That evening was still vivid in his memory as if it had happened yesterday. A few months after the wedding fiasco, he had persuaded Meera to venture out of the house. They were finishing dinner at one of her favourite restaurants when she glanced at a couple who had just entered. He followed her gaze and froze in shock.
As soon as he saw them everything fell into place like the last missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. Self-loathing and disgust roiled through him. He had been such a besotted fool he had missed all the signs. Pia and Manish. Her ‘cousin brother’ who would accompany her everywhere like a faithful bodyguard. Tonight, his arm was draped around her shoulder and, from their body language, one thing was clear as daylight: they were lovers. What kind of a sick woman would take her lover along for a date with another man? As for Manish—what sort of a guy could happily watch while his lover flirted with someone else?
He struggled to control the bitterness that rumbled through him like molten lava. He barely heard Meera’s anxious voice pleading, ‘Neel, let’s go.’
Ignoring her, he walked right up to them. ‘Hey!’
Pia’s guilt-ridden look was a dead giveaway. ‘H…hello, Neel.’
Manish dragged his arm away from Pia and avoided Neel’s piercing gaze.
Neel didn’t miss the sindoor in her hair and her armful of red and white bangles—symbols of a newly wed woman—and said, in a voice thick with sarcasm, ‘Congratulations. Who’s the lucky guy?’
Pia gulped nervously. ‘Uh…Manish and I got married last month.’
Neel relished her discomfiture. ‘Manish? Your bhaiyya? So it was all a big lie, huh?’
Meera tugged at Neel’s sleeve as some people began to shoot curious glances at them. But he couldn’t care less. He wanted answers from Pia and he wouldn’t budge until he got them.
‘What I did was wrong. I admit it,’ said Pia tearfully. ‘But I was too scared to tell my father about Manish. We don’t belong to the same community and you know how conservative my parents are. They would have been livid if I’d told them I wanted to marry Manish. I had decided to forget all about marrying him, but on the day of our wedding…I realised I couldn’t go through—’
A vice-like grip squeezed at his chest. ‘Why did you make up that cock and bull story then, about how you wouldn’t be able to live in the same house with my mother and Meera if we got married? Did you both preplan the entire drama?’
‘No, nothing was pre-planned. Please believe me,’ urged Pia. ‘I didn’t want to hurt you or your family. But I couldn’t think straight and I blurted out the first thing that came into my head.’
‘Why didn’t you talk to me and tell me the truth? Did you think I would force you to marry me, regardless of the fact that you loved another man?’
She looked away, trying to hide her tears. ‘I’m sorry.’
The decibel level in the restaurant had gone down a couple of notches as people strained to hear their conversation.
Meera, who had been watching the exchange, suddenly screamed, ‘You bloody bitch! You turned our lives into hell. I hope you and Manish rot in hell too.’ Tears streamed down her cheeks as she pushed away from them and hurried out.
Meera’s outburst had come as a shock but for the first time Neel realised just how hard his little sister had taken Pia’s betrayal. He stared at the woman who he’d believed he loved and was at a loss for words. All emotion had drained out of him and the hollowness echoed in his voice. ‘I’m glad it worked out for you in the end.’
He turned away to leave as she said, ‘If it’s any consolation to you, neither Manish’s relatives nor mine have accepted our marriage.’
He wasn’t surprised her words left him cold but right now he needed to take care of his distraught sister. Neel raced out to find Meera walking away from the restaurant, unmindful of the people who jostled against her. She seemed to be in a daze. Neel’s heart went out to her—he knew he shouldn’t have let her witness the confrontation. But he had been thinking only of himself and it made him cringe. He hailed a cab and, after much cajoling, Meera finally got in. He tried to console her but she wouldn’t stop sobbing.
‘I am sorry, I am so sorry, Bhaiyya,’ she kept repeating over and over again. ‘I thought you had done something which made Pia back out of the marriage. I blamed you! I will never forgive myself!’
He and his mother tried for days to cheer her up but with each passing day Meera kept sinking into a morass of depression. As her condition deteriorated, Neel moved her into Dr Banerjee’s institution. The doctor warned them that her emotional turmoil, combined with her dysthymia symptoms, would make Meera’s treatment a painfully long one.
Damn! He was supposed to have called Dr Banerjee yesterday and it had completely slipped his mind. He pulled out his phone—the battery was dead. Bloody hell! He pushed back his chair and excused himself with a muttered apology.
Storming into his office, he headed straight for the landline on his desk and punched in Dr Banerjee’s mobile number. As the phone kept ringing for a while he heard his heart thud loudly in his ears. Guilt gnawed at his insides—how could he have forgotten about Meera? For the first time ever he’d failed to make his weekly call to the doctor. At long last the doctor’s deep Bengali-accented voice wafted over the line.
‘Hello, Doctor. I’m sorry I didn’t call yesterday. Is Meera all right?’
There was a brief pause—barely a couple of seconds—but Neel knew his worst fears had come true.
‘Neel, we tried to connect with you several times. But your phone was switched off.’
His heart beat hard, ready to burst out of his chest. ‘Doctor—what’s wrong? How is Meera?’
‘Not good, Neel. She is under heavy sedation. Yesterday she nearly…went over the edge.’ The slight hesitation in Dr Banerjee’s voice was indication enough of the gravity of the situation.
Neel leaned against the desk and gripped the phone savagely. Battling against his frustration, he resisted the urge to fling it at the wall as the doctor explained how Meera’s condition had taken a turn for the worse. She had been like a raging wild animal and it had taken several doses of strong sedatives before she had fallen into an exhausted sleep.
‘Neel, you have to get to Delhi as soon as possible.’
Trying to dislodge the lump in his throat, he croaked in a hoarse voice, ‘Yes, of course.’
Pain burnt a searing path in his gut. How had he forgotten that when it came to women he simply just couldn’t get it right? He had let down his little sister again. In his fantasy-drenched obsession for Rayna, he’d forgotten all about Meera. God forbid, if anything happened to her, he would never be able to forgive himself.
As for Rayna…the truth was he had fallen hard for her. He had done exactly what he’d vowed never to do—fall in love. He cursed himself for discarding his own rules. He had let the idyllic setting, the romance of it all get to him. He had begun to fantasise about turning their fake engagement into a real one. Raking his fingers through his hair, he tried to sweep away the thoughts. He didn’t do love! And even if she was interested in something more real he was certain to mess it up. The irony was that his love for her would destroy any relationship that blossomed from it. Sooner or later he was bound to shatter her trust in him. She had had more than her share of loss and grief already…and he could not add to her burden.
After the sumptuous wedding feast the guests retired to their villas and Rayna was called in by Milee for a gossip session. Milee quizzed her about the ceremony, wanting to know every little detail of what she’d missed while she’d been busy chanting mantras and getting married. While she took her friend’s incessant ribbing about her fake engagement in her stride, Rayna couldn’t help but wonder what lay in store for her and Neel. Would it be a ‘great-knowing-you-have-a-wonderful-life’ goodbye or dared she hope they had a future together? The thought made her shiver at the implications. No, she definitely wasn’t considering a happily-ever-after with him. He was far too dangerous for her peace of m
ind.
She hadn’t seen him since he had abruptly left during the feast—probably busy with arrangements for the reception the next day. But she was bound to find him at the beach, where the crew would be doing the final shoot. With the ceremonial part of the marriage all done, Julie had decided to use the free time to wrap up the last of the filming.
After a quick shower, she changed into a summery dress, strapped on a pair of sandals and was heading out when she came face-to-face with the man she couldn’t stop thinking about!
His hair was tousled and his jacket a bit askew—he didn’t look his usual calm and collected self. A vague undefined emotion made her heart lurch as she looked at him anxiously.
‘We need to talk,’ he announced. Striding towards the plush settee, he waited stiffly for her to be seated. He took a position near the large bay window looking out to the ocean.
‘Rayna, have you decided how you’re going to announce our break-up to your family and friends?’
‘Is that what you want to talk about?’ Stunned, she scanned his face for some indication of where this discussion was heading. Clearly, there was something else on his mind that he wasn’t telling her.
‘You need to think it through. I’m OK with whatever you decide. Since I’m leaving for Delhi tomorrow, perhaps you could just say—’
‘You won’t stay for the reception?’ She cut him short. ‘Why the sudden change of plan?’
‘Something has come up and I have to get to Delhi ASAP. The airport at Port Blair shuts at 2:00 p.m. or else I would have left by now.’ He paced the room, raking his already tousled hair some more. ‘I suggest you wait for a few weeks before letting everyone know that we have called off the engagement. Otherwise you will face a lot more gossip.’
She stared at him, totally at a loss for words, even though a thousand thoughts flashed through her mind. She had known it would come to this but she wasn’t ready for it. Not yet.
He eased himself into the settee next to her, inches away from her, but it was almost as if they were on different planets.
‘It’s best that we say our goodbyes now.’
His words delivered a knockout blow to her solar plexus. And yet wasn’t this what she had wanted right from the beginning? A no-strings-attached liaison to tide her over the crisis with Sid? A face-saving solution to present to the Agra gang? Mission accomplished! So why did it feel so wrong? Why did she feel as if the rug had been pulled from under her? She couldn’t fault his logic, but whatever happened to all that passion? Where was the hot desire he had felt for her? All burnt out already? Where was the guy who had eased her fears and treated her like the most desirable woman in the whole universe? Was it all just a figment of her fevered imagination—a fantasy she had dreamed up one magical star-studded night? Well, the dream was finally over and reality had come crashing back with a vengeance. This was the practical, no-nonsense Neel reminding her that the deal was done.
She inhaled deeply. ‘You’re right. But tell me something first. Didn’t last night mean anything to you at all?’
He sucked in his breath sharply and turned hungry eyes towards her. For a brief moment the haunted look in them made her heart lurch with hope. But it was gone in a flash. He caught her hand in his and stroked her palm with his thumb. ‘It meant the world to me, Rayna.’
She wanted to scream in frustration but managed to stay calm. ‘So, what happened? You just woke up this morning and decided you’d had enough of me?’
He dragged her into his arms. His hard lean thighs pressed against hers and the heat of his arousal branded her skin. He raised his hand and cupped the back of her head while his lips caught hers in a bruising kiss. She clung to him, not wanting to let go. He dragged his mouth away and rasped savagely, ‘See what you do to me? Do you think I can ever have enough of you? Not a hope in hell.’
Wrenching away from her, he ran his hands through his hair. ‘I shared a part of me that I have always kept hidden. Remember what you said about me? That I would rather not commit to a relationship in case something goes wrong? Believe me, every time I have made a personal commitment, everything just goes down the chute. When it comes to relationships I’m a complete failure. A big zero. Whoever has relied on me, I have let them down…time and again.’ He paused for a beat, giving her time to absorb it all. ‘It’s best if we go our separate ways now, without the bitterness, the regrets.’
‘How can you be sure things won’t work out unless you’re willing to take a chance?’ The words were out before she could stop herself.
He gave a low laugh that made her shudder at the self-contempt she heard in his voice. ‘Some kink in my DNA! You will be better off without me.’
She sat in stunned silence. She’d got her answer. No matter how he phrased it, the truth was he did not want her in his life. There was nothing more to it. She braced herself against the hurt rumbling through her at his rejection. Along with the pain, her anger too resurfaced. ‘Speak for yourself, Mr Hotshot Hotelier. Don’t you dare tell me who or what’s good or bad for me. I don’t give anyone the right to decide that!’
She got up to leave—she needed to get away with her dignity intact. Her palms were clenched tight and the diamond bit into her soft flesh. Only the thought of Agra Aunty’s expression should she appear without it persuaded her not to throw it back in his face right now. ‘Oh, and once I’m back in Mumbai, I’ll send your ring back. Have a safe trip!’
‘Goodbye, Rayna. Have a good life.’
The reception was a fitting finale to the week-long wedding celebrations. A huge luxurious tent had been erected with twinkling lamps, glittering chandeliers and floating fragrant candles in earthen urns. The beach floor was carpeted with Indian durries and the stage was set for an evening of live entertainment. Soft music played as the guests—dressed in their designer Ritu Kumar, Jimmy Choo shoes, Armani and Guccis—enjoyed delicious canapés and the best wines. The party got into top gear when Karisma made a grand entry—seated atop a howdah on a bedecked elephant—and performed to a medley of popular Bollywood hits that had everyone lustily cheering for more.
The revelry grated on Rayna’s raw nerves. How she wished she were a million miles away—far away from everything that reminded her of Neel. All through the night his rejection of her had played in her mind like a song on an unending loop. His goodbye had been final—he hadn’t even held out the hope of friendship. Not even a polite let’s-stay-in-touch or a call-me-when-you’re-in-Mumbai. She had tossed, turned and teetered between self-pity and self-loathing.
At dawn, she’d heard his bedroom door open and the sharp tattoo of his steps on the smooth marble corridor. She’d squeezed her eyes shut, battling the urge to leap out of bed, throw her dignity away and beg him to stay. She’d pressed her clenched fists against her flaming cheeks and waited. The seconds had passed excruciatingly slowly and she’d released her breath as his footsteps faded away. Only then had the tears burst forth, drowning her in a torrent of emotions.
‘Rayna, beta, are you all right?’
Rayna stiffened as Agra Aunty peered at her with a worried expression.
She gave her a quick smile and nodded. ‘That was quite a performance by Karisma, wasn’t it?’
Agra Aunty waved her plump arm dismissively and her thick gold bangles jingled. ‘Oh, yes—the typical chammak-challo act. But what’s wrong with you? You look like you have seen a ghost!’
For once she couldn’t muster up her usual angst against her hated enemy. All she wanted to do was bury her face in her palms and sob her heart out. She swiped away the tear that slid down her cheek before Agra Aunty spied it.
‘Something’s troubling you.’ Agra Aunty’s sincere concern took Rayna by surprise. ‘I know you don’t have any reason to consider me your friend. Rayna, I sincerely regret some of the things I have done and said to you in the past. In my defence, I can only say that my own insecurities made me behave the way I did. It’s no excuse—but that’s the truth.’
Rayna was st
unned. For the first time, she saw Agra Aunty in a new light and was overcome with sympathy for her plight. It couldn’t have been easy for her, as an unmarried elderly woman, to depend on the benevolence of her niece and her husband. More than anything else, it would have eroded her self-esteem. It was as if Rayna had peeked into her lonely world and her loud, brash behaviour began to take on a different meaning. A twinge of remorse at her own self-obsession made her want to reach out to her. They had had their differences but suddenly Rayna felt as if they had crossed a bridge, leaving behind their old animosities and petty disputes. When she saw Agra Aunty’s lips quiver with emotion she squeezed her palm and gave her a heartfelt smile.
Agra Aunty nodded in acceptance. ‘Thank you!’
The fireworks display came as a welcome distraction and for the next few minutes they watched spellbound as a thousand brilliant starbursts lit up the night sky in a frenzy of colours. The final flourish was a laser love note from the groom to his bride—Milee I Will Love You For Ever Chris—which zigzagged across the dark cloudless sky in a flash of multicoloured laser strobes. Spontaneous applause rent the night air and Rayna wondered if she had missed the chance to find her own for ever love.
I love you, Neel! The scream reverberated inside her and she almost gasped aloud. How could that be? When did that happen? The irony was that she should be hit by the realisation after he had already rejected her. Clearly, her sense of timing sucked. Big time.
‘Hello there… All alone?’ Karisma’s shrill voice pierced through Rayna’s benumbed senses. ‘You do have a knack of driving away your lovers, don’t you?’
Rayna realised she no longer cared about Karisma’s pathetic attempts at making mischief. She had other things to worry about—more specifically, how she was going to deal with her unrequited love for Neel!
‘I think you had better watch what you’re saying, young lady.’ Agra Aunty drew up her considerable girth for a showdown with the Bollywood diva.
Trouble Has a New Name Page 13
