by Josi Kilpack
Monique froze for a moment, but found herself almost instantly encouraged by the news. If Terrezza had fallen in love with this man and gone to be with him, then she could still be out there. Maybe it wasn’t as frightening as she’d initially thought when Sergeant Morris told them it was an adult Terrezza was talking to.
“Mr. and Mrs. Weatherford,” the sergeant said as if reading the expression on their faces. “His e-mails are very . . . manipulative. Pointed. He seemed to always speak of you, her parents, as untrustworthy, controlling. He told her things to distance her from her friends—setting himself up to be her sole confidant, her only real friend.” Sergeant Morris paused. “I’m sure you’ve heard about Internet predators.”
Monique blinked. “Yes,” she said slowly, “but they go after young kids. They want pictures and stuff.”
“Your daughter sent pictures of herself at his request,” the sergeant said. “And they don’t only go after young kids—they go after all kinds of kids. All ages, all races, all family and social situations. The only thing most of them want is someone they can overpower through their computers, someone they can manipulate. He said he was a senior in high school, but the way he talked was far too advanced. His knowledge of computers indicates he was much older.”
Monique looked down, her earlier thoughts of what kind of man communicates with a sixteen-year-old girl becoming very stark in her mind. But she shook it off. After all these months she had hope. She did not take that lightly. Terrezza was out there somewhere, too embarrassed to come home. Like every other teenager in America, she didn’t know just how much love and forgiveness she had at home.
“Mr. and Mrs. Weatherford,” he continued. “You haven’t heard from your daughter in over five months—that’s a very long time for her to be hiding out with a boyfriend somewhere and never calling home.”
“Don’t you say that,” Harrison said suddenly. Monique looked up at him, surprised by both his words and his anger. “We’ve considered for too long that we might never see her again. She could be alive; she could come home. We won’t be hearing anything different.”
The sergeant nodded slightly. “I called you in so that I could update you on our progress. We are putting everything we can into finding your daughter. That she left so much information is very helpful, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s been gone a very long time.” He paused. “I suggest you inform your family members and at least consider that, regardless of the outcome, regardless of what has happened to your daughter since she left your home, there is peace in knowing. That’s what we are hoping for.”
Harrison’s eyes narrowed, and his face went a shade darker than usual. Monique gave his hand another squeeze, and when he looked at her she hoped to communicate her thoughts without saying them out loud. Let them believe what they want to believe, she thought. We’ll keep our newfound hope alive.
He seemed to understand, giving credit to their many years together. He turned back to face Morris. “We appreciate all you’re doing,” he said. “We’ll be waiting to hear more.”
20
——Original Message——
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, April 24, 8:46 PM
Subject: Gymnastics no more!!!!
Em—
You won’t believe this but my dad is letting me drop gymnastics today. I bet my mom totally freaked and I think they are like fighting now, but I don’t have to do another round off for as long as I live! I’m so excited. Dad’s been like home more often and we had this awesome talk and he was so great. He said he’s going to talk to my mom about the dance too, but I doubt he’ll win again. Still, I’m trying to be positive and focus on the good things. No more gymnastics, is that not the coolest thing in the whole world? Anyway—how’s you? Colt finally wrote me and you’re right, we have a ton in common. It’s so cool to be e-mailing with a guy! Thanks for getting us together.
Laters, Jess
“Kate?”
Kate turned and scanned the faces of other parents taking position to watch the soccer game. It was drizzling a light rain, but not enough to cancel the game. Kate had left Jess with the other kids, so she was alone, wrapped in a blanket but still shivering. She saw Julie and smiled as her stomach dropped. She’d been avoiding her since dropping the bombshell on Sunday.
“So?” Julie asked. She had her thick winter coat on and her hair braided in two braids, topped with a beanie. She looked like a teenager, and Kate wondered if Jess wished she were more like Julie, full of energy, young and . . . liberal was the only word that came to mind.
Kate just shrugged as a reply.
“Have you told him?” Julie asked, wrapping her arms around her chest and bouncing on her feet. “Dang, it’s cold.”
Kate nodded. “It’s freezing, but no I haven’t told him.”
“Kate,” Julie said with a laugh and a shake of her head. “Why not?”
“I’m scared?” she said, phrasing it as a question. “He’s going to be so mad.”
“He’s going to be even more mad that you didn’t tell him. It makes you look guilty.”
“But I’m not guilty!” Kate retorted, looking Julie fully in the face. “I did not do this on purpose.”
“Then tell him that,” Julie said. “But the longer you wait the harder it’s going to be, and if he figures it out before you tell him . . .” She whistled under her breath.
Kate looked at the wet grass. “I haven’t even taken a test yet,” she said, stalling. “I mean, I might not be pregnant.”
“Right,” Julie said in sarcastic disbelief. “Lots of women on the pill skip their periods and you’ve only been sick for a week without it getting better or getting worse—which if you had the flu one of those two things would have happened.”
Kate said nothing, annoyed and yet penitent. She knew she was going about this all wrong, but she didn’t know what to do and didn’t want to do anything until she was sure of which approach was the right one.
It didn’t help that she and Brad were still avoiding one another. A lot of the tension had worn itself out. They were talking again, and she knew he was working hard to help out more in the evenings, but they hadn’t resolved the weekend’s argument. Kate wished they could fix that before she blew everything up again.
The timing was just all wrong. Today was the first Wednesday of no gymnastics, and Jess had gloated about it to Caitlyn. Kate had wanted to scream. Then, Brad came home early and informed her that Jess had asked him to take her to the women’s shelter to drop off the quilt she’d made for her Good Works project. Kate had been the one who had helped Jess on all her projects—but Brad got to go with her for her big moment with her final goal? It had stung—badly. Even the thought of adding to all that trouble by announcing a possible pregnancy Brad didn’t want was more than Kate could think about.
“Tell you what,” Julie said, reminding Kate that she was still there. “I’ll bring over two tests in the morning, after the kids and husbands are gone.”
Kate wanted to say no, she wasn’t ready, but she knew it was ridiculous. She let out a breath of defeat. “Okay,” she finally said, then braced herself. Taking the test meant she’d know for sure if she were pregnant. She’d have no choice but to tell Brad the truth. She really wished she had the flu.
21
——Original Message——
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, April 25, 6:27 PM
Subject: Re: Hi
Jess—
Britney’s your best friend? I thought Emily was your best friend. Just kidding, I know what you meant but don’t tell Emily that. She thinks you’re her very best friend and I think it hurts her feelings that even after Britney has been so rude to you, you still talk about her like it’s not important that she treats you like crap. Just a little FYI.
Congrats on gymnastics, bummer about the dance. I’m
surprised you even talked to your dad though. Emily’s told me all about your mom, aren’t you worried she’ll be mad you went behind her back? You haven’t told them about Emily or me, have you?
Colt
Kate was putting the last of the dishes in the dishwasher when Brad and Jess got home. They’d been gone forever. The kids were in bed, the house quiet, and yet Kate felt herself stiffen when they entered the kitchen. Her toes were still frozen from the soccer game, so she’d been nursing a mug of hot cocoa in hopes of warming herself up.
“Where have you guys been?” she asked casually.
“Well, we dropped off the quilt,” Brad said. “And then I took Jess out for ice cream to celebrate.”
Kate nodded, swallowing her jealousy. She was the one who needed these kinds of moments with Jess. Why didn’t Brad help her make things better instead of trumping her? But she forced herself to act like an adult. She looked at Jess. “How was it?” she asked.
Jess smiled, looking more open than she had in a long time. “It was great,” she said. “They had a lady there with three little kids. Her husband left her and she doesn’t have anywhere to go, and when we got there they said they wanted me to give it to her. I was, like, totally nervous but I went in there and she was so thankful. She looked at all the squares and couldn’t believe I did it myself—well, with Grandma’s help. Anyway. It was awesome. She cried and everything.”
“Really?” Kate said, smiling as she pictured the moment. “That’s wonderful. I’m so proud of you for doing that, Jess. You worked so hard, and what a blessing that blanket must be for her.”
Jess nodded, still smiling, and Kate felt her heart relax. Maybe she was overreacting about the relationship with her daughter. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. “Yeah, it was really great,” Jess said.
“And now you can get your Young Womanhood award,” Kate added. “Do you want me to make you an appointment with the bishop for Sunday?”
Jess shrugged. “Sure, uh . . . I have a little more homework to do. Can I get on the computer for a minute?”
“I thought you finished it earlier,” Kate said. She’d already been giving Jess more computer time because of the term projects that were coming due.
“I forgot something,” Jess said in a challenging tone that set Kate’s back up.
“Go ahead,” Brad said, intercepting. Kate clenched her teeth together. Was he going to bowl over everything she did?
“Thanks, Dad,” Jess said on her way to the study.
He waited until she was gone. “Jess asked about the dance again,” he said.
Kate let out a breath. “She’s not sixteen, Brad, and she already got her way with the gymnastics.”
“That she shouldn’t have been in, in the first place. And she turns sixteen three weeks after the dance.”
Kate cringed at the insult. Did he really think she was so unfeeling? She decided to keep the conversation on task, however, and not get distracted by all their other issues. “Besides the fact that she’s not sixteen, she’s been a real pill lately, with all kinds of attitude. Did you know she told Sharla she hated her the other day because Sharla used her eye shadow?”
“Yeah, well, being one of a lot of kids can be annoying, Kate. I know you don’t see that side, but I was always getting after my brothers for getting into my stuff. It’s very frustrating when you feel inconsequential enough in your own home that no one respects that what’s yours is yours.”
“It sounds like pure selfishness to me,” Kate said, trying to understand but unable to grasp it. “I’d have done anything to have a sister I could share my stuff with.”
Brad shrugged. “Well, if you’d had one you’d probably feel differently.”
“So it’s okay for her to freak out at her sister and back talk me, and yet she still gets to go to a dance she isn’t old enough to go to?”
Brad looked at her for a minute, his jaw working as if thinking hard. “Didn’t you go to prom your sophomore year, when you were fifteen?”
Kate looked away and busied herself with wiping off the counter. “I had no limits—another thing I’m trying to repair with my own kids. My mom didn’t care what I did or who I was with. It made me feel very inconsequential.”
“And yet you turned out okay,” Brad pointed out.
Kate let out a breath and stared into the sink. This was all so silly. He didn’t get it at all. And yet, did she really want to fight about this when she knew an even bigger battle was looming? “Fine.”
“What?” Brad said.
“I said, fine, let her go.”
He eyed her suspiciously. “I’d rather you see my point and want her to go than just give in.”
“I don’t want her to go, and I think we’re setting a bad example to go back on our own rule, but you’re determined to be the hero so go for it. I don’t have time to help her find a dress or anything, and since you’re the one who wants this to happen, it’s your gig.”
He just stood there, looking at her. Then he shook his head, turned on his heel, and went downstairs. That was it. She threw the washcloth toward the sink, knocking over the dishwashing soap that hit a glass she had missed loading into the diswasher. The glass fell into the sink and broke. Perfect.
22
——Original Message——
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, April 25, 11:26 PM
Subject: Re: Gymnastics no more!!!!
Jess,
sorry it took me so long to rite back. my computer’s been acting weird. wow, that is awesome that yr dad let u out of gymnastics, but it sounds like he’s just trying to earn yr trust so u fit into that little mold they’ve created for u. i’d hate to see u change who u are because u feel u now owe yr dad for what he did. why did it take him so long to help u out? where was he four years ago?
it seems to me that they are far more interested in making u follow their rules than they are about u being happy. my parents are like that. so involved with their own lives that they barely notice I’m there. so lame.
i talked to colt today and he said yr like the most amazing girl he’s ever met. i think he’s totally into u. what do u think about him? u ought to send him some pictures of u—got any with u in a bikini!!
i’m glad u finally got the IM working—that’s awesome—i can’t get it up on my puter right now though. i’ll let u know. i can’t wait to chat with u.
Emily
“How long?” Kate asked. She glanced into the bathroom where two pregnancy tests rested on top of the toilet. Just one result couldn’t be trusted when the stakes were this high.
“Two minutes,” Julie said, reading the box and pressing start on the kitchen timer. She put the timer down and leaned against the counter. Kate sat on the edge of the tub while their kids watched a movie in the living room. The two women were silent for several seconds. “It’s going to be okay,” Julie offered.
Kate looked up into her friend’s face. “Is it? He’ll think I did it on purpose.”
“But you didn’t,” Julie said. “Did you figure out how it happened?”
“Other than sex with my husband?” Kate said, trying to lighten the mood. Julie smiled and Kate continued. “I think it was when I had that flu. I was throwing up everything—probably even my pills.”
Kate headed for the bedroom. She needed to pace. Julie followed her and leaned against the door frame. “The timing is right.”
“You were having sex when you were sick?”
Kate blushed. “It was tax season.”
Julie laughed just as the timer dinged. She stopped laughing, and the women looked at each other.
“You go check,” Kate said.
Julie looked as if she were going to protest, but she must have sensed the seriousness of Kate’s suggestion. She nodded and Kate kept pacing, folding her arms and praying that it would be negative. How ironic that with how badly she wanted a baby, she desperately desperately didn’t want to be
pregnant right now. And yet, if she were pregnant, then Brad couldn’t stop her. She felt horrible for thinking that but couldn’t ignore it completely. In one way, she would win. But at what cost?
She turned when Julie came into the bedroom. Julie’s face said it all, and Kate’s eyes filled with tears.
