his company.’
Chapter 15
This creature, when our Lord had forgiven her her sin (as has been written before), had a desire to see those places where he was born, and where he suffered his Passion and where he died, together with other holy places where he was during his life, and also after his resurrection.
While she was feeling these desires, our Lord commanded her in her mind – two years before she went1 – that she should go to Rome, to Jerusalem, and to Santiago de Compostela, and she would gladly have gone, but she had no money to go with.
And then she said to our Lord, ‘Where shall I get the money to go to these holy places with?’
Our Lord replied to her, ‘I shall send you enough friends in different parts of England to help you. And, daughter, I shall go with you in every country and provide for you. I shall lead you there and bring you back again in safety, and no Englishman shall die in the ship that you are in. I shall keep you from all wicked men’s power. And, daughter, I say to you that I want you to wear white clothes and no other colour, for you shall dress according to my will.’
‘Ah, dear Lord, if I go around dressed differently from how other chaste women dress, I fear people will slander me.2 They will say I am a hypocrite and ridicule me.’
‘Yes, daughter, the more ridicule that you have for love of me, the more you please me.’
Then this creature dared not do otherwise than as she was commanded in her soul. And so she set off on her travels with her husband, for he was always a good and easygoing man with her. Although he sometimes – out of groundless fear – left her on her own for a while, yet he always came back to her again, and felt sorry for her, and spoke up for her as much as he dared for fear of other people. But all others that went along with her forsook her, and they most falsely accused her – through tem
ptation of the devil – of things that she was never guilty of.
And so did one man in whom she greatly trusted, and who offered to travel with her, at which she was very pleased, believing he would give her support and help her when she needed it, for he had been staying a long time with an anchorite, a doctor of divinity and a holy man, and that anchorite was this woman’s confessor.
And so his servant – at his own inward stirring – took his leave to travel with this creature; and her own maidservant went with her too, for as long as things went well with them and nobody said anything against them.
But as soon as people – through the enticing of our spiritual enemy, and by permission of our Lord – spoke against this creature because she wept so grievously, and said she was a false hypocrite and deceived people, and threatened her with burning, then this man, who was held to be so holy, and in whom she trusted so much, rebuked her with the utmost force and scorned her most foully, and would not go any further with her. Her maidservant, seeing discomfort on every side, grew obstreperous with her mistress. She would not do as she was told, or follow her mistress’s advice. She let her mistress go alone into many fine towns and would not go with her.
And always, her husband was ready when everybody else let her down, and he went with her where our Lord would send her, always believing that all was for the best, and would end well when God willed.
And at this time, he took her to speak with the Bishop of Lincoln, who was called Philip,3 and they stayed for three weeks before they could speak to him, for he was not at home at his palace. When the Bishop came home, and heard tell of how such a woman had waited so long to speak to him, he then sent for her in great haste to find out what she wanted. And then she came into his presence and greeted him, and he warmly welcomed her and said he had long wanted to speak with her, and he was very glad she had come. And so she asked him if she might speak with him in private and confide in him the secrets of her soul, and he appointed a convenient time for this.
The Book of Margery Kempe Page 6
