Bellamy's Redemption

by Holly Tierney-Bedord

  “Oh shit. We’re doomed,” said Jessica.

  “If Alanna liked Bellamy so much, why did she choose Antonio?” I said. Now that I was a spy, I had to think about these things.

  “Exactly,” said Jessica.

  I leaned back, watching the clouds go by. Bellamy would, of course, end up with Alanna now that she was back. What guy wouldn’t choose Alanna Rutherford if given the chance? I considered who was really the best match for him. Shyla had been a good option. She was fun and genuinely interested in him. But she was gone. Of the girls who remained, maybe Jessica was the best choice…

  “So Jessica,” I said, lifting up my sunglasses and squinting at her, “how did you end up on this show? Did you watch Bellamy and Alanna’s season when you were in Australia?”

  “Oh, no,” she said, swatting at a bug. “I doubt they play it there. I’ve been living here for three years, trying to make it as an actress. One of the producers is a mate of mine. She put me on here.”

  “An actress? Have you had any luck?”

  “I was on an antacid commercial. I spoke in an American accent and my hair was brown. You’d barely recognize me. I wore a little business suit and was sitting at a desk. Have you seen it?”

  “I think I have, actually! The one with the stomach rumbling like a storm rolling in?”

  “Yes, that was me! ‘Why did I agree to try that new buffet place? I might have had a free coupon, but now I’m really paying for it!’ That was my big acting debut,” she said, reenacting it with an American accent.

  “You were great. I never would have guessed you weren’t from here.”

  “Why, thank you, Emma. I can do a spot-on Indian accent as well.”

  “Seriously, such versatility.”

  “Nothing is more important if you want to act. Except good looks. I mean, that part goes without saying.”

  “What do you think of Bellamy?” I asked.

  She raised her eyebrows, rolled her eyes, shrugged. “He’s amazing,” she said.

  I nodded, lowering my sunglasses. “Any more acting jobs coming up?”

  “I might do Sisterhood of Skank once this is over. They approached me about that. Did anyone mention it to you? Though I hate the drama that might come with a show like that.”

  “They mentioned it to me too. I imagine that, like you said, there could be drama.”

  “Date card!” yelled Tamika, waving it from the back patio door. Jessica and I got up and went inside to where the other girls were waiting expectantly on the sofas.

  “Vanessa, Shar, Deb, Jessica, and Amy,” read Tamika, “You all make me feel like I’m on top of the world! Be ready at three o’clock today. Dress casual and sporty.” She tossed the date card onto the coffee table, pouting that she wasn’t on it.

  “What could it mean?” asked Deb.

  “On top of the world. That means we’re going to be high up. Ugh. Y’all, I can’t do this,” said Vanessa.

  “I hope we’re jumping out of a plane,” said Shar.

  “Oh my God! No. Please. I would die. Literally. I would totally forget to pull my cord and I would die,” said Amy.

  “Maybe we’re hiking up to the top of a mountain,” said Jessica.

  “There was already a hiking date, you stupid kangaroo,” said Shar. I wasn’t sure why Shar disliked Jessica so much, but I appreciated that it distracted her from disliking me.

  “A kangaroo? That’s really clever,” said Jessica, shaking her head sadly.

  “You don’t think I’m smart? I’m smarter than you,” said Shar, and just like that, she and Jessica were shoving and hitting each other again.

  “Stop it! Not my face, not my face,” Jessica yelled, throwing punches. She was so scrappy!

  Immediately the producers and cameramen were on them, breaking them up. “This is not The Bad Girls’ Club,” said one of them. “This is your final warning. One more inappropriate outburst from either of you, and you will both be going home.”

  “You can’t send us home,” said Shar, getting up in a producer’s face, “or you won’t have enough girls to keep the show going. I’m right, right?”

  The rest of us looked at one another in disbelief. She was the dumbest person ever.

  “We can do anything we want. We brought Alanna back. If we get rid of you, maybe we’ll bring Abernathy Sinclair back. We can do anything.”

  We all drew in a collective breath of shock. Abernathy Sinclair was a professional model/ballroom dancer from two seasons ago. Her hair looked like threads of gold. Her waist was so tiny that she had used another girl’s necklace as a belly chain when hers got stuck in the pool grate. Her eyes were purple. She spoke six languages and had a drink named after her at a nightclub in New York that I wouldn’t even have the guts to stand in line at.

  “Please, please try to get along,” Vanessa said to Shar and Jessica.

  “It’s really up to her,” said Jessica.

  “There has been a change of plans,” said a producer, scurrying forward from an impromptu huddle they’d been having, looking nervous. “Shar, you will be staying here today. Emma, you will be attending on the group date in Shar’s place. You ladies had better get ready now.”

  “What?” yelled Shar. “Why is that little bitch going instead of me?”

  “We’re doing you a favor by keeping you and Jessica separated,” said the producer.

  “This is bullshit,” said Shar. She went outside, stripped naked, and jumped in the pool.

  “Look at her! I mean, don’t look at her. Eww. What a mess,” said Deb. “In Duluth, people do not get naked. This is really hard for me. It’s, like, culture shock.”

  I went off to change my clothes, praying we would not be jumping out of an airplane. While I was getting ready I heard Alanna Rutherford come home from her date. Her fan club, headed up by Deb and Amy, descended upon her to hear all the juicy details. When I came out into the living room, everyone except for Shar, who was still doing naked laps in the pool, was gathered around Alanna. She sat on the sofa while everyone else semi-circled her on the floor, looking up like eager puppies.

  “Our brunch was divine. We had eggs benedict and freshly squeezed orange juice…”

  “Ooh, I love freshly squeezed orange juice,” Deb interrupted.

  “And there was fresh lemon marmalade on raisin scones.”

  “Mmm! Raisins,” said Deb.

  “We were outside, overlooking the whole city. It was so pretty.”

  “You’re so pretty,” said Deb.

  “Oh, stop,” said Alanna, smiling and trying to look embarrassed.

  “I love your outfit,” said Amy. “Is it Banana Republic?”

  “No. It’s um, a designer named, hmm, I forget his name. He made it just for me.”

  “Seriously? Like, just for you? No way. You are so cool,” said Amy.

  “It’s nothing,” said Alanna. “Honestly, if one of you ended up with your own show after this, like I just had, there would be some unexpected perks for you too.”

  “Alanna, what happened with you and Antonio?” I asked.

  “Emma! How could you? Have a little respect,” Deb said, protectively resting her hand on Alanna’s arm. “Alanna is not ready to talk about that! It is all too fresh.” Then she turned to Alanna and said in a stage whisper, “I cannot believe she asked you that.”

  “It’s fine,” whispered Alanna, blotting at her eyes to show it was not fine.

  “Tell us more about your fabulous brunch,” said Amy.

  “Did I mention the berries? There were strawberries,” said Alanna.

  “No way! Strawberries? I positively, absolutely, am bonkers about strawberries,” said Deb.

  “What happened with Mylar? Why did he send her home?” asked Vanessa.

  “Aside from the obvious reason that you’re more awesome,” said Deb.

  “Well,” Alanna sighed, appearing heavy-hearted. “She kept talking about her little boy, and I think Bellamy realized he was not ready to be father. Well, wa
it a minute. I don’t mean that he’s not ready to be a father, but he’s not ready to be a father to a child other than his own.”

  “Did he say that?” I asked.

  “He didn’t say it, but I could tell that was what he was feeling,” said Alanna.

  “Of course he wouldn’t say that, Emma! He’s not that rude,” Deb snapped at me.

  “I was just asking,” I said. I got up and looked out the window to see if Bellamy was on his way. Maybe jumping out of a plane wouldn’t be so bad. I reconsidered whether my outfit of jeans, a long sleeved t-shirt, and running shoes was sufficiently television-appropriate. Should I have tried a little harder to look nice? The other girls were wearing sundresses, mini-skirts, or at the very least, high heeled sandals with their jeans.

  “Are you wearing that on our date?” Amy asked, reading my mind.

  “I thought so. The date card said to dress casual and sporty.”

  “It’s just that, up until yesterday I never saw you wear anything but zillion dollar dresses and bikinis, and now you look like you have totally given up. Don’t you like Bellamy anymore? Are you in this for the right reasons?”

  “Of course I still like him,” I said. “As a matter of fact, here he is now and I can’t wait to see him. Good luck keeping up with me in those heels,” I added, running out the door to greet him.

  His limo was just pulling into the driveway. I met him as he stepped out the door of it, and gave him a big hug. Mainly, just to annoy the other women. They were all on the scene moments later.

  “Are you ready for an adventure?” asked Bellamy.

  “Yes!” yelled everybody.

  “Pile in,” said Bellamy, jumping back into the limo and patting the seat beside him.

  As we were pulling away, toasting our champagne glasses, Shar came running up. She was barefoot, naked and dripping wet, holding her clothes over her private parts. “Wait,” she yelled, banging on the window with her elbow.

  “Stop!” Bellamy yelled to the driver. He put down the window. “Shar, what are you doing? Why aren’t you ready for our date?”

  “You still want me to come with you today?” she asked.

  “Of course. Jump in,” he said.

  “Um, I don’t think she is supposed to come with us,” said Deb.

  “No, she certainly is not. There was a change of plans,” said Jessica.

  “Says who?” said Bellamy, leaning over to open the door. “We almost missed you. Have a seat. Amy, do you mind pouring Shar a glass of champagne since you’re right next to it?”

  Shar sat down, practically on top of Vanessa, and began dressing herself. First she untangled a wadded up thong and skooched into it, then she wriggled into a flame orange bra. “Did I forget my shirt? Oh well,” she said to herself, sighing as she put on her shorts. Vanessa looked like she was going to vomit.

  “Now that we’re all here,” said Bellamy, “let’s toast again: To high flying adventures!”

  We all raised our glasses. The mood had completely soured. Not only were we possibly about to jump to our deaths, but doing so with Shar made it twice as bad.

  “Are we jumping out of a plane?” asked Shar. “Just say it, just tell us. Come on!”

  “You’ll see,” said Bellamy.

  “Look: My hair is all wet,” she said, squeezing pool water into a cup holder built into the back of the limo. “Do you think I can fill this whole cup holder with water?” she asked us.

  “Unreal,” said Vanessa.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t do that,” said Bellamy.

  “Okay, if you say so. But only ‘cause you said so. I want to be by you,” she said, crawling over all of us until she was on Bellamy’s lap.

  “Hi there,” he said. He put his arm around her. It was like the rest of us weren’t even in the car with them.

  “So, come on, no secrets. Are we jumping out of a plane? Come on Bellamy, tell me,” she said.

  “I can’t say yet.”

  “You can too,” she said.

  “You might be right,” said Bellamy.

  “Woo hoo!” yelled Shar. “I knew it!” She stuck her tongue in his ear and giggled. Then she farted and giggled some more, fanning her butt.

  “So, Bellamy,” Vanessa began, trying to take some control over the conversation.

  “Hell, yeah! We’re jumping out of a plane! It’s so freakin’ obvious. Am I right? Am I? Can I be strapped to you?” Shar asked Bellamy, bouncing on his lap.

  “Maybe,” he said. His face was turning red. “Um, could you stop that bouncing?”

  “Do you know the producers tried to keep me away from you today?” Shar said to Bellamy.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.

  “Isn’t that right, you haters,” Shar said, talking directly into one of the cameras that was mounted on the ceiling. “You want to keep me down. But you can’t stop love. Uh uh. You. Can’t. Stop. Love.” She stuck out her tongue and tried to roll her eyeballs back in her head.

  “I’d like to formally relinquish my position as a contestant in the fight for your heart,” Vanessa said. She removed her earrings, necklace, and bracelet, and set them all on the small portion of Bellamy’s lap that wasn’t occupied by Shar. “Furthermore, I would like my time here to immediately cease, since I have no intention of jumping out of an airplane.”

  “Huh?” said Bellamy.

  “Y’all are crazy if you’re going to put up with this, this, behavior,” Vanessa added, glaring at the rest of us.

  “Vanessa, what are you talking about?” asked Bellamy, removing his arm from around Shar’s shoulder and handing his glass of champagne to Deb for safekeeping.

  “If you like Shar, you cannot possibly like me. We are too different. We are complete opposites in every way.”

  “Haters got to be hatin’,” said Shar.

  “You’re quitting?” asked Bellamy.

  “Bellamy, look at her,” said Vanessa. “She is dripping pool water all over the place, wearing a cheap orange bra, and she is not even supposed to be here. Yet she is clearly your favorite,”

  “Besides Alanna,” Deb interrupted.

  “Besides Alanna, she is clearly your favorite,” said Vanessa. She crossed her arms and looked out the window.

  “I don’t have favorites,” said Bellamy. “I like all of you.”

  “I don’t get why you like all of us,” sniffed Vanessa.

  “Shar is fun. I’m looking for someone who can have a good time with me. But you’re smart and beautiful. I want to get to know you better. Put these back on,” he said, handing her the pile of jewelry.

  “So you don’t think I’m fun?” asked Vanessa.

  “I never said that. Put this stuff back on and don’t go home yet. Please?”

  “Fine,” said Vanessa, sulkily reattaching her jewelry.

  We all rode along in silence, until Deb clapped her hands and said, “I’ve got a fun idea! Let’s play the license plate game. We’ll see who can find the most license plates from different states. California!” she yelled, pointing out the window at a car passing us. “That means I’m winning.”

  “I can’t see any license plates from where I’m sitting,” said Amy.

  “I think we’re almost there,” said Bellamy. “I’d like each of you to put on one of these.” He pulled a stack of blindfolds from a bag on the floor none of us had noticed.

  “This is hot,” said Jessica, gladly putting on hers.

  I tied mine in place. We drove along for what felt like another five or ten minutes. The limo slowed down and stopped. “Don’t take them off yet,” said Bellamy. “I want you to be surprised.”

  We heard the limo door open.

  “Vanessa, take the limo driver’s hand. He will help you find your way,” said Bellamy, since Vanessa was closest to the door. “Deb, take Vanessa’s hand, and so on, so you have formed a chain.” We did as we were told, awkwardly stumbling out onto what felt like gravel.

  “Can we take them off yet
?” asked Deb when we were all standing outside the limo holding hands.

  “Okay,” said Bellamy. “Take them off!”

  We lifted our blindfolds and discovered we were in a gravel parking lot beside a small airfield. A little yellow plane stood about a hundred yards away.

  “We’re going to jump out of that plane!” said Bellamy.

  “Rad,” said Shar.

  “First we’re going to have a brief class on safety, right here,” said Bellamy, leading us towards a building in the opposite direction. “The thing that is really amazing about this is that we’re going to form a free-falling heart. Check it out,” he said, showing a small diagram of cartoon people dropping from an airplane, each one forming a piece of the heart.

  “Emma wasn’t supposed to be on this date, and if she tries to be part of the heart it’s going to be lopsided,” said Shar. True enough, the diagram consisted of just five cartoon female skydivers along with the cartoon Bellamy. It was the most sensible thing I’d ever heard her say.

  “Shar is absolutely right. I guess I’d better sit this out,” I said.

  “Oh,” said Bellamy. “I guess you’ll have to. Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  “I don’t mind at all,” I said. “In fact, maybe I could take a little walk. I’m feeling a little under the weather.”

  “Sure. Yeah, go for a walk,” said Bellamy.

  My head was spinning at the potential of freedom. Far, far across the way I could see a small strip mall with what looked like a sub shop, a hair salon, a nail spa, and a coffee shop. There had to be a phone there. Maybe I was going to get an opportunity to call Pete. “I’ll just be getting my nails done. Have fun, everyone,” I called waving and starting on my way.

  It wasn’t that easy, of course. An assistant came dashing after me. “Emma, wait. Wouldn’t you like to jump out of the plane too?”

  “Oh, hello, Irene. It’s Irene, right?” I said.

  “Yes. We’ve only met five hundred times now. So would you like to jump out of the plane?”

  “Actually, this is fine. Honestly, I prefer it,” I said, holding up my nails. “Have you ever seen such shabby nails? I can see why Bellamy is more smitten with some of the others than with me.”