Being Known

by Robin Jones Gunn

  “Well, I hope everyone has an open mind when you try what I brought. Joel looked up the recipe in one of his vintage cookbooks. Ta-da!” I placed the plate of figs and cream on the table.

  “What is it?” Sierra asked.

  “Figs and cream.” I tried to gauge their reactions as the breeze kept blowing my hair across my face.

  “Didn’t you make a comment about those in a text a long time ago?” Emily asked.

  I nodded.

  “How fun, Jennalyn. I love trying new things,” Emily said. “I think my contribution of rosemary ciabatta bread and olive oil is a little boring.”

  “I love ciabatta bread.” Sierra placed a bowl of ripe strawberries on the table. “The guy at the fruit stand said these are from the first local harvest of the season. I hope they’re ripe.”

  Before we settled on the pillows, I said, “Do you want to pray together first?” I held out my hands, and we formed a circle. My prayer was simple and came from my uncluttered heart.

  I wanted to tell my friends why I felt that way. I wanted to recap the events of the last few months, and how Joel and I had reconnected earlier that week in such significant way. Yet, I knew everyone was waiting to hear what Tess had to say about Rick. I wanted to hear too.

  “These are delicious!” Tess held up her half-eaten fig. “Did you guys try these yet?”

  We tried everything, raved a little about all the treats, and went back for seconds. Christy filled our vintage goblets from her two large thermoses. She raised a glass, and we all did the same.

  “To the King and His kingdom,” Christy said.

  “To the King and His kingdom,” we echoed.

  “So, Tess,” Sierra said. “We’re kinda dying here.”

  Tess looked confused. “Why?”

  “We want to hear what happened when you met with Rick,” I said.

  “Oh!” She grinned and reached for another wedge of avocado toast. “I met with him, and it was good. Really good, actually.”

  Tess stretched out her legs, looking comfortable in her clothes, in her skin, and especially with her decision to see Rick. “We met for coffee, talked for about twenty minutes, said goodbye, and it was good. I needed to see myself as an adult and treat him like one as well and speak truth.”

  “What did you say?” Sierra asked.

  “I told him that he needed to figure out what had gone wrong with his marriage. He needed to own his part in the disintegration of their relationship and fix whatever he could. I told him he would keep repeating the same mistakes if he didn’t work on it now and give his wife a chance to decide if their marriage could be repaired.”

  “That’s pretty bold,” Emily said.

  “I know. I didn’t owe him anything.” Tess looked at me. “But I wanted to give him something—truth. You guys gave me truth. A lot of truth. Sometimes more truth than I wanted. In the circles I work in, very few people tell the truth. They don’t talk about what’s sacred and what lasts. They don’t assign the same values to people and relationships that I’ve begun to since we started meeting.”

  “You gave Rick truth,” Christy said thoughtfully. “Tess, what a gift. Really. I’m so glad you did that.”

  “I am too.” Tess leaned back and reached for her goblet with the pomegranate mint tea. “I wish I could have had closure like this in all my past relationships. I apologized to him for leading him on. He apologized to me too. I don’t know if he meant it at the same level I did. I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted to say, but he didn’t. All I hope is that he and his wife figure out the next step, and that they do it together.”

  I felt a little hesitant, but this seemed to be the moment I had waited for. I wanted to open up to the DOEs the way Tess had. I wanted them to know what had been going on in my heart and life over the past few months.

  I sat up straight. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to share with all of you.”

  I caught Christy’s glance. An affirming smile lifted the corners of her mouth. She may not have been a cheerleader in high school, like she told us at Alejandro’s. But tonight, I felt that she was cheering me on.

  I started with Eden’s ballet class and how I felt when I saw Garrett. I gave a brief history of our years together and how his wife seemed to be “visiting her mom” a lot.

  “No wonder you were so in tune to what Rick said at the movie theater,” Tess observed.

  I nodded and kept going, leaving out nothing except for some of the painful details about the way Joel and I worked through everything.

  “That’s so intense, Jennalyn.” Emily looked concerned. “I wish you could have told us.”

  “I know. So do I. The thing I’m beginning to understand is how going into hiding can be a trap. The longer I stayed in isolation, the more fearful I was about telling the truth.”

  “It’s Garden of Eden stuff, isn’t it?” Sierra asked. “Adam and Eve covering up, saying to God that they were afraid, and so they hid.”

  “Well, I’m not there anymore. I’m free, and I’m so grateful.”

  “Truth can do that. Set us free.” Tess raised her glass to me. “Thank you for giving us your truth, Jennalyn.”

  “And for trusting us.” Christy raised her goblet.

  I recognized her word, trust, as well as Tess’s word, truth.

  I raised my glass to them and added my word. “I love all of you so much.”

  We clinked our glasses and sipped. All of us were smiling.

  The sun slipped out from behind the hedge of fluffy clouds on the horizon. I gazed at the beautiful teal-colored water and felt the calm that always seems to accompany the golden hour at the ocean. In the distance a sailboat was skittering back to harbor. A few seagulls were circling above the shoreline, scouting for one last sand crab before flapping back to their cove.

  “You know what I think?” Christy said. “Having friends in your life who are willing to take the time to know you by heart is a gift.”

  “Well, you and Jennalyn have apparently reached a more advanced level of knowing than the rest of us,” Sierra said. “Because obviously you two did a mind meld on your wardrobe choice. Are you two going to show up to all future DOE get-togethers in matching outfits? Or will we just need to wait and be surprised?”

  “I think you should wait and be surprised,” Christy said with a big grin.

  “Speaking of surprises.” Sierra placed her goblet on the table and looked at each of us with the sort of attention-commanding cuteness she wielded so well.

  Chapter 26

  “As you know,” Sierra said. “Jordan and I have been looking for another place to live because…” She paused for dramatic effect. “Maybe, hopefully, if it pleases God and all goes well, we might manage to make another baby this summer.”

  We all gave a cheer.

  “I don’t recall ever hearing that was the reason for moving,” Tess said.

  “Well, tonight is full disclosure night, isn’t it?” Sierra grinned. “My good news is that we have a place to live for the next three years at a price we can afford!”

  “That’s wonderful!” Emily said. “Where is it?”

  “It’s where we live right now!”

  “At Jordan’s parents’ house?” Christy said.

  “Sierra,” Tess said, “That’s not news; that’s non-news.”

  Sierra lifted her index finger in the air as if she were Mary Poppins and about to pull something wonderful from her bag. “We are going to live there without his parents!”

  I was confused. “Where are they going?”

  “Oregon. They have a place there. A cottage by the sea, they call it. They decided that since my father-in-law can take early retirement, they would go live there. He wants to write a novel and was told he should allow three years to do it. So, that’s what they’re doing.”
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  “I didn’t know he was a writer,” Emily said.

  “He’s not. He’s always wanted to write, though. He’s been a VP for a long time at a company in Irvine that makes contact lens solution.”

  “What’s he going to write about?” Christy asked.

  “I don’t know. He’s excited about it, though. So is Jordan’s mom. I’ve been to the cottage. It’s a really special place.”

  “I’m happy for you and Jordan,” Christy said.

  “Wait!” Emily said excitedly.

  We all waited.

  “No,” Emily laughed. “I meant, your word, Sierra. Your word was wait. It’s a good thing you didn’t sign any of those leases you were considering. You waited, and this opportunity was just around the corner.”

  Sierra nodded slowly. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

  “I have an update too,” Emily said. “Trevor has had several significant real-estate sales, and he’s working out a way for us to sublet our apartment. He found a house that’s going to go on the market in June, and he would really like to buy it so we can move in this summer. I’ve come to love our little apartment, but if we could buy this small two-bedroom house, it would be wonderful.”

  “Where’s it located?” Tess asked.

  “On Balboa Peninsula.”

  “That’s really close to us,” Christy said.

  “I know. I’m trying to not get too excited about it. It’s small. But Trevor is all about the location.”

  “Let me know if you do end up buying it and want to sublet your apartment. I might have someone who would love your darling little nest,” Christy said.

  “That’s good to know,” Emily said.

  “I know this is a long shot, but Katie, Eli, and their three boys will need a place to rent starting the end of August. I would love it if they could be nearby.”

  “Katie is moving here?” I asked.

  “I thought I told you.”

  “No. I would have remembered.”

  “Really? Because I remember you being at my house when she and I were Skyping about their plans.” Christy paused.

  She and I both seemed to remember the strained details of why I was standing in her kitchen last Monday. I barely said hello to Katie before leaving my children with Christy and dashing home to talk to Joel.

  “They’re going to be here from August till the middle of May. Eli will be scouting at Southern California colleges to recruit students to work on the clean water projects in other places in Africa. The ministry they’re with keeps growing, and no one is more qualified than Eli to communicate the need and how to get involved.”

  “I’m so excited they’re coming!” Sierra said. She turned to Tess and Emily and said, “You’re going to love Katie. We have to make her an honorary DOE and host a welcome party for her in August. Where should we have it? Does anyone know somebody who owns a boat we could borrow?”

  We laughed.

  “You sure do know how to dream big, Sierra,” Emily said.

  “As we’ve been sitting here, I’ve been watching the sailboats go by, and it looks like such a dreamy way to spend a summer evening,” Sierra said.

  “Our deck will be fancied up by then,” I said. “We could have it at our house.”

  “Fancied up?” Tess asked. “Do you need any design ideas?”

  “Yes, I do. We’re adding a pergola and a built-in bench by the barbecue. I want to add some planters and more outdoor furniture.”

  “Nice,” Tess said. “What colors?”

  “I don’t know yet. Do you want to come by sometime to make suggestions?”

  “Sure.”

  Christy was sitting directly across the table from me and had been watching me closely. “A pergola? A built-in bench. Are you also adding railing?”

  I nodded. She was on to me. I had forgotten all about Todd being the one who would do the work.

  “Jennalyn,” Christy dipped her chin. “You and Joel didn’t need to—”

  “Christy!” I interrupted her and simply pointed to my cheek.

  Christy blew me a kiss and tapped the palm of her hand on her chest.

  “Did you two just throw down some kind of gang sign?” Sierra asked.

  I laughed and explained about the nail polish and remembering Tess’s rules of etiquette for when a friend gives you a special gift. Then I concluded with how Joel wanted to bless Todd and Christy so they could go with us to the marriage conference on Maui.

  It felt good to tell the DOEs that we were going to a marriage retreat. I even included the full title with the words Rigorous Renewal. Even though it felt a little uncomfortable to tell them that Joel was helping Todd this way, I decided to go ahead and say it.

  “I feel elitist or something since we’re going to the retreat on Maui,” I said.

  “Jennalyn, there’s nothing for you to feel elitist about,” Sierra said. “I see this as a chance for you guys to go to Hawaii as a lavish gift from God. You should send God kisses and tell Him thank you, not apologize to us. He’s giving us other gifts. Different gifts.”

  I looked up into the sky as the sherbet colors of the spring sunset were curving over us like a banner. I put my fingertips to my lips and blew a kiss to heaven.

  Thank You, Father. You are so generous and kind. I love You.

  When I lowered my chin, Tess caught my gaze. “May I ask a favor?”

  “Of course.”

  “Could you bring me back some Kona coffee? There’s a certain plantation on Maui that has the best, I mean, the best coffee. You can only get it there. I’ll send you the name.”

  “Sure, I’ll bring you back some Kona coffee. What should I bring for you two?”

  Sierra wanted a little grass skirt for Ella Mae. Emily thought Audra would like to have a postcard sent to her.

  “We can do better than that,” Christy said. “We can send Audra a coconut.”

  “She would love that!”

  “Are you sure we can do that?” I asked.

  “Todd sent me one when I was in high school. I actually think I still have it somewhere in a storage bin in the garage.”

  Sierra laughed. “Maybe we should have an intervention for you, Christy, and have you bring your petrified coconut and any other scary memorabilia from high school so we can burn it here on the beach.”

  “My mom did exactly that with me. I burned all the stuff I had collected in high school from Garrett.”

  “It sounds like that scene in the movie Emma,” Tess said.

  “That’s where my mom and I got the idea,” I said.

  “Your mom sounds amazing. I wish I had had her as my mother,” Tess said. “You said once that you started these gatherings because she set the example.”

  “She did.”

  “All of us will be forever grateful,” Tess said. “You were the one who began this group, and you were the one who reached out to invite each of us. I don’t know where we would be without each other in our lives.” She raised her glass.

  The rest of us did the same.

  “To Jennalyn,” Tess said. “Our favorite haven maker. And to Jennalyn’s mom, who is the modern-day Eve to all of us daughters.” Before Tess took a sip from her beautiful goblet, she pressed her fingers to her lips and blew a kiss toward heaven.

  “I would like to give a benediction,” Christy said.

  “What’s that?” Tess asked.

  “A blessing. I want to speak some of my favorite verses over us as a blessing.”

  “Yes, please,” Tess said. “Bless us.”

  Christy’s blue-green eyes seemed to catch the waning sunlight as it reflected off the glassware on our table. She looked so content as she quoted from Psalm 139.

  “O LORD, you have examined my heart

  and know everything about me.r />
  You know when I sit down or stand up.

  You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

  You see me when I travel

  and when I rest at home.

  You know everything I do.

  You know what I am going to say

  even before I say it, LORD.

  You go before me and follow me.

  You place your hand of blessing on my head.

  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

  too great for me to understand!

  I can never escape from your Spirit!

  I can never get away from your presence!

  If I go up to heaven, you are there;

  if I go down to the grave, you are there.

  If I ride the wings of the morning,

  if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

  even there your hand will guide me,

  and your strength will support me.

  I could ask the darkness to hide me

  and the light around me to become night—

  but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

  To you the night shines as bright as day.

  Darkness and light are the same to you.”

  I felt as if every word of Christy’s blessing was for me. After struggling so much with my heart’s desire to be known, she was now echoing what Joel had been telling me. I was known. Fully known by my Heavenly Father. He wanted me to know Him and love Him with my whole heart.

  When I was in bed that night, reliving all the sweet little memories of our Spring Fling, I thought about Tess’s spontaneous tribute to my mother. I loved thinking of my mom as the Eve to all of us Daughters of Eve. She would have loved that. I thought about Christy’s benediction and felt as if she had handed me the truth my heart had been missing. I was known by God. In life and death and the darkest cave, He was already there.

  I also thought about how everyone entered into the excitement of Christy and me going to Maui. If they were jealous or sad that they weren’t all able to go, they didn’t show it.