Up to Me

by M. Leighton

  “Sorry, Marissa. He’s not here. He left his car here last night and hasn’t been by to pick it up yet.”

  “Why would he do that? Where was he going?” she asks, clearly puzzled.

  “He didn’t say. He just asked if he could leave it here for a day or two. That’s all I know.”

  A sigh puffs out her cheeks. It’s unlike Marissa to get so upset, to get so emotional. Normally her settings don’t vary much. She goes from bitch to cold to luke warm and back again. There’s very little else to her personality.

  “I guess I’ll just keep trying his cell phone,” she says, looking at his car. When she turns back to me, there is suspicion in her eyes. “I’ll find him. One way or the other. Sorry to bother you, Cash.” That’s a lie. She’s not the least bit sorry to bother me. And that threat? Oh, how I’d love to address it!

  She starts to walk away, but stops and turns back. “Is Olivia still here? I saw her car out front.”

  “Yeah, she’s closing up. Why?”

  “I left her a couple of messages, but she hasn’t called me back yet. I drove from the airport straight to Nash’s and then came here.”

  “Do you want me to give her a message?”

  She frowns and purses her lips as she thinks. “No, that’s okay. Just tell her I’ll see her when she gets home. She shouldn’t be much longer, right?”

  I don’t hit women. Ever. But Marissa makes me wish that, for about ten seconds, I weighed a hundred pounds less and had tits. Not only is her interruption untimely, now she’s going to screw up the rest of my night, too.

  “Uh, no. She shouldn’t be too much longer. You go on ahead. I’ll give her the message and see that she gets out of here before too long.”

  Marissa’s smile is cool and satisfied, which set my teeth on edge. Being polite and unaffected, pretending I’m an uninvolved party, sucks ass!

  “Okay. Thanks, Cash.”

  I smile tightly and wait until she turns away before I close the door. I’d really like to slam it and cuss a blue streak, but there’s no point. Damn it.

  Olivia is just putting the wrap on the liquor bottle pourers, the last task of every night, when I make my way out to her. She turns to look at me. For a fraction of a second, something feels different. Off. But then she smiles and I put it out of my mind.

  That smile…Mmm, it makes my chest almost as tight as my jeans.

  I walk over, stopping at the bar across from her. I watch as she wraps the last bottle and puts it back on the shelf. She looks around, making sure everything is done and the bar is clear before she turns to me. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”

  Shyly, she looks away for a heartbeat before she brings her eyes back to mine. She’s still not quite comfortable with compliments, which shocks me. How someone who looks like she does could ever feel less than drop-dead gorgeous is beyond me. Yet she does. In a backward way, that makes her even more appealing.

  “You might’ve mentioned it once or twice before,” she says coyly, biting her lip in that way I love. It makes me want to carry her into the back room again. But it would have to be quick. And a quickie isn’t what I want with this girl. Unless it can be followed up with something much more…thorough.

  Watching me from the corner of her eye, she turns and starts walking slowly toward the cut-out. With the bar between us, I walk with her.

  “That’s right. I did mention it before. I remember telling you how amazing you are. I think we were in front of a mirror.” My dick twitches behind my zipper just thinking about sliding into Olivia from behind and coming inside her in the ladies’ bathroom at Tad’s. “Does that sound familiar?”

  As she walks, she glances up at me from the corner of her eye. I see the flash of hot desire. I know she remembers it just as perfectly as I do.

  She clears her throat. “Um, yeah. That seems vaguely familiar.” Her grin is playful.

  God, what a tease!

  “Vaguely? Maybe I didn’t pound it into you hard enough.”

  “Oh, I think you pounded it in plenty hard.”

  “Maybe I should’ve taken the time to give you a good tongue-lashing, too, then.”

  “Oh, I think the form of communication you used was very effective.”

  “So it’s all coming back to you now?”

  “Yes, it’s all coming back to me.”

  “If you’re lying, I could sweat it out of you, you know.”

  “I’m not lying. It’s etched into my memory. Permanently.”

  “Maybe we should revisit it, just so you’re clear on everything we discussed. I want to make sure it’s in there. Nice and deep. So you never forget it.”

  Finally her grin turns into a giggle just as we’re nearing the cut-out at the end of the bar. When she rounds the corner, I’m there blocking her way with my body.

  “I doubt there’s anything you could do to get it in there any deeper.”

  “Oh, I can think of one or two things. The only way we’ll know for sure, though, is to try. And I don’t know about you, but I’m committed to this. Invested. And I’m nothing if not thorough.”

  I see something flicker in her eyes just before the light goes out and she seems to cool off. Before I can puzzle too long over it, she changes the subject.

  “Oh! I nearly forgot. Marissa. What did she want?”

  Again, I get the feeling that something’s not quite right.

  Apparently now’s not the time to talk about what’s bothering her. But I know something’s up.

  “Right. Marissa. She was looking for Nash. Obviously. She also wants to talk to you. Said she’d left you a couple of messages, but that she’ll talk to you tonight. She’s gonna wait up.”

  Either I’m crazy or there’s a little relief in Olivia’s expression.

  “Yeah, my phone’s in my purse. I haven’t checked it yet. I guess I’d better get going then. See what she wants. I mean, we can’t blow this. It’d be a disaster if she found out about…you.”

  “Olivia, I told you I’d give up this thing with Dad. And if that means—”

  “Absolutely not! It’s important, Cash! He’s your father and he’s in prison for something he didn’t do. No, you’re not giving up anything. For me or for anybody else. We just have to be careful.”

  At least she’s still saying “we” and counting herself as being involved. With me and everything else.

  “You know I’d do it for you, though. To keep you safe.”

  “But I don’t want you to do that. I’m perfectly safe. There’s nothing to worry about. We’ll just have to take things as they come.”

  I get the feeling there’s a double entendre that I’m not quite getting. Yep. Something’s definitely up with her.

  “So, do you plan to tell Marissa about us then?” she asks.

  “That’s up to you. Me? I don’t care who knows, but I know you do. Especially the people around here.”

  “But you know why, right?”

  “Yeah, I understand. That’s why I stayed away most of the night. It’s hard as hell to keep my hands off you. And my eyes. But I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

  Olivia’s cheeks turn a pretty pink. “Really?’

  “Really what?”

  “You really can’t keep your eyes off me?”

  “God, to be so smart, you’re thick-headed. Have I not made the way I feel about you abundantly clear?”

  I thought I had, but maybe what’s clear to me isn’t so obvious to her. If that’s the case, I’ll have to make a point of being more…forthcoming.

  Olivia shrugs and shifts her eyes to the side. I move in closer and bend until she looks at me.

  “Hey, I know this is all new and I know how you feel about guys like me.” She starts to interrupt, but I stop her with a finger across her lips. “But I hope you’re starting to see that there’s more to me than you first thought. Than what you first assumed. You have to remember that I’m playing a part, too. One that would be even trickier if I didn’t make eac
h one so extreme. You know that in some ways I’m both guys and in some ways I’m neither.”

  “How will I ever know the real you then?”

  I can see the worry in her eyes; I just don’t know what has happened in the last little while to put it there. I thought we’d moved past all this.

  I brush her satiny cheek with the backs of my fingers. “You already do. You’ll just have to look past some of the things you see when we’re around other people. I have to keep up appearances if you want me to go through with my plans.”

  She watches me closely. I’d love to know what’s going through her mind, but I have a feeling that, in a thousand years, she’d never tell me.

  Finally, she shakes her head.

  “I still want you to go through with it. And I’ll do my best to look…deeper than what I see. It just might take some getting used to.”

  “I understand that. This is not an easy thing, the life I lead. It’s been my focus, all I’ve lived for the last seven years. But it’s necessary.”

  “I know that. And I’m trying.”

  “That’s all I ask.”

  An awkward silence slides between us and I hate it. I feel like there are things being left unsaid.

  “I guess I need to get going then. Back to the apartment.”

  Not only do I not want her to go, but I hate where things feel like they’re at right now. I don’t like unresolved issues. I’ve got enough of those in my life already.

  “At least let me take you.”

  “That would seem strange when she knows my car was here.”

  “Yeah, but more often than not, that P.O.S. won’t even start.”

  “P.O.S.?”

  “Piece of shit.”

  She grins. “Oh. Right. That’s true.”

  “Just tell her it wouldn’t start and I had to bring you home. If you want, I can go pull one of the spark plugs so it’ll be true.”

  Her smile widens. “That sounds like an awful lot of trouble for li’l ol’ me.”

  “Don’t get a big head. I have ulterior motives.”

  “You do?” One eyebrow rises.

  “Mmm hmm,” I say, winding my arms around her waist.

  “And what might they be?”

  “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

  When I bend my head to hers, her lips feel warm and pliant, but not quite as responsive as I’ve come to expect. Something’s still eating at her. I’ll just have to keep at it until I figure out what it is.

  I pull back and kiss her forehead. “Get your stuff. I’ll meet you in the garage.”

  Rather than watching her go, I turn toward the front doors. I hate the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach just thinking about her walking away.

  CHAPTER THREE- Olivia

  The bike rumbles beneath me as I wind my arms tighter around Cash’s waist. I must admit to feeling somewhat better about things after our conversation. I guess only time will eliminate the fear that I’m falling right back into the same trap with the same kind of guy. But, if I’ve ever met a man that seems worth the risk, it’s Cash.

  I smile just thinking about him walking into the garage earlier, tossing one of my spark plugs into the air. He caught it then winked at me as he stuck it in his pocket.

  He went straight to his bike and climbed on. With a devilish grin and a shake of his head, he patted the seat behind him. “The lengths I go to just to get between your legs.”

  I laughed. I had no choice. His grin was so cute and engaging. So light and carefree. All the things I wanted to feel at that moment. Sometimes it’s nice to be free of trouble and worry. Even for just a few minutes. And Cash gives me that. Often.

  Now, I’m not at all pleased to see the familiar sights of my street come into view. I’m enjoying being close to Cash, feeling safe in his care. I don’t want the ride to end.

  But it does. Cash pulls up along the curb and rolls to a stop. I wait to see if he’s going to flip down the kickstand. When he doesn’t, I sigh and slide off the seat.

  Cash watches me unbuckle the helmet from beneath my chin, pull it off and hand it to him. He takes it, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He doesn’t move to put it on right away. I’m pretty sure he’s thinking about the same thing I am—how to walk away without a kiss.

  After all we’ve shared over the last few weeks, after all the words and kisses and nights and mornings, it seems so strange to just walk away like friends. In the pit of my stomach, it feels like a bad omen, that we’d part ways like this.

  “Well, thank you,” I say uncomfortably, trying not to fidget. Cash is frowning. I feel like frowning, too. “Um, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “You’re working your shift, right?”

  I nod. “Yep.”

  “I’ll call you in the morning. How ‘bout that?”

  “Sounds good.” At least it’s something.

  The silence grows tense.

  “I’ll wait until you get inside. I don’t know why she didn’t leave the lights on.”

  I glance behind me at the dark apartment windows. “Are you really surprised by anything selfish and inconsiderate that she does?”

  Cash’s grin is small and wry. “I guess not. But damn!”

  I sigh. “I know. But that’s just the way she is. Some things never change.”

  Silence again.

  “Okay, well I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks for the ride. Have a good night.”

  “You, too.”

  I nod and rock back on my heels before I turn to walk up the sidewalk to the front door. I’ve only made it a few steps when Cash calls my name. I jerk around, anticipation curling in my stomach.

  He can’t stand it either.

  I walk quickly back to Cash. I feel more than a little deflated when he hands me my overnight bag, which he’d strapped to the back of the bike, behind the seat.

  “Don’t forget your bag.”

  I smile politely and take it from his fingers, turning once again toward the apartment. The anticipation in my gut cools into an uneasy sensation.

  How can things have changed so much, so fast?

  Taryn’s comments, my mother’s voice and a whole slew of bad choices come crashing into my head like a rock slide.

  I dig around in my purse for my key as I approach the front door. I’m distracted as I slip it in and unlock the knob, turning to wave to Cash. But he’s not on his bike at the curb. It’s resting on the kickstand, motor idling. He’s charging up the sidewalk toward me. Before I can even blink, my back is pressed to the cool metal of the door, Cash’s lips are on mine and his hands are in my hair.

  I melt into him. Relief that he was feeling the same way battles for dominance with the desire to drag him into my bedroom, shut the door and pretend nothing and no one exists outside it.

  But before I can give in to that urge, Cash is pulling back, giving me room to breathe and giving rational thought the tiny crack it needs to wiggle back into my mind.

  His eyes, darker than the night around us, search mine as his hands move from my hair to my shoulders and down my arms to grip mine. “Do me a favor,” he whispers, curling my fingers over the back of his and bringing them to his mouth.

  “What?”

  His eyes never leave mine as he brushes his lips over my knuckles. “Dream of me tonight,” he says softly. He watches me, waiting for a response. I have no words, so I simply nod. He doesn’t need to know that no one else occupies my dreams. No one.

  “Dream of my lips, teasing you.” Straightening one of my fingers, he kisses the tip. His voice is like velvet and his words are like an aphrodisiac. “Dream of my tongue, tasting you.” His tongue sneaks out to flick the end of my finger. A surge of desire rocks my core. “And I’ll dream of you. Of what it feels like to be inside your warm, wet body.” As if to show me what he feels, Cash sucks my finger into his mouth and pulls it in and out of his mouth, back and forth over his tongue. I can barely breathe.

  He pulls it out, but befor
e he lets it go, he gives it a gentle bite. I feel a burn in the pit of my stomach, a drop of lava in a boiling volcano.

  “Good night, Olivia,” he says quietly. And then he turns and walks away.

  On legs that suddenly feel like jelly, I pivot toward the door. I focus with every ounce of my brain power on putting him out of my mind before I do something stupid, like ask him to stay. I push open the door and reach around to flip on the foyer light before waving back to Cash.

  But what I see stops both thought and movement.

  The narrow table next to the door is turned over and the lamp that sits atop it is broken. The plant stand at the corner of the living room is overturned and there’s dirt and foliage all over the floor. Some pillows from the couch are scattered across the floor, two having been thrown all the way over to the door.

  Marissa has been home fifteen minutes at most. What in the world could’ve happened in such a short amount of time?

  A shiver of apprehension works its way down my spine. When fingers wind around my upper arm and jerk me backward, I open my mouth to scream, but a wide hand clamps over it before any sound emerges.

  My heart springs into wild motion behind my ribs and my mind races, going back through every possible memory for any self-defense know-how. All I can think of, though, is Aim for the balls! Aim for the balls!

  “Shhhh,” a familiar voice hisses at my ear.

  I calm immediately. It’s Cash. It’s Cash that’s behind me, Cash that’s holding me.

  He releases me and steps in front of me, pulling me up against his back. “Stay close,” he whispers from over his shoulder.

  They’ll have to peel me off your ass, mister!

  All my senses are heightened by fear. The deep rumble of Cash’s bike purring at the curb is an eerie backdrop for the absolute silence in the apartment. There are no other sounds. Not even those of Marissa.

  Slowly, we make our way to the edge of the living room. Hyper alert, I look around, taking in even the tiniest of details. I see more signs of struggle—the lopsided position of the expensive clock on the wall, a small hole in the plaster not far from it.

  I barely control a reflexive yelp when Cash’s phone rings. I hear him growl as he fumbles for it in his pocket. He glances at the screen and then starts backing up, pushing me toward the front door.