Walking Into Her Heart (A First Realm Novel)

by Susan JP Owens

  He jerked out. She acted like she didn’t know he was there. He closed his eyes. He had lost control and broken a promise. Damn it. As much as he wanted Shelby, the temptation was too much.

  He had wanted Shelby in his life and wished to marry her. She had wiggled her way into his heart and infiltrated every thought. When she stood beside him, he ached to have her in his arms, to hold and comfort her. In his embrace, he could stroke her with tender affection. Sleeping together, he filled her with love. Sheathed in her warmth, she gave him back his heart. Shelby had passion for life. He honestly believed the years ahead could’ve brought joy and happiness. He’d had confidence in their union.

  But he was wrong. He had too many demons and Shelby didn’t deserve to be shackled to him. The skeletons in his closet overwhelmed him sometimes. Issues ranged far and wide. His mom’s murder meant tightened security. The SEAL missions plagued his nights with nightmares of innocent women and children slaughtered. With Christine, trust had been the first significant factor.

  Another reason their relationship wouldn’t work out, Shelby had given up on the quest and abandoned the First Realm. The very things he desired to share with her.

  He opened his eyes in time to see Shelby stretching her hand to touch his, immediately, he withdrew. “I don’t want your pity.”

  He met her surprised gaze. “In more ways than one, you’re not any different from Christine…Maybe even worse…You’ve surrendered Ten-Blue-Sun and your spirit guide. Hell would freeze over before I’d ignore the First Realm’s mission. I’ll keep the doll and hope for the Great Spirit’s help to complete the quest.”

  Plus, he had mind walked with Shelby and he refused to have temptation anywhere near him. He may still be Mind-Walker, but he’d committed a horrific blunder. He could control what happened in the future and the time was now.

  “For your information, I knew you were angry when you found out that I am part of the Pressley fortune, but we still consider Pressley International a family business. Since you wanted to end our relationship, consider your goal accomplished. I’ll buy a plane ticket for you.” He grabbed his cell to call his personal assistant.

  Shelby’s voice seemed as though she was a million miles away and her focus off in the distance. “No, don’t bother. I can take care of myself. I don’t want or need your money. To be honest, I can’t say I wouldn’t have been daunted by your fortune, but one thing I do know, I’m not intimidated by you. I can find my way out and home. I don’t require your guidance…I’ll always think fondly of you…We both have dragons that need to be slain…with any luck, that too shall come to pass.”

  Kyle drew deep, pulling strength from every fiber, he had to do this. “You can go now.”

  “I do wish you well.” She left and never glanced back.

  His gut heaved. This is why he never had relationships, just mutual flings. In point of fact, he hadn’t been with a lady in over two years. Back then, they were just faces and hadn’t meant anything to him. He actually wanted more with Shelby. She had been the first woman he’d desired since Christine. He had fallen hard and fast for her. Ending their relationship hurt. He exhaled to gain better control.

  “Anyone home? Kyle?”

  Kyle rolled his eyes. He didn’t need this. “Back here.”

  Jude sauntered to the patio. “Who’s the girl? Same one Garrett flew in today? You look like shit.”

  “Don’t concern yourself, yes, and thanks.”

  Jude cocked his head to the side. “Want to talk about it?”

  “Damn sure don’t.”

  His big brother talked over his shoulder as he made his way to the back kitchen door. “Looks like you could use a drink and so could I.”

  In a few seconds, Jude strode back to him. His throat and face red. “What in the hell is going on? A full glass of wine and a half empty scotch are on the bar and I’m betting yours isn’t the fluted goblet.”

  Kyle thrummed his fingertips on the arm of his chair, holding his temper. “Then you would have won.”

  “Don’t go there, Kyle. It isn’t worth it.”

  He grasped each side of his seat, ready to bend the ornate metal. “You’re right.”

  “I meant the liquor. Don’t start on the scotch again.”

  “You’re too late because right now, I don’t give a damn.”

  “Who is she? You never told me about her.”

  He released his grip and massaged each side of his temple. Would his questions ever stop? “Her name is Shelby Littleton, end of story.”

  “I don’t think you were counting on this as the finale. This should’ve been the beginning.”

  “You’d be—”

  “Anyone who goes to the company attorney requesting a prenup and flies her in, I would put my money on the latter. Of course, she was supposed to say yes. I’m throwing the dice here. But I’m damn sure she didn’t.”

  “Jude, just…go away. If you are going to be a pain in the ass, you can make yourself useful and get me a drink. Scotch.”

  “Buddy, she had wedding ring on her finger.”

  “It’s not mine.”

  “What the hell? You could have any woman you want.”

  After a long moment, Kyle gathered his breath. “She’s a widow. I’d like my scotch if you’re going to stick around and play twenty questions.”

  “Sure. I see you need some beer and some company.”

  “If you bring me a beer, you can go out the way you damn well came in,” he yelled as Jude entered the house.

  Jude returned, restocked the fridge under the outside bar, kept two bottles, popped the caps and gave him one.

  He chuckled when the stubborn bastard sat his ass in the chair next to him and gulped a mouthful of ale. They were tight and he would love his brother forever.

  Chapter Eleven

  Kyle relaxed on a stool cradling his glass. He glanced at the mirror behind the bar, the reflection of everyone keeping to themselves, swigging their drinks and playing pool. The dive had caught his eye, a shit-hole by most standards, but that’s what he wanted, no one to recognize him, nobody to bother him.

  He’d told his security to fuck off and leave him alone. Probably not the nicest way to get rid of Sam and his crew, but he didn’t give a rat’s ass. His boots rested on the bent rail of his chair and he listened to a country western song about lovin’ and leavin’.

  He had taken a sabbatical from work against his brother’s wishes. To keep his mind off of Shelby, Jude tried to talk him into traveling to Korea with him. After his brother had lost his wife and unborn child in a car accident, his motto had been, go to work. Then there isn’t any time to ponder the reason for existence.

  Nothing would remove Shelby from his mind, his job certainly hadn’t and the scotch made him numb half the time. The other half, his past demons pressed around him making sleep impossible.

  Three weeks ago, he’d shared beer and his plans with Jude. When he flew Shelby in, he had a week to convince her everything would work out. He would’ve been happy watching the sunrise or set with Shelby. She more than pleasured him in bed, hell that particular area was exceptional, but most of all, he didn’t have to be doing anything with her. Just holding her would’ve been enough. Somehow he’d let Shelby get beyond his walls and deep into his heart.

  She deserved better than an issue-weary man. Telling her to leave had been hard and in the end, Shelby paid the price. Her tormented eyes haunted him. He wasn’t proud of what he’d done, deplorable wouldn’t begin to describe his actions. His heart ached remembering another broken vow, he promised to keep her safe. Was this him protecting her?

  His mind preyed upon his memories. The passion and the reckless abandoned moments they’d shared. Her giggles bursting into graceful laughter echoed around him. Shelby’s touch sent his nerves screaming for more, her sweet kisses, delectable, and the simple act of her gentle caress gave him immeasurable joy.

  Shelby had strength and fortitude. When he’d told her to leave, she
struggled for composure, a second later squaring her shoulders, she wished his sorry-ass well. God, he hurt without her. Damn, there wasn’t anything he wanted more right now than Shelby. He loved her and for the first time, acknowledged this feeling touched the very depths of his soul.

  Would she be willing to try again? Maybe, together they could battle the monsters they both harbored, find peace, build a life and seek the answers for Ten-Blue-Sun.

  His gut roiled. Did he have enough strength and control to stay out of Shelby’s mind? Even though Jude didn’t believe in the gifts from the First Realm, his big brother had come up with all sorts of excuses to ease his guilt. Justification was like licking lime and salt before and after the shot of tequila. It only made the burning liquid palatable. He’d have to exercise restraint and resist temptation by discipline.

  His resolve gave him stamina to initiate the first step. He slid the glass away. The scotch had to go.

  Since he hadn’t been sleeping well, he needed to rest. Then, he’d call Shelby and ask to see her. If he had to, he’d beg. Maybe, he’d insist on visiting Annie. She had a soft spot when it came to the red-coated creature and if he had to, he would use that tenderness. Energized for the first time in weeks, the cloudy haze of liquor shifted, empowered again, he’d call her in the morning.

  As he stood to leave, someone knocked him down and fell on top of him. “What the hell?” He shoved the guy. “Get off of me.”

  Both on their asses, Kyle mirrored the sneer of the other man, ready to fight.

  Kyle took the guy’s measure, his elongated face with a long skinny nose appeared like a swordfish. He remembered him…from somewhere.

  The man’s fist barreled toward him. His head flung back when Swordfish’s knuckles connected to his cheek below his left eye. Fuck that hurt.

  His rage channeled to his hand, he clenched his fingers and threw a haymaker hitting Swordfish’s nose.

  Dazed, his adversary shook his head, blood spurted, flying in all directions.

  Kyle threw another punch to his attacker’s stomach.

  Swordfish doubled over and moaned.

  Three men approached. A tall, big boned guy picked him up and held his arms behind his back while the other two took their turn punching his face, stomach and ribs.

  Because of the liquor, he couldn’t hold his muscles taut. The blows kept coming. He fought to keep away from the blackening hole of unconsciousness. His legs crumbled underneath him, but they held him up by his elbows. Fuck, that hurt too. He battled not to pass out.

  One of the men helped Swordfish up.

  The other two dragged him outside.

  Swordfish seethed. “I wanted ta’ take care of this sum-a-bitch. Why did ya’ push me on him?”

  The tall one retorted. “‘Cause you weren’t gonna’ get around ta’ it. I just harried things up a bit.” He laughed sarcastically.

  If it wasn’t for the two men holding him by his armpits, he would’ve buckled to the ground. He doubted he would forget the missing two front teeth of the big man.

  “Well, I wanna’ teach him a lesson he ain’t never gonna’ forget.” Swordfish threw his fist into his stomach.

  He doubled over. Air, just a breath. The intense pain seized his lungs. They burned. Finally, he gasped inhaling oxygen, then groaned.

  “He ain’t gonna’ forget ya’ fer awhile.”

  Swordfish ground out. “No, I don’t want him breathin’ my gawd damn air. He’s gonna’ die.”

  “Throws him in the truck and I couldn’t give a shit whatcha’ do with him or his pickup.”

  Rough hands threw him in Jalopy. He bounced against the seat and crumbled. Darkness snaked all around him and the bar’s neon light faded.

  Daylight seeped into his consciousness, and he gingerly touched the crusted blood on his lips. He slipped a hand to his ribs and rubbed. Damn, he hurt. He rose, then moaned, his injuries screaming with each movement. “Fuck.”

  Kyle peered into the rearview mirror. Swollen to a small slit, his blackened left eye contrasted to the purple hue of his cheek. The right didn’t look much better, but he could see out of it. “The proverbial Mack truck.”

  The next task proved to be harder. To retrieve his keys, he wiggled his fingertips and grasped them from his pants pocket. He jammed the piece of metal into the ignition, and paused to rest his head on the steering wheel.

  He wouldn’t call Shelby this morning, maybe after he healed and felt a little better. Where did those guys come from and why did they beat the shit out of him? He hadn’t recognized anyone except Swordfish, but where had he seen him before?

  Hell, he clamped his molars together to withstand the intolerable pain shooting from his head down his spine then exploding in his chest. In between the unbearable throbs, he started Jalopy. To drive he had to move, he gritted his teeth together, backed out of the parking lot and headed home.

  Several miles down the highway, the truck careened to the right, off the highway, down an embankment, hitting a tree at the bottom. Even though the last thump against the evergreen happened in a matter of seconds, he had an eternity to think. Damn, he never had the chance to tell Shelby he loved her. Was this the end? Regrets, he had plenty of them.

  Chapter Twelve

  While Shelby’s left hand rubbed the back of her neck, she rolled her head in a circle to ease the tense muscles. She stared out her office window catching a glimpse of a chipmunk gathering food.

  She-Who-Smiles called her Brave-One. She scoffed, yeah right. If she had an ounce of game in her, she’d would’ve kept Ten-Blue-Sun and found Tim’s murderer. She wasn’t as courageous as Kyle. He’d had the fortitude to break up, keep the doll, and continue his life without her.

  She couldn’t imagine the betrayal he must have felt when he had found Christine in his bed with two other people. Funny, he said his college buddy, then gulped down the third person’s name. Not that she’d know who the hell his friends were back then.

  The thread that had unraveled him was Christine’s suicide especially since she chose to end her life in front of him. The burdens he carried were laden with onerous duties and stormy emotions. She didn’t pity him, but from the depths of her soul, she ached to comfort him. No one should have to live through that.

  A paralyzing dread rippled down her spine. A frightening tingle danced in her chest and around her heart. She realized she missed him. The last bitter memory of him casting his poisonous venom haunted her. Yet, she still yearned for his presence, touch, and most of all, his heart.

  She muttered her mantra, “Family, work…Family, work.”

  She shook her head and plopped in her office chair.

  Tears stung the back of her eyelids. Giving in wasn’t an option. If Shelby did, she wouldn’t be able to stop.

  Her thumb found the wedding band and she twirled it on her finger. “Tim, I hope your journey is going well. Mine? I’ve landed in the silage pile and the shit stinks. I guess She-Who-Smiles and Bear-Claws are disappointed in me too…Jeez, this melancholy mood has to cease now. I can’t stand myself anymore.”

  When she returned from her trip, she had shared with Alessa what had happened. For the most part, Alessa supported her, but her little sister relegated herself to be her conscience. While sitting outside at a coffee shop, she remembered how Alessa’s voice thrummed her take…

  Alessa huffed. “No, that’s your answer to every problem you face. You bury yourself in work at the office, the ranch, family, and if there is any time left over you give it to yourself.”

  “Give me a break.”

  “I may be the baby of the family, but what I see is a woman who is hurt and didn’t fight for what she may have wanted. But you’ll never know now.”

  “Thanks. I didn’t need an evaluation of my actions.”

  “Shelby, I love you. Don’t do this to yourself. Meanwhile, keep your head up. It sounds like he got scared. He’ll be back. If he does call you, what are you going to do?”

  “You’re not listening
to me, that scenario will never happen. The only plan of action is filling my days with work and family.”

  Alessa smirked.

  “Al, please…don’t say I told you so. This is how I keep myself sane.”

  “I know, sis…I’ll be here for you.”

  Shelby extended her arm across the table. The flashback of her hand stretching to meet Kyle’s fleeted before her eyes. She hesitated, Alessa never moved, she grasped and squeezed. “Al, you’ve always been there for me.”

  Alessa had rescued her in more ways than one. Shelby heaved a long sigh and stared at the calendar on her computer. Al had purposely scheduled physical activity every day from cleaning the offices to painting them. Shelby owned the building so maintenance didn’t bother her. She laughed. She had plenty of exercise completing all the ranch chores, but what bothered her the most was lying in bed each evening. All the “what if” scenarios rifled through her mind until exhaustion reigned and she fell asleep.

  Alessa peeked around the door of her office. “That was healthy. The cilia in your lungs are doing double time.”

  Shelby grinned. “Speak of the devil.”

  “Huh?” Her gaze panned the office. She shrugged her shoulders. “End of a marvelous Thursday. What are you doing this weekend for Labor Day? Got any plans? Shelby? Did you hear me?”

  “Yes. I’m waiting for you to take a breath. You don’t give anyone time to answer your questions.”

  “I do give people time, nobody speaks fast enough.”

  “I know you have a lot of energy, but slow down.”

  Alessa’s mouth and face exaggerated each syllable and pronunciation. “Okay, what are you doing for the holiday?”

  “Nothing, smart ass.” Shelby dropped to her knees, crawled underneath the desk to pick up the shoes she had kicked off earlier. The company telephone rang. “Hannah has left for the day, please get the phone for me.”

  “This is Alessa, how can I help you?” After a few silent seconds, Al responded to the caller. “Yes, you have the right Shelby Littleton. Hold on. Shelby, you need to take this. I’ll be in my office if you need me.”