Recovery

by Nicole Dykes

  “But you got over it?”

  He nods his head, his fingers brushing over his chin. “Yeah. I did. Thank God, he forgave me for it, but that’s just Jase. He fucking cares. And so help me if you crush him—”

  I don’t let him finish, “I won’t be here long enough to crush him.”

  “You did the second you looked at him like he was a junkie.” He leans into my ear. “Fix it.”

  He pushes away and leaves, heading toward a pack of wasted girls. I turn on my heels, stopping outside of my bedroom door but looking at his.

  He’s where I want to be, and I hate it.

  Life is all about choices. I’ve been safe for so long and still I ended up alone without my brother.

  I walk to his door and push it open, seeing him asleep on his bed. I turn and push the door closed as quietly as I can before climbing in with him, draping my arm over him.

  I won’t stay long. But for now, I need him.

  Maybe he needs me too.

  I wake when I feel a warm body curled against my own. At first, I think it’s a drunk partygoer who’s climbed into my bed. I’m not in the fucking mood for this shit. But when I turn to face her, I see Mya’s hesitant smile, shining in the moonlight streaming through my window. “Mya?” I grasp her face, trying to see her eyes, but it’s too dark in my room. “Are you okay?”

  She nods her head slowly, still in my hold. “Finn really gave it to me.”

  “That sounds dirty.”

  She snickers at that softly, her hands moving over mine. “He was pretty pissed that I think you’re an addict.”

  Fuck, I shouldn’t have left him with that information and then retreated to my room. Leaving her alone with a pissed-off Finn wasn’t a good idea. “How mean was he?”

  She closes her eyes. “Not bad. He just told me the whole story, I think.”

  I swallow hard, thinking about the past, hating every bit of it. “His story?”

  She nods, taking both of our hands with her. “Yes.” She opens her eyes again. “His mom sounds a lot like mine.”

  I had my suspicions but despise that she grew up the same way as Finn. “His mom is a fucking waste of space. Never should have been a mother.”

  She nods her head sadly. “Neither should mine.”

  “I’m glad you and Finn are here though.”

  She smiles, dropping her hands to my bare chest, and I lower mine to her shoulders. “I was an asshole to you.”

  “You had your reasons.”

  She presses her lips to mine, and I experience the same fucking jolt of electricity I feel every time our lips have touched. It’s a feeling I want to chase. “I can’t promise anything, Jase. I’m getting out of here as soon as I can.”

  I nod my head, our noses brushing against each other. “I know.”

  The thought of her leaving kills me, and I’m pissed that Finn is right. I’m definitely all kinds of attached to this woman. “If you aren’t comfortable fucking someone like me, I get it. I don’t want to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”

  “I’m pretty damn comfortable with you.”

  She lifts her dress off and over her head, tossing it behind her. I suck in a breath, not used to the way she affects me. Sure, there have been plenty of women to get me hard before, but with Mya . . . It’s like I don’t want it to end. I don’t want to break the hold she has on me. I reach behind her back and flick the hooks on her bra before she slides her arms through the straps. “You sure?”

  “You’ll have to let me go when I’m ready.”

  “I won’t make that promise.”

  Her lips find my neck, and she nibbles. “You have to.”

  I shake my head, my hands falling to her hips, pulling her small body onto mine, so her silky thighs are straddling me. My cock presses against her lacy panties as it strains against my boxers. I groan, “How can I promise that?”

  “Because you know my goal is to leave.”

  “To get out of city life.”

  I lazily stoke over the piercing on her belly button, and she moves her hips, sliding over my cock. “Yes. I have to.”

  “So, what? You want to live on a farm? A deserted old ranch? What?”

  “I wouldn’t go that far, but some place where the biggest case for the police is a stolen tractor or missing cows.”

  I laugh, pushing her panties to the side and sliding my fingers through her wet folds. Wet for me. “Sounds like my hometown.”

  “Don’t you miss it?”

  I shake my head, finding her clit and circling it slowly. She gasps and presses forward. “No.”

  Her hips buck forward as I stroke her. My cock is tired of talking, but I’m not. I want to draw this out as long as I can. “See,” she sounds breathless, nearing an orgasm. “You’re destined to be here, and I’m destined to be anywhere but.”

  I apply more pressure and revel in her soft whimpers. “Maybe my destiny is to be where you are.”

  She bites her bottom lip, rocking against me, giving me all of the control as I enter her wet pussy with one finger, sliding in and out, using my thumb to tease her clit.

  “We don’t even know each other, Jase.”

  I feel like I’ve known her forever. I always thought people sounded fucking stupid saying that, but now it makes sense. I don’t know what I did before we met, but it feels wrong that she wasn’t there. “I know you, Mya.”

  I thrust another finger in her, feeling her walls clench around my fingers. Her moans grow louder and louder as she rides my fingers. “You know my body.”

  I swirl over her clit as she clenches tightly, and I know she’s coming. Her teeth gnaw on that bottom lip, and her nails dig into my chest. When she starts to come down, her body shivering from her release and goosebumps covering her skin, I push her panties off and flip us over.

  I push my boxers off before pushing into her, both of us groaning as her body accommodates mine. “Jesus, Jase.”

  “Want me to stop?” I grin down at her with a devilish smirk.

  Even in the dark, I see her rolling her eyes as her legs lift, her heels digging into my ass and pulling me even deeper inside her.

  Her lips find mine. “Never stop.”

  I smile against her lips as I thrust into her over and over, not letting up. Something tells me we have time for slow later. I don’t stop. I don’t slow my pace. I’m not gentle. It’s a possessive need inside of me that wants to claim Mya.

  Right now, I just want to get lost inside of her.

  This last month, I’ve given in. Totally given in. I spent nearly every night with Jase no matter what our schedule is. I sneak into his room if I get off late. He sneaks into mine if he does. It’s like we can’t get enough of each other.

  And for whatever reason, I’m just going with it.

  In my old life, when I could find time to read books, I’d roll my eyes at the insta-love thing—man-sees-a-woman-across-the-room-and-must-have-her kind of bullshit—but now, here I fucking am. I can’t stop thinking about him.

  I’ve barely known him for a month, and I can’t stop my thoughts from drifting to him. I crave his touch.

  In the back of my mind, I know it’s just a distraction. It keeps me from thinking too hard about the past, about painful, haunting memories. But when I’m lying in his arms, when we’re both satiated and our breathing steadies, it feels real.

  The roommates all know, and surprisingly, they don’t give us that much of a hard time. It’s a rare night when we’re all home. Apparently, one Sunday a month, Logan and Quinn close both the shop and the bar.

  It’s nice. All five of us, huddled around the TV in the living room, popcorn on our laps. Well, my ass is on Jase’s lap, but we share my bowl of popcorn. I hate how familiar this feels, how easy it all is.

  I’ve never had easy in my life, and I’m just waiting for it all to be smashed to pieces. Because I know it will.

  “The fucking news? Really?” Finn whines.

  “It’s good to keep up with curr
ent events, Finn,” James, who’s holding the remote, shoots back.

  “Not when it’s fucking depressing,” Jase argues, his big arm around me, holding my body to him.

  A story flashes, the red ribbon alerting us to breaking news. The headline reads “Slain Child.”

  No.

  My body stiffens, and Jase feels it. His eyes darken as he turns to James. “Turn it.”

  James nods, trying to find the buttons on the remote, but I stop him. “No. It’s okay.” I try to slow my rapid breaths, try to stop my palms from sweating as I listen to the reporter live on the scene.

  It’s dark outside, but the street is lit up with red and blue flashing lights. The reporter with perfect makeup and styled hair, stands with a microphone in her hand. Her voice sounds sympathetic, but I’ve always wonder if that’s practiced grief. Do they really care?

  “The eight-year-old was sleeping when a stray bullet went through the family’s home.”

  A tear escapes my eye when a picture of a young Black kid appears on the screen, his bright white smile shining with happiness.

  “James,” Jase barks out, but I’m already off his lap and heading toward my room.

  I barely make it to my window before Jase’s large body is behind mine.

  A tear slides down my cheek, and I brush it away quickly.

  “Mya . . .”

  I shake my head, unable to look at him. “Don’t.”

  “Talk to me.”

  My chest constricts, and I feel like I can’t suck in any air. I press my hand over my heart and shake my head again. “No.”

  “That’s it? Just no?”

  I keep my voice low, hating every single memory coming to my mind, seeing blood when I close my eyes. His blood.

  It’s barely a croak when I turn to face Jase, determination in my bones. “Yes. Just. No.”

  He’s pissed-off, but not enough to yell. I know his anger comes from how damn much he cares about me which will undoubtably be his downfall. This beautiful, caring man. “Mya, I want to help you.”

  “You can’t help me.”

  “Not if you won’t let me in.”

  I fold my arms over my stomach that’s aching. “I’ve let you in.”

  “Your body,” I quirk an eyebrow, and he huffs, “which is great, but I want more.”

  “I told you not to get attached to me. That’s not what this is.” I drop my arms and square my shoulders. “You know what this is.”

  “Right. Just fucking,” he growls.

  I nod. “And friendship.”

  “Friends talk to each other, Mya.”

  “Not about this, they don’t.” I don’t want him to hate me. I don’t want him angry with me, but I can’t talk about that day. I can’t talk about the past.

  “I told you every fucking thing. And none of that shit was easy.” I want to tell him that I didn’t make him, but that’s not true. I forced him to talk, he was just easier to crack. His heart is too damn good.

  “I needed to make sure you weren’t like my mother.”

  “And still, you push me away.”

  “This is temporary.” I brace my hands on his broad shoulders and look into those hazel eyes I love. “You know that.”

  His arm curls around my waist, pulling me tighter to him. “I don’t know that. I told you I make no promises.”

  “And I told you, I’m leaving as soon as I can.”

  The thought doesn’t sound as pleasant anymore. The thought of leaving him behind actually guts me, which makes fear course through my body. I can’t need anyone.

  “So, talk to me while you’re here. Tell me what happened to your brother.”

  A choked sob comes from my throat, and I push on his chest, but he doesn’t let me go. “No.”

  “Tell me, Mya.”

  “You already know.” I give up on pushing him away, his arms are too fucking strong, and I don’t really want to get away. “He’s dead.”

  “I know.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “But I don’t know how.”

  “Details don’t matter.”

  His big hand rests against my cheek, and I lean into the touch. “They do. It matters. Tell me what happened to him, Mya.”

  I shake my head again, leaning against his hard body, no longer fighting his touch but accepting it, praying for it. “I can’t.”

  I hate how broken my voice sounds. My whole life, I’ve stood tall, tried my best to appear strong no matter what I was going through. People always perceived me as a bitch, and I preferred it that way. But with Jase . . . it’s like I can’t hold back.

  My voice quivers, my body shakes, my eyes shed tears I’ve never let anyone else see.

  But I don’t want to be weak.

  Not even for him.

  She’s pulling away from me. I can feel it. She won’t talk about what happened to her little brother. And ever since she saw that fucking news piece two nights ago, she’s barely talked to me. She’s used my body but been distant.

  “What’s wrong with you?”

  I tun my head to look at Spence, who actually looks concerned. “What do you mean? I’m listening to Janice talk about giving blowjobs in exchange for crack.” I keep my voice low, knowing it’s rude to talk during a meeting.

  He rolls his eyes at me, his eyes on the front of the crowded room, but he’s still speaking to me. “You seem less cheery than normal.”

  I quirk one eyebrow, keeping my arms folded over my chest and eyes on the front as well. “Cheery?”

  He lets out a small laugh. “Compared to me, you’re cheery, always trying to get me to see the bright side of things. But today, it’s like you don’t have it in you.”

  That’s because I don’t. Seeing her falling apart and not being able to help her was infuriating. “We all have off days.”

  “Are you close to a relapse? Because I don’t think I can handle that right now.”

  I scoff and with a huff, I drop my arms to the side. “No. I’m not. I guess I’m having girl problems.”

  Jesus, I want to punch myself for saying that out loud.

  “Girl problems? What, are you in high school?”

  Janice steps out from behind the podium and walks back to her folding chair while the guy who runs the meeting heads to the front. I lean a little closer to Spence. “No. Woman problems. What the fuck ever. She won’t talk to me.”

  The kid looks confused now. “You want to talk?”

  I almost laugh but keep it contained. “To her. Yes.”

  He shakes his head. “Are you fucking her?”

  It feels dirty talking about Mya this way, but that’s all she wants from me. A fuck here and there to keep her satisfied until she moves on. “Yeah.”

  “So what the fuck is the problem?”

  The meeting ends, and we stand as the room starts to clear out. “I told you. She won’t talk to me.”

  “That does not sound like a problem at all, man. That sounds like the dream. Is she ugly?”

  I groan at the kid’s question as we walk out of the church basement where the meeting was held. “No. Far from ugly.”

  “Okay, man. Then I just don’t get it. You want to date? Marry her? You want her to have your bigass babies?”

  None of that sounds bad at all with Mya, but I know Spencer isn’t going to get that. I hardly understand it myself. “I just want to help her.”

  “Ah . . .” He strides toward his car, flashing his middle finger at a photographer who’s pointing his camera at him while hiding behind a tree. I walk with him while he acts like he now understands. “So, you want to fix her. Now that makes sense.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  He laughs and hits the unlock button on his car. “You like to fix things. So, this girl is broken?”

  “I don’t know anyone who isn’t a little bit broken. Me included.”

  He nods his head, leaning back against his Porsche. “Exactly. You think you’re full of all this wisdom and shit, but I have you figur
ed out, Jase. The way you fix yourself is you focus on others.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help.”

  “No, there’s not. But it was freaking me out, hearing you all attached and shit. Now at least, it makes a little sense.”

  Fucking Spence. He sounds like Finn now. “Look, asshole. I’ve had girlfriends before. I’m not strictly casual.”

  “That, I definitely don’t get.” He runs his fingers through his hair, and I laugh.

  “You’re young.”

  “So are you. Far too young to be hooked on one pussy.”

  “Let’s talk about you.” I lean against his fancy car, standing next to him.

  Now he groans, “No.”

  I laugh, “Still having daddy issues?”

  “He wants me to move away, somewhere less populated. I think if he could convince a nice Amish family to take me in, he fucking would. Anything to keep me out of his hair.”

  An image of this spoiled kid—who’s used to getting the newest iPhone before it’s available to regular people and eating with a silver spoon every night—dressed in all black with no technology comes to mind, and it is not pretty. Still, I laugh, “now that would be fun.”

  “He’d fucking do it.”

  “You’ll be an adult soon, kid.”

  “It doesn’t matter. If I want him to pay for college, I have to do what he wants.”

  “Stay sober.”

  “Be perfect.”

  I feel his sadness and hate how miserable this kid is. “You want to come over for dinner Friday?”

  “With Finn?”

  I laugh, almost forgetting the two don’t get along. Like Mya, Finn doesn’t have much tolerance for addicts, but the fact that Spencer is a spoiled rich kid makes it even worse. “I’ll tell him to behave.”

  He shakes his head. “Nah, I’d rather get my dick wet. A nice girl from school invited me to a party.”

  I doubt she’s that nice. Spence doesn’t do nice. “Make sure you wrap that dick.”