The Future Memoir of Ann Jones

by Alex Bailey

  “It’s been a lot longer for me, Ann. So, I’m not so closed off to talking about Jillian. But, I understand if you can’t talk about your marriage. Like I told you before, I’m not over it, but the pain has subsided.”

  Ann was grateful when Daniel returned with the food; she didn’t want to have to talk about her own loss. What could she say anyway? She had escaped her old life and the memories. Bringing it all back up now was not going to make anything better. She was better off leaving it all behind her.

  Daniel set the plates in front of them and asked if there was anything else he could get.

  She shook her head no, and Ben said, “We’re all set.”

  “Thanks Daniel,” she called after him when he had turned to head back into the kitchen.

  She took a bite of her burger and closed her eyes. The same taste sensation she’d remembered from the morning lingered in her mouth.

  “I take it you like the food,” Ben said.

  She didn’t open her eyes but nodded in agreement.

  After he took a bite, Ben agreed with her, “Yup, signature Daniel. Always good eatin’.”

  “So, you said you’re not over the loss, but it’s better?”

  “It hasn’t been easy…or quick. We were childhood sweethearts; you’ve heard the old story. First love, spent every moment together. Even went to the same college, couldn’t stand to be apart. The whole nine yards.” Ben took a swig of beer to wash down the burger.

  “Sounds like it was intense. You must have really been into each other to have felt that way for so long.”

  “She was the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. She was a dancer. We moved to New York so she could follow her dream to dance on stage. And she did too, for several years. Until she couldn’t dance any longer.” Ben stared at the table. “It about killed her; dancing was her life.”

  “So, what happened? Why did she stop dancing?”

  “During rehearsal one day. Jillian’s partner dropped her. Broke her leg in several places. She tried to make a comeback, but it didn’t heal right. She was never the same again.”

  “Sounds awful,” Ann said sincerely. She hadn’t known a passion for anything that strong in her life, other than for her children. She couldn’t imagine loving something that much and then have it end.

  “It was. It destroyed her on the inside. But she tried to put on a happy face for everyone around her. She wanted to move far away from it all. She didn’t want to have to walk down the street and pass a stage knowing she’d never be on one again.

  “Then you moved to Burrburgh?”

  “No. We moved to Atlanta. To be near family. Jillian decided she wanted to have kids to fill the hole that dancing had left. We tried. We tried everything. She was willing to go through a hell of a lot to get pregnant.”

  “Did it work? Do you have kids?” Ann didn’t think of Ben as the fatherly type, but now she was curious to find out.

  “Yes, it worked, but no I don’t have kids. Sadly,” Ben took another bite of his burger as Ann did the same.

  She was seeing a different side to this man, his arrogance drained away as he talked about his wife. He was softer, more human.

  “She got pregnant and we were both over the moon about it. You can’t imagine her joy. And mine. Watching Jillian become her old self again,” Ben smiled widely, then shook his head. “But that didn’t last long. She got sick and lost the baby. A girl.”

  “Oh Ben, I’m so sorry. Did you try again?” Ann didn’t know why she just said that.

  “No. The doctor said she lost the baby because she had endometriosis and couldn’t carry a baby to term, but surgery could possibly enable her to have a child.”

  Ann leaned in and listened intently.

  “She had surgery shortly after that, but it didn’t change anything. In fact, she had some complications that made things worse and after that, the doctor told her to stop trying. There was nothing she could do to carry a baby to term.”

  “That had to be tough for her,” Ann said. “And for you.” She reached across the table and laid her hand on top of Ben’s hand.

  The move startled him and his eyebrows shot up. She quickly removed her hand, and he chuckled.

  “Yeah. It was tough. She pretty much deteriorated from there. She didn’t get up much, and it killed me to watch her wither away from the vibrant woman she’d been. She was so full of life when she was dancing. It really was her whole world. But when it was taken from her, it was like nothing else mattered. Not even me.” Ben bit his upper lip.

  Ann could feel the agony this man had suffered pouring from him. She had the urge to run around the table and put her arms around him but held tight to her side. “I’m so sorry,” was all she said.

  Ben continued, “Jillian basically stayed in our bedroom all day. Didn’t get up to eat or shower. I tried everything to get her to see reason. I even had a psychiatrist come to the house, but he said unless she wanted help, he couldn’t help her. It was killing me to see her suffer so much.” Ben swiped his cheek, where a tear had fallen. “At the end, she was a skeleton and refused to go to the hospital when I called an ambulance. I asked a doctor friend to come over and see her and he tried to convince her she’d die if she didn’t get some IV fluids, but she wouldn’t listen to reason. I think, and this is difficult to say, but I think on some level, she wanted to die. She hardly weighed eighty pounds when she died and never got out of bed that day.”

  “She died in her sleep?” Ann asked, hoping at least it was a peaceful end.

  Ben avoided eye contact by looking down at his plate. “Well, actually she died of an overdose of sleeping pills. Somehow, she was strong enough to get the bottle of pills from the medicine cabinet. The doctor had prescribed them since she wasn’t sleeping well, and I was giving her one a night.”

  “She killed herself?” Ann was stunned. “Oh, that poor girl. And how horrible for you. I mean, you’ve been through hell, haven’t you?”

  “You could say that,” Ben stared at his plate.

  “Hey you two, everything okay? Need anything?” Daniel’s interruption was a welcome one. He nodded to Ben’s empty plate, “Looks like you didn’t like it too much, bro.”

  “Nah, couldn’t stand it,” Ben looked up with a grin.

  “Can I interest you guys in some dessert?”

  Ben shook his head no, but Daniel insisted, “Your lady friend here made it.”

  “You look mighty smug over there, lady friend,” Ben said. “Sure I won’t choke on it?”

  “It’s your funeral.” Daniel smiled at Ann.

  Funeral. She cringed. After her conversation with Ben, it was not the thing to say. But, Daniel couldn’t have known. She quickly covered up his remarks, “Come on Ben, you gotta try my grandmother’s famous recipe. You’ll love it.” She glanced up at Daniel, then Ben, and said, “Bring me one for here and one to go.”

  Ben rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. I’ll try my lady friend’s grandmother’s stepson’s uncle’s neighbor’s recipe.”

  “That was just weird,” Daniel said, shrugging his shoulder.

  “I agree,” she said. “But just wait. You’re in for a treat.”

  When Daniel returned with two plates, he said, “One is the original recipe and one is the recipe Ann and I adapted this morning. See if you can tell which is which.”

  “Oh, I can tell. It’s my grandmother’s recipe. I’ve eaten these things for thirty…some years.”

  “I wouldn’t be too quick to make that call,” Daniel warned. “I couldn’t tell, and I’m a professional chef.”

  “Tell you what,” Ben said. “Let’s break them in half and try half of each.”

  “Good idea,” she said.

  “I’ll be right back with your check,” Daniel said. “And for the verdict.”

  After they’d both had a bite from each cookie, Ann said, “It’s this one.” She pointed to a half of a cookie on her plate.

  “How can you tell? I can’t tell. They taste th
e same to me.” Ben said. “Which, by the way is fantastic! Your grandmother is a great cook.”

  “Was a great cook,” Ann corrected him.

  “Sorry.”

  Daniel popped back with the check and asked, “Okay, which is which?”

  “I say they both taste the same,” Ben said.

  “And I say this one,” Ann pointed to the half on her plate.

  They watched Daniel, in anticipation. “Well, you both could be right,” he said sheepishly.

  “Huh?” Ben asked.

  “Well, you see, I was in a hurry when Ann left this morning to get cleaned up for the lunch rush and dumped the new ones in with the ones Ann had brought me. So, when I pulled them out, I couldn’t tell myself. So, I can’t really give you an answer.”

  Ben shrugged as if he didn’t mind, but Ann said, “Since it’s my recipe, I say this is the original one right here.” She was happy to have the final say and she was sticking to it…even if she couldn’t really tell which was which either.

  Chapter 10

  Ann looked forward to the unveiling of her new cookies for Mindy at the knitting club. She’d hoped that Mindy would be at the knitting club and the cookies were to her liking. Ann decided to make a double batch, and if they were a flop she’d drown her miseries by eating them herself.

  When she arrived with a cookie platter in one hand and Honey’s leash in the other, Freda and Princess greeted them at the door. Freda’s arms were outstretched ready to take Ann’s platter. “Come on in you two.”

  Ann entered, handed the platter to Freda, and unhooked Honey’s leash so she could happily scamper off with Princess.

  “What we got here?” Freda boomed.

  Ann whispered, “It’s a surprise for Mindy. I sure hope she comes tonight.”

  Freda grimaced as her body stiffened. “I told you, Ann! Attendance is not optional! Of course she’ll be here.”

  Ann was taken aback by Freda’s tone. “Oh, um, good, then.” She didn’t know how to react to that and wondered what would happen if she didn’t show up. After Freda’s reaction, Ann wasn’t about to ask.

  “So, what is it?” Freda’s demeanor instantly changed, her tone softened, and her shoulders relaxed.

  “I made the same cookies I brought last time, but I made them gluten free for Mindy.” Ann retrieved the platter from Freda and moved toward the basement door.

  “Yup, she’ll appreciate that,” Freda said.

  Ann pulled a small paper bag with a handful of cookies wrapped in a napkin out of her knitting bag. She found Ralph in the living room playing video games while Tiny, Honey, and Princess climbed all over him. He squealed in delight. Ann handed him the paper bag, then made the hush symbol with her index finger to her mouth. “Cookies. Don’t let your mom see.”

  Ralph’s black curly locks bounced around like tiny pogo sticks as his head snapped backward to see who had just handed him the bag. “Uh, ok. Thanks.”

  Once downstairs, Ann noticed some of the women were already sitting in the same spots as the previous week. She set the platter on the table and immediately, Jasmine, Michelle, and Bubbles rushed the table. It was like Walmart on Black Friday.

  “Wonderful Ann, I was hoping you’d bring something,” Jasmine said. “I haven’t had a thing to eat all day.”

  “Yeah, those cookies were out of this world last time!” Michelle exclaimed as she rose and moved toward the table. Tijuana Charley scampered behind.

  “What did you bring us this time, darlin’?” Bubbles asked.

  “I brought the same thing,” Ann said, knowing they weren’t exactly the same.

  “Music to my ears,” Amanda said, as she dashed down the steps. “You have no idea how much I need a cookie right now. Left my happy pills in my other britches.”

  Ann shook her head, as Amanda wasn’t wearing pants, she had on another skirt that flowed to her ankles.

  Mindy was right behind her but moving slowly with her turtle bowl in hand. When she reached the bottom stair, Ann reached for the bowl and said, “Mindy, I have a surprise for you. I made the cookies gluten free this week.”

  Mindy’s face lit up. She handed Testudo’s bowl to Ann and rushed for the table. She snatched two cookies and put them on a napkin and then retrieved her bowl and sat in her seat. She set the bowl on the floor beside her but kept an eye on her turtle while she ate.

  Ann watched her for a sign and when Mindy groaned, she knew the gluten-free cookies were a hit.

  “Oh…my…gosh! These are heaven. How did you make them, how did you know how?” Mindy asked with her mouth full.

  “A chef friend of mine helped me. I’m so glad you like them.”

  “These cookies taste just the same as the ones you made last week, sweetie,” Bubbles said. “Can’t tell the difference. Not one bit different. No sirree-Bob!”

  Ann smiled and the other women agreed.

  When Gloria and Dona arrived and saw the platter, both plucked a cookie and stuck it on a napkin. Freda clomped down the stairs with Elegante, in overalls, and they also grabbed a cookie before everyone took their seats.

  Gloria said, “Are these—”

  Ann nodded as Michelle said, “Wonderful! That’s what they are!”

  “Are these what?” Dona asked.

  Ann turned to her neighbor and said, “They’re gluten free, Dona. I made them so Mindy could also have a treat.”

  Dona set her cookie back down on her napkin and placed the napkin on the table in front of her.

  Ann didn’t feel slighted in the least. She hadn’t made them for Dona, she made them for Mindy. And Mindy was scarfing them up.

  Dona said loud enough for everyone to hear, but not to anyone in particular, “I hope this gluten-free fad fades quickly. It’s a real burden on the rest of us.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Michelle said. “Mindy’s allergic to wheat. It’s not a fad for her.”

  “Actually,” Mindy mumbled and fidgeted awkwardly in her seat, “I’m not exactly allergic. Celiac disease is not an allergy. It just makes me very ill.”

  “There’s no just in being ill,” Gloria said. “If it makes you sick, then it’s a problem. And Dona can keep her burdensome comments to herself.”

  Dona crossed her leg over her knee and turned away from the group.

  “So, how was everyone’s week?” Freda said.

  Bubbles couldn’t contain herself and burst out, “He asked me out! On a real date. I’m so excited, I can’t stand myself.”

  “Well, that’s understandable,” Dona said under her breath.

  “Wowee Kazowee!” Amanda exclaimed.

  “Who? That nice man you work with?” Ele asked.

  Bubbles nodded so hard, she looked like a bobble-head doll. “Yes! Pete, he’s the one! He’s such a prince!”

  “More like a frog,” Dona grumbled.

  While Ann agreed with Dona, she could see how excited Bubbles was and wasn’t about to steal her joy.

  Gloria said enthusiastically, “Congratulations, Bubbles. He must fancy you. When is your date?”

  “Saturday night. We’re going bowling. I haven’t been bowling in nineteen years. Think I still have that swing?” Bubbles stood up and motioned as if she were throwing a ball down an alley.

  Ann liked Bubbles, even if she did think her taste in men stank.

  “Anyone else got anything?” Freda asked.

  Ann wondered if she should bring up the fact that she couldn’t seem to find a job in Burrburgh, even if she paid the person to take her.

  “Got a postcard from the kids. They’re on a two-week, back-to-back cruise in the Caribbean,” Michelle sighed. She pulled out a postcard of a ship from her bag and passed it around for everyone to see. “Sure wish I coulda gone with them.”

  The group suddenly became still, and heads lowered. Ann felt sorry for Michelle and wondered if there was more to her story that the group knew about. Perhaps Michelle was hurting financially, or maybe it had something to do with her
health. She felt it best not to pry.

  Ann decided to bring up her job hunt instead. What could it hurt, and the women had lived in this town longer than she, so maybe they had some contacts that could help. “I was turned down for every job I applied for, including volunteering!” Ann hoped someone perhaps an inkling of a prospect for her.

  “Times are hard,” Michelle said. “Been growing my own food for years. It’s much better for you and lowers the grocery bill.”

  “And we all know what that means—more money to go shopping!” Jasmine said. “Which reminds me, did I show you my latest and greatest?” She stuck out her arm to show off her silver bangle bracelet, half an inch wide with butterflies in precious gemstones.

  “Oooh, pretty!” Bubbles squealed, while Dona pretended not to look at the bracelet.

  “That is quite lovely,” Gloria said.

  “Very nice,” Ann commented, only slightly annoyed at having the conversation diverted from her job hunting endeavors.

  Ele asked, “What are those stones?” She leaned over Superstition, who was lying in her lap to get a better look.

  “The wings are sapphires, and the bodies are emeralds. Paid way too much for it on an online auction. I do believe the owner was the sole bidder just trying to bid me up. Even knowing that, I went for it. You only live once!” Jasmine said.

  “Mighty solid piece you got there,” Freda barked.

  “Oh!” Ele interrupted, “We’ve got an opening for a software engineer at our company.”

  Ann wasn’t even sure what a software engineer did, but she was pretty sure she didn’t qualify for it.

  “What places have you tried?” Michelle asked.

  “Well,” Ann took a deep breath, “first I tried at the Okey Dokey Corral,” she glanced at Bubbles. “But Pete said there were no openings. Even though there was a sign for a chalk board artist.”

  Bubbles chimed in, “Oh honey, that sign’s been up for months. He only comes in once a month, and never remembers to redo that one. He’s a silly one, that chalkboard artist.”

  “He’s a complete nitwit,” Dona chirped.

  “And I wanted to apply at the Stitch In Time, you know, we could all get a discount on knitting supplies.”