The Waiting

by Carol James

  “On the bus with Pastor Josh,” a red-haired girl—Grace, Katherine was pretty sure—answered. “They’re having some sort of a meeting. But he said they’d be done in time for the dance lessons if you wanted help.”

  Sure enough, Katherine could barely make out two silhouettes through the noon glare on the bus windows.

  The bus started up, its radio once again providing both the dining and dancing music.

  ~*~

  Josh stood and placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Let me know if you have any questions or want to talk about anything else.”

  “Thanks, Josh.” As the pastor stepped off the bus, Sam finished the last bites of his sandwich. Josh had certainly given him a lot to think about. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time to make some changes. Since he’d been a kid, his success had depended upon how hard he worked—his investment of time and effort. If he failed, he had no one else to blame. If he succeeded, he had no one else to thank. It was all about him.

  And therein was the lie. Even though he’d believed the contrary, life wasn’t all about him—his needs and his wants. The two had gotten so blurred over the past several years. So much of what he’d wanted had, in his mind, become needs, and he’d done everything he could to satisfy those desires...only now to come up lacking, empty. In the world of soccer, he was a success. In real life, a failure. And only one question remained. What would he do about it?

  Four of the girls had lined up in the front yard, and Katherine was demonstrating the basic “quick, quick, slow...slow” sequence of steps. The girls all had their hands up encircling the empty air in front of them and moving backward around the yard. Despite their lack of partners, they’d all picked up the basic steps pretty quickly.

  The dancing. That had been all about him, too. He’d learned in high school that girls liked guys who danced. They didn’t even have to be good. They just needed to be willing to get out there and move to the music and keep them company. But, as usual, he’d wanted to be good—not necessarily the best, but good enough not to embarrass himself, and to stand out to the women. So, he’d taken ballroom dancing. Most of the steps weren’t any more intricate than soccer drills. He just did them in street shoes instead of cleats.

  No matter how he’d tried to present it, the real reason he’d spent all that time and money with Juanita hadn’t been for Katherine, but for him. He’d never have done it if he hadn’t thought he’d get something out of it. Winning her heart had been his ultimate goal. So just like everything else, that night had been all about him, too.

  Yet, at some point in their relationship, something changed. He’d won her heart, and she would have accepted his proposal. He could have had what he came back to Crescent Bluff to get, but an unfamiliar Voice had urged him to say the words, to tell her the truth that might end their relationship. And he did. And it had.

  If he’d only been honest with her the very first time she’d seen the ring on his keychain, she might not have felt deceived. She would have been upset, but she also might not have thought he’d lied to her and would have forgiven him. But he hadn’t, and she hadn’t.

  And as much as it had hurt, still did hurt, and would always hurt, a sense of peace had begun to fill his heart. He’d loved her enough to set aside his own desires to do the right thing. That one act had been all about her. He would not have been worthy to receive the trust she would have placed in him had she accepted his proposal without knowing the truth.

  Laughter floated into the bus through the open door and windows. The girls were giggling. Two of them had gotten tangled up and were now on the ground. The next steps were more difficult without a partner, and they were struggling. Katherine was trying, but some things were better taught by demonstration.

  Sam stood and stepped off the bus. “All right, guys. I want to see some of you man up and help the ladies over here.” As he made his way across the yard to the girls, four guys actually got up and followed. That was easier than he’d figured. “OK, Katherine, tell us what to do.” This was another thing he’d do for her.

  28

  Like one of those songs that invades the mind so that one can’t help but sing it all day long, the words she’d written on fifteen notecards this morning had haunted her all day.

  God loves you with an everlasting love.

  They’d been on her mind when she’d handed out Naomi’s cookies, when she’d sanded and painted the chairs on the porch, and then when she’d planted the portulaca in the rainbow clay pots. Today certainly wasn’t the first time she’d heard or read them. But today was the first time they’d ever filled her heart and soul so much she could think of nothing else.

  As Jen dropped down onto Katherine’s sleeping bag, the classroom suddenly came back into focus. The girls were scurrying around getting ready for the evening service. “You’re quiet. You barely spoke at dinner.”

  “Sorry if I seemed distant. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

  “I told you this trip would change you.” Jen smiled. “We’ve got a few minutes before we have to be in the auditorium. Why don’t you find a quiet spot and just sit?”

  Jen was the perfect chaperone. Katherine now understood why Mom had liked her so much. She was warm and compassionate. She had a great sense of humor and a quick, hearty laugh that filled the room and made people join right in—even if they had no idea what she was laughing about. But blink an eye, and she could be all business. The girls loved her and responded well to her fun-loving, yet straightforward, personality.

  “I hate to not be available in case y’all need help with the girls.”

  “Don’t you worry. We’ll be fine. We can get them down to the auditorium.”

  The sun would be setting about now. “Thanks, Jen. I’ll see you at the service.” She headed toward her spot at this Oklahoma high school, slipped out of the cafeteria doors, and sat down at her table.

  A storm was on its way, but it wasn’t here quite yet. The skies that were blue only an hour ago were now filled with dark gray clouds, heavy with rain. Oklahoma weather was just like Texas weather. Wait five minutes, and it would change. Hopefully, the storm would move out as fast as it had moved in so they could get back to work tomorrow.

  A heavy wind blew against her back.

  I have loved you with an everlasting love.

  The words resonated so loudly in her heart that she jumped. Everlasting love—having no ending. Lasting forever. As many times as she’d read this verse, her mind had comprehended the meaning, but her heart had never really grasped its truth.

  Her Father loved her. He had loved her before she’d been born, even before the creation of the universe. His love kept no record of her wrongs. He loved her in spite of what she did or didn’t do. She’d done nothing to earn His love, and she could do nothing to lose it.

  Her Father was Love, and His love for her would never be withdrawn. It was everlasting, eternal. Unconditional, infinite.

  And that’s what He was asking her to do. Give the gift she’d been given but had never had to ask for, the gift she’d never had to earn. He was asking her to love with an everlasting love.

  The wind gusted again, bringing with it the earthy smell of the impending thunderstorm. She lifted her face and let the sprinkle of raindrops wash away her tears. How could she so selfishly withhold the gift she’d been so generously given? Forgive me, Father.

  She had to find Sam and ask his forgiveness. Now. Before the service began. She could not wait a minute longer.

  Music from the band in the auditorium greeted her as she stepped back into the cafeteria. She jogged down the hall and stood in the doorway. Their group was about two thirds of the way back in the center section, just where they’d been the last two nights. The kids and the other female chaperones were all there, but none of the men. No Josh, no Brad, and no Sam. She’d wait in the hallway a few more minutes and then, if none of them showed up, she’d break the rules. She’d head over to the men’s wing and find him.

  The band
began the second song. Maybe something was wrong. Sam had been really quiet today—certainly not himself. He’d been upset this morning, and then his dancing had been robotic, spiritless. The passion she loved so much had been nonexistent today. She’d waited long enough. They should have been here by now.

  She walked toward the male wing of the school, inched open one of the double doors, and slipped into forbidden territory. The hallway was dark, the only illumination being the red exit signs overhead and rectangles of light on the floor from some of the small windows in two of the classroom doors.

  Pressing herself close to the wall, she crept down the hall, dodging in and out of recesses and doorways. The pounding of her heart shook her chest. Katherine, the rule-follower, the non-daredevil had abdicated her throne, and a complete stranger had taken over.

  This maneuver wasn’t well-planned. She didn’t even know what room the guys were in, so how was she supposed to find them? And what if she got caught?

  Around the corner a door slammed, followed by the low rumble of male voices. When she’d first stepped into the men’s wing, she should have yelled, “Woman on the hall,” but she hadn’t, and now it was too late. Quickly she ducked into a doorway, pushed herself flat against the side wall, and held her breath. By now the entire school must be able to hear her heart pounding.

  The silhouettes of two men heading in the direction of the auditorium passed by her. Neither of them was Josh, Brad, or Sam. Something was definitely wrong. Otherwise, Josh and Brad would never miss the worship service.

  When the door into the main hallway closed, she peaked out from the alcove. Only one square of light shown on the hallway floor. It was from the window in the door three classrooms down on the right. That had to be their room. Crossing the hallway, she tiptoed toward the door and pressed herself against the wall beside it. On the count of three, she’d peek. One, two, three.

  She slipped in front of the door, and as she glanced into the window, her feet froze to the floor. It was their room, all right, and all three of them were on their knees praying. Sam was in the middle between Josh and Brad, and each of them had a hand on his shoulder. Her hand involuntarily rose to cover her mouth.

  The reverence of the picture before her brought back the evening’s earlier tears. Had she stayed in the auditorium, had she not broken the rules, she would have missed this moment. Even now, one part of her felt like an intruder and respect encouraged her to turn away from this intimate scene, while another part was honored to be present to watch the man who had captured her heart make such a life-changing commitment.

  She slipped back away from the door and tiptoed down the hall and back into the common area. She’d wait for him outside the auditorium doors.

  The band transitioned to another song. Probably the last before the beginning of the sermon. She stood in the shadow across the hall from the auditorium doors. Josh was the first through the doors, then Brad, and finally Sam. Their conversation was punctuated with quiet laughter.

  She stepped forward to reveal herself. “Hi, Sam.”

  The laughter died as the three stared at her.

  Josh grinned and then spoke. “Brad and I’ll save you a seat, Sam. Go on.”

  She and her love were left alone in the middle of the hall.

  “Katherine, are you OK?” Sam’s eyes were warm.

  “Can we talk?” This wasn’t the most private place. Soft light shone through the glass doors of the library behind them. “In here.” She led him to a reading nook filled with two chairs and a sofa, and then turned to face him.

  He stood about ten feet away. “Shoot, Katherine.”

  She tried, but no words came. Only tears.

  “Beth, what is it?”

  “I need you over here beside me…please.” As she held out her hand, he closed the gap between them. “Hold me, Sam.” If her heart pounded any harder, it might burst.

  He drew her close and encircled her with his arms. Then he rested his head on top of hers. She was back in their cave. He voiced no questions but stood silent, waiting.

  Her voice cracked, transforming her words into a painful whisper. “Forgive me Sam, please forgive me.”

  “Beth, there’s nothing—”

  “Yes, there is. Please forgive me for being so self-righteous.” She drew back and looked up into his eyes. “Please, Sam.”

  “Of course, I forgive you.”

  She placed her head against his chest as they stood still for a few quiet seconds. After all these years she’d found him, the man she wanted to be Her One. He was different than she had pictured, but he was so much more than she could have ever imagined. Slowly she drew away and dropped down onto one knee.

  “Beth, please don’t.”

  Her heart was racing. Butterflies filled her stomach. She loved him more than she could have ever thought possible to love another person, and she had to tell him. “Samuel Houston Tucker, you are The One I want to walk through the rest of my life with, and I pledge to love you with an everlasting love. Will you marry me?”

  The ponderous silence only intensified the roaring of the blood rushing through her ears. Something was terribly wrong.

  He took her hand, helped her up, and pulled her close. “Dance with me?” They began swaying to some imaginary melody only he could hear. “I can’t put into words how much I love you, Beth. Don’t ever doubt it. But I can’t marry you.”

  Her feet were concrete, holding her rock still. He stopped swaying and tightened his embrace until she fought to breathe.

  His breath was warm against her cheek. “Please listen carefully. I realize now that I thought marrying you would bring me happiness. And that would have been a terribly unfair burden to place on you. You would have failed. Not because you didn’t try or we didn’t love each other, but because my happiness is not your responsibility. True peace and joy come from only one place.”

  She struggled to push away, but he held her tight.

  “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  She understood, all right. “You’re saying no.”

  “No, Katherine. No, I’m not. I’m just not saying, yes.”

  “It’s the same thing.” As she wriggled free, he held her hand tightly.

  “No, it’s not. Katherine, I—”

  His words were cut short as the lights flickered and an ominous thunderclap reverberated. The weather alert tone shrieked from his phone.

  Josh burst through the doors. “Sam, come quick. There’s a storm. We have to secure the roof of Naomi’s house.”

  29

  The quiet, but persistent, tapping on the classroom door didn’t wake her because Katherine had yet to fall asleep. After Josh and Sam left, she had run to help the other chaperones move the students to sit in the hallways to wait out the storm. They’d had storm drills like this all through school, but this was the first time it hadn’t been simply for practice. No tornado had materialized. Only lots of rain, lightning, and wind.

  She jumped up quickly and tiptoed to the door before any of the girls awoke.

  Josh stood alone in the hall. His hair and clothes were disheveled. Although his unreadable pastor face didn’t give her a hint, something had to be wrong.

  “I was hoping you’d be the one who answered the door.”

  Her heart rose into her throat. “What’s wrong? Is it Sam?”

  The door behind her opened again, and out stepped Cassie. They’d hardly seen each other the past few days. They were on different work crews, and during their downtime, Katherine had avoided hovering over her so Cassie could have the freedom to enjoy the trip without her big sister intruding—although Cassie didn’t normally care about Katherine’s opinion, so she probably wouldn’t start now.

  Cassie’s voice was hoarse from sleep. “I heard you go out. What’s up?”

  “He’s OK. He’s in the hospital.” Josh placed a hand on Katherine’s arm. She could hardly breathe.

  “Who?” Cassie was wide awake now.

  “Can I
go see him?” Tears burned Katherine’s eyes.

  “See who?”

  Josh turned toward Cassie. “Sam.”

  “Sam?” Cassie pulled Katherine close. “What happened?”

  Josh turned back to Katherine. “He’s pretty banged up, but all in all, he’s OK. Everything except his knee. We were on the roof of Naomi’s house, checking to make sure the tarps were fastened securely, when the worst part of the storm hit. A huge gust of wind broke a branch off one of the trees in the front yard. It fell onto the roof and knocked Sam to the ground. His knee took the brunt of the landing. They did surgery, but I haven’t heard the outcome. As soon as Sam was in recovery, I left to come get you.”

  ~*~

  The room was dimly lit and quiet except for the occasional droning and beeping of the blood pressure machine.

  Brad stood and pulled her into a hug. “They moved him in here about ten minutes ago. The nurse said the doctor would be here soon to talk to us.”

  She nodded and made her way to his bedside. His face was peaceful as if he were simply sleeping. At least, that might be what he’d look like. She’d never seen him asleep. But the oxygen tubing beneath his nose was one clue it was more than a normal night’s rest. The other was his leg. It was elevated, and his knee was bandaged in white gauze until it was at least twice its normal size.

  The evening’s earlier urgency to apologize rushed back into her heart. Tonight could have been a tragedy. She could have lost him. A tear dropped onto the metal side rail of the bed before she was able to wipe it from her cheek.

  As the door to the room swished open, a tall man in blue surgical scrubs walked in. “Hello, I’m Dr. Andrews.” He shook their hands and smiled. “There’s a lucky guy laying in that bed. He took quite a fall, but he’ll be just fine.”