Secret Agent Grandma

by RL Stine

  Sophie, Andrew, Andrew’s parents — they’re all aliens. You’re the only human in the room!

  You’re too horrified to think of running.

  Andrew reaches into his pocket and pulls out a squirming baby alien. He places it on your shoulder. “Feed and grow,” he tells it.

  Uh-oh.

  As the baby alien nibbles at your ear, you think: Mom wouldn’t let me get my ear pierced, but I got my way in the — OWWWWWWWW!

  (END!)

  “I don’t want to face those creatures alone!” you say. “Let’s go get help!”

  The three of you half-crawl, half-stumble out of the backyard. The moment you reach the street, you take off running. You cover the three blocks to Andrew’s house in record time.

  “Mom! Dad!” Andrew yells as you charge through the front door. “Come quick!”

  Andrew’s parents step into the hallway from the dining room. “What’s all the shouting?” his dad asks.

  “Aliens!” you blurt. “There are aliens in my backyard!”

  Andrew’s parents stare at you. Then they start to laugh.

  Oh, no! They don’t believe you!

  Convince them on PAGE 102.

  “Grandma! Look out!” You race toward her.

  But Grandma doesn’t need any help! She leaps to her feet and assumes a karate stance. With a swift kick, she knocks one creature to the ground. It’s out cold.

  The other creature jumps her from behind. Grandma bends sharply at the waist and flips the creature over her back. It falls in a crumpled heap.

  With a howl, the conductor-creature reaches for Grandma. But she’s ready for it. She ducks, then grabs one of its tentacles. She jerks the creature hard and it tumbles over. In a smooth move, she uses the tentacles to tie all three creatures together.

  Your mouth drops open in awe.

  “Whoa!” You let out a long, low whistle. “Some action!”

  “That was awesome!” Ginny agrees.

  “Totally!” adds Chuck.

  Grandma beams at you. She rubs her hands together. “That was fun!” she exclaims.

  You stare at her.

  Is this amazing woman really your grandmother?

  Turn to PAGE 119.

  You glance around, hoping for an idea. Your eyes land on a ladder leading to the top of the train.

  “Up there!” You grab a rung and climb. At the top, you reach down and help lug up Grandma. Your muscles strain with the effort. Chuck and Ginny shove her from below as you yank her limp arms. Finally, you’re all gasping on top of the train.

  “We don’t know how long that force field will hold,” you warn. “We better keep moving.”

  The three of you drag Grandma across the car-tops. It’s tough going. You’re not sure if this was such a good idea.

  “I’ll see if anyone is looking for us.” You scurry to the side of the train. “Grab my ankles.”

  Ginny and Chuck grasp your ankles and lower you down headfirst. You peer into the train car window.

  And gasp!

  The train car is filled with people in sunglasses.

  One of them notices you. He points and moves closer to the window. He pulls off his glasses to take a better look.

  Yellow Ping-Pong-ball eyes!

  Panic all the way to PAGE 111.

  “Out the window,” you declare. “Or we’ll be trapped in here.”

  “Good choice,” Grandma says. She slips the device back into her pocket. You peer out the window. The countryside speeds by.

  There’s nowhere to go out that window, you realize. Nowhere but down.

  The pounding on the door increases. It strains on its hinges. No more time to waste.

  “Remember—duck and roll,” Grandma instructs you. She gives you a boost up.

  Then you fling yourself out the window.

  Duck and roll to PAGE 61.

  You gaze at the startling scene through the window. Inside the train compartment a woman struggles fiercely with two men. The men wear tan overcoats and large, dark sunglasses.

  But it’s the woman who holds your attention.

  A white-haired woman wearing yellow stretch pants and a purple shirt.

  She’s a dead ringer for your grandma!

  The two thug-like men yank her under each arm and lift her out of the seat. Her terrified eyes lock onto yours as she is dragged roughly into the aisle. The men pull her toward the door at the far end of the car.

  Hurry to PAGE 54.

  Ginny’s and Chuck’s screams rip through you worse than the monster-dog’s acid drool.

  “Okay! Okay!” you shriek. “Call off the dogs!”

  You rattle off your address.

  “Very good.” The three alien creatures lean over and open their jaws wide. The monster-dogs jump back into their mouths. The creatures swallow.

  Then all three belch and pat their tummies.

  Man. Talk about disgusting.

  “We are terribly sorry,” the ex-conductor says. “But we really did need to know. And now we’ll take you home.”

  With the twist of a few dials, the spaceship changes direction. In minutes you land behind your house.

  You glance out the window and gasp.

  What has you so upset?

  Rush to PAGE 104.

  You gaze at the train window. You read the red letters aloud.

  “EMPLEH. EMPLEH,” you mutter. What does it mean? It doesn’t sound familiar. Maybe it’s not an English word.

  That terrible nickname interrupts your thoughts.

  “Cookie! I’m waiting for a big hug and kiss!”

  Exactly what you were afraid of.

  “Hi, Grandma.” You stop several inches away from her. Just beyond her reach.

  Wrong! Grandma throws her arms around you, squeezing you hard. So hard, you can barely breathe. Finally, she releases you.

  “Cabs are at the other end of the station,” you gasp, trying to catch your breath.

  Grandma follows behind you, chattering all the way. She asks about your school, your parents, and your mother’s rose bushes.

  On the way out of the station, you pass the train window with the message again.

  I’ve got it! you think. I know what it means!

  Do you really?

  If you know what it says, turn to PAGE 14.

  If you need help to figure it out, turn to PAGE 129.

  “What’s the problem?” you ask the struggling cab driver. “Skipped breakfast this morning?”

  The cab driver glares at you. Sweat trickles down his forehead. “You try to lift those bags,” he grunts.

  You reach in and grab the handle of the top suitcase.

  Whoa! That bag is heavy! You grit your teeth and yank hard. Every muscle strains as you lift the bag out of the trunk.

  “I don’t get it,” you murmur. “Grandma carried both of those bags without any trouble.”

  “Then Grandma must be a weight lifter,” the cab driver snaps.

  Together, you half-drag, half-carry the luggage to the front door. You drop yours with a loud thud. “That must weigh two hundred pounds,” you gasp.

  The cab driver glances around. “Let’s open them,” he whispers. “I want to know what Grandma has that weighs so much!”

  Hmm. You know it would be snooping. But you’re dying of curiosity.

  What are you going to do?

  Open the suitcases on PAGE 85.

  Tell the cab driver “No way” on PAGE 7.

  “Come see!” you shriek. “There are dozens of them in my backyard! Andrew, tell them!”

  But he doesn’t say a word!

  You turn to Sophie. “Sophie! You saw them! Tell them I’m not crazy.”

  You don’t like the way they’re all smiling at you. As if they were all in on a big joke.

  “There are aliens trying to take over the world!” you shout. “Why won’t you believe me?”

  “We do believe you,” Andrew’s mother says in a soothing tone.

  Then she peels of
f her face!

  So do Andrew, Sophie, and Andrew’s dad.

  They look exactly like Grandma!

  This is bad. Turn to PAGE 93 to see if there’s a way out.

  The eyes on the rose blink at you!

  “Sophie! Andrew!” you choke out. “Run!”

  But your warning comes too late. Long green tendrils wrap themselves around you and your friends.

  “Noooo!” Sophie shrieks.

  “What’s happening?” Andrew screams.

  You strain against the tight grip of the plant. “Grandma! Help us!” you cry.

  But Grandma ignores you. She skips through the rose bushes, chanting. You’re about to holler again when the rose spits a glob of slimy orange goo right into your face. It fills your mouth and eyes.

  You wipe your face on your sleeve, but the sticky substance won’t come off. It’s too thick. You can’t see a thing.

  But you can hear Sophie and Andrew screaming for help. And Grandma reciting something. It sounds like a nursery rhyme!

  You struggle to move toward your friends, but your feet are stuck. Is the plant wrapped around them? you wonder.

  Then you realize the horrible truth. You no longer have feet. You have roots.

  You’re turning into a plant!

  Turn to PAGE 113.

  “Oh, no!” you wail. “You landed on my mom’s petunias. They’re totally ruined. My mom’s going to go ballistic!”

  But it gets worse. As soon as the spaceship hatch pops open, the creatures go to work. They dig up her prize rose bushes.

  You are going to be in big trouble when your mom comes home.

  You don’t believe what you see next. You are soon ankle-deep in hundreds of enormous, pulsing purple eggs.

  Your grandma must be an alien after all!

  When the creatures have filled their ship with the eggs, the ex-conductor approaches you. “Now you understand why we must keep your grandmother. But we apologize for the mess,” it says. “Here are some seeds to replace the plants we destroyed.”

  “Uh, thanks.” You take the packet from the wiggling tentacle.

  With a wave, the creature enters the spaceship. You watch it leave the atmosphere.

  Chuck and Ginny help you with the garden. Alien flowers grow differently from Earth plants, you realize. Within minutes the garden is overflowing with gigantic roses.

  Your mom should be pleased. As long as she doesn’t mind roses that smell like bananas and glow in the dark!

  THE END

  The moment the lock pops open, the suitcase begins to vibrate.

  You stumble backward, banging into the startled cab driver. He trips and the two of you tumble off the front step. You land hard on the lawn.

  The suitcase spins around and around. As it bounces wildly, the sides slowly open. Purple mist escapes from the bag with a hissing sound.

  “Wh-wh-what’s going on?” the cab driver stammers.

  But you can’t answer him. You are too stunned by what you are seeing. With a WHOOSH! a giant rose bush bursts from Grandma’s suitcase!

  You scramble to your feet. The terrified cab driver is still sprawled on the ground directly below the huge rose bush. Grandma races around the corner of the house.

  “Oh!” she calls. “I see you’ve found my prize plant.”

  You stare up at the dozens of giant flowers towering over you. Each bud is twice the size of your head. “But what—? How—?”

  Grandma smiles. A strange, evil smile.

  “How did it get so big?” she finishes for you. “My rose has a very special diet. And I think it’s time for lunch!”

  Find out what’s on the menu on PAGE 117.

  “This way!” You dash to the window, Andrew and Sophie right behind you. You yank it open and stick your head out.

  The ground suddenly seems very faraway.

  However, Grandma’s footsteps are definitely very close!

  “Try to land in the rose garden,” you instruct your friends. “The bushes should help cushion the fall.”

  You climb out onto the window ledge. You shut your eyes, and take a deep breath.

  Then you jump.

  You land on a tall rose bush. Thorns poke you all over. You feel shaken up, but you aren’t hurt. Andrew and Sophie leap down beside you.

  You pull yourself out of the scratchy branches and plop onto the soft ground. You gaze up at the window.

  Grandma smiles down at you.

  A chilling, evil smile.

  Then she vanishes back inside.

  Turn to PAGE 63.

  These creeps think you’re related to a powerful alien. Maybe if you act powerful, too, they’ll be afraid of you.

  “Call off your dogs!” you command. You try to sound like alien royalty. “Or I’ll unleash my own forces.”

  The creatures glance at each other. One of them makes a shrill beeping sound. The vomit-dogs freeze in mid-bite.

  Hah! This might work.

  “Now that you have seen through my human disguise,” you continue, “there’s no point in pretending. I am Smithra-Schmithra—heir to the Mithra-Dithra kingdom.”

  Ginny and Chuck stare at you. This is fun!

  “So stay back!” you bellow. “Or you’ll feel my wrath!” You point at the three creatures.

  Sparks shoot out of your fingers!

  Huh? How’d you do that?

  Turn to PAGE 116.

  A chill runs through you. What was your mother trying to say? Is your grandmother in trouble? Is there danger at the station?

  As you hand the phone back to the information clerk, the whole train station begins to rumble.

  Could this be what your mother was trying to warn you about?

  Should you get out of there and go home?

  Or are you supposed to find your grandmother?

  If you get out of there right away, turn to PAGE 12.

  If you stay to find Grandma, turn to PAGE 33.

  “Mom?” you ask. “Where did you get the eggs?”

  You aren’t happy when you hear the answer.

  “From the refrigerator, silly,” she tells you. She scoops up another forkful. “Did you buy them? They weren’t there when we left.”

  You gaze at Sophie, then at Andrew. Then you stare down at your plate of food.

  “Were they, uh, kind of unusual-looking?” you ask your mom.

  “Come to think of it, they were rather large.” She thinks for a moment. “And a strange color.”

  Your stomach does a flip-flop.

  You’ve been eating the alien eggs!

  Have you ever heard the expression, “You are what you eat”?

  You’re about to find out how true it really is!

  THE END

  You have to find out if that woman in trouble is your grandmother. Besides, you’re dying to find out why those men in dark glasses were fighting with a little old lady—and having such a hard time!

  The train starts to pull out of the station. You race down the platform, searching for a good spot to jump aboard. Your legs and arms pump hard, your muscles straining, as you match the speed of the train.

  “COOKIE! Come back here! What are you doing?” Grandma’s voice floats after you.

  If I’m wrong, you think, and the woman on the train isn’t my real grandma, I’m going to be in big trouble.

  But you’re not going to back out now.

  You take a deep breath and leap!

  Will you make it?

  Land on PAGE 64.

  “Pull me up! Pull me up!” you shriek. Ginny and Chuck lift you back on top of the train.

  “They saw me! They know we’re up here!” you yell. “They’ll be after us any second!”

  Ginny and Chuck stare at each other. Their faces are white with fear. Yours is, too.

  “We’re going to have a hard time escaping with your grandmother like that.” Chuck points to Grandma. She looks like a limp rag doll.

  “We can’t waste any time,” you urge. You peek over the side o
f the train again.

  And stare into a pair of yellow eyes gazing up at you.

  One of the creatures is leaning out the window.

  Do something! Fast!

  If you leap from the train before it’s too late, turn to PAGE 10.

  If you wake Grandma so you can try to crawl away, turn to PAGE 28.

  Grandma yanks the mp3 player out of Sophie’s hands. She throws it to the ground. Andrew runs and trips, smashing the CD player. You’re so scared, you drop the radio.

  Silence.

  Aliens swarm around you. Their teeth dig into your ankles.

  Think of something! Try anything!

  Maybe it wasn’t sound waves that killed the creatures, you realize. Maybe it was music!

  You sing the first words that pop into your head. “Happy birthday to you,” you warble.

  “Nooo!” Grandma shrieks again.

  The aliens gnawing on your ankles fall over. Andrew and Sophie figure out what you’re doing. They begin singing, too.

  After five choruses of “Happy Birthday,” the garden is filled with dead aliens. You defeated them all. Even Grandma.

  You, Sophie, and Andrew collapse to the ground.

  “We did it!” you exclaim. “We stopped the alien invasion!”

  “Now what do we do?” Sophie asks. “Do we tell someone?”

  A broad grin spreads across your face. “I think we should form a singing group.”

  “What?” Andrew stares at you. “A singing group?”

  “You bet,” you reply. “We’d knock ’em dead!”

  THE END

  Panic rises in your chest, making it difficult for you to breathe.

  “Grandma! Help!” you pant.

  But it’s no use. She continues to chant.

  Your face twists. Your skin flakes, forming petals. Your arms flatten against your sides. Your body gets longer and thinner.