“When is it you move out?”
“End of the week.”
He rubs his lips together in the way people do when they’re trying not to bite their lip.
“And you escaped the farm?” he asks, smiling. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Thank god.”
The awkward small talk from months ago has resumed; Evan’s hidden away the emotions again.
“How about you? All packed?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’m leaving tomorrow.”
I hover and he taps the edge of the sofa. There’s so much I want to talk to him about but he’s closed to me. “Before I go. And you go. I want to take you somewhere,” he says.
“”Oh. I hope it’s a picnic?” I hope he can join the light-heartedness.
“Somewhere I think you’d like. Just for the afternoon. There may be picnics involved.” He smiles, the Evan smile I’ve missed for so long.
****
We drive across the City, not out towards the motorway as I expected. Not to our mill town. I wriggle backwards in my seat, happiness bubbling inside me. Some normal. I’m not mentioning Lucy unless he does.
The car fills with conversation skirting around the things we need to talk about, and I hope we’re not going back to ignoring things again. I hear all about Matt, I tell him about Abby, the call centre... Outside of those things we can’t mention anything else. So the conversation stalls.
We arrive at a park, acres of green grass leading to a lake and lined by woods. His car tires crunch over gravel as he parks near a building.
“Where are we going?” I ask as I step out.
“Leave your jacket, it’s warm.”
The June skies aren’t clear of clouds and I shiver slightly. “No, it isn’t.”
“Inside. Where we’re going. It’s quite humid in there.”
I frown at him and wrap my arms around myself, my thin green vest top and jeans not warm enough for the outside temperature. As we approach the wooden building, I look at the sign.
“Tropical World?” I ask curiously
Evan eases me forward around the shoulder. “It’s fun, believe me.”
By the time we’ve meandered through the strange indoor zoo, I understand why he told me to leave my jacket. The moisture in the air is breathable, pooling on the misting windows. Past the meerkats, who will forever remind me of Lucy, we come to a curtain of strips of thick plastic hanging from the ceiling. I raise a quizzical eyebrow at Evan as he pushes the curtain open; I walk inside.
The humidity here multiplies, a domed greenhouse of plants interspersed by wooden walkways and bridges.
“This is what I wanted to show you,” he says, leaning to whisper into my ear.
I decide he’s lost the plot because I’ve never once expressed any interest in horticulture. There’s some beautiful tropical plants in here, stretching to the ceiling and winding their way across the bridges. But not my thing.
“Nice.”
Evan laughs. “Funny, Ness, you couldn’t lie if your life depended on it. Come here.”
Evan takes my hand and leads me to the edge of a wooden bridge. “Stand still. And look.”
A bird of paradise plant bends towards me, the bright orange beak in full bloom. Behind are lower plants, hyacinths, and on them are white butterflies. Movement catches my eye and I look around me. Butterflies in multitudes of sizes and color flit around everywhere I look, and I pull back as a bright blue one drifts towards me.
“Stand still, it might land on you,” Evan says.
I freeze and turn my eyes to him. He’s leaning against a wooden hand rail, and the look Evan has, I’ve seen before. Peaceful happiness as his whole smile fills the world around him. His eyes shine as he looks around at the small butterflies around us.
And all I want to do is cry, never thinking sentiment would be something to move me like this. “Butterfly days?” I almost breathe the words.
“Before you go, there are butterfly days. If you want.”
There’s hesitancy in his voice as he looks at my tearing eyes, fear he’s upset me crossing his face. I smile and go over to him, wrapping my arms around him and burying my head in his chest. Evan’s warmth and comfort surround me, the scent of him flooding my mind with memories. His strong arms hesitantly wind around me, and he strokes my hair as I rest my head against his steady heartbeat.
“You’re not crying are you?” he asks.
“No.” I look into his worried eyes and touch his lips. “You’re a surprising person.”
“What can I say, you bring out the best in me.”
All I want now is to kiss him. I don’t care about people or butterflies or Lucy or anything. Just Evan. I stumble into him, weaving my hands into his hair and tugging his face towards me. I can tell he’s surprised, when my lips meet his he’s not ready, and for a moment I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. But when my kiss is returned with the same tender insistence, I know everything is okay.
I can tell he wants to talk, but I don’t want to listen. I just want to be in the moment with him and turn it into a memory. So I refuse to take my mouth from his.
Chapter 29
NESS
Evan spreads out a blanket, halfway down a grassed slope towards the large lake. Despite being a weekday, there are plenty of people enjoying the half-hearted summers day. When the sun shines through the clouds, it’s sticky. My arms and legs are exposed by the short, flowery sundress I wear, and the rough rug scratches my legs as I sit down.
The first time Evan took me for a picnic, I couldn’t see the connection between the romantic Evan and the Evan who’d taken me to bed. I’d considered it a trick, part of his girl-chasing repertoire. After months of knowing him, I’m aware this side of him is hidden below the surface from all but a select few. And I know that’s partly why he pushed me away.
Evan pulls out a large bag of crisps and a bottle of Coke, sets them on the blanket and grins at my expression. “You said guys should bring this to picnics?”
I laugh at my Evan showing through. “Good, but I prefer cheese and onion flavor.”
Evan shakes his head, and pulls out sandwiches. “Okay, you’ll have to have one of these instead. I’ll get cheese and onion next time.”
The words stick into me.Next time. I think he realizes too because he pauses and won’t look at me.
“How’s Lucy doing?” I ask him. We may as well work through our list of unspoken things: Lucy, me leaving, him, me. Us. But I have something to tell him.
“Better.” He pours coke into a plastic cup. “I think she’s starting to get it.”
“Get it?”
“She apologized, she hasn’t done that before. I think she’s beginning to understand I’m not the answer.”
I lean back on my elbows and look at him, wondering whether he also understands he’s not the answer. “That’s good.”
“Yeah. I hope so.” He pushes his long hair from his face and turns to me. “I’ve been talking to someone myself. To help me understand what it’s doing to me.”
Sitting back up, I put my hand on his outstretched leg. “I’m really pleased to hear that, you need to.”
He takes my hand. “Because of you. I get what you’ve been telling me now. About her and the effect on me.”
As I unwrap a sandwich I consider his words. This explains why he’s more relaxed, more the Evan who shared my life for those few months before the misunderstandings.
“About what I said. In the garden.” He blurts, the words of someone holding them in too long.
The sandwich doesn’t look appetizing anymore, my stomach flips over as I wait for what he has to say.
“I want you to know I mean it. And I’ll wait for you to come back. If you’ll wait for me,” he says.
I shake my head because I can’t talk, throat constricting.
His eyes widen and then he turns and lies back onto the blanket. “Okay, I understand. A year is too long.”
“No, I mean I’m not
going. For a year, I mean.”
“What do you mean?” He props himself on his elbow, brow knitting.
“I’m only going for the summer now. I made some decisions and changed my mind about going for a year. It’s not the right thing to do.” I take hold of my cup of soda and gulp.
Evan’s mouth parts slightly. “I’m confused. You never said.”
Never said. When was the right time? The decision formed in the days in Lancaster, the aftermath. The time alone surrounded by boxes. He wasn’t there to talk to about my plans, and I needed to know the decision was all mine.
“I’m not confident enough to go it alone. Not halfway across the world.”
His hand curls around mine, the touch shooting tingles up my arm. “You? Not confident? Ha.”
“And something else.”
Why am I saying this? I haven’t finalized everything. I looked into the possibility, and spoke to the right people. Swallowed a huge lump of pride and asked my Dad to pull strings. But sitting here now, with Evan, I’m certain this is the right choice. The summer noise of children in the park, birds in the trees and a distant train. Serenity of being with Evan.
“I’m taking up my place in September. To study medicine.”
To my surprise, Evan drops my hand and sits up. “No. You don’t want to do that. You never did.”
“I always did, but because my parents made such a big deal and made me feel like Ihadto do what they wanted, I refused. Do you remember that night, when you said I was letting people control me by doing something I didn’t really want to do, just so I didn’t do what they expected? You saw inside me, and I don’t know how. I took that stupid jobonly so I didn’t do what they wanted. That’s messed up.”
Evan rubs his face with his hands and I wish I could fathom the thoughts behind the frowning face. Is everything too late?
“My decision is a little bit because of Lucy. I want to help people like her and I can if I become a doctor. I think I’m selfish if I don’t use the skills I know I can achieve, to make a difference.”
When Evan pushes himself to his feet and walks away from where we’re sitting, I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t speak, stands and looks over at the expansive lake at the bottom of the slope. I curl my arms around my knees, the fought back tears returning. The attraction I have to him never once waned, even the days and weeks without him. But this blended with the magnetism of who he was, the Evan he tried to share. The guy I spent months with, unaware how tangled we truly got. Standing there now, I appreciate the snug fit of his jeans; the muscled arms and broad shoulders tensed in the moment we’re in. I want him.
Evan turns back to me. “It’s what you want to do? Not because of…”
I can’t tell him. Not yet. I stand and fill the space between us, reaching my hand to his face. “Part of the reason is because of you. With you in my life, now isn’t the time to leave. I don’t know about the future, but I want to spend the now with you. If you want to.”
Evan pulls my hand from his face and envelops me in the arms I’ve just been admiring. He kisses me until I can’t breathe, until I have to push him away. He cups my face in his hands, eyes searching my soul.
“Of course I want you to stay here. I want to hold your hand, share your jokes, wake up in your bed. And just be in the moment. I don’t think you have a clue how fast my heart races when I’m with you.”
I nod and smile though a tear pushes its way down my face. And he remains, holding me, as if he never wants to let go. I breathe in my Evan smell, listen to his steady heartbeat through his chest and the serenity around us spreads. This is natural, normal. Now.
****
As we get back to the car, Evan pauses by the drivers door and leans across the top towards me, keys dangling from his hands.
“What’s wrong?”
He walks around, and folds his arms across his chest. He’s frowning but the Evan smile hints at his lips. “I’ve said it. But you’ve still never said the words.”
“What?”
He mouths the words at me and I cross my arms in return. “Do you really need me to now? After what I’ve just told you?”
His face folds into alarm, but I’m chewing inside my lip, trying not to laugh. I reach out and touch his face. “‘When I saw you, I fell in love and you smiled because you knew’”
“Shakespeare, huh? You’re getting good at this.” A smile curves his mouth. “It’s not true anyway. You didn’t like me when you saw me.”
“Yeah, the first time I didn’t.”
“And the second.”
“True.”
Evan leans in and plants a gentle kiss on my nose. “By the third time?”
“Growing on me, I think.”
Winding my hand into his hair, I pull him forward and bite his lip. He makes a small noise in his throat and grabs me by the rear, pulling me into him.
“So it was the poetry!” he says.
I laugh at him. “That never ceases to amaze me.”
“What doesn’t?”
“You. Poetry.”
“Byron was a poet and he’s a bit like me. Apparently.”
I was going to wait, but I can’t now. “That’s why we’re going.”
“Going where?”
“To Tuscany. Where the original Byron liked to go.”
Evan rests against the car. “We?”
Summer stretches in front of us, three months of freedom before I become a student and Evan returns to his study. “Europe. I’m going for the summer. Coming?”
“When?”
“A couple of weeks. Cashed in my flight ticket and I’m using the money for a European tour instead. Before I start uni in September. And I don’t want to go on my own.” Moving towards him, I lean into his chest, enjoying the sensation of his body beneath mine.
“I can’t afford that, Ness.”
“We’ll get work when we’re there. And I have money to start with. And you seriously think I’m leaving you behind? We can drive there!”
Evan tips his head and looks at his car. “In yours maybe.”
This is as close to a yes as I need. Grinning, I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my forehead on his. “I hoped you’d want to come. Want me.”
“I’ve always wanted you, I just didn’t want to need you.”
I begin to reply, to tell him how he walked into my life and made me understand the beauty of letting go. But I can’t because as soon as the words start to come out he crushes his mouth against me, kissing me as if he never wants to stop. We press together, against his car, wrapped in desire and understanding. Being with Evan is as natural as breathing. Even when I can’t breathe because he shuts me up with hard kisses that leave me breathless, shaking and wanting.
About the Author
Lisa was born in the UK and she moved around Europe with her military family before completing a BA (Hons) in English at the University of Leeds. Her home is now in Perth, Australia with her husband and three children. Lisa has written since she was a child - moving from writing poems and short stories aged nine to writing novels in the last few years. With the encouragement of her family and local writers group, Lisa found the confidence to share her latest paranormal romance series with the world.
In between running her home based craft supplies business, looking after her family, and writing, Lisa sometimes finds spare time to do other things. This often involves swapping her book worlds for gaming worlds. She even leaves the house occasionally, enjoying walks with her dog and time with her family. She loves all things from the Whedonverse and preferred vampires before they sparkled.
Lisa enjoys reading both classics and modern fiction. Her favorite genres are gothic, paranormal and urban fantasy, but she also enjoys contemporary new adult. She is currently working on more books in the Soul Ties series, and has other projects lined up waiting.
Facebook:
www.facebook.com/lisaswallowbooks
Twitter:
@lisa_swallow_au
> Blog:
www.lisaswallow.net
Goodreads:
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7091632.Lisa_Swallow
Because of Lucy Page 15
