Anchored
Page 14
I round a corner, in search of a café for a cool drink. That’s when I see him—Junior—taking a seat near the terrace at a little dive bar. I pause, calculating how I can pass by without actually running into him. I aim to discreetly slip past him. His back is to me as he sits on a stool. He orders a beer and hunches over the bar with a sigh.
“Anya,” he says, “it’s cool. You don’t have to sit and have a drink with me. I won’t harass you.” He sends me a kind smile over his shoulder.
“Shit,” I whisper, my lips twisting in embarrassment.
“You realize we’re on the same cruise together. That means we’re going to bump into one another. Relax, will you?” He chuckles with an easy smile and sips his beer, then taps the stool next to him. “You can join me, of course. But I’m not gonna make things any more awkward than they already are if you decide not to.”
I eye the stool, adjusting the weight of my bag on my shoulder. A drink really does sound good right about now. I sigh and lug the bag to the bar, chucking it on the countertop. “Well, when you put it like that,” my gaze meets his and I give the bartender my order, “guess there’s no point in saying no.”
“How goes the work thing?” Jonah watches me as I remove my hat and tie my hair up. His eyes are different. There are no stars lurking in them, no dreamy haze distorting his view of what this really is between us. He’s wised up, and I’m glad. “That is code for Tanner Christensen, right?”
“Oooh,” I pinch his shoulder with a playful grin, “quite the smarty pants, aren’t we?”
“Hey, I might be swept up in your beauty, charm, and intelligence, but I wasn’t born yesterday. You could at least give me a little more credit than that.” He winks and slides his beer bottle between his hands. The glass grinds against the mosaic countertop.
“Sorry to say, work really is code for work.” I thank the bartender as he slides a blue, fruity drink toward me. “You wouldn’t believe it all even if I told you, trust me.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Nothing,” I shrug, dropping my gaze to my martini glass, “it’s just so convoluted. I would say I don’t know how I got myself into this mess, but I know exactly how. Now I just have to deal with the consequences.”
“Life is a series of consequences. Not all are bad, you know. They’re just the outcomes we’ve chosen.”
“The word consequence is always used in such a negative, derogatory way, though, don’t you think?”
“Nah. I think consequences are just like everything else in life. They are what we make of them. Perspective is everything.”
“I sure could use some of your optimism right about now.” A light laugh breezes from my lips, and I take a healthy sip of my drink.
“You have anywhere to be right now?”
“Nope.”
“Then how about we try a little exercise?” He raises a hand to call the bartender over and orders us another round, insisting it’s on him.
“An exercise?”
“Yup. A soul purge. Go for it. Tell me the whole, convoluted story. No judgment, you have my word.”
My defenses fly up immediately, and my shoulders stiffen. “No, it’s not open for discussion. I would but…it’s all confidential. I can’t, I’m sorry.”
“No one in their right mind can keep secrets for very long. Not secrets this big.”
“You don’t know how big it is.”
“I know whatever it is, it’s big enough to drive you to sit and have a drink with me.” He huffs in laughter. “And we both know you want nothing to do with me.”
“Jonah, stop.”
“Hey,” he bumps my elbow, “I’m just giving you a hard time. Look, it does the mind good to unload those thoughts, sometimes, that’s all I’m saying. I’m here to listen. Look at it this way. You’ll never see me again after this sailing, so what harm can it do?”
“More than you know.”
“Okay, then just tell me half of it, or in bits and pieces. Change the names or whatever you need to do. Just get some of it out. I bet you a million bucks you’ll feel better once you do.”
I chew over his offer, letting all his words sink in. He’s right about so much of this; I can’t argue his points even if I tried. Typically, I’d go to Lana. Technically, I still could. But I also know how Lana will react. I know what she’ll say to all of this, and her solution will no doubt include her staying the course, keeping herself in the line of fire on my behalf. I’m sure word of my decision has gotten back to her by now anyway, and that means she’ll be even more hell bent on winning this battle. There’s no talking her back from a ledge when she’s passionate about something.
“I don’t know what to say,” I reply meekly. “I guess all I can say is that a personal decision I’ve made has now affected my professional life—as well as the professional life of my best friend—and I wish I could take it back. I wish I could hit the rewind button or something. I messed everything up.”
Jonah runs his fingers over the condensation of his beer bottle. He stays quiet, staring at the bottle in contemplation. “Is there any way to fix the mess?”
“No. It’s too late. I mean, I’ve done the best I can do…I think I’ve fixed some of it, or prevented it from getting worse, anyway. But the damage is done.”
“And now you’re hurt.”
“Yes.”
“This is about Tanner, right?” My eyes roll to the left. He smiles kindly. “It’s okay. We’ve kind of already established that, huh?”
“Yes, I guess it’s no secret.”
“You’re in love with him.”
“Yes.”
“And he’s in love with you. So, what’s the problem?”
“Love is about so much more than feelings. More than emotions. Love has to live in the real world, where turmoil abounds. All it takes is one crack, one little piece that lets the real world in, and love can be washed away.”
“Very true,” Jonah tilts his head in agreement, “but there’s always a way to hold things together. If both people want it, there’s always a way. Things fall apart when one person wants it and the other doesn’t. Then it’s all a matter of timing and change, and you can’t wrestle with evolution. When it happens, it happens. That’s when it’s time to let go. It doesn’t sound like this is the case for you and Tanner.”
“It’s definitely a matter of timing,” I say, my voice turning sad. This conversation is supposed to be making me feel better, but so far, it’s only poking the wound. “There are too many obstacles, too many important things at stake. Like careers and family legacies. And hearts.”
“Well it sounds to me as if yours is already broken, and if Tanner’s recent behavior is any indicator, his probably isn’t doing too hot right now. The dude followed me all the way to your cabin, by the way.”
“What?” My head snaps in his direction, and a laugh bubbles up.
“He tried to pretend like he was talking to one of the maids, giving her orders or something.” Jonah shakes his head. “The man’s got it bad.”
“Jade Simmons—the woman who gave you my cabin number—is his fiancée.” I quickly glance at him, waiting. Waiting for the judgment, waiting for the assumptions and the third degree. Surely, I deserve a little punishment for getting involved with an engaged man, even if the engagement is a sham. In Jade’s eyes, it’s no sham. It’s the real deal. She’s deluded, of course, but deep down, there is a part of her that really believes it to be real. Or that it can be someday.
I zap those sympathetic thoughts from my mind and return my attention to Jonah.
“Go on, you can say it.”
“What, you want me to tell you you’re a horrible, selfish person?” Jonah looks at me skeptically. “I’m sure there’s a lot more to this than what you’re telling me.”
“Maybe…”
“I fell for a taken woman once.” A wistful expression rolls over his features as he confesses. “Recently, actually. Before I left for these cruises. A professor
of mine. Sounds hot, but trust me, there was nothing sexy about unrequited love and a livid husband ready to string you up by the balls.” Humor lightens his irises, and some of my nervousness disappears when I see him brush off the loss with a little laughter. “We can’t control love any more than we can control the weather. We want what we want. We’re human. But when we wind up living in misery, wondering over and over again where it went wrong or why we can’t fix it…that’s all on us. It’s a great, big world, Anya. Whatever you have going—or don’t have going—with Tanner isn’t the end. Try to remember that.”
I finish off my drink and slowly rise from the stool, catching a glimpse of the sunset over my shoulder. Nothing beats Bahamian sunsets. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Jonah. Under different circumstances,” I squeeze his shoulder, “I would. I really, really would. Thank you. For listening. And not judging.”
“Sure thing. Keep your head up, Miss Banks. There are better days ahead.” He winks and pats my hand.
“I want to believe that. I really do.”
Jonah offers one last friendly grin and I make my exit, ready to head back to the ship. The storm is over, my feature is finished, and my heart is still heavy, but hopeful. I know it’s hope that will get me through this sailing, and it’s what will give me the strength to say goodbye to Mr. Blue Eyes once and for all.
TEN
The alarm rings and my body shoots straight up. I wince and reach to soothe a sore muscle in my neck. My eyes are barely open, but I manage to hit the off button. I allow myself to fall back into the sheets, desperate to enjoy these last few minutes of relaxation before I begin the day. First up is a hot shower, some coffee and breakfast, and then it’s off to see Jade Simmons. I promised Ted I’d go over the feature’s initial draft with her today, and I’m prepared for the worst. Considering it’s her life’s goal at the moment to take over the Voyager, claim Tanner, and make my life hell, I don’t doubt she’ll be locked, loaded, and ready to fire the moment I hand her the piece.
I roll over and breathe deeply, then push myself up to shuffle toward the bathroom. The little red light on the cabin telephone catches my eye, blinking in urgency. I lean over the phone and peer down at the screen. I have messages. Ten of them. All of which are likely from Tanner. Or Lana, who knows. I still haven’t heard from her, which is starting to worry me. I focus on my upcoming meeting and dismiss the blinking red light, continuing my journey to the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, I’m showered and my hair is dry. I fire up the curling iron and start searching for my make-up bag. The phone rings again. I must’ve really slept hard to miss all of these phone calls.
“Hello?” I zip up my suit and rub some lotion onto my hands.
“Miss Banks, I want to see you in my office immediately.” Jade’s voice pierces the receiver and I flinch. It’s way too early for this crap. What is she, my high school principal?
“Our meeting isn’t for an hour and a half, Miss Simmons,” I reply snippily, snapping the lotion lid closed. “I’ll be there at the time we agreed upon.”
“No, you’ll be here now. I suggest you do as I say, Miss Banks. Or there will be repercussions.”
In a split second, I think of about twenty different snarky comebacks, but instead I opt to hang up on her and stomp back into the bathroom, where I take time to curl my hair and apply my makeup. The woman can demand that I miss coffee and breakfast, but I refuse to march into that office looking like I just rolled out of bed. I need to at least feel put together, need to feel like I’m presenting myself professionally before she tears my feature to shreds and levels me with her verbal ammo. I need at least a little bit of dignity, here.
Once I’m satisfied with my crisp, navy suit and romantic, loose curls, I top things off with a spray of perfume and exit the cabin, my briefcase perched tightly in my right hand. When I arrive, Heidi isn’t typing, and she isn’t busy on the telephone. She’s pacing from left to right and looks as if she’s about to jump out of her skin.
“Heidi, is everything okay?”
“Sure, everything’s fine,” she answers quickly. She’s kneading her hands together, fidgeting with her fingers. Her eyes are darting everywhere.
“What’s going on? What is Jade having a fit about this time?”
“I really can’t say—”
“There you are,” Jade’s voice booms from the left. Heidi jumps as the office doors fly open. Jade is intimidating, as always. Her shiny black stilettos highlight her long, toned legs, and a bright red pencil skirt accentuates her tiny waist. Flecks of red and black accessories balance out her ensemble, bouncing off her bright white ruffled blouse. I hold my head high and stride toward her.
“May I ask what is so important?”
“Yes, you may. Inside.” She snaps and turns to strut back into her office, and I roll my head in Heidi’s direction, gritting my teeth. She lifts her hands and mouths sorry. I close the door behind us, taking immediate notice of Tanner’s desk. Only, it doesn’t look like Tanner’s desk anymore. There are no colorful disarrays of sticky notes, no messes, no traces of his personality whatsoever. Instead, photos of Tanner and Jade line the edge, displaying various, tender moments. Each one makes my stomach roll.
“So,” Jade begins, the moment she sits down, “let’s see this feature.”
“This couldn’t wait an hour and a half?” I sit across from her, feeling very small but determined to blow myself up. I straighten my shoulders and tilt my chin, meeting her gaze head on. Her bright red lip gloss glistens, making her full lips pop. It’s the same shade of red as her pencil skirt. I could never pull off such a bold, trendy look. I’d end up looking like a clown.
“No, Miss Banks, it couldn’t. Now, if you’d be so kind, the piece, please.”
I bite my tongue and reach for my briefcase, snatching the feature from the folder. I lean over the desk and she reaches for it, sticking her nose up in the air as she carelessly skims the first page, then the second. Time moves at a snail’s pace, and the silence is torture. I glance at my watch every few seconds, praying for patience. I seem to have less and less of it the longer I’m forced to be in her presence.
“Fine, this will do.” She tosses the papers onto the desk and stands to her feet, propping a hand on her hip as she turns to survey the view. A bright, blue spotless sky dresses the horizon, as clear as Tanner’s eyes.
My heart pounds and my eyes widen. “What—what did you say?”
“I said it will do.” Her back is still to me as she studies the ocean’s serenity. A flock of seagulls float by overhead, distracting her further.
“You didn’t even read it. You barely glanced at the third page.”
She swings around with a roll of her eyes. “Miss Banks, really? I couldn’t care less about your feature. I trust you’ve written a quality piece. You have come to me highly recommended, after all, and this is your ass on the line with your magazine, is it not?”
“Um…yes, I guess. But—”
“But nothing.” She swings around and refocuses one hundred percent of her attention on me. Her gaze is razor sharp and her body language says she’s not to be messed with. She gingerly sits on the edge of her seat and crosses her legs, poised to perfection. “There has been a change in plans. A change in our business agreement. You will no longer be bound by contract to me or this ship.”
“I don’t understand.” I scoot forward, my brows drawing down.
“You’ve left me no choice but to dismiss you.” A wide, devious smile curls her lips as she glares at me, head on.
“Dismiss me? But you just hired me. Technically, you’re not even my boss. You’re not making any sense.”
“Let me clarify it for you, then.” She leans back, resting her arms rigidly on the armrests, squaring her shoulders. “In short, you’re fired, Miss Banks. Effective immediately.”
An amused huff escapes me. “You can’t fire me.”
“Yes, that’s correct. I can’t. But Ted, your manager, can.”
“It’s still Miss Simmons, to you.”
“Whatever. Enough of the bullshit.”
Her nostrils flare.
“Tell me what’s going on, or I’ll call Ted and sort this out myself.”
Jade’s secret, unnerving smile spreads. “Margaret offered you a fair alternative, Anya. Get the hell out of my fiancé’s bed, finish the feature, and go home. You get to keep your career and walk away with some dignity intact. Instead, you chose to continue your charade with my husband-to-be, you’ve exposed my past with Tanner’s father, and now things have gotten ugly.”
“What?” I jerk forward, the panic sending my fingers curling tightly around the hem of my skirt. “What are you talking about? I’ve done exactly what Margaret’s asked of me. And I’m here, today, to deliver the first draft of the feature, as promised. I don’t understand what the problem is.”
“The problem is you can’t seem to stay away from Tanner, as you agreed you would.” She slowly rises, planting her palms on the edge of her desk. Her body floats forward, her eyes burning. “And for whatever reason, he can’t seem to stay away from you.”
“Jade, we haven’t—”
“Enough. You were in our bed again. You went back to our cabin.” She looks away in disgust. “I know he took you there.”
Heat swarms my neck and face.
“Tanner’s calling for you in his sleep. Our fighting has become unbearable.” Her voice suddenly cracks. She sounds as if she’s seconds away from losing it, right here in front of me, but her backbone and her desire to maintain appearances are stronger than any emotion running through her body. “We have separate cabins, you know. In addition to his, which we share from time to time. Sometimes, when we stay in his cabin, I watch him while he sleeps. For just a few minutes, sometimes an hour. Waiting. Hoping. That he’ll wake up and tell me he loves me. Ridiculous, I know.” Her posture turns rod straight and she rises to full height, pushing herself up from the desk. “I have to know when to cut my losses. Tanner will hate me either way I play this thing. He’ll either hate me for punishing you or hate me for insisting you two end things. There was a lot to consider, a lot to think about.”