by Josi Kilpack
Kate was surprised by the reaction, but remembered Jess being similarly excited when Kate had started leaving her with the kids a few years ago. She wasn’t nearly as excited these days. Kate hadn’t even considered having the two older girls take turns. Caitlyn wasn’t nearly as responsible as Jess was, but it was time she learned. Kate had often felt that Jess was responsible because as the oldest child she’d always had responsibilities. Surely that same theory could be applied to all the kids.
“It’s about time,” Kate said with a smile. “Don’t you think?”
“Yes,” Caitlyn said, punching the air. She turned to Sharla and made a prima-donna face. “Now you guys have to do everything I say.”
Kate scowled. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
10
——Original Message——
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, April 18, 8:15 PM
Subject: Re: You’ll never believe what happened!!
Jess—
britney is totally lame. do u want me to come down there and bust her kneecaps—or better yet her nose? then maybe she’ll realize she isn’t so perfect. that totally sucks she did that to u. i told u she was lame. i’d do anything to be there right now. we could make a list of 100 things to hate about britney. i’m so sorry. did you e-mail colt yet? i promise he’ll make u feel so much better!
Em
Jess’s first piano teacher had told her that she’d be fresher and able to concentrate better if she practiced her piano in the mornings. That was nine years ago and even though Jess had been through three teachers since then, she liked doing piano first thing—and after so many years, the other kids slept through it. Last week her teacher had assigned her to learn Rhapsody in Blue by George Gershwin; it would be her recital piece next month. It was hard, but she was making progress. It was fun to be good enough to play pieces like this.
She heard Mom get up a few minutes into her practicing and start moving around in the kitchen behind her. Jess’s piano was Mom’s alarm clock. After a little while Jess could smell pancakes. She looked over her shoulder to verify that her nose was not deceiving her. Mom never made pancakes on a school day.
The timer on the microwave dinged, announcing that her practice time was over, and Mom turned it off. Jess finished the line she was on, then turned off the piano light and got up. She was still in her pajamas and didn’t need a mirror to tell her that her hair was a mess.
“You’re sure making progress on that piece,” Mom said, smiling—but in a contrived way that made Jess distrustful. None of the other kids were up yet, and Jess kind of wished they were. She didn’t want to talk about yesterday anymore and had a feeling that’s what the pancakes were all about.
Mom took two golden pancakes from the griddle and put them on a plate. Jess’s stomach growled and Mom smiled. Jess considered saying she wasn’t hungry so as not to be tricked into saying anything, but she loved pancakes. She sat down and Mom put the plate in front of her.
“So,” Mom said, sitting down across from Jess with her own plate. “What happened yesterday?”
Jess shrugged, but she was tempted. She remembered when she was little and would climb up on Mom’s lap and listen to stories, or the time in third grade when she accidentally swore at a kid at school and the teacher sent a note home. Mom had gotten mad at first, but then Jess had started crying and Mom held her for a long time, at least until one of the little kids interrupted them. Jess liked those memories, but they seemed like a long time ago. Mom was busier now; she had more kids. Jess didn’t think what she had to say was very important, and it was hard not to think Mom would feel the same way. And yet, Mom had made pancakes.
“Come on, Jess,” Mom said. “You seemed upset.”
“Well,” Jess said, pouring syrup on her pancake but not meeting Mom’s eye. Then she looked up, and the next thing she knew she was telling Mom what happened. She told her what Britney did, about being late for class—everything. She didn’t cry though, and she was glad for that. When she finished, Mom was nodding.
“I’m so sorry that happened,” Mom said, but her voice had a diplomatic tone to it and Jess felt misgivings about having said anything at all. “But I’m sure that Britney didn’t mean it like that. She is your best friend, Jess. I’m sure it was just some kind of misunderstanding.” She paused and took another bite of her pancake. Jess couldn’t believe what she was hearing even though it had been exactly what she’d expected. Mom swallowed the bite and continued. “I mean, in the halls with so much happening, it’s hard to interpret things.” Then she looked at Jess with a different expression. “What concerns me the most is that you would be sending e-mails in class—why would you do something like that?”
Jess felt a fire in her stomach. How could she be so stupid as to tell her mom anything? She should have known she would never understand. She looked back at her plate and shoveled the rest of her breakfast into her mouth. All Mom cared about was Jess being the good girl, doing what she was supposed to do. Well, maybe Jess was tired of living her life for everyone else. Maybe she was tired of being nerdy and frumpy and so thoroughly out of it.
“Jess,” Mom said. “I asked you a question. Why would you break the rules and who were you e-mailing anyway?”
Jess looked up and scowled at her mother, but Mom didn’t even flinch. “Never mind,” she said, standing up. “I shouldn’t have even told you.”
Mom stood up too. “Of course you should. You can always talk to me.”
“Talk to you?” Jess said. “So that you can get mad at me?”
“I didn’t get mad, I just—”
“Forget it,” Jess said, heading for the stairs. “I need to take a shower.” She hurried away before Mom could say anything else. Emily was so right. No one else cared.
11
Jessica Thompson
English, 6th hour
Limerick in 5 minutes Assignment
April 19
There once was a girl with red hair
Who wondered if she was still there
When others walked by
She started to cry
Cause life, it just wasn’t fair
C- *A limerick is supposed to be funny, Jessica, not sad. These timed assignments are tough. Better luck next time.
“A C-minus?” Sarah said, shaking her head and making her glasses wobble. Jess knew from years of four-eyed experience that Sarah needed to get the frames tightened, but she didn’t say so. Sarah wasn’t the type that cared. Sarah’s goal in life was Harvard, and she couldn’t care less what people thought of her so long as she eventually got a scholarship. Jess ate lunch with her and some of the other smart kids from her classes almost every day now that Britney had her other friends. Jess wished she had half of Sarah’s confidence. “I used the same limerick I wrote in 7th grade and got an A.” She rolled her eyes. “It was about a fly that gets attracted to some honey—you know, like that saying, ‘You catch more flies with honey.’ Want to hear it?”
“Sure,” Jess said, taking another bite of her lasagna while wondering if she’d ever gotten a C- on anything before today. Sarah only got to the second word of her limerick before Britney suddenly appeared on the bench next to Jess, with her lunch and everything. Sarah shut her mouth and scowled. She had no patience for the snobby kids, and she’d told Jess more than once that she considered Britney a snob. Lately, Jess had started agreeing with her.
“Hey, Jess,” Britney said, smiling widely. Her hair was all curly, the top pulled away from her face. She was so pretty. Britney looked across at Sarah. “Hi, Sarah.”
“Hey,” Sarah said. She scooted her tray closer to Clarisse, who was talking to Mike, effectively abandoning Jess.
Jess braced herself. She had gone to school early so as not to have to walk with Britney and then made a point of ignoring her at school.
“You okay?” Britney asked as she opened her brown lunch sack. Britney always bro
ught lunch from home. She said school lunch was too fattening. Jess glanced at their thighs, pressed against the bench. Hers were easily twice the width of Britney’s. Maybe Britney was right about school lunch. Then again, who cared if Jess was skinny?
Jess just shrugged.
“What’s the matter?”
Jess considered her options. She could pretend everything was fine, like she normally would, she could just be snotty until Britney figured it out, or she could be direct and get it over with—something that went completely contrary to her nature. She asked herself what Emily would do, and that gave her confidence. She took a breath, but didn’t make eye contact—that was too much. “You can honestly tell me you don’t know?”
“I honestly can,” Britney said, her voice contrite. “You’ve never been like this to me before.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve never made fun of me in front of someone else before either. And you didn’t even notice?” Jess shook her head and took another bite of lasagna while Britney processed the comment.
“Jess, what are you talking about?”
Jess finally looked up at her. “Yesterday—after computer class—Nick. Ring a bell?”
“You mean when I said you’d get sent to the blocked computer if you sent another e-mail? You’re mad I told him you got in trouble?”
“No, when you said ‘Wouldn’t that be hilarious? Jess over there in the corner all by herself.’ You might as well have said ‘Hi, this is my loser friend Jess’ and in front of Nick Tolson, of all people.” She shook her head. “I would never do that to you.”
“Jess,” Britney said, her voice whining. “I didn’t mean it like that. I only meant that since you’re the smartest kid in the class it would be so ironic if you of all people ended up on the blocked computer. I wasn’t making fun of you.”
“Yes, you were,” Jess said. “It was embarrassing, especially in front of him. He didn’t even know I existed until then, but now he knows I’m a big nerd.”
“Nick?” Britney asked. “He knows you exist. He said it’s his goal to beat you on the next math test—he even knows your student number, 161, because it’s the only number that’s always ahead of his on the score sheet Mr. Knox posts after every test. He says it’s cool that you’re so smart.”
Jess turned to look at her in surprise. Someone, let alone Nick Tolson, thought she was cool? “Really?”
Britney smiled. “Yeah, he thinks it’s amazing that a sophomore beats every junior and senior in that class. He knew what I meant when I said that about the blocked computer—you can even ask him. But I swear I didn’t mean to be rude.”
Jess went back to her meal, unsure what to do next. But the success of being so open gave her the confidence to continue. “Ya know, Brit, I’m real good at school and all, but I still feel like a little kid when it comes to making friends and stuff. You’re like this super popular girl and I’m this red-headed nerd. It really hurts when you rub it in, especially to your new friends.”
Britney put her arm around Jess’s shoulder and gave her a hug. “I’m so sorry,” she said softly, her voice all sweet and syrupy. “I really didn’t mean to make you feel bad, and I’m not super popular—not by a long shot. I’m like the slowest girl on track, and it’s so embarrassing.” She dropped her arm from Jess’s shoulder and went back to her sandwich.
Britney was bad at something? Jess didn’t believe it. “But you know how to talk to people and everyone likes you.”
“Everyone likes you too, Jess, but you’re really shy and you don’t involve yourself very much.”
Yep, I’m a loser. “I don’t know how.”
“Just be Jess,” Britney said with a bright smile. “You’re my best friend, Jess, ’cause you’re awesome. You’re funny and nice and cute.”
Jess made a face. She knew the cute part wasn’t true. She was a loooong way from cute. Britney continued. “But you don’t let people know you, and if you did, they would all love you like I do.”
Britney made a good point. Jess was shy and she didn’t include herself. But when Emily e-mailed her she’d been herself and Emily really liked her. Maybe Britney was right—but it was still hard to forgive her so easily.
“In fact,” Britney said, “you heard Nick talk about Spring Fling, right?”
Oh, good, Jess thought, she was going to rub that in too. Some apology.
“Well, see, it’s this big group of kids, mostly sophomores but some juniors too. Most of us are on the track team, but we’re inviting a bunch of friends cause some are like me, not sixteen yet, and can’t go on a real date. So we’re all going to the dance together, just friends, and Jenny Lunt, she has like this huge house and her parents are going to borrow a bunch of tables from their church so we can have a big dinner there.”
Jess turned to look at her. “And your mom’s letting you go?”
Britney nodded. “She talked to Jenny’s parents and everything, but she insisted on driving me to the dinner, then from the dinner to the dance.” She paused and rolled her eyes. “I know, so lame, but at least I get to go. We’re going to get a big group picture and maybe if you came, you and I could get our own picture together, you know Best Friends Forever—our first high-school dance.”
“You’re inviting me?” Jess said in shock. “Your friends are okay with that?”
“Well, yeah,” Britney said. “Girls are inviting girls and boys are inviting boys, so there’s no dates-on-the-sly, ya know, and I want you to be the person I invite.” She grabbed Jess’s arm and smiled wide. “Our first dance—wouldn’t that be awesome?”
12
——Original Message——
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, April 20, 5:46 AM
Subject: dance
Emily,
Update: Britney apologized. I totally ignored her yesterday and so when she asked me what was wrong I told her. She felt really bad and said she was sorry. I was glad—I mean I totally get what you mean when you say she doesn’t understand me, cause I know she doesn’t, but without you living closer I need some friends around here, right? And my mom, she makes me so mad! I was so close to telling her what happened Tuesday but BIG SURPRISE we got interrupted. Then yesterday morning she tried again, and I told her and BIG SURPRISE she ended up getting mad at me!!! She like totally defended Britney and said I misunderstood her and got mad that I sent an e-mail during class time. You’re right—she so doesn’t get me.
So I took your word for it and e-mailed Colt those get to know you questions you sent me awhile back—with my answers of course. I hope he e-mails back but I totally understand if he doesn’t. I mean I am a sophomore and the picture on my bored still shows my braces. I REALLY need a new picture. If he says anything to you, tell me okay? I’m so nervous.
Britney is going to Spring Fling with a bunch of other kids. Spring Fling is the last formal dance of the year—it sounds so fun. She asked me to go—dang I sooooooooo want to but I know my mom will say no. Do your parents make you wait until you’re sixteen? I think it might just be a Mormon thing. When’s your birthday? Mine is May 17.
Anyway—gotta get off the computer and get going on my piano—I got up early to write you back since I’ll be at my grandma’s all afternoon finishing the quilt I’m making. I hope Colt e-mails me back soon.
Jess
Kate consciously stopped her hands from fidgeting with the cord of her purse and took a breath. Why was she so nervous? It had been a week since she and Brad had first discussed having another baby, and as promised she’d made an appointment with an OB that specialized in high-risk pregnancies. Brad had hoped to make it, but even though tax day had been last week, he was still crammed trying to catch up with quarterlies. So she was here on her own, waiting for the dreaded second opinion.
She heard the door open behind her and stood up. Since this was only a consultation, she was in an actual office rather than an exam room. It gave the appointment a forma
l air that didn’t help with the nervousness she was feeling. The doctor, Dr. Lyon, looked up from the chart in his hands—likely the medical records she’d authorized he could receive—and smiled. Kate smiled back.
“Have a seat,” he said as he made his way around the desk and sat down. He continued scanning the papers, and Kate returned to her chair. He was about Kate’s age, but his hair was turning silver at the temples.
He looked up and smiled again. “So, you’re here to get your fortune told.”
Kate hadn’t thought of it like that. It made it sound mystical and edgy. She shifted in her seat.
“I’m kidding, but you are here for a second opinion, correct?”
