Lily Sprayberry Realtor Box Set

by Carolyn Ridder Aspenson

  Henrietta hollered at her best friend. “Oh my word, you ought not be doin’ that.”

  Too little, too late, I thought.

  Dylan whipped around and pulled his gun on Bonnie, who just looked at him all wide eyed and crazy like, and dropped the gun. “What? It’s a blank. It won’t hurt no one.”

  Henrietta grabbed the microphone and hollered into it. “Y’all might could calm down and stop your fussing or it’s going to get worse.” When they didn’t stop she yelled, “I said stop, and I meant it!”

  Everyone froze.

  Southern women had a way with words.

  “Thank you. Now, just sit tight and don’t move. I know for a fact most of you weren’t raised in no barns.” She held her hand over her forehead and scanned the room. Pointing to someone in the far corner of the gym, she said, “Well, ‘cept for you Johnny, and I know you Rufus, you were born in one, but I ain’t sure that counts, but that’s neither here nor there. But, now, let’s all settle down here, okay? We got a meeting to finish, and y’all are goin’ to behave like human beings. None of this screaming and charging up here like wild animals, you hear me? Heavens, I wore my nice dress tonight, and look what you all gone and did? It’s got a rip in it, and I can’t see good to sew it.” She shook her head. “Now I got to go and get it fixed. And I’m on a fixed income. You know what that’s going to cost me?” She adjusted her dress. “I want all of you to go on back to your seats and behave like proper adults, you hear me? Can’t believe you, making a mountain outta a molehill like this. Over some silly high school sport that ain’t even football.”

  Someone yelled from the crowd. “They cancelled the football program too, old woman.”

  Henrietta tightened her grip on the microphone. “Who you callin’ an old woman? And ‘course they cancelled the football program too. Look at all y’all, acting like kids yourselves. Why, I have half a mind to make each and every one a ya go outside and cut down the biggest switch, no the whole daggum tree you can find and beat you with it myself. Acting like toddlers, you are.” She shook her fist at the group. “This ain’t no way to teach your kids proper manners.”

  The entire time Henrietta spoke Matthew cuffed Bonnie’s hands behind her back as Belle flung her arms wildly around arguing with him about it. I stood next to Dylan as he talked to the superintendent who insisted on pressing charges while Dylan tried to convince him otherwise.

  “But it was a blank,” Bonnie kept repeating. “I shot it at the ceiling. I’m the only one that did anything to stop the crowd from charging the big wigs. I saved them. You think of that?”

  “Can I ride with her to the station?” I asked.

  “No, but you and Belle go. I’ll let you know what happens here.

  As we headed out, I caught a glimpse of Ginnie Slappey laughing, and I wanted to kick her in the shin, proper manners be darned.

  * * *

  Bonnie’s bail drained my emergency fund account, which I’d already practically drained for a few other emergencies of late, but I didn’t mind. I fully expected to get it back. I also intended to meet with the superintendent and convince him to drop the charges against her if Dylan couldn’t convince him once he’d calmed down and his face wasn’t all sorts of crimson red. I’d sold his daughter her first house, and taken a hit on the commission so she could afford the place. A gentle reminder of that should work. The man owed me a favor, and if I had to, I wouldn’t let him forget.

  The men took Bonnie home, and they promised to secure all doors and windows and stay with her so she couldn’t escape. I called Henrietta, who assured me she’d stay the night with her just in case, and that made me feel much better. I told both women how proud I was of them, though I’d suggested Bonnie use less abrasive and safer means to get her point across next time. I also suggested the men search the house for other weapons and hide them all. Nicholas, her grandson, said he’d help with that. He knew all her hiding spots.

  I waited a bit for Dylan but decided to head home and call it a night. I was give slap out. Emotions ran high at the event, and high school sports tended to do that, but that flew over my head. I just didn’t get it. Maybe Clarissa Mooney was right. I didn’t get it because I didn’t have kids of my own. But I understood how scholarships worked, and I knew that most of the kids wouldn’t get one. There were just too many kids and not enough scholarships to go around. I knew there were very likely some excellent players on the team, but the sport was still relatively new in Georgia, and it was hugely popular in the northeast, so those kids were the ones that would get the better scholarships. If a kid in the South got a Division One scholarship, he’d have to be top notch, and I didn’t mean the best on his team, I meant the best of the best, and that wasn’t an easy status to achieve.

  I assumed most of them weren’t nearly as good as their parents thought, and even if they were, there were probably hundreds of other kids that were better. What did they think, that their kids would end up professional lacrosse players? Was there even such a thing? If there was, it certainly wasn’t up to the level of professional football or any of the other sports. Heck, soccer had been around forever, but I still couldn’t name one professional soccer player. Except that Beckham guy, and I’d never say this out loud, but he was from England, so I didn’t know if he was actually a football player or a soccer player. That’s how little I actually knew about soccer.

  Okay, so it wasn’t just lacrosse that was cancelled, not for the time being anyway, but seriously, what were the odds that any of the kids at a Bramblett County school would advance to any professional team, or end up with a Division One scholarship?

  I didn’t think the odds were that good, but then again, I wasn’t a parent of one of those kids, so I couldn’t put myself in their shoes.

  I drove home trying to empathize with them, but admittedly, it was hard. The example they set for their kids bordered on ridiculous. No, it actually was ridiculous.

  When I pulled onto my street, two cars sped past me, and one threw a roll of toilet paper out the window as it did. The roll bounced of the hood of my car and landed on the curb. Way to be ugly, I thought.

  Only they were uglier than I thought. Ugly enough to T-P my entire front yard and spray paint my driveway with words inappropriate enough to make me blush. I parked on the street in front of my yard and got out to survey the damage. I threw my arms up in the air and sighed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  My neighbor stood on his front porch and hollered to me. “Looks like someone don’t like you all that much.”

  “I think you’re right,” I hollered back.

  “You callin’ your boyfriend?”

  “Probably just a prank,” I lied. “I don’t think the sheriff can do anything about it.”

  “It’s a prank when it’s kids, but that wasn’t just no kids I saw throwin’ those rolls of toilet paper ‘cross your trees.”

  We met next to the line of crepe myrtles dividing our yards, the trees covered in paper on only my side.

  “You saw who did this?”

  He nodded. “Caught a glimpse of them, and by what I seen, they wasn’t just teenagers. You might wanna make a call to that boyfriend after all.”

  “If you saw them, why didn’t you call?”

  “I was at that meeting tonight. I’m staying outta that mess. You get in with the wrong crowd, I don’t want you bringing it over to my house. Best I keep my nose to myself.” He nodded his head and headed back to his front door.”

  “Nice talking to ya,” I said and called Dylan.

  “He tell you who it was? Get any license plates or car descriptions?”

  “Mr. Lee isn’t the friendliest neighbor. He basically told me if I kept my nose out of other people’s business I wouldn’t have problems.”

  “Sounds like a great guy.”

  “Yeah, he’s a keeper. I did see a few cars on my street as I came home. One tossed a roll of toilet paper at my car, but I couldn’t see who was driving, and at the time, I didn’t
think to get a look at the car either.”

  “It’s okay. We put that security system up at your house when we put it up at your office a few months ago. We’ll check the video.”

  “Um.”

  “What?”

  “I haven’t paid the service.”

  He sighed. “I know, but I have.”

  “You have? Why?”

  “Because I knew you wouldn’t.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes, seriously. You pitched a fit about it, remember? I haven’t dated you for years and not learned something about you, Lily Sprayberry. You’re as stubborn as a mule.”

  “Dylan Roberts, did you just compared me to a mule?”

  “I might have inferred that you are as stubborn as one, but I would never directly refer to you as one, Miss Lily.”

  “Consider yourself lucky then.”

  He laughed, but I heard the sense of relief in his laughter, too. “I’ll be over in a bit to get online with you and check the recording. I suspect we know who’s responsible for this, but we’ll know for sure right quick.”

  Within the hour we both stared at my laptop screen and nodded. I was the first to speak. “I knew it would be them, but I still cannot believe it. These women are adults, and they’re teaching their sons this is okay?”

  “There’s three offenses here, Lily. Criminal trespass, littering, and disorderly conduct. You can press charges on both the mothers and the boys.”

  Dylan tapped something into his phone. “I’m getting people here to get it all photographed and cleaned up.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate that. Have the bill sent to me.”

  “There won’t be a bill.”

  “Yes, there will be, and I’ll pay it.”

  He smiled. “It’s covered. Consider it a gift.”

  I smiled, too. “You’re the best.”

  “I know.”

  Belle and Matthew arrived, and Belle didn’t bother knocking. “Let me see it. I hope you nail their persnickety little bums to the jail wall.” She yanked a chair out from my kitchen table and watched the video of Ginnie Mooney, her son and three other women with their sons TP my front yard. “These women are three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket.”

  Matthew watched it, too. “Woah.”

  Belle pushed back from the table and flew out of her seat. “I’m about to show these sorry excuses for women what a real woman can do.”

  Matthew jumped up and blocked the door. “Oh no. Don’t you go and get all out of sorts, Belle. I don’t need my girl spending the night in jail. We already had to bond out your old lady friend tonight. I don’t think the judge will come back for you, too.”

  Her face was so red she wouldn’t need blush for probably a year. “My momma taught me what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right Lily?”

  I shrugged. She was right, but I knew it wasn’t the way to handle the situation.

  “Well, dagummit.” Belle’s Southern drawl hit the hilt when she got angry, and she was madder than a wet hen at that moment. “Are you going to arrest them? That’s got to be a felony right there. Maybe even a half dozen.”

  Dylan closed my laptop. “Three misdemeanors, and it’s up to Lily whether or not she presses charges.” He gave me a long, hard stare, and it made me shift in my seat.

  “Well?” Belle duplicated Dylan’s intimidating, demanding look.

  I scratched my neck. “Is it hot in here?” I waved my hand at my face. “I’m sweaty.”

  Dylan moved to stand behind me and massaged my shoulders. It relieved tension I hadn’t even realized I’d had. “You really should press charges.”

  “He’s right. Don’t let these crazy women treat you like this.”

  “But what about the boys? What does this do to them?”

  “It’s misdemeanors for them, too. They’ll go through a similar process, but they’ll have juvenile court, probation and probably some fines,” he said.

  “What about the lacrosse program and their chances at scholarships? Can it impact that?”

  Dylan tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. “Not sure.”

  Belle laughed. “Do you really care about what happens to those entitled little brats? Besides, all kinds of kids with criminal records get scholarships nowadays. I wouldn’t worry about it. And they aren’t your problem. Let their mothers worry about the consequences. They knew the risks when they decided to do what they did. They birthed those little criminals and raised them that way.”

  “She has a point,” Dylan said.

  Matthew agreed. “I used to see this kind of stuff all the time in Atlanta, and the kids got scholarships to play ball all over the country. The moms are the ones you need to call out on their behavior. Not only do they know better, but they’re teaching their kids that’s okay, and it’s not. Besides, Belle’s right. You let them treat you this way now, it’ll just escalate.”

  They all were right. If I didn’t show them who was boss now, they’d continue to walk all over me, and I wasn’t about to let them do that. “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I won’t be digging myself into an early grave doing this.”

  So, we did it, and boy did it set the town on fire that next morning.

  * * *

  The whispers between people, and the judging looks thrown on me as I walked Bo from my house to Millie’s Café made me feel like I was the one accused of T-Ping someone’s house, not the one who filed charges against the people caught on video actually committing the crimes. The ones that defied the laws of the county and state because they thought they were above them, by the way.

  I kept walking though, holding my head up high and smiling, even waving as people pointed at me and acted like I didn’t know they were talking about me, or just didn’t care that I knew. A few times I even acknowledged their blatant ugliness by saying things like, “Yep, that was my house that got toilet papered by a bunch of mothers and their high school aged sons. Totally ugly of them, too, don’t you agree?”

  They shut up right quick.

  I arrived at Millie’s to a pleasant sort of surprise. Bonnie and Henrietta stood outside of the café holding homemade signs on sticks, chanting in unison God save Lily loud as the dickens. I tried hard to hold in the giggle attack rumbling in my tummy, but it was stronger than my willpower and came bursting out.

  I hugged Bonnie, happy to see her out of the slammer. “Good to see you without those bars in front of your pretty smile.”

  “I was fixin’ to get me a fancy attorney from Atlanta, but you did right by me, and I thank you for that.”

  I hugged Henrietta too. “Oh my goodness, y’all are the best.” I put Bo in his trained stay command, which he refused to listen to, and hugged them both again. “I can’t believe you’d do this for me.”

  Bonnie’s eyes widened. “’Course we’d do this for you. You’re our kin, you crazy girl.” She smacked her left arm. “Dagummit.”

  Henrietta shrugged. “She’s been getting bit up by skeeters all week. Told her to spray herself with some citrus spray but she won’t do it.”

  “It clashes with my Ew Do Toilet perfume.”

  I was able to hold back the giggles that time. Henrietta however, wasn’t. “How many times do I got to tell you it’s eau de toilette? Woman, you are dumber than a box of rocks when it comes to high fashion.”

  “Says the woman in a potato sack dress.”

  “And what do you call that thing you’re wearing?”

  Bonnie bent her neck down and admired her blue and black floral print matching polyester pants and top. “I got this at the Walmart last week. It’s from some fancy country I can’t pronounce, so it’s got to be high fashion.”

  Henrietta shook her head. “Bless your heart, sweetie, ain’t nothing from the Walmart high fashion.”

  Millie brought the two women cups of hot coffee. “Here y’all go. On the house.”

  “Aw, thank you, Millie. You’re the best,” Bonnie said. She stared at Henrietta, her
eyes tiny slits of darkness. “Unlike my former friend here. In fact, I got me an opening for best friend if you’re available.”

  Millie took a step back. The offer taking her by surprise. Millie was a good ten years Bonnie’s junior. “I uh, I work a lot. Don’t got time for a best friend these days. Maybe when I’m old enough to retire.”

  Ouch.

  “But thanks for the offer.” She gave me a nod and rushed back into her café.

  I bit my bottom lip. “So, I do love the signs, but you don’t need to do this.” I particularly liked Bonnie’s sign. They’re just jealous they don’t have a figure like Lily’s. It had absolutely nothing to do with the situation, but how could I not love that? Seriously.

  I couldn’t complain about Henrietta’s sign either. After giving it a minutes thought, if I had to pick between the two, I didn’t think I could. Y’all might as well love yourself today because prison food’s gonna make your butts even bigger.

  I loved Bonnie and Henrietta to the moon and back.

  I strongly considered snapping a photo of them with my cell phone, but I just couldn’t bring myself to be that catty, especially with people walking by and gawking at them. I figured Belle would be around quick enough to do it for me anyway.

  “Woohoo.” Bonnie waved her sign at two gawkers walking toward her. They quickly crossed the street. “What’s the problem? You don’t got the guts to come close? Who’s side are you on anyway? Those people defecated Lily’s property. Did you know that? Did you?”

  “Bonnie.” I nudged her arm. “They didn’t defecate. I think you’re using the wrong word.”

  Millie stormed out of her café. “Bonnie, did you just holler something foul at my potential customers?”

  Bonnie straightened her shoulders back and held up her sign, proud as an ant marching back to the farm with a bread crumb for the queen. “I did not. I just told the truth.”

  I glanced at Millie and whispered, “I got this.”

  She pursed her lips, nodded, and walked back into her café.