Kylie turns to Jack and they’re discussing something, huddled together. I freaking hate that she lives with him and they have this strong connection. She sees him way more than she sees me. For all I know, they’re sleeping in the same bed. I know that’s ridiculous when she’s told me repeatedly to trust her, but it’s hard, especially when I see how close they’ve gotten both at work and personally.
“Let me check,” I say and step away from the group, calling Matthew. He picks up the phone with an irritated, “What?”
“Are you going out tonight?”
“Later,” he says.
“What time?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can you stay with Mimi for a couple of hours?”
“I thought you were coming right after work?”
“I’ve got something to do for an hour or two. Can you at least stay there till nine?”
He gives an irritated sigh. “I guess, but I’m leaving here at nine.”
“That’s fine. Thanks.”
“Whatever.” He hangs up and I pocket my phone, rejoining the group. “I can come for a drink.”
“Oh, good,” Kylie says, wrapping her arms around me, and I hold on to her, feeling less in control than ever.
We go to an Italian restaurant off property and get a table. This is more than drinks. This is dinner with expensive bottles of wine that Bailey ordered with advice from Kylie. A real cloth-napkin-in-your-lap kind of joint. I’ve been to these sorts of restaurants with Robert, but never when I was growing up. We were lucky to get a bag of fast food back then. I’ll never get used to this kind of life. But it’s clear that Kylie’s very comfortable at a place like this.
She turns to me and squeezes my knee. “I hope this is okay? I know you were only expecting to get a drink.”
“It’s fine. I just want to see you for a minute.”
She smiles at me and then kisses me. When she focuses on her menu, I look across the table at Jack, who catches my eye and then inspects his own menu. I hate how it eats at me that he’s in her life the way he is.
She lays down her menu. “Do you know what you want to eat?”
“I really don’t care. You can order for me if you want.”
“Really? What if I order something you don’t like?”
“I’m not picky. I like trying new things,” I say, hoping this impresses her, my nonchalance about being here, my coolness with all of this—her, Jack, this stupid restaurant.
“So what are you gonna do with your grandma tomorrow?” she asks.
I know she’s just being kind and making conversation, but she really doesn’t understand that there’s nothing to be done with my grandma other than to sit there with her, watching the Food Network, waiting for her to stand up and walk around the place looking for something that doesn’t exist. All I can do is follow along beside her in case she stumbles, get her to the bathroom, and change her diaper. I don’t think this is what Kylie wants to hear right now or at any time.
“I’m not sure,” I say. “Just spending time with her.”
She smiles that adoring smile that makes me feel like the only man on earth she could ever want, and I know I’m in way over my head.
After we eat and everyone takes a bite of a couple of desserts, I check my phone. “I’ve got to get going,” I say loudly enough to get everyone’s attention. I hold up my phone. “Who do I Venmo for Kylie and me?”
“I’ve got the bill,” Jack says.
I nod at Kylie, keeping my eyes on Jack. “I’ll pay for ours.”
“I’m putting it on my corporate card.”
“I don’t fucking care,” I say.
“Brett,” Kylie says under her breath.
I take a beat and then pocket my phone. “Fine.” I slide my chair back and Kylie gets up with me.
“I’ll walk you out,” she says, and then we head toward the door, everyone giving me their goodbyes.
We stand by my truck, and she moves her hands up my arms and across my shoulders. “Thank you so much for coming out. I was so glad to get to see you even for a couple of hours. I’ve missed you so much this week.”
I put my hands on her waist. “I’ve missed you, too. What are you doing tomorrow night?”
“Whatever you want.”
I move my hands up her torso. “I don’t know if I’ll ever want to leave the bed.”
“That’s absolutely fine with me.”
I kiss her, and she moves her hand across my neck, threading her fingers in my hair as we kiss like we’ve been separated for a year. She pulls away, panting, “I wish we could go somewhere.”
I clench my eyes shut, wishing we wouldn’t have stayed at that stupid restaurant so long.
She presses herself against me. “How much time do you have?”
It’s more than I can resist. “Get in the car,” I say, and she hustles around to the other side, I drive to my place and whisk her inside. Val and Cohen are hanging out on the couch with Tori in the side chair.
I stand there running my hands through my hair, wanting them to magically get up and leave. “You okay?” Val asks.
“Yeah,” I say, glancing around. Tori gives me a funny look and then smiles. “Let’s head over to my place,” she says to the guys, and then everyone seems to catch on.
“Cool,” Cohen says, giving me a grin as the three of them head out.
As soon as the door shuts, Kylie and I are all over each other. I rid her of her blouse and bra, and she pulls my shirt over my head. We can’t stop kissing, hands all over one another. I unzip her pants and let them fall to the ground, sliding her underwear down. She steps out of them and I hike her up onto the dining room table. I fall to my knees and spread her thighs, pulling her to the edge.
She lets out a moan as I close in on her, wrapping her legs around my neck, leaning back on the palms of her hands.
I stand up, pulling a condom out of my pocket before dropping my shorts to the floor. I ready myself and then push into her. The emotions inside of me are almost more than I can handle as I drive into her, wanting to make her mine, and not just for tonight.
She wraps her legs around my back and grips my shoulders as I pick her up and press her against the wall. She lets out a wail, and I know it’s time to let go inside of her, as much as I want this moment to last all night.
As we come down from the high of lust for one another, she kisses me and I kiss back, not wanting to stop. “I’m crazy about you,” she whispers into my ear, and I close my eyes, drinking in her words, wanting to go a step further and tell her how I really feel in three words.
Instead, I kiss her some more and then pull away from her. “I’ve got to get going.”
She nods. “I know. I’m sorry if I’ve made you late.”
“It’ll be fine. I’ll text Matthew before I head out.”
We both get dressed and she checks her phone. “They’re heading to the Circle. I can walk.”
“I’ll drop you down there.”
“Okay,” she says, giving me another kiss. “I’ll miss you tonight.”
“I’ll miss you, too.” She has no idea how much I mean it.
28
Brett
As I pull into the entrance of our trailer park, I’m struck by the way my life has veered paths from how I grew up. There shouldn’t be any shame in eating at a fancy Italian restaurant, but still, being back here makes me feel like a fraud.
I pull up to my mom’s trailer, and an ache forms in the pit of my gut as I don’t see my brother’s car. I jump out of the truck and head to the door, which is ajar. I open it and am met with panic when I don’t find my grandmother in her recliner.
“Mimi?” I say. I go to the bathroom, and it’s empty. “Mimi,” I shout, getting louder, but our trailer only has two bedrooms, and I’ve searched them both in seconds. I call my brother, but he doesn’t pick up. I text him.
Where are you? Where is Mimi? Do you have her?
No response. I text again.
Did you guys go to the store or something?
It’s wishful thinking, but I’m desperate. I run outside, looking all around. “Mimi?” I call out. I start banging on doors. I go to Mr. Cotton’s door first. “Mr. Cotton? Have you seen my grandmother?”
“No,” he shouts from inside and then says something about me needing to keep a better eye on her.
I bang on another door. “George, have you seen my grandmother?”
His wife comes to the door. “Did you lose her again?”
“I’m not sure. Matthew’s not answering his phone.” I pull out my phone and call him again. “Have you seen him?” I ask, listening to the phone ring on the other end.
“Honey, I don’t pay attention to what’s going on outside this door. I’ve got my show on.”
I walk away, scouring the place, but she’s nowhere to be found.
I remember where she went last time and head that way, toward the street. Two people huddle over something on the side of the road, and I run toward them. My heart thunders the closer I get, and I hope against all hope that it’s not my grandma.
“What’s happening?” I shout.
“She was hit by a car.”
My hand flies to my mouth as the pasta I just ate threatens to make its way back up. I move in closer, but I don’t need to look at her face, because those are her house shoes.
The man is saying something about the police, as the woman shouts about CPR.
I spring into action. “Move,” I yell.
They scatter out of my way, and I start the steps. They come back to me like riding a bike. I look at the man. “Call 911.”
I start compressions.
29
Kylie
It’s really strange that I haven’t heard from Brett all day. I texted him last night when I got home with a funny note about our quickie and a flame emoji, but he never responded. I keep checking my phone, but there’s been nothing from him.
It’s hard for me to imagine he’s mad at me. We didn’t have any kind of fight or anything—much the opposite. We had the hottest sex of my life. Of course, the bar was low thanks to Joshua. But still.
“You should just go over there,” Jack says from his spot on the couch.
I sit at the dining room table, tapping my foot. “That seems kind of desperate.”
“Weren’t you supposed to have plans with him tonight?”
“Yeah. You don’t think I should be worried about him, do you?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, to be honest with you. Like I’ve mentioned, he’s broken a lot of hearts around here. But as possessive as he has been of you, it’s kind of hard for me to believe he would blow you off. Do you want me to text him?”
“No. But thank you.”
“I could text him something about Robert—a work question, just to see if he responds. That way you know his phone isn’t in the Gulf of Mexico or anything.”
I consider this. “You could text him and ask him if he’s going to be using the boat tonight.” He gets his phone, and I clench my eyes shut. “No, don’t do that. I don’t wanna play that game.” Jack sets his phone down and picks up his tablet.
“I’m going over there,” I say.
“Good decision. If he’s blowing you off, then fuck him. Come back here and we’ll watch some depressing movie and you can drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine.”
I force a smile. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”
I drive over to Brett’s street and park in front of his unit. As I walk up the steps, my heart gains a few pounds. The door is cracked open, and there’re voices inside.
I push it open and find Bailey, Simone, Cohen, Logan, Isaac, and Val standing around the living room, talking in hushed tones. “What’s going on?” I ask as the blood drains out of my face.
“Hey,” Bailey says. “I was just getting ready to text you.”
“What is it?” I say, my voice becoming shrill.
She puts a finger over her lips and ushers me outside. “Brett’s grandmother was killed last night in a hit-and-run.”
I have to steady myself. “Oh, my God. When? What happened?”
“I’m piecing things together from what Tori has told Logan, but it sounds like nobody was home when he got there last night. I think his little brother was supposed to be watching her. I’m not really sure.”
I swallow hard. “So when you say hit by a car, do you mean while she was in another car, or was she...” I can’t even bring myself to say the words.
“No, she wandered out to the street, apparently.”
I bite on my thumbnail, thinking about what Brett and I were doing right before he left, and it hits me like a ton of bricks falling from the sky that I held him up from getting there on time.
“You don’t look good,” Bailey says. “I think you should sit down.”
“I need to go see him. Where is he?”
“Tori is with him in his room. He doesn’t want to see anyone.”
“Yeah, but this is me. I need to see him.”
Bailey looks pained. She pulls out her phone and shows me a text. It’s from Tori.
If Kylie shows up, please don’t send her back here. Brett says he doesn’t want to see her right now.
I feel like someone just stuck a sword in my gut.
Bailey rubs my shoulder. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I really am.”
I meet Bailey’s frown, and I say, “Do you think there’s any chance she’s lying?”
She exhales a deep breath. “I really don’t think so. She’s just not like that. She’s as straightforward as they come, and she’s not manipulative. And…”
“And what?”
“And someone asked about you earlier and I heard him say he didn’t want to see you right now.”
My heart plummets. “Is that what he said? Is that exactly how he said it?”
“I think his exact words were, I just can’t.”
I collapse into a plastic chair on the front porch.
Bailey peers inside. “Tori’s out. Let’s hear what she has to say.”
Bailey walks into the house, leaving the door half-open for me. I stand up and listen in.
“You guys are great for being here for him,” Tori says, “and he really appreciates you all. He’s just here to shower and get back to his mom. He even wants me to leave.”
There’s a low mumble from the room, and then people start filing out. Everyone disperses toward their homes, while Tori closes the door behind her.
She looks up at me, her eyes going wide at the sight of me for a second, and then she gives a partial smile and walks toward her unit.
I rub my temple as I pad toward my car, my head spinning.
30
Brett
We decided on a graveside service to keep things small, but even so, there’s way more people here than I expected—my mom’s AA group, a ton of her co-workers, some of my grandmother’s old friends who we haven’t seen much of since she got sick, and a handful of our neighbors.
The preacher drones on about life and death, quoting scripture and saying things about my grandmother that could apply to anyone in attendance today. Seventy-six years of a full and important life reduced to this atrocity. What a disservice.
After the ceremony, we turn around and are bombarded by people wanting to speak to us. They form a line, and we greet them one at a time. I feel like a broken record telling people thank you and that, yes, she was an incredible woman. But what I want to say to most of these people is, Where the fuck have you been for the past three years that she was so sick?
Matthew is worthless right now. He can’t look anyone in the eye, and I can tell this is excruciating for him. I reach around Tori, who stands between us, and tap him on the arm. “Go sit in the car.” He bolts without hesitation.
Robert and Catherine are next in line. They both give me a hug and their condolences. “Take as much time as you need,” Robert says. “And let me know what I can do. I feel helpless.”
Join the club.
I greet another few people, and then my friends are next in line. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for them. They all hug me, and the girls give me kisses on the cheek, all telling me how sorry they are and how much they love me. As much as I love each of them, I can’t help looking past them to see if Kylie’s here. But I don’t find her.
“We’ll be gathered at our place this evening if you’d like to come over when you get home,” Simone says.
“You all don’t have to wait around for me. I don’t even know what I’m doing right now.”
“We just want to be available if you need us,” Bailey says.
I nod, trying to keep it together. After they clear out, I’m met face-to-face with Jack Massey. It’s all I can do to keep from rolling my eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he says.
I just nod, holding my mouth in a tight line so I don’t say something to embarrass my family.
“She was a beautiful woman. I only met her that once, but I could tell you got your dry sense of humor from her.”
I’m confused at first, and then I rewind back to when he first came to work at the resort. He and I were just getting to know each other. There was tension because we were both Robert’s boys, and he was the new one. I invited him for Sunday dinner at my mom’s house just to watch him squirm, rich boy that he is. But he couldn’t have been more gracious. He fit in with my family better than I do sometimes, son of a bitch.
I’m unable to open my mouth as the dam presses behind my eyes, threatening to break at any moment.
He gives me sort of a half wave and then steps off.
I look down the rest of the line and don’t find Kylie anywhere. I haven’t been able to bring myself to text her since it happened. I don’t know if I can look her in the eye. What happened is my fault and my fault alone. I will bear that burden for the rest of my life. The reason I can’t connect with her is because I know I can’t have her anymore. Still, part of me just needs to know if she came.
Down for Her Page 17
