Down for Her

by Melissa Chambers

  “She’s working the family photo booth,” Tori says.

  I look down at her. “What are you talking about?”

  “Kylie. Isn’t that who you’re looking for?”

  I shuffle my feet. “No, I was not looking for her.”

  Tori just gives me that stupid smile like she knows everything on the damn earth.

  “How do you know that, anyway?” I ask.

  “She helped plan this whole event with Janelle and Bailey.”

  I think about Kylie telling me how she planned parties at her dad’s company. “Mmm,” I utter, keeping my mouth shut.

  “There’s your mom,” she says.

  My mom and Matthew walk our way with a man who looks about a decade older than my mom.

  “Hey, honey,” my mom says, giving me a hug.

  “Hey,” I say, pulling away from her and eyeballing the guy.

  He holds his hand out to me. “Scott Wills.”

  “Brett,” I say.

  “It’s certainly nice to meet you,” he says with a smile that seems sincere, but we’ll see.

  I look at Matthew. “What’s up?”

  Matthew just shrugs, glancing around. I don’t know why my mom made him come. He hates being around people like this. I know she’s trying to be supportive of me, but I don’t like that it means punishing Matthew in the process.

  We make small talk about what Scott Mills does and what I do and what this resort is about and blah blah blah. At least he doesn’t seem like an asshole.

  “Matthew!” I turn around and find Robert beaming from ear to ear as he comes toward my brother. “How in the hell are you?” he asks as he grabs my brother’s hand and shakes it, grasping his shoulder.

  Matthew beams back at him. When Robert lets go of his hand, Matthew starts wringing them together and rocking from foot to foot, something he does when he’s excited.

  Robert is one of the few people on earth who’s not in Matthew’s daily life that Matthew is actually comfortable around. Robert’s brother has autism and is the whole reason this resort exists the way it does. I think Matthew gravitates toward Robert because he knows how to talk to him like a typical human and is completely unfazed by awkwardness. Even though Matthew has never been diagnosed with autism, his mannerisms and behaviors can give that appearance.

  My mom introduces Scott, and Robert greets him in kind, then turns back to Matthew. They get wrapped up in their own private conversation. Tori has taken an interest in Scott and is quizzing him similarly to a detective with a witness.

  My mom smiles at me, pulling me aside. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m doing fine.”

  “I hope so. I think about you all the time, sweetie.” She rubs my back. “I just want you to be happy. If I could have that for you and Matthew, I wouldn’t need anything else.”

  I glance at her new guy and then back at her. “You seem happy.”

  “He’s a good guy. I know it’s hard to believe that coming from me, but it’s different this time.”

  “Does he drink?”

  “He did before he met me, but he stopped, not because he has to but because he says he doesn’t really care about it one way or the other. He’s really supportive.”

  “How much older is he?”

  She purses her lips at me. “Does that really matter?”

  “I’m just curious.”

  “He’s nine years older.”

  “That doesn’t bother you?”

  “I think he’s handsome. Don’t you?”

  I look at him, considering. “I guess he’s not grotesque.”

  “Seriously, I’m attracted to him. It’s not like he’s old enough to be my father or anything.”

  We stand in silence a moment, glancing around at the people congregating, some at an arts and craft station, some at a corn hole toss, and some filling their plates with barbecue.

  “Am I going to get to meet this famous Kylie today?”

  I frown at her and then let out a sigh. “How often do you and Tori talk, anyway?”

  “I don’t know much about her at all, just that things were going really well with the two of you until the night Mimi died?” She looks at me with a question in her eye.

  Pain shoots through my chest. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

  “Well, I do want to talk about it. What happened that night was a horrible tragedy. But it was also an accident. Nobody meant for Mimi to wander out of the house. It just happened.”

  “It wouldn’t have happened if I would’ve been there.”

  “It’s in the past. You can’t punish yourself for the rest of your life. How do you think that makes your brother feel?”

  I meet her gaze. “How does how I feel have anything to do with what he feels?”

  “Because the more you huff and puff around and punish yourself, the more he does the same. This has killed him. He’s failing school.”

  “He is?” I say, my chest constricting.

  “He’s already dropped out of his summer class, and now he’s threatening not to go back for the fall semester. He left the trailer that night because she was asleep and you were on your way. I’ve done that before, Brett. I’ve left her to run out for quick errands. I’ve left her to go meet my drug dealer.”

  I wince as a vise grip takes hold of my body.

  “Matthew didn’t do anything that he didn’t learn from me. Until the three of us can forgive ourselves for our sins, none of us will be able to move forward. I need you to forgive yourself.”

  My mom puts on a smile, looking over my shoulder, and I turn to find Matthew and Robert rejoining us. “Will your brother be here today?” my mom asks. “It’s Ethan, right?”

  “That’s right,” Robert says. “He’s on his way. I told him I would come get him, but he said he wanted to bring his own car. He said when I pick him up, he’s stuck here all day.”

  We all laugh.

  “I know how he feels,” Matthew says with a smile.

  We all laugh again, and Matthew meets my gaze and then looks away, the smile leaving his face. My heart breaks to think I’m punishing him without even meaning to. This whole time, I have felt like I was shouldering the blame and the burden so that he wouldn’t, but I see now I’ve just made him feel worse.

  I nudge him on the shoulder. “Do you want to go check out those old-school arcade games with me?”

  “I’m good,” Matthew says, looking away.

  “Come with me,” I say, and he minds me like he always has. When we get to the arcade, I point at a table. “Sit with me a second.”

  “We’re not gonna play games?”

  “In a minute. You know I don’t blame you for what happened that night, don’t you?”

  He just looks all around the place, fidgeting.

  “Hey,” I say, and he meets my gaze. “That was not your fault. We’ve all left her there alone at times. She was asleep. You had every right to believe I was coming in minutes. I would’ve done the same thing if I were you,” I say, even though I don’t think it’s true, at least not since that day we lost her.

  “No, you wouldn’t have. You would’ve stayed there with her.”

  “I left her once,” I say.

  “When?”

  “About three or four months ago. I was over there with her alone, and I wanted a Coke. I went to the convenience store, got a Coke, and came back. She was sitting in the same damn position she was when I left. There’s no difference between what I did that day and what you did that night.”

  He swallows hard, looking down at his hands.

  “It’s not your fault. Do you hear me?”

  He nods.

  “How about we both stop beating ourselves up over it? Why don’t we both forgive ourselves?”

  He nods, but the way his face is scrunched up, I’m afraid he’s getting ready to cry.

  “What’s Centipede? Have you ever played that?”

  He looks up, suddenly interested in me. “A couple of times.”
/>   “Can you show me how?”

  “You hate video games.”

  “I don’t hate them. I just don’t know them. I didn’t grow up with them like you did.”

  “I guess I can show you,” he says.

  “Are you going to get all butt hurt when I kick your ass?”

  He gives me half a smile. “As long as you don’t act like a bitch when you lose.”

  My heart warms a few degrees as a follow him through the arcade.

  34

  Kylie

  Today is definitely the second worst day I’ve had since I’ve been here. After two months, I should be over Brett. What’s the rule? One month grieving for every two months in a relationship? By those rules, I should’ve been over this weeks ago.

  But I guess I’ve got to give myself a break. This is the first time I’ve seen him since that awful night. I tried to keep from looking, but I spotted him with Tori, his mom, his little brother, and some man hanging out by the ring toss a while ago, and I’ve been completely flustered since—not that I didn’t start the day a wreck as it was.

  Another family steps up, and I smile, directing them to the backdrop. I snap their picture and ask them to put their email address or phone number into the tablet so that I can send them their pictures. I was thrilled to be able to do this job since I have no family here. But this whole day has made me see just how alone in this world I really am.

  I don’t have to be alone. I can be in my mom’s life, where I feel like a phony, and I can be in my dad’s life, where I feel like a child. But even in this life, where I pretty much only have one loyal friend, I have my self-respect—something I realize I never had until now.

  I hear Tori’s voice before I see her, and my stomach backflips. I turn to find her walking my way with Brett and his family. I plaster on a smile. “Please,” I say, motioning them to the backdrop.

  Tori stands back. “You guys go on.”

  “Come on. I want you in the picture,” Brett’s mom says.

  “I’m going to sit this one out.”

  The man I don’t recognize says, “Why don’t you do one with just you and your boys.”

  Brett’s mom shrugs, and she, Brett, and his brother go and stand at the backdrop. She’s in the middle, wrapping her arms around each of her sons, grinning like a proud mama bear.

  Brett’s brother won’t look at the camera, but I get the feeling that’s not anything unusual. Brett focuses on me with his expression impassive. His mom squeezes them both to her. “Y’all can at least pretend you love me.” Both men soften, and Brett gives the smallest of smiles, but one that reveals his love for his mother.

  My hand is so shaky I can barely take the picture. I snap several, hoping I get one that’s not blurred. “That’s it,” I say, almost dropping the camera. “Um, please list your phone number or your email address in the tablet, then I will send these to you.” Brett takes the tablet and taps into it.

  “Thank you so much,” Brett’s mom says.

  Tori stands by her, watching Brett like she’s waiting for him. He sets the tablet down and then walks over. “Mom, I’d like you to meet Kylie.”

  His mom’s face brightens. “Oh. Kylie. I’m so glad to meet you. I’m Melody.”

  Brett and Tori exchange a glance, and Tori looks like she’s sorry, not sorry. It makes me wonder which one of them told his mother about me.

  “Are you the resort’s photographer?” she asks.

  I give a nervous giggle. “Just for today. I work in Outreach.”

  “Oh, very good,” she says, and by the look on her face, I may have scored a few points.

  “You work at the hospital, right?” I say. “You’re a patient care technician?”

  She smiles. “I am.”

  “That sounds like rewarding work,” I say.

  “It can be. It can be exhausting work, too,” she says, rolling her eyes but keeping her smile. She turns to the man. “This is Scott.”

  I shake the man’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, sir.”

  Another family walks up to have their photo taken.

  “We’ll let you get back to work,” she says. “I hope I’ll see you again though?” She glances between Brett and me.

  It’s almost more than my heart can take. I just nod and say, “So nice to meet you.” I retreat to my duties.

  I can feel the toll the day has taken on me as we break down all the games and stations. My phone rings, and I shake my head because it’s my dad. Of course he would call me on Family Day. I think the universe just wants to drive home the fact that I don’t have one.

  I answer. “Hi, Dad.”

  “How’s my favorite daughter?”

  I roll my eyes. “I’m fine.”

  “I hear you’re better than fine.”

  I still, thinking about Joshua. We ended on a good note, but who knows what he went home and told my dad.

  “I hear you’ve advanced to outreach director.”

  “Coordinator,” I say.

  “You’ll be a director soon enough.”

  I’m so shocked from his positivity that I have to re-orient myself.

  “I see that you’re having Family Day down there today,” he says.

  “Oh, yeah?” I ask, a little confused.

  “I’m on the resort’s website.”

  I nod, even though he can’t see me. “They do it once a year down here.”

  “While I understand why you didn’t invite me, for the record, if you would have, I would’ve come.”

  I step farther away from the busy people cleaning up the area. I don’t say anything, wondering if there’s a trick coming.

  “Kylie, honey, I’ll admit that I’m not the most gracious loser. I’m used to getting what I want. You’ve always been so agreeable. When I saw you turning into a strong young lady, it threatened me. It’s not easy for me to admit that, and it’s taken some soul-searching, but I just want to tell you that I’m happy for you.”

  It feels like an ostrich has just launched itself off of my shoulders. “You mean that?”

  “I do mean it. I was so scared of losing you, that in the process, I did just that.”

  I let out a sigh, not ready to give in yet, but I can feel myself caving.

  “I know I’m a day late and many dollars short, but I’d like to help. What do you need?”

  I smile to myself. “It turns out I don’t need anything.”

  “That’s my girl,” he says.

  I walk a few steps, letting silence sit between us, and then I say, “Maybe you can come visit another time?”

  “I’d like that. Tell me about the job.”

  I glance at Bailey and Janelle, who look like they’re wrapping things up. “I’m tied up right now, but can I call you later?”

  “Sure, honey. I love you.”

  I press my hand against my heart, feeling myself decompress for the first time in months. “I love you, too, Dad.”

  I walk over to where Bailey and Janelle are and survey the empty pavilion area with them. “Ladies, I think this was a huge success,” Janelle says.

  “We had more people here than last year, didn’t we?” Bailey asks.

  “It definitely felt that way.” Janelle turns to me. “You were such a great help. You better watch out. We’re going to recruit you for PR.”

  “I’m just happy to be here,” I say.

  Janelle shoulders her purse. “That’s it for me. I’ll see you ladies on Monday.”

  “See you,” we say, and I grab my bag from the pavilion stairs.

  “So a bunch of us are going out this evening,” Bailey says. “We’d like you to join us.” She gives me a significant look.

  My stomach flutters. “Um, is...” I don’t know how to ask whether or not Brett’s going to be there.

  She takes my hand and squeezes it. “We all want you to be there. You’ll find the name of the place and the time in your tablet.”

  She smiles and walks away, leaving me curious and even more anxi
ous than I was when I started the day.

  I fish the tablet out of my bag and scroll down to where Brett’s family name is.

  Can we talk? Dolphin’s Fin. Seven o’clock.

  I press the tablet to my chest, getting my second wind for the day.

  As I walk into the restaurant, my heart gallops in my chest like it’s striding to win the Kentucky Derby. I don’t know what I’m walking into or who all is here, but it feels like change is on the horizon.

  I walk outside to the deck, where I find the whole group sitting at a picnic table. Cohen, Logan, Simone, and Bailey are on one side. On the other side sits Isaac, Val, Tori…and there he is.

  The whole group shouts my name like I’m a celebrity, making the loneliness of the day disappear.

  “We saved you a seat right here,” Bailey says, pointing across from her.

  Brett stands up and steps away from the table, walking over to me. “Can I talk to you a minute?”

  “Yeah,” I say, my voice coming out softer than I mean it to.

  I follow him down some steps, and we kick our shoes off at the bottom and step into the powdery sand. We walk toward the surf in silence as I wait for him to start. Even though I have a million things to say, all I want to do right now is listen.

  He stops as we get to the shore and faces me, looking like he’s ready to run a marathon. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I’ve behaved poorly these past couple of months. I’ve been so angry with myself that I lost sight of how my own anger and isolation affect others. I don’t know if you feel this way at all or not, but I want you to know that no part of me has blamed you for what happened that night. And I know that may sound assumptive to say. You may not have felt that way at all. But it’s been brought to my attention that my selfish behavior affects others in ways that I don’t realize.” He looks me in the eye. “Do you mind if I ask how that night has affected you or if it has at all? And it’s okay if it hasn’t. I just—”

  “Brett, it definitely has affected me. Of course it has. I’ve felt like my selfish behavior is why your grandmother is not with you anymore.”