The Bad Boys

by Sosie Frost

  Mandy was a terrible snooze button. I tripped getting out of bed. She paced, darting through my drawers and closet to gather clothes for me.

  “I can handle it,” I said.

  “I’m trying to help. I don’t want to be late.”

  “I can dress myself.”

  “But you still have to get a shower, shave, get dressed, wake up—”

  I grinned. She didn’t like that. “Baby, I’ve been doing this shit myself for years. I promise you. I’m not going to be late.”

  “I wish you’d be early.”

  “We’ll be right on time.”

  Mandy uncrossed and recrossed her arms. “And what if we were having the baby now? Like, what if I were going in to labor?”

  I shrugged. “Guess…we’d toss a blanket in the sink or something. We’d make it work.”

  “Nate!”

  “Fine. We’ll use a laundry basket.”

  Mandy threw the shirt at me and stormed from the room.

  It was still fun getting under her skin, though she had less of a sense of humor about these things now that she had someone else living under there.

  But Mandy worked herself into a panic, and that wasn’t good for momma or the baby. Except I saw no reason to fear something so small, tiny, and growing within her. I loved Mandy, more than I had ever loved anyone else in my life, so what could be bad or hard about a baby we made together?

  Two types of people existed in the world.

  People who panicked, worried, and approached every major milestone in life with a list of things that could go wrong.

  Then there was me. I had my girl. She was carrying my baby. I had my brewery. I planned to provide for my family and enjoy it. Settling down with a woman hadn’t destroyed me, even though I had always feared losing that independence.

  It was time for the next phase—diapers, bottles, babies. I’d read a couple books, browse a few forums, and we’d be good to go in five months when the baby squirted out.

  No muss, no fuss. No reason to get so scared.

  And as soon as Mandy realized I had it under control, she’d calm down too.

  Hopefully.

  The ride to the doctor’s office didn’t go any better. I drove to keep myself awake, and Mandy fretted. She scoured her phone for baby-related everything, studying any pregnancy tips she could find. I took her hand, but she only gave me a thin smile. Forced.

  I didn’t like that.

  “Mandy, you know you’re going to do great,” I said.

  She stared only at the road. “At what?”

  “At everything. Being a mom. Having the baby. Teaching me what to do with the baby.”

  “I hope so.”

  “You gotta relax. This isn’t something you can plan like the wedding. There’s no responsibilities on you. No caterers. No invitations. No dealing with your sister. The only thing you have to worry about is eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and letting me take care of you.”

  “But you don’t understand. This is a big deal. Our lives are going to change completely.”

  “They are ready have. You’re the first woman ever to spend the night in my bed. That’s a huge change.”

  Mandy stiffened.

  Oh Christ. I really was an idiot.

  I had a million other things that had changed my life. Why not mention the goddamn yogurt in my fridge? Yogurt was a change. Yogurt was a monumental change.

  “The point is…”

  Did I have a point anymore? Or did I win myself a one-way ticket to the couch tonight? Technically that was a change too. I already thought of the bed as hers when we fought.

  “We’re in this together,” I said. “You’re not alone anymore. Don’t push me away.”

  “I’m not.” Mandy nibbled on her lip. “I don’t think I am.”

  “You can trust me.”

  “I know.”

  “You love me?”

  She cast a shy glance my way. “Yeah. I do.”

  “Then there’s no problem.”

  We waited at the doctor’s office for twenty extra minutes that I might have used to sleep. The nurse finally called us back, and Mandy took her steps with bated breath.

  Was this what it was like when she went without me? Had she been this scared before, but all alone and facing the judgement of everyone when she didn’t come with the father?

  I gave this woman my heart only so she could break it without realizing.

  The nurse instructed her to change and wait on the table. I might’ve taken greater joy in watching Mandy lose her pants had she not looked so terrified.

  I took her hand. “You okay?”

  She shrugged. “I…always worry something will have gone wrong.”

  I helped her onto the table. Everything in the damn office was white, stark, and dull—everything except her. Women really did glow when pregnant, but instead of a rosy little blush, Mandy’s beautiful skin darkened, rich and healthy and so warm with life and love. She resonated strength.

  Nothing was going wrong with the pregnancy. She wouldn’t let it go wrong.

  Neither would I.

  “The baby is perfect,” I said. “And so are you.”

  “Why does it feel like it’s happening so fast?”

  “Because it is.” Of course, I just found out about it, but I supposed it felt just as fast to everyone. “But that’s all right. I always moved fast. I think that’s why you like me.”

  Mandy gestured to her swelling tummy. “Obviously.”

  I took her hand and kissed her fingers. I wished she wasn’t trembling. Nothing about this scared me. Nothing at all.

  “You and me?” I grinned. “We got this. It’s time we got excited. Me and you made a baby. Maybe it wasn’t in the order we planned, and maybe it was sooner than we would have liked…and maybe it wasn’t even expected. But it’s ours now. I love the little guy. I love you.”

  “Do you really think we can handle it?”

  I shrugged. “Of course. It’s a baby, not a curse.”

  Mandy shrugged. “My cousin is in town for her baby’s christening. She asked if I wanted to watch Ray-Ray while she went out with Lindsey and a couple friends. I said…yes. I figured I could use the practice.”

  “That’s a great way to get someone to baby-sit for free.”

  “That’s not why…” Mandy exhaled, frowning. “All right, that’s exactly why she’s doing it. She’s dropping him off tomorrow night.”

  “Good. You’ll see. Babies—”

  I gestured with my hand and accidentally whacked a plastic mannequin that served as some sort of teaching aid with a bunch of loose organs representing the female anatomy. The uterus popped out. Or maybe it was an ovary? I caught the simulated baby before it smacked the ground. Mandy groaned as I pointed the doll at her.

  “Babies are no big deal,” I said.

  The doctor knocked on the door just as the birth canal slipped from the mannequin. I tossed most of the plastic woman’s reproductive system into the sink and greeted the doctor with solemn nod.

  The doctor buzzed past me so quickly I got whipped by her frizzy curls.

  “How’s Momma today?” She asked. “Feeling good?”

  Mandy shrugged. “A little tired.”

  The doctor turned to scold me. “Daddy should be making sure Momma gets a lot of rest.”

  She didn’t have to remind me. My balls still ached from last night.

  Mandy rested on the table, and the doctor asked a few more questions and pulled the sonogram machine over.

  Then I got a little nervous too.

  Mandy took my hand and nearly snapped the bones in my fingers as the doctor spread the gel over her tummy. The machine flicked on, and Mandy pinched her eyes shut and held her breath until the little heartbeat wub-bub’ed through the room.

  I stared at the screen.

  Transfixed.

  The doctor grinned. “If you don’t want to know the sex of the baby, you should look away, we have a really good view this
morning.”

  I didn’t look away in time. I couldn’t.

  My mouth dropped open, and I was suddenly grateful I took the time to research how to read the sonograms and tests so I wouldn’t seem like a total idiot when Mandy brought me here.

  “Nate, don’t look!” Mandy covered her eyes. “Do you know? Can you tell?”

  I grinned, kissing her hand. “Yeah. I told you. We’re not gonna have a problem with this baby at all.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because she’s going to take after her mother.”

  3

  Mandy

  Blanket? Check.

  First-aid kit? Check.

  Apartment cleaned and baby-proofed? Check.

  I was ready.

  “Nate?” I straightened the living room one last time, ensuring everything was in place. I dusted. I vacuumed. His apartment had never been so pristine. “Do you have a number for the poison control center?”

  Nate changed his shirt before heading downstairs to tend the bar for the night. My breath caught. His abs rippled and tensed as the material hugged his every muscle.

  “You’re watching a three-month-old baby. He can’t even crawl.” He gently kissed me. The tease. “How’s he gonna swallow anything?”

  “I have to be prepared.”

  Nate shrugged and Googled the number. He scrawled it on the dry erase board hanging on the fridge. “You’re gonna do fine, Mandy. You’ve watched kids before.”

  “That was different.” I straightened a pillow on the couch.

  “How?”

  “I was just watching them then. Now I’m scouting. I’m trying to learn what they are. How they act. Where their strengths and weaknesses lie.”

  Nate tapped the bookshelf filled with baby books. “You feed them. You change them. They sleep. They aren’t the Vietcong.”

  “You laugh. By the end of the night I’m going to be an expert.”

  My phone buzzed to give me a thirty second warning. It was oddly kind of Lindsey to prepare me—

  Blood curdling screams, shrill shouts, and rampaging footsteps blasted from the stairwell.

  My cousin, Belle, suddenly seemed a lot more dramatic about her entrances.

  My stomach dropped. Nate leapt back from the door. At least eight sets of hands rattled the frame, slamming, banging, and scratching so hard I thought I entered an episode of The Walking Dead.

  A baby wailed, and the distinct whining of a screaming toddler demanding the potty echoed in the hall. A little boy yelled at his sister. A smack. More crying.

  Uh-oh.

  I opened the door, and a tipsy Lindsey greeted me first. Her arms swung over our cousins’ shoulders. Not just Belle, but Tanisha as well.

  “Look who came to visit!” Lindsey squealed and hugged our cousins. Belle and Tanisha screamed as they saw me, bursting into the apartment to hug me in a tornado of hairspray and acrylic fingernails. “Girls’ night out!”

  Oh no. I hadn’t recovered from our last girls’ night out…or the chastising letter that came from the Rent-A-Stripper organization.

  But it wasn’t my soon-to-be drunk sister or my shrieking cousins that alarmed me.

  It was the crying baby in Belle’s arms…and the three children racing around Tanisha’s legs.

  Two boys and a girl.

  Jamaal, aged a precocious five.

  Tasha, aged an incorrigible four.

  Benji, aged a terrible two.

  And Ray-Ray, three months old and tantruming.

  All crying. All screaming. And all flailing as they bolted around the apartment, knocking over end tables and shrieking for their mother.

  “Oh, Mandy. Look at you. Having babies of your own.” Tanisha reapplied her ruby red lipstick. “They are a joy. Truly. Treasures. So I can’t thank you enough for letting me get away from this freaking insanity! Jamaal!”

  Tanisha chased after her boy and smacked the dry erase marker out of his hand before he drew over all of his face.

  Belle handed me a little bundle of what I assumed to be absolute aggravation. The baby screamed, cried, kicked, and fought me. Then he wet himself. Ray Ray was not as enthusiastic about girls’ night out.

  “I haven’t gotten out of the house since the baby was born.” Belle hugged Lindsey. “Thank you so much for watching all of them.”

  Jamaal found the remote, couldn’t figure out how to use it, and pitched it across the apartment. It clattered against the wall and exploded into three fragments.

  Benji toddled over and immediately stuck the battery up his nose.

  Tasha whined, danced, and wailed for a bathroom. When Tanisha didn’t listen, she yanked her dress up, panties down, and sat on the kitchen chair. Nate bolted to her side before she ruined his kitchen set. He lowered her skirt.

  “I’ll…uh…show her to the bathroom,” he said.

  This wasn’t a good sign.

  The baby squirmed my arms. He didn’t look cute. Ray-Ray decided then and there he was declaring all-out war. I had no idea infants three months old could plan for my total annihilation, but the little angry glint in his eyes proved he was not out to make friends tonight. Instead he bitterly resented my hostessing skills as I had yet to present the parts of me not quite ready to produce milk.

  “Wait,” I said. “You’re not staying?”

  I didn’t know how to soothe the baby, so I bounced him a bit. His crying turned into a yodel, and that accidental embarrassment secured my total destruction. Ray-Ray screamed harder, and his little fists curled around my hair. He tugged in a tantrum that actually hurt.

  “You want me to watch all of these kids?” I asked, tilting my head to the side so he didn’t rip my scalp from my skull.

  Lindsey gave me a hug and pushed Tanisha and Belle to the door. “You wanted to practice. My girls wanted out. It’s the best of both worlds.”

  Yeah, if one world was heaven and the other hell. “I don’t know how to take care of four children. I’m not prepared for this.”

  Tanisha waved a hand. “You’ll do fine. Put on some Elmo and they’ll fall asleep on their own.”

  Nate shouted from the hall, pounding on the outside of the bathroom door. “Uh…small little girl child? Are you done? Why are you flushing so much?”

  The boys played tug-of-war with one of the couch cushions. Jamaal was winning, and a quarter sprung loose from the couch. It, too, found its way into Benji’s nose, soon to be followed by a wad of stuffing from the hole they ripped open.

  “When…will they…stop?” I cleared my throat. “Sleep?”

  She double checked her compact and rubbed lipstick off her front tooth. “Around eleven or so.”

  “Eleven?”

  “You know babies. They hate to sleep. I let my kids make their own schedule. They learn independence that way.”

  My crazy cousins and traitor sister reached for the door. I screeched almost as loudly as Ray Ray. “But…food? What do I…?”

  Belle pointed to a diaper bag on the ground, torn and dirty from a game of Jamaal’s impromptu kickball. “He’ll take a bottle. Just heat up some formula. It’s all in there.”

  Tanisha nodded. “And mine will eat whatever. Pizza. Popcorn. Jelly beans are Tasha’s favorite.”

  Tasha heard her name and ran from the bathroom, bowling over Nate and sprinting through the halls with a roll of unraveling toilet paper.

  “Jelly beans!” Tasha took a flying leap over the ottoman and crashed into Benji. Benji tumbled to the floor. The battery and quarter went flying. A penny came out of nowhere, and I didn’t want to know which orifice he had used to stash it. Everybody started to cry.

  “I want jellybeans!” Tasha screamed. “Nommy nommy now, Mommy!”

  “Thanks, Mandy!” Tanisha blew me a kiss.

  Belle patted Ray Ray’s head. “Be good. Mommy will be back later.”

  My eyes widened. They weren’t serious. They were leaving me alone with this zoo?

  This wasn’t babysitting. This wasn’t prac
tice. This was one mortar shell away from Syria, and I had no idea how to control the chaos or where to stash the refugees.

  “Lindsey?” I gritted my teeth. “Please, can I talk with you?”

  Lindsey shrugged as our cousins dragged her back downstairs. “You’ll be fine. You’re a natural. You have all that estrogen and endorphins and amniotic fluid in you. It’ll be easy!”

  It didn’t matter how many hormones I had flooding me, the only thing I felt was the cold wash of adrenaline and pants-pissing terror.

  Four children.

  One baby, one toddler, and two kids under five?

  That wasn’t babysitting. That was cruel and unusual punishment. Some sort of torture. People went to school for specialized degrees to handle children of this magnitude.

  My cousins left. Lindsey followed at their heels.

  I told myself the next time my family did something outrageous, I’d fight back. But what was I supposed to say? No, I can’t watch your bat-shit crazy children and then traumatize the little demons for life?

  It didn’t matter how many paper towels they ripped up, or if they were using the couch as a rock-climbing wall, or if somehow Jamaal already found a bottle of Nate’s beer in the fridge. They were still kids.

  How bad could they be?

  Nate stared at the door with a forlorn despondency that I shared. “Where are they going?”

  “I…think they left us alone,” I whispered.

  “But why?”

  “Because I’m pretty sure there is no God.”

  Jamaal and Benji screamed for chocolate milk. Tasha skipped back to the bathroom, and I had no idea what she flushed down the toilet.

  Ray Ray didn’t just wet himself…it was much worse than that.

  And running down my arm.

  “Okay…” I gagged. “We need to like…get organized.”

  Nate stared at the children gnawing on his refrigerator handle. “Mandy…I gotta work tonight. I thought you were taking care of just a baby.”

  Panic flooded me. I gasped for air that didn’t make it to my lungs.

  “Oh my God, Nate, no. You can’t go. Call Pat. Tell him to work the bar. Please.”

  “I can’t,” Nate said. “He’s worked five days in a row. I ask him for a sixth, and he’ll have my balls.” Nate stretched his legs. “And I don’t think they’re healed yet.”