Threads of the Heart

by Jeannie Levig

  “Didja bring me a present?” The boy’s rich brown eyes sparked with excitement.

  “I sure did, but you’re gonna have to wait till your mom says it’s okay to open it.” Dusty turned to Eve. “This is my friend Seth. He’s four today.”

  Seth thrust out his chest and nodded.

  “Seth, this is Eve.” Dusty finished the introduction.

  “Hello, Seth,” Eve said, more than a little amazed. She never would’ve thought Dusty the type to have any children in her life. “It’s very nice to meet you. And happy birthday.”

  “Hi.”

  “And this is Danny.” Dusty pointed to each child in front of them in turn. “Rachel, Josh, Stewart, and Melissa.” She pronounced the last name with an air of prissiness.

  The little girl curtsied in her light yellow party dress.

  She reminded Eve of Enos’s latest crush at preschool. “It’s nice to meet all of you.”

  Dusty shifted her attention back to Seth. “Eve comes from a place far, far away where nobody has two mommies.”

  His eyes rounded, and his mouth dropped open. The other children ooohed. Slowly, he turned and gaped at Eve. “Are you an alien?”

  A blush heated her cheeks. “No, Seth, I’m not,” she answered softly. She shot a glare at Dusty.

  “I thought maybe you could help her out,” Dusty whispered into Seth’s ear.

  He pursed his lips and nodded.

  “Anyone ready for balloon games?” a woman’s voice called out.

  The children on the ground cheered in unison, and Seth hooted and wiggled in Dusty’s arms.

  She quickly lowered him, and he chased after the others in the direction of a group of women standing beside some shaded picnic tables. Several of them waved, and Dusty grinned and raised her hand in return.

  “Is that why you brought me here? To tell everyone what’s wrong with me?”

  Dusty turned to her. “No, I brought you here so you could see all these kids who have lesbian moms. And so you could see that they play and laugh and sometimes throw fits and just live normal lives with parents who love them. So you can see how crazy you’re being.” Dusty unzipped a compartment beneath the backseat of her motorcycle and retrieved a beautifully wrapped birthday package. “Ready to party?” she asked with a smile.

  As Eve and Dusty approached the group of women near a table piled high with gifts, several others supervised the beginning of a water balloon game off to the side. One woman in a flowered smock took the present Dusty carried before she hugged her with a warm hello. Two others dressed more like Dusty slapped palms with her, and the remainder took turns greeting her with hugs and friendly touches.

  “Everyone, this is Eve,” Dusty said, pressing a hand to the small of her back and coaxing her forward. “She just moved into one of the rooms at Maggie’s, and she didn’t have anything to do this afternoon, so I thought she’d like to come to one of the hottest parties in the Valley.”

  The group laughed, Eve included.

  Dusty continued with the introductions, rattling off a list of names Eve knew she’d need to hear again before remembering many of them. She found herself deeply grateful for Dusty’s tact at not mentioning the real reason she’d brought her.

  They all smiled and greeted her.

  “Welcome, Eve. Would you like a soda or water or anything?” one woman offered. She wore her hair in a short ponytail out the back of a Dodgers cap, and the fit of her blue baseball jersey tucked into white shorts flattered her curvy build.

  Eve remembered her name. Sammi. She smiled. “Water would be great. Thank you.” She noticed that even though most of the women had moved to watch the children race to fill buckets by tossing water balloons into them, they still kept a conspicuous degree of attention on her. She fidgeted under the scrutiny and leaned close to Dusty. “Why are they staring at me?”

  “I dunno.” Dusty shrugged. “Maybe they think you’re cute. You do look kinda hot in your jeans and leather jacket with your hair all messy.”

  Eve’s cheeks and ears flamed, but before she had to come up with a response, Dusty tapped her arm.

  “Be right back,” she said and jogged over to a woman who seemed to be in charge of the game.

  She was a tall African-American in khaki shorts and a green tank top. Her mid-length curly hair was pulled back in a loose tie. She enveloped Dusty in an all-consuming hug then eased her back and placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

  Sammi returned with a bottle of water and handed it to Eve. “Here you go,” she said with a grin that deepened the tiny lines around her eyes. “We’ll be having hotdogs a little later, but if you’re hungry, there’s chips and some dip on the other table.”

  “Thank you. This will do fine for now.” Eve twisted the top off the bottle, trying to concentrate on something to steady her nerves.

  “So, what do you do?” Sammi asked.

  “I work for National Electronics, in HR.” This was casual enough. “You?”

  “I’m an RN. I have a cousin who works at National. Debbie St. John?”

  “Sorry, I don’t know her. It’s a big company.” Eve hesitated then decided since she was here, she might as well dive right in. “This looks like a great party. My sons would love it.”

  Sammi arched an eyebrow. “You have kids?”

  “Mm-hm.” She swallowed. “Two sons. Four and six.”

  “Where are they today? You should’ve brought them along.”

  “They’re with their dad.”

  “Ah, the every-other-weekend scenario.”

  “Well, no, not really.” Eve paused. “He’s still in our house with them.”

  Sammi studied her. “Really? You don’t have custody?”

  Eve shifted uncomfortably. She wondered if there was a graceful way out of this conversation. Was she ready to talk about this with a total stranger? At least Maggie was friends with Aunt Carolyn, and Tess was part of Maggie. And Dusty? Well, Dusty had caught her off guard, that was all. But then, Dusty had brought her here, and Eve now realized she’d done that so Eve could recognize she wasn’t alone in the decisions she was facing. She glanced around her. Surely, at least some of these women had had their children with husbands and had needed to come to terms with a change in lifestyle. She thought of Dusty’s reaction to her comment about living an alternative lifestyle and smiled. There certainly didn’t appear to be anything alternative about this birthday party. It looked and felt like any other birthday party for a four-year-old. Eve took a deep breath. “We haven’t gotten to all of that just yet,” she said.

  Sammi smiled softly. “I’ve probably been where you are, so if you want someone to talk to, I’d be happy to offer what I can.”

  “You were married?” Eve asked.

  She nodded. “Melissa’s dad and I split up three years ago.” She gestured toward the children and pointed out the little girl in the party dress. “She was two. It was a scary time for me, but exciting, too.” She stepped back and sat on the bench beside the picnic table.

  As Eve watched the children, she noticed another group of three women looking at her. She averted her gaze and took another drink of water. She glanced at Sammi, then back to the women. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Is there something weird about me?” Eve asked in a hushed voice.

  Sammi leaned on her elbows on the edge of the table. She ran her gaze over Eve from head to foot, then back, and raised an eyebrow. “Not that I can see,” she said with a hint of suggestion. “Why?”

  “Some of your friends keep staring at me. It makes me think I’ve wet my pants or have something stuck in my teeth.”

  Sammi laughed, a warm and genuine sound. “We’re all just dying to know how you ended up with Dusty. She’s never brought anyone with her before.”

  “Oh,” Eve said. She found herself disappointed that the answer wasn’t Dusty’s earlier explanation. “It’s just what she said. We both live at Maggie’s. I’ve been a little upset…” She
downplayed the reality, unwilling to admit to sobbing into her tea. “About what me being a lesbian might mean for my sons, and Dusty brought me today, I think…” Eve looked toward the game and saw Dusty holding one of the smaller children and running with him toward the bucket. “To show me how stupid I’m being.” Her heart warmed as she realized the enormous gift she’d just received.

  Sammi grinned at her. “You’re not dating Dusty?”

  Eve blinked. “Oh! Oh, no. Not at all.” Eve felt herself blush yet one more time.

  Sammi gazed up at her, still smiling. “Oooh,” she said, drawing out the word. “That’s really good to know.”

  Eve felt the slow stirring deep within her that she experienced watching Maggie and Addison or Dusty and Tess—that arousal at the thought of what went on between women. She let herself feel Sammi’s soft gaze, her inviting smile. She wondered what Sammi’s touch might do to her. She smiled but could think of nothing to say. She’d have to get better at this.

  In the pause, Sammi turned toward a group of women and shook her head, clearly knowing that they’d all been waiting. They all returned their attention either to each other or to the children.

  Eve felt awkward, then opted to bring the conversation back to the previous topic. “So, how does Melissa handle you and her father not being together?” she asked, sitting beside Sammi.

  “She’s fine with it. She was so young when we split up, she really doesn’t know anything different. All she knows is that everyone in her life loves her—me, her father, everyone here, her grandparents.”

  “I know Daniel and Enos already know both Jeremy and I love them. And that will never change. And Jeremy’s been so great with all this, taking care of the boys while I take some time to work out what I’m feeling.”

  “He already knows you’re gay?”

  Eve nodded.

  “And he’s okay with it?”

  “He says he will be. He says he wants me to be happy, and if that can’t be with him, then he doesn’t want to stand in the way.” Eve fingered a metal stud on the leather jacket she wore.

  “Wow, that’s really something. I haven’t heard a story like that very often.”

  Eve looked up into Sammi’s eyes. “Really?”

  “No.” Sammi laughed. “I mean there are some congenial breakups, but a lot of men take it personally when their wives prefer women.”

  Eve chuckled. “I suppose that’d be true.” She considered the thought. “How do they work it out with the kids in those cases?”

  “Some guys are jerks about it and try to take the kids, and some even succeed. But mostly, those cases are why God created joint custody.” Sammi laughed. “But it sounds like you and Jeremy could agree on all of it anyway, which lets you keep it flexible. Me and my ex-husband had to spell out every detail, and he holds to every dotted ‘i’ and crossed ‘t’ with a vengeance. He was really mad.”

  “You realized you were a lesbian while you were still married?”

  “Oh, yeah. A lot of us did. Well, maybe not a lot, but me, Jen, Barbara…” Sammi pointed to different women around the picnic area. “Believe me, you’re far from unique. At least in that way.” She turned her attention back to Eve, flirtation in her smile.

  Eve felt that stirring again. Heat rose all the way up into her cheeks.

  Sammi’s expression softened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

  “You didn’t.” If this is discomfort, bring it on. “This openness is still all a bit new to me, but it feels so freeing.” Her gaze met Sammi’s silvery stare. “Is your ex-husband still mad?”

  “Oh, yeah. Not quite as much, though, since he started dating a woman he likes. I think ultimately he’s been mad at himself since he’s the one who wanted me to watch girl-on-girl porn with him to get him in the mood. I’ve got to tell you, it definitely got me in the mood.” Sammi laughed again. “And the rest just unfolded—or, as he would probably say, unraveled—from there.”

  A burst of laughter erupted from Eve, and she covered her mouth. “That is so funny. I can see where he might have some regrets.”

  The balloon game ended, and the winning team received their prizes—R2D2 Pez dispensers filled with candy. The rest of the participants seemed just as happy with their gifts of Star Wars coloring books and crayons. As Eve and Sammi continued their conversation, other women drifted in and out, adding their comments to whatever topic was being discussed and sharing their own stories. Eve was struck by the ease with which the entire group interacted, the evident love and friendship between the women, the village-like approach they all took with one another’s children. As two women threw several packages of hotdogs onto a nearby grill and Sammi invited Eve to help her with the buns, condiments, and paper goods, Eve saw Dusty lead a charge of the kids to the playground and leap onto the merry-go-round.

  “How did Dusty end up in this group?” she asked.

  Sammi glanced at her, then followed her gaze to Dusty. “She was best friends with Emily’s ex,” Sammi said. “Seth’s mom.” She paused, looking at Eve as though checking to make sure she was making the connection.

  Eve nodded. She had met Emily earlier, a petite black woman with a mild accent Eve couldn’t place.

  “Dusty was around the whole time Emily and Kris were dating and was right there when Seth was born. She just became part of the family, and then a part of us.” Sammi set plastic knives beside the condiments. “When Kris left a couple of years ago, Dusty kept the connection with Emily. She’s been really good to Em and Seth, and she’s great with all of us. All the kids love her. She really is one of us.”

  “Was she ever involved with Emily?” Eve asked. She knew it was none of her business, but Dusty intrigued her.

  “Oh, no. Dusty doesn’t get involved with anyone. She’s a player. That’s why everyone was so curious when she showed up today with you.”

  What was she doing with Tess, then? She and Tess seemed pretty involved.

  “Finally, I get to catch my breath and come over here to meet you,” someone said in a rich voice that flowed like thick maple syrup.

  Eve turned to meet the glittering gaze of the woman who’d been leading the water balloon game, the woman who’d greeted Dusty so warmly.

  “I’m Rebecca.” She took Eve’s hand between both of her own.

  Her touch was…what? Comforting? No, more than that. Peaceful. Her touch was pure peace. Eve felt it wash through her like a wave gently breaking onto sand.

  “Rebecca’s our fearless leader.” Sammi’s grin lit her features as she slipped an arm around Rebecca’s waist and snuggled into her.

  Rebecca laughed, that rich flow again. “Don’t be silly.”

  Eve smiled and basked in the love between the two women. It was the same feeling she experienced when everyone was home and together at Maggie’s house. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said, squeezing Rebecca’s slender fingers. “I’m Eve Jacobs.”

  “Yes, I know. Dusty told me. I’m so glad she brought you today.” She released Eve’s hand and shifted in Sammi’s embrace. “Sammi, sweetie, will you go see if the veggie dogs are ready yet, and bring plates for Eve and me?”

  Sammi stepped back. “Uh-oh. Watch out,” she said to Eve. “This means she has something for you.” She picked up several plates. “I’m out of here.”

  Eve laughed, bemused. “What is she talking about?” she asked Rebecca.

  “I don’t have the slightest idea.” As Sammi walked away, Rebecca shook a finger at her.

  “Oh, Eve,” Sammi called over her shoulder. “Veggie or regular dogs?”

  “Veggie, please.”

  Rebecca sat and patted the space beside her. “Dusty tells me you’re facing some big decisions in your life.”

  Eve eased down next to her. She felt a mild annoyance that Dusty would share that information, mixed with gratitude for not having to repeat it all again. “Yes, I guess I am. But being here today has let me know that what I was afraid of doesn’t have to
be.” She looked around her. “I mean, with all this support, I’m sure my boys and I can work through it.”

  “The truth is that once you aren’t afraid and are comfortable with who you are, your boys will be, too. They’ll always reflect what you’re feeling. Ultimately, they just want to know you love them. Is there a woman in your life at this point?”

  “No. That’s the other thing that seems ridiculous about all this. What if I make the decision to leave my marriage, then find out I don’t really want to be with a woman? I mean, I’ve been attracted to women before, but I’ve never acted on it.”

  Rebecca studied her. “Are you attracted to anyone in particular, now?”

  Eve felt herself blush. “I’m a little attracted to Dusty.” She glanced over at Dusty, who was in a huddle with Seth and Josh beneath a nearby tree.

  Rebecca chuckled, the sound low and throaty. “Everyone is at least a little attracted to Dusty. She just has that way about her, and she has a huge heart. But she’s for someone else.”

  “Tess?” The name leapt out of Eve’s mouth before she could stop it.

  Rebecca arched an eyebrow. “You have some intuition.”

  “It’s more just observation. It seems obvious to me, just by watching them.”

  Rebecca laughed softly. “It’s apparently more obvious to you than it is to Dusty. But she’ll find her way. She may be able to help you through some of your questions, however, if she listens to her own voice instead of Maggie’s.”

  Maggie? What’s Maggie have to do with this? Eve wanted to pursue the question but allowed herself to be self-absorbed. She had the distinct impression that this woman did—as Sammi had indicated—have something for her, and she wanted to know what it was. “Dusty scares me a little, though.”

  “She scares you because you see yourself in her.”

  “Myself? In Dusty?” Eve stared at Rebecca. “I don’t see that Dusty and I are alike in any way.”

  “That’s because you’re just looking with your physical eyes. You have to look below the surface. We’re all here to learn a lesson, or to heal something, if you will. You and Dusty have the same lesson, and since you’re still learning it, it makes you uncomfortable to see it in someone else.”