Glinda of Oz

by L. Frank Baum

  CHAPTER 6

  Flathead Mountain

  When they saw that the intruders on their mountain were only twolittle girls, the Flatheads grunted with satisfaction and drew back,permitting them to see what the mountain top looked like. It wasshaped like a saucer, so that the houses and other buildings--all madeof rocks--could not be seen over the edge by anyone standing in theplain below.

  But now a big fat Flathead stood before the girls and in a gruff voicedemanded:

  "What are you doing here? Have the Skeezers sent you to spy upon us?"

  "I am Princess Ozma, Ruler of all the Land of Oz."

  "Well, I've never heard of the Land of Oz, so you may be what youclaim," returned the Flathead.

  "This is the Land of Oz--part of it, anyway," exclaimed Dorothy. "SoPrincess Ozma rules you Flathead people, as well as all the otherpeople in Oz."

  The man laughed, and all the others who stood around laughed, too.Some one in the crowd called:

  "She'd better not tell the Supreme Dictator about ruling theFlatheads. Eh, friends?"

  "No, indeed!" they all answered in positive tones.

  "Who is your Supreme Dictator?" answered Ozma.

  "I think I'll let him tell you that himself," answered the man who hadfirst spoken. "You have broken our laws by coming here; and whoeveryou are the Supreme Dictator must fix your punishment. Come along withme."

  He started down a path and Ozma and Dorothy followed him withoutprotest, as they wanted to see the most important person in this queercountry. The houses they passed seemed pleasant enough and each had alittle yard in which were flowers and vegetables. Walls of rockseparated the dwellings, and all the paths were paved with smoothslabs of rock. This seemed their only building material and theyutilized it cleverly for every purpose.

  Directly in the center of the great saucer stood a larger buildingwhich the Flathead informed the girls was the palace of the SupremeDictator. He led them through an entrance hall into a big receptionroom, where they sat upon stone benches and awaited the coming of theDictator. Pretty soon he entered from another room--a rather lean andrather old Flathead, dressed much like the others of this strangerace, and only distinguished from them by the sly and cunningexpression of his face. He kept his eyes half closed and lookedthrough the slits of them at Ozma and Dorothy, who rose to receivehim.

  "Are you the Supreme Dictator of the Flatheads?" inquired Ozma.

  "Yes, that's me," he said, rubbing his hands slowly together. "My wordis law. I'm the head of the Flatheads on this flat headland."

  "I am Princess Ozma of Oz, and I have come from the Emerald Cityto----"

  "Stop a minute," interrupted the Dictator, and turned to the man whohad brought the girls there. "Go away, Dictator Felo Flathead!" hecommanded. "Return to your duty and guard the Stairway. I will lookafter these strangers." The man bowed and departed, and Dorothy askedwonderingly:

  "Is _he_ a Dictator, too?"

  "Of course," was the answer. "Everybody here is a dictator ofsomething or other. They're all office holders. That's what keeps themcontented. But I'm the Supreme Dictator of all, and I'm elected oncea year. This is a democracy, you know, where the people are allowed tovote for their rulers. A good many others would like to be SupremeDictator, but as I made a law that I am always to count the votesmyself, I am always elected."

  "What is your name?" asked Ozma.

  "I am called the Su-dic, which is short for Supreme Dictator. I sentthat man away because the moment you mentioned Ozma of Oz, and theEmerald City, I knew who you are. I suppose I'm the only Flathead thatever heard of you, but that's because I have more brains than therest."

  Dorothy was staring hard at the Su-dic.

  "I don't see how you can have any brains at all," she remarked,"because the part of your head is gone where brains are kept."

  "I don't blame you for thinking that," he said. "Once the Flatheadshad no brains because, as you say, there is no upper part to theirheads, to hold brains. But long, long ago a band of fairies flew overthis country and made it all a fairyland, and when they came to theFlatheads the fairies were sorry to find them all very stupid andquite unable to think. So, as there was no good place in their bodiesin which to put brains the Fairy Queen gave each one of us a nice canof brains to carry in his pocket and that made us just as intelligentas other people. See," he continued, "here is one of the cans ofbrains the fairies gave us." He took from a pocket a bright tin canhaving a pretty red label on it which said: "Flathead ConcentratedBrains, Extra Quality."

  "And does every Flathead have the same kind of brains?" asked Dorothy.

  "Yes, they're all alike. Here's another can." From another pocket heproduced a second can of brains.

  "Did the fairies give you a double supply?" inquired Dorothy.

  "No, but one of the Flatheads thought he wanted to be the Su-dic andtried to get my people to rebel against me, so I punished him bytaking away his brains. One day my wife scolded me severely, so I tookaway her can of brains. She didn't like that and went out and robbedseveral women of _their_ brains. Then I made a law that if anyonestole another's brains, or even tried to borrow them, he would forfeithis own brains to the Su-dic. So each one is content with his owncanned brains and my wife and I are the only ones on the mountain withmore than one can. I have three cans and that makes me very clever--soclever that I'm a good Sorcerer, if I do say it myself. My poor wifehad four cans of brains and became a remarkable witch, but alas! thatwas before those terrible enemies, the Skeezers, transformed her intoa Golden Pig."

  "Good gracious!" cried Dorothy; "is your wife really a Golden Pig?"

  "She is. The Skeezers did it and so I have declared war on them. Inrevenge for making my wife a Pig I intend to ruin their Magic Islandand make the Skeezers the slaves of the Flatheads!"

  The Su-dic was very angry now; his eyes flashed and his face took on awicked and fierce expression. But Ozma said to him, very sweetly andin a friendly voice:

  "I am sorry to hear this. Will you please tell me more about yourtroubles with the Skeezers? Then perhaps I can help you."

  She was only a girl, but there was dignity in her pose and speechwhich impressed the Su-dic.

  "If you are really Princess Ozma of Oz," the Flathead said, "you areone of that band of fairies who, under Queen Lurline, made all Oz aFairyland. I have heard that Lurline left one of her own fairies torule Oz, and gave the fairy the name of Ozma."

  "If you knew this why did you not come to me at the Emerald City andtender me your loyalty and obedience?" asked the Ruler of Oz.

  "Well, I only learned the fact lately, and I've been too busy to leavehome," he explained, looking at the floor instead of into Ozma's eyes.She knew he had spoken a falsehood, but only said:

  "Why did you quarrel with the Skeezers?"

  "It was this way," began the Su-dic, glad to change the subject. "WeFlatheads love fish, and as we have no fish on this mountain we wouldsometimes go to the Lake of the Skeezers to catch fish. This made theSkeezers angry, for they declared the fish in their lake belonged tothem and were under their protection and they forbade us to catchthem. That was very mean and unfriendly in the Skeezers, you mustadmit, and when we paid no attention to their orders they set a guardon the shore of the lake to prevent our fishing.

  "Now, my wife, Rora Flathead, having four cans of brains, had become awonderful witch, and fish being brain food, she loved to eat fishbetter than any one of us. So she vowed she would destroy every fishin the lake, unless the Skeezers let us catch what we wanted. Theydefied us, so Rora prepared a kettleful of magic poison and went downto the lake one night to dump it all in the water and poison the fish.It was a clever idea, quite worthy of my dear wife, but the SkeezerQueen--a young lady named Coo-ee-oh--hid on the bank of the lake andtaking Rora unawares, transformed her into a Golden Pig. The poisonwas spilled on the ground and wicked Queen Coo-ee-oh, not content withher cruel transformation, even took away my wife's four cans ofbrains, so she is now a common grunting pig without even brai
ns enoughto know her own name."

  "Then," said Ozma thoughtfully, "the Queen of the Skeezers must be aSorceress."

  "Yes," said the Su-dic, "but she doesn't know much magic, after all.She is not as powerful as Rora Flathead was, nor half as powerful as Iam now, as Queen Coo-ee-oh will discover when we fight our greatbattle and destroy her."

  "The Golden Pig can't be a witch any more, of course," observedDorothy.

  "No; even had Queen Coo-ee-oh left her the four cans of brains, poorRora, in a pig's shape, couldn't do any witchcraft. A witch has to useher fingers, and a pig has only cloven hoofs."

  "It seems a sad story," was Ozma's comment, "and all the trouble arosebecause the Flatheads wanted fish that did not belong to them."

  "As for that," said the Su-dic, again angry, "I made a law that any ofmy people could catch fish in the Lake of the Skeezers, whenever theywanted to. So the trouble was through the Skeezers defying my law."

  "You can only make laws to govern your own people," asserted Ozmasternly. "I, alone, am empowered to make laws that must be obeyed byall the peoples of Oz."

  "Pooh!" cried the Su-dic scornfully. "You can't make _me_ obey yourlaws, I assure you. I know the extent of your powers, Princess Ozma ofOz, and I know that I am more powerful than you are. To prove it Ishall keep you and your companion prisoners in this mountain untilafter we have fought and conquered the Skeezers. Then, if you promiseto be good, I may let you go home again."

  Dorothy was amazed by this effrontery and defiance of the beautifulgirl Ruler of Oz, whom all until now had obeyed without question. ButOzma, still unruffled and dignified, looked at the Su-dic and said:

  "You did not mean that. You are angry and speak unwisely, withoutreflection. I came here from my palace in the Emerald City to preventwar and to make peace between you and the Skeezers. I do not approveof Queen Coo-ee-oh's action in transforming your wife Rora into a pig,nor do I approve of Rora's cruel attempt to poison the fishes in thelake. No one has the right to work magic in my dominions without myconsent, so the Flatheads and the Skeezers have both broken mylaws--which must be obeyed."

  "If you want to make peace," said the Su-dic, "make the Skeezersrestore my wife to her proper form and give back her four cans ofbrains. Also make them agree to allow us to catch fish in their lake."

  "No," returned Ozma, "I will not do that, for it would be unjust. Iwill have the Golden Pig again transformed into your wife Rora, andgive her one can of brains, but the other three cans must be restoredto those she robbed. Neither may you catch fish in the Lake of theSkeezers, for it is their lake and the fish belong to them. Thisarrangement is just and honorable, and you must agree to it."

  "Never!" cried the Su-dic. Just then a pig came running into the room,uttering dismal grunts. It was made of solid gold, with joints at thebends of the legs and in the neck and jaws. The Golden Pig's eyeswere rubies, and its teeth were polished ivory.

  "There!" said the Su-dic, "gaze on the evil work of Queen Coo-ee-oh,and then say if you can prevent my making war on the Skeezers. Thatgrunting beast was once my wife--the most beautiful Flathead on ourmountain and a skillful witch. Now look at her!"

  "Fight the Skeezers, fight the Skeezers, fight the Skeezers!" gruntedthe Golden Pig.

  "I _will_ fight the Skeezers," exclaimed the Flathead chief, "and if adozen Ozmas of Oz forbade me I would fight just the same."

  "Not if I can prevent it!" asserted Ozma.

  "You can't prevent it. But since you threaten me, I'll have youconfined in the bronze prison until the war is over," said the Su-dic.He whistled and four stout Flatheads, armed with axes and spears,entered the room and saluted him. Turning to the men he said: "Takethese two girls, bind them with wire ropes and cast them into thebronze prison.".

  The four men bowed low and one of them asked:

  "Where are the two girls, most noble Su-dic?"

  The Su-dic turned to where Ozma and Dorothy had stood but they hadvanished!